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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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First time sex and I didn't bleed... should I see my gyno?
Q. Please i need an explanation i just had sex with my fiance for the first time,and he knows i am a virgin but the problem now is i didn't bleed at all just excruciating pains...please i don't know if that is normal or should i see the gynocologist ...
A. 16 February 2014: So...after you have provided him with evidence that what you are saying is the truth and had a medical exam, he still doesn't believe you???...and even though it's making you upset...you choose to stay with him???
Well I guess it is your life and... (read in full...)
Why would a guy check out a woman's profile if he wasn't interested in dating her?
Q. I wanted to ask why a guy would check out a woman's profile if he wasn't interested in dating her? I went on a date with a guy who was interested in me in the beginning he complimented me constantly and told me how much he liked the way I look, but ...
A. 2 February 2014: I am sorry this happened to you. Try resisting telling a guy you love them until you are in an established relationship because it's just a bit much for someone to hear if they arn't really feeling the same way.
Don't worry about keeping touch wi... (read in full...)
He bailed on me.. so what's up with him?
Q. Okay, my boyfriend, ex I should say, broke it off with me "unofficially" by disappearing 2 weeks ago. He told me he loved me by text, had nothing to offer, blah blah blah and then disappeared. The last thing he ever said to me was "I love you...". ...
A. 23 January 2014: Reading between the lines, you sound hurt and upset. If it wasn't bothering you, you'd probably not even give his FB another thought.
It's possible he is scoping you out, maybe just out of curiosity. Even if a bloke dumps a woman, he will still be... (read in full...)
First time sex and I didn't bleed... should I see my gyno?
Q. Please i need an explanation i just had sex with my fiance for the first time,and he knows i am a virgin but the problem now is i didn't bleed at all just excruciating pains...please i don't know if that is normal or should i see the gynocologist ...
A. 22 January 2014: Yes it can be completely normal not to bleed. The bleeding comes from the hymen breaking (the thin membrane covering the vagina) Most women wear away their hymen through daily activity, playing sports, having periods, wearing tampons etc and so when ... (read in full...)
Should I continue seeing this guy?
Q. So I met a guy on this dating site and and we started talking and we exchanged numbers and went on one date- the date actually went great we spend 5 hours talking it felt really comfortable and at first I never took it serious because I thought omg ...
A. 21 January 2014: Are you regretting having sex with him?
If you could rewind, would you have sex again on that second date?
No matter how comfortable you felt and how much you fancied getting laid, you are now applying massive guilt and confusion to the situatio... (read in full...)
Why would a guy check out a woman's profile if he wasn't interested in dating her?
Q. I wanted to ask why a guy would check out a woman's profile if he wasn't interested in dating her? I went on a date with a guy who was interested in me in the beginning he complimented me constantly and told me how much he liked the way I look, but ...
A. 21 January 2014: It doesn't mean anything. Maybe he looked at your profile by mistake or maybe he was comparing you to someone else?
That's how it goes with dating sites. People get excited and make lots of promises before they meet and when they actually do meet,... (read in full...)
Why would a guy ask this question" do you think you are pretty enough for me?"
Q. Why would a guy ask this question" do you think you are pretty enough for me?" Please help me understand why the guy I am seeing might ask that? I'm really not sure it came out of no where he texted that to me and I answered as truthfully as I could ...
A. 20 January 2014: He thinks himself too good for you!
Dump him...he sounds like an idiot.... (read in full...)
Is his interest normal and does this make him more likely to cheat?
Q. I'm not sure if this behaivour is normal or not? I am 45 and my partner is 55. we have been together for two and a half years. We are passionately in love but recently cancelled our wedding. The first thing my partner does every morning is do...
A. 20 January 2014: Is his interest normal...no, it's more obsessional and excessive than normal.
Will this lead him to cheat? Well seems he' s flirt and wouldn't say no should the opportunity arise, but from how you describe him, I am not sure many women would fi... (read in full...)
Unplanned pregnancy after 1 month of dating and my baby's father isn't staying in regular contact with me!
Q. I am a 28 years old and pregnant for the first time. The pregnany was unplanned and came as a shock as it happened exactly after a month that me and this guy had started dating. I was living in a muslim country and since I was unmarried I had ...
A. 19 January 2014: Is he a muslim? and are you a British citizen?
If you are a British citizen you will get free maternity care under the NHS, so he doesn't need to provide money for that unless you are hoping to have private care.... (read in full...)
Oral sex doesn't make him hard?
Q. why cant my man get hard even when he is down eating me ?...
A. 19 January 2014: Because maybe he is one of several million men on the planet who also don't get turned on by oral sex. Why does he still do it?...to perhaps give you pleasure? But it's not giving you pleasure if he don't get hard?...so talk to him!
If you are ... (read in full...)
I don't like how I feel around former crush!
Q. Has anyone ever had a similar awkward situation like this?.. I've known this attractive charismatic guy over 5 years. Our conversations started off warm and friendly. I once asked him his name when I ran into him at a store. I will admit to ha...
A. 19 January 2014: I think your mind is making far more of this than anything else and you seem to have built up a kind of obsession over seeing this man.
We all get school girl crushes from time to time but usually our logical brain just allows reason to take ove... (read in full...)
What in the hell does my daughter want from this boy who won't get a job?
Q. Dear Cupid my daughter is 21 years old she graduated got a job and now is pregnant with her first child.The father of this child is a deadbeat he won't work he takes her money and FoodStamps trading them in for money to buy drugs .My daughter...
A. 19 January 2014: I got kids your age. I am no way Mother of the year. I have had many ups and downs with both my girls but one thing I learned is that you have to STEP RIGHT BACK and allow them to choose their path.
You can advise, you can mop up the blood an... (read in full...)
My girlfriend storms out after an argument instead of talking it through
Q. I don't know what to do. When my girlfriend and I fight, she stays so mad for so long, and I don't know how to deal with it. We had a fight last night that somehow caused her to drive off mad. We didn't speak for 24 hours, til I called her tonig...
A. 19 January 2014: You also raised the question of what is fair?
'All is fair in love and war'
Have you heard that expression? It's true because in love and war, all bets are off, there are no rules, there is only deciding how you feel about a person and what ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend storms out after an argument instead of talking it through
Q. I don't know what to do. When my girlfriend and I fight, she stays so mad for so long, and I don't know how to deal with it. We had a fight last night that somehow caused her to drive off mad. We didn't speak for 24 hours, til I called her tonig...
A. 19 January 2014: It isn't disrespectful, it's just how she is.
Some people are so joined at the hip, they wouldn't dream of letting arguments go on and on...they just want to get back on an even keel, others get into a cycle of arguing because they like the 'mak... (read in full...)
How long should I wait before contacting her? Even though she went "no contact" due to my actions.
Q. When she deleted you and you went no contact, how long would you wait to contact her again? We were friends before and I somehow hate the thought of losing her totally.... ( I made a terrible mistake. I talked to her sister about it and I might h...
A. 18 January 2014: Don't hate yourself, you just made a mistake and the best you can do is learn from it.
Seems things were not right between you both and that is one of lifes lessons, how to identify who is not right for us and knowing when to quit if things a... (read in full...)
Threats, fighting, verbal and mental abuse. Is he about to break up? What should I do?
Q. Dear Cupid yesterday i had a huge fight with my bf of 4 years, lately he is ignoring me, verbally and mentally abusing me all the time. Its getting difficult even to have a decent conversation with him on anything. Yesterday we had a huge f...
A. 18 January 2014: What are the reasons you want to stay in a relationship with him if he is so abusive and nasty?... (read in full...)
How long should I wait before contacting her? Even though she went "no contact" due to my actions.
Q. When she deleted you and you went no contact, how long would you wait to contact her again? We were friends before and I somehow hate the thought of losing her totally.... ( I made a terrible mistake. I talked to her sister about it and I might h...
A. 18 January 2014: Yeah, unloading all her intimate secrets to her sister was not the smart thing to do so no wonder she is ignoring you.
If you accept it's over but still want to apologise you could write her a letter letting her know you regret what you said.
... (read in full...)
How long should I wait before contacting her? Even though she went "no contact" due to my actions.
Q. When she deleted you and you went no contact, how long would you wait to contact her again? We were friends before and I somehow hate the thought of losing her totally.... ( I made a terrible mistake. I talked to her sister about it and I might h...
A. 18 January 2014: Depends what you said and when.
If you have really upset her then saying sorry might help, if she doesn't respond, at least you tried.... (read in full...)
No contact from boyfriend for 8 days...
Q. I haven't heard from my boyfriend, of 3 years, since the 9th (8 days). No text, call, message, absolutely nothing. The last time I heard from him he told me he loved me and I'm pretty sure his phone ran out of time the next day which makes it a ...
A. 18 January 2014: How had you been pestering him?
Does he live a long distance from you?
Do you know any of his family or friends who may be able to tell you if something happened to him?
How often do you usually see him?
Has he gone AWOL before?
(I feel... (read in full...)
How much should you tell a new partner about past relationships?
Q. When embarking on a new relationship how much should you tell your new partner about your "relationship past" I ask this not because I've had a problem with this nor am I embarking on a new relationship but simply because I see on this site that t...
A. 18 January 2014: Me personally, wouldn't divulge anything personal unless I'd known someone for quite a while and if they asked.
Things like being married and having kids should be bog standard on meeting someone but intimate and personal stuff depends on who you ... (read in full...)
Should my sister be fasting now that she is pregnant?
Q. Hi My sister is pregnant- she is only about 7 weeks and is eating so much. She says she is hungry all the time. Is this a sign of anything? Sign of more than one baby?? Also, she does fasting days when she does not eat anything for 2 out of 5...
A. 17 January 2014: Apologies for busting your margin (mine looks fine)
I just wanted to add the link we give all our pregnant ladies here in the UK.
Here, maternity care is led by highly trained midwifery staff so it is fine to see a midwife in this matter and ... (read in full...)
I can't deal with the poop streaks he leaves on the bed!
Q. This is a gross question but I really need advice. Sorry to be graphic. Basically Ive been seeing this guy for 3 months and on 3 occasions when he has stayed over at mine he has left poop streaks in my bed. He did it lastnight and I felt sick. He is ...
A. 17 January 2014: This really made me chuckle!!
As all the Aunties have said, make sure you are stocked up on the loo roll, but I think it would be OK to tell him, even if you had to soft soap him a little and make a bit of a joke of it.Tell him if he wants to... (read in full...)
Should my sister be fasting now that she is pregnant?
Q. Hi My sister is pregnant- she is only about 7 weeks and is eating so much. She says she is hungry all the time. Is this a sign of anything? Sign of more than one baby?? Also, she does fasting days when she does not eat anything for 2 out of 5...
A. 17 January 2014: Eating more is not a sign of twins.
If she fasts on some day this will have no ill effect of the baby at the moment but she should try to eat a healthy balanced diet throughout the pregnancy.
http://ww... (read in full...)
I love him to bits but I need more to my life than only him!
Q. I suffer from anxiety and agoraphobia (mild now) and have done for many years. Last year I left my emotionally manipulative husband and now I am living with a very special man who is everything I have ever wanted (at last!). But I am so isolated, ...
A. 16 January 2014: I think your problems are quite complex for a laymans solution. You have obviously tried other areas to improve your condition and as you have stated 'nothing has worked out'
If he has any kind of obsessive disorder, he needs professional assesmen... (read in full...)
Self esteem in women:is it biological, is it cultural, is it our upbringing, ,... is it a jinx ?!
Q. DC community, please help me out in figuring this : why is it that lack of self esteem , at least in relationships, is such a pervasive FEMALE problem ? I mean, just look at the posts on DC and a huuuge quantity of them basically says ...
A. 16 January 2014: I think it is a little bit of everything.
Western ideology dictates that women should be beautiful, attentive childbearing partners to strong masterful males...we all aspire to that at some point, even if it is a momentary thought.... (read in full...)
Even though he insults me I still go back to him
Q. Dear Cupid My bf of 3 years act like a jerk these days, always humiliates me, belittles me, never hears me out, taking me for granted, i was not able to share my joys, sorrows nothing with him, whenever i try to share something he insults me with ...
A. 16 January 2014: You are like it because he made you like it.
You have become submissive and unable to think for yourself. You have become his posession and you do not believe you have the right or the inclination to leave.
Imagine yourself in 30 years time, a... (read in full...)
Why can't men treat a good woman right, be faithful and stop that wondering eye?
Q. I am a 49 year old woman married 25 years and two children. I married my high school sweetheart, who was a flirt... He cheated on me 17 years ago, and last year... I don't know about all the other years, but I have doubts. He will never admit that ...
A. 16 January 2014: Not sure if you read my post but I DID tell you I have been through a similar thing and I GOT OUT and everything IS OK (not perfect but much much better).
It's inconcievable that you are still with a man who cheated on you while you were having c... (read in full...)
I've been advised to get a mortgage on my own, and I feel guilty for in essence changing my mind about putting him on the mortgage!
Q. Hi I could do with some advice please. I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years but we recently broke up and got back together. The reason for this break was because he has 2 kids from a previous relationship who I love to bits,...
A. 15 January 2014: ...Just to reiterate what YOUWISH said...
Keep your bank accounts separate, especially if you have a mortgage because having a joint bank account will allow him to borrow money against the house without your permission and if he gets in 'schtuck... (read in full...)
I've been advised to get a mortgage on my own, and I feel guilty for in essence changing my mind about putting him on the mortgage!
Q. Hi I could do with some advice please. I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years but we recently broke up and got back together. The reason for this break was because he has 2 kids from a previous relationship who I love to bits,...
A. 15 January 2014: Three things to comment on this:
Your money = Your house
If he wanted to be on the mortgage, he'd come up with the cash...he hasn't.
There is no 'common law partner' status in the UK and unless you leave him the house (that is in your n... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants to adopt a child, am I selfish to object?
Q. My girlfriend of about three years and I have a great relationship. We both have younger children from past marriages so we have agreed we will not live together at least until the children are grown. Neither of us is interested in remarrying, at ...
A. 15 January 2014: What Wise Owl said...:-)... (read in full...)
Why can't men treat a good woman right, be faithful and stop that wondering eye?
Q. I am a 49 year old woman married 25 years and two children. I married my high school sweetheart, who was a flirt... He cheated on me 17 years ago, and last year... I don't know about all the other years, but I have doubts. He will never admit that ...
A. 15 January 2014: I have written here before about my Grandfather and how he cheated on my Grandmother throughout their married life. She was not a well women and even though she knew he was sleeping with other women, she stayed out of fear. She died aged 63 (young ... (read in full...)
Why can't I get the girl?
Q. I'm a freshman in high school and I've got a wierd issue of being rejected and/or friendzoned. I've heard that guys that leak confidence get the girl, but I've tried everything. I try to ask a girl to the movies or something but I always get denied. ...
A. 15 January 2014: I'd see this predicament as a 'temporary' thing as many girls around your age can be slow and shy to want to even have a boyfriend.
There will still be a hefty amount of 'hormonal' settling happening over the next couple of years and even though o... (read in full...)
Caught my Girlfriend answering ad on craigslist.
Q. I know it was deceitful but I created a fake ad on craigslist to see if my girlfriend would answer and she did. I did this once before and she answered and this was the second time. I replied back and pretended to this other guy and she flirted and ...
A. 15 January 2014: I agree with the other aunts. She is a cheat and not that into you and you are suspicious and I'd consider what you did a bit creepy (once..no...twice...creepy)
There is no trust, she will always lie and you will always doubt her...so there is... (read in full...)
Ladies -- what terms do you use?
Q. Curious question for the women: how many of you call your vagina a "pussy"? What do you think of the word "cunt"? I like the word pussy...I think it's sexy but the other word seems harsh and derogatory to me. Yet, I've heard that word used by ...
A. 14 January 2014: If you used the word C*** in my country, especially to a woman, you'd be stepping way over the line, as that word is regarded as a tasteless vile obsenity. Not even guys here are comfortable with that word (unless it's referring to other blokes in ... (read in full...)
Why on earth do women agree to an FWB situation?
Q. After reading so many posts here and seeing what girls and women do around me, I have a question, why on Earth women agree to FWB situation?? I understand if casual sex just happens once, in a heat of a moment, once very rarely and it's not a no...
A. 14 January 2014: I also agree with you about it being on par with an unpaid prostitute (those girls are the smart ones IMHO).
Yeah yeah you will hear so called modern women saying they can handle it, but once attached, you only have to scratch the surface to see a... (read in full...)
Why on earth do women agree to an FWB situation?
Q. After reading so many posts here and seeing what girls and women do around me, I have a question, why on Earth women agree to FWB situation?? I understand if casual sex just happens once, in a heat of a moment, once very rarely and it's not a no...
A. 14 January 2014: Because we live in a world where being single is seen as a weakness and a very undesirable situation to be in so women tend to get talked into these kinds of arrangements because they think the guy will suddenly fall in love with them and save them ... (read in full...)
Should I stick around for him or bail out?
Q. i met this new guy over the christmas period at the lake. xmas day to be precise. his name is John (not real name). we started off very well.we met by the beach.i had a little problem with my car and it just happened that i mentioned about it in ...
A. 14 January 2014: Once he is divorced and free, he will be like a different person and he will be looking to date around.
Don't be his 'go to girl', his problems are his own and asking someone to be understanding and patient means he is looking for someone to excus... (read in full...)
I like this new guy I am talking to but my guy friend might be jealous
Q. Hello, I have a situation and I need some advice. I have been talking to this guy on and offline. He texts me everyday and we talk on the phone also. He is the nicest guy that I have spoken to in a long time. He does live far away and wants to come ...
A. 13 January 2014: You love him...that isn't really platonic...that is unrequieted. There would be only one reason you'd tell him that you want to date the other guy and we have said that already. As Tisha said, do as you like.... (read in full...)
I suspect my wife is cheating
Q. I am married for my second time and feel I may have made a major mistake. She is a teacher and on the surface seemed to be the kind of person I was looking for. She was into family as at the time we both had kids about the same age at that tim...
A. 13 January 2014: I think you have enough evidence. You certainly have enough to raise doubt.
Talk to her, tell her what you have noticed, ask her to explain. If she blows up in your face, it could mean she is covering something up. She, at least needs to explain ... (read in full...)
Feeling numb and empty after unofficial/no closure breakup...
Q. Yesterday I finally cut the string that I'd been dangling from for months now. My boyfriend and I (both early 30s) were together for over 3 years and several months back we hit a rough patch where we'd fight a lot. Due to this he started distancing ...
A. 13 January 2014: I am sorry that you are going through heartbreak...it's a nightmare and one we all go through.
Me myself have been heartbroken 3 times. One after a 20 year marriage that I had to end (because he had problems he didn't love me enough to fix). Th... (read in full...)
I like this new guy I am talking to but my guy friend might be jealous
Q. Hello, I have a situation and I need some advice. I have been talking to this guy on and offline. He texts me everyday and we talk on the phone also. He is the nicest guy that I have spoken to in a long time. He does live far away and wants to come ...
A. 13 January 2014: Are you hoping that by telling him that you want to date someone else that he will get jealous enough to declare his love for you and decide he does want to be exclusive with you afterall?
Let me tell you...that doesn't work.
I think you lo... (read in full...)
Feeling numb and empty after unofficial/no closure breakup...
Q. Yesterday I finally cut the string that I'd been dangling from for months now. My boyfriend and I (both early 30s) were together for over 3 years and several months back we hit a rough patch where we'd fight a lot. Due to this he started distancing ...
A. 13 January 2014: Ok I don't want to jump on the weed issue because I know there are people here who would defend it to the death...but I'm gonna jump on it anyways because I have personal experience of a few people I have known in my life who have been destroyed by ... (read in full...)
Feeling numb and empty after unofficial/no closure breakup...
Q. Yesterday I finally cut the string that I'd been dangling from for months now. My boyfriend and I (both early 30s) were together for over 3 years and several months back we hit a rough patch where we'd fight a lot. Due to this he started distancing ...
A. 13 January 2014: Does he have any underlying problems at the moment?
Debt? employment problems? Health concerns?
Taking a slightly different track to the other aunts, I think there could be something bugging him that he is trying to sort out or deal with and pe... (read in full...)
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