A
female
age
51-59,
*iredofthis
writes:Dear Cupid... Its me again.... its been over a month now and I have not talked to my ex, he started calling me back about a week ago and he is still calling and sending me text messages.I have not responded to him at all. I mean he said that he did not want a relationship so why is he calling me and texting me? He is telling me that he missed me and loves me and he that he wishes that one day hopefully I would call him.Why is he doing this? He knows that he does not want me but why is he calling me and messaging me? I want to call him back but I don't cause I am afraid that he will hurt me again. I do love him but I don't know if he is for real or just playing games.What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2014): You typed: He is very insecure and jealous he blames me for everything and we broke up cause he said that he does not trust me he was the one always accusing me of doing wrong when it was him.
I say: He had his chance.
Move on from this mind player and find yourself a nice guy. Don't let your emotions overrule your brain.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (27 February 2014):
 Everyone here has offered you good advice. They have spelt it out and shown you the escape route to get away from the bad situation you are in...
You don't want to hear it do you?
You want one of us to say
'He is back because he's really desperately in love with you and wants you back in his life forever'
and when you let him back and 3, 6 or 9 months down the line when he is cheating, accusing you again, you will be back here with your heart smashed to pieces when you should have used that 3, 6 or 9 months to heal and move on.
We cannot tell you what will happen, we can only guess. You are a stranger to us but reading your story, there isn't one of us who doesn't want to save you from the flames...so if we are strangers and care enough to help you, why can you not help yourself?
Give him another chance if you want, you don't need anyones permission to do that and if he breaks your heart again, well you know where we are! x
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 February 2014):
 You deserve better and you know it, that's why you posted here, to keep yourself on track.
He's a jerk and frankly, abusive. Leave him on the dunghill of history and don't look back. Unless the looking back is in the context of a counselor's office and you are figuring out why you tolerated such shabby treatment.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 February 2014):
 If you don't want to get hurt again then BLOCK him from contacting you.
He hasn't CHANGED while being apart from you, so why do you think it could work again? Love is not a MAGIC fix. You already tried that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2014): Some times, in life we make a mistake, an break up with the one we love, then we realize, how much of a fool we were. Then we try to get back with the one we love , an then they don't want any thing to do with us,so then we end up being the one who, gets hurt the most. I have always believe in second chances, cause if you do get one, the other person, might just realize, how much you really love them, but then you might realize, why you broke up the first time, it's always a gamble, so follow your heart, but think with your brain, but don't let some one else, decide for you, good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2014): Second-time or recycled relationships after a breakup seldom workout. You just end-up breaking-up again; usually for the same reason as before.
If he's a man over-forty; dating isn't as brisk as it once was. He has a lull in his sex-life; and suddenly that old gal ain't really that bad. Based on your behavior at the time of your breakup; he can gauge how deeply your feelings were for him. He's sure he'll say something sweet and find a soft spot. Don't make it that easy. I shutter to think!
Regardless of who initiated the breakup; if you had a hard time with no-contact, or expressed a high-level of emotion. He figures you still carry a torch, and will easily forgive and forget the past.
If he hasn't changed, he has had a rough-time up to this point. He has been kicked to the curb a number of times; so he needs a softer place to land. Look how bad you've got it for him. Thank goodness you came to us first! If you don't listen to me, listen to the aunts.
If you are still single and doing very little dating; he's going to read that as an easy pass to the bedroom. He'll be counting on you being desperate, horny, and lonely. Hopefully you're the wiser from the first go-round. You wrote us, because you feel yourself slipping. Right?
He'll use you as a fill-in until he finds something better.
You had to go through hell and back to get over breaking-up with him. Not to mention, the hell you went through the first time in a relationship with him. Remember that?
Why did you breakup? How did he hurt you? How bad did it hurt you? Let that run through your head a few times.
Recall having to look at that smug look on your mother's face when she told you he was no-good. Having to face your friends after you neglected them; to spend every moment of your free-time with him. The times you cried, and they consoled you and told you get the hell out of there. Don't you dare go back after all that!
Don't you dare contact him. You said you love him????
Girlfriend, please! Seriously?!!
Hold on to your dignity. Nothing says desperate more than recycling ex-boyfriends.
You're supposed to be over him!!!
That means you may have put your life on hold all this time; because you aren't. Oh don't you think I didn't notice the fact you're a mature lady over 40. That increases the likelihood you'll consider giving it another go, out of nostalgia and for old-times sake. Oh no she didn't!
You'll think back when it was so nice, and forget how bad it got up to the time of the breakup.
Remember how miserable you were? No insult to your age, but if you're thinking you're not getting any younger? That's even more reason not to dig up some old jerk who broke your heart. Just to give him a chance for another replay of the past. Shields up, and set phasers for stun!
Life is too short. You're better off taking chances on something new, than re-inviting someone back that hurt you. Only to relive all that crap allover again.
You can do bad all by yourself, girlfriend.
Run for the hills and protect your heart. Block his calls, block him from your feed on Facebook, and call your mother.
Didn't she give you a good "I told you so," the last time?
Don't try and pull irony on me, and tell me you mother liked him. If she did, let her have him. It didn't work out for you.
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A
female
reader, tiredofthis +, writes (26 February 2014):
tiredofthis is verified as being by the original poster of the question we have been dating for 3 1/2 years he is very insecure and jealous he blames me for everything and we broke up cause he said that he does not trust me he was the one always accusing me of doing wrong when it was him like i said its been a going on 2 months since the broke up i dont understand why he is calling me when he did not want the relationship im guessing that it did not work out with who ever he was messing with now he wants me back but i love him so much but i just dont want to get hurt again i think he thought that i was going to call him all that time and now he see that i didnt i dont know what to do i know that i love him and miss him
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 February 2014):
 He's call/contacting you because he has a drought in his sex life... and knows that YOU are vulnerable (are likely to put out if he sez just the right things, and holds out just the right "promises"...).... and can't imagine going too long without a girl putting out for him....
YOU can handle this easily by ignoring him.... now, ... and forever....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (26 February 2014):
Men absolutely HATE being alone. You are a well trodden and easy target. He will use you until he finds someone else.
Do yourself a favour and change your number...it's just not worth the pain.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 February 2014):
My guess is he is feeling lonely and reaches out to you in hope that you can boost his EGO and soothe him a little, maybe even agree to some "FWB" sex since neither of you are dating again (yet).
It could also be to keep you from moving forward. If he keep you thinking that MAYBE, just maybe he will want to date YOU again it will prevent you for looking for a man in your life.
Calling and texting "I love you" is easy. Words are cheap.
He already SAID he doesn't want a relationship, trust in that. HE DOESN'T. But, he would like the idea of a woman being crazy about him. If you are looking for a relationship - HE isn't it.
Personally, I'd block his number and move on.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (26 February 2014):
 It depends as there is insufficient information to go by. How long were you in this relationship and were there problems. Also how did this relationship end.
If you love him and want to take the risk of giving him another chance , there is nothing wrong as long as he understands that he is going to prove himself that he is now in for the long haul and not go MIA when things get tough.
If you love him and willing to take the risk - I would say go for it.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (26 February 2014):
 He thinks it's better to be in a relationship he's not sure about than to be single. He's wrong of course.
It's not very nice to ignore his text messages, so message him back and ask him to explain himself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2014): It sounds to me like he's playing games if he's said he doesn't want you but he's saying he misses you. Sounds like my ex.
My advice to you is don't call him back, forget your feelings and forget about him otherwise you'll be the one to get hurt again.
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