A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why do women flirt pointlessly? I have had many situations where I meet a woman at her work and she is friendly and flirty. She will tell me things about her son/school/friends/whatever and after awhile I give her my number so we can talk some more and get to know one another. Either they never call or they call and turn me down when I ask them out. Quite often, they are very cold to me when I come through their line again and try to avoid me. I got so sick of this that finally I asked one girl point-blank if she was ever planning to call me or if she had just been playing mind-games with me the whole time. I made it clear that i didn't appreciate it and that I hoped she wasn't treating anyone else the way that she treated me. She at least had the decency to be embarrassed but she offered no apology and wouldn't admit to what she did. She was, of course, flirting with yet another guy and he quickly got out of there. I am seriously considering calling managemnt to let them know what kind of person they have working there but I won't because a) they won't do anything and b) this happens all over the place and she would always be replaced by someone else who will act the same way.I go to a club or parties where girls are dressed provacatively and made up and they grind all over me or talk to me all night and yet don't wnat to stop dancing/flirting enough to go out for coffee afterward, or they don't call me the next day. I have had women at parties rub all over my legs, kissing my neck, and let me drive them home but won't let me up into their apartment. Or, they're constantly surrounded by other girls and I can't get into the conversation. So I stopped going to parties and clubs because of this.I have met women in book clubs, chess clubs, and political clubs. Same result. They are friendly, flirty, good conversationalists but it seems it's all talk. They go out for drinks or coffee or on dates like the zoo but they either bring another couple or insist that they only have two hours. Or they put some limitation on it. And most won't let me get a kiss goodbye or a phone call the next day. I have asked these women point-blank if they are looking for a relationship or not and most tell me they "just want to date around". I made it clear that I consdiereed that yet another mind-game, because thats exactly what it is.I keep running into women who want to flirt and mess around, but it seems that's all they want to do. They have no goal of a relationship or of dating. I would NEVER approach a woman that way because guys who do that are players and assholes. I just want to know: what is the point of talking to me or approaching if you're not interested? Is it just some powerplay on their part? Do I look like a sucker?I have tried online dating, but most of those women are very immature and act the same way or after a few dates, still don't trust me enough to let me drive them anywhere. One woman even had her PARENTS sitting in another booth and she was nearly 30 years old! Seems they only want to answer the phone on THEIR time and they want to call all the shots about where we go and what we do and how long we spend time together.I have tried churches, where woman are discouraged from flirting/dressing provacatively/dating around and are encouraged to find a husband It's hard for that to work out because most churches who feel that way make it nearly impossible for men and women to communicate at all - even their bible studies are separate and none of those women will exchange numbers with me. I have tried to approach women as a friend but what happens is they just want to be friends. They want to talk about their friends (gossip) or their exes or families (complaining) and that's all they do: talk. They don't show affection, they shy away from it when I do, and they stop talking to me. I am not just out for sex, I am willing to wait until a woman gets married and I like the idea of a virgin who hasn't slept around. I can see how it would have been better if I hadn't slept with girls who were just playing mind games and trying to say later that I pressured them into it. Those complaints came from girls who (you guessed it) dressed provacatively, rubbed all over me, made out with me and changed their minds. How do I make it clear that I don't want to mess around if they don't want to get physical? We are not in high school here. How do I make it clear that I don't want her to flirt if she isn't looking to get to know me better? That I am only wanting to date women who are seriously looking for a potential partner?I know that men do this too, but I never would. It just seems in my parents' generation, you see couples who have been together for years, have a partnership, and respect one another. I have an education, a good job, I am well-groomed and I keep a neat home. I have hobbies and interests and I am giving to others. I have looked everywhere I can think of and I keep running into the same thing. How does one find a more mature person and what am I doing that makes me a magnet for this treatment?
View related questions:
flirt, immature, kissing, player, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): "I just don't like it that any woman cam take a bad sexual experience and cry "Rape!" and either get a man put away for not being a mind-reader or at least ruin his repuatation even if he is found innocent."Do you know how small of a percentage there is of women who falsely claim rape? You should feel more strongly that there is a high percentage of rape rather than the small percentage of women who falsely accuse men of it. I'm not saying you should disregard what your brother went through. But it's difficult to be sympathetic with your fears given everything you've said. Be more concerned that a relative of yours might be sexually assaulted rather than falsely accused. "But it isn't right for a woman to wait until you are both naked and on top of one another before she says "stop". I think she should say that earlier. How earlier, I really don't know."OP, some women are less assertive and less sure of themselves where they can't make a decision until the very moment they have to take the plunge. That's why SOME of them stop at times where a man might say, "You're changing your mind now when we're both naked and right about to do it?" Of course, some women might just play around and draw back for kicks. However, I would like to think men have self control and won't feel unfairly treated when they don't get sex. You say you're not after sex and don't mind waiting. Good. So then why do you think it's not right when a woman decides last minute not to go all the way? People with that mentality usually commit rape or pressure their partners into sex. When the person feels pressured but ends up having sex, he/she comes out feeling conflicted. "Was I raped? I kind of did give consent, but I was sort of forced into it...Should I file a rape charge? I guess." When they do file a rape charge, they face even more pressure from the police, the person they're accusing, etc...With all that pressure and uncertainty, they might end up dropping the rape charge - which in turn, makes it look like they falsely accused someone of rape. Stop that mentality now. "If a woman is at work, I expect the same but do not understand why personal details about a new tattoo or her child or a sick parent is just being friendly."How is talking about children or sick parents flirting? Or insinuating anything more than friendship? It could lead to the possibly of romance, but if women share such personal information it might just be because: 1.) They like sharing family stories or something cool they did over the weekend like a tattoo or 2.) They feel comfortable enough to mention sick parents, etc...I don't know what environment you grew up in where sharing stories about family or getting body art or piercings meant anything else than just friendly conversation or wanting to confide in others. Yes, mentioning those things are meant to incite further conversation. For someone to tell you about their new tattoo, not say anything else, and instead, drop the conversation and never talk to you again without a reason is odd. But, I doubt that's what literally happens."I just mean hand-holding or cuddling or a short kiss on the lips. Those are appropriate for first dates."Depending on the person you're dating. I find it kind of ironic that sharing information about a sick parent or a tattoo - which I think is normal - is flirtation to you...It's a rather conservation thought, but then you say a kiss on the first date is normal. Hopefully you can find a middle ground, OP. But, there's are things, other than your behavior, that needs improvement. You have an unhealthy mindset and a distrust of women. You do sound like a considerate person, despite a lot of the borderline misogynistic things you've said. Try to take into consideration what I've said without getting up in arms and identify what, besides your behavior, is wrong and harmful both to you and those around you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): OP here. thank all of you for your posts and I am sorry if I came across as a complete asshole. I am very angry and bitter and disappointed and at my wit's end. I want to make it clear that I have never raped a woman and that I never would. I just don't like it that any woman cam take a bad sexual experience and cry "Rape!" and either get a man put away for not being a mind-reader or at least ruin his repuatation even if he is found innocent. Whether or not he did it, his name is in the paper and he is a marked man. This happened to my brother once and while he was found innocent, it really messed him up. I do not ever want that to happen to me or any man. when a woman says "stop", I do. But it isn't right for a woman to wait until you are both naked and on top of one another before she says "stop". I think she should say that earlier. How earlier, I really don't know. That is part of my confusion.According to all of you, I am coming on too strong if I tell her point-blank right away that I am looking for a girlfriend or if I ask her right away what her intentions are. But if I wait until after we have been spending some time together (I have had several relationships that lasted several months, one lasted a year and a half), I don't want to hear a month later that she doesn't want a boyfriend or isn't looking for that. So when is it the right time to get her intentions in mind? When I date online, i make it clear in my profile that I am only looking for a girlfriend/long term relationship and that I only want people who are seriously looking. When I meet a woman in a group I am involved in, I do not know the appropriate time to let her know I consider asking her out somewhere to be a date. This is why I cannot approach a woman as friends-only first because I get stuck there. I have noticed that when I had many female friends, none of them wanted to go to the next level and other woman found me unapproachable as a boyfriend because I had female friends.I no longer go to clubs or parties because as you said, many of those woman aren't looking for anything serious. I did misread them there because to me, their actions said they were after sex and that they were interested in having sex because they were being sexual. To me, that is a turn-off because it makes me wonder if that is all she is after. I think it is wrong for that to be all a man is after! If I am dating a woman, I do expect some affection because that is part of dating (otherwise you are just friends) I am not sex-crazed. If a woman says she wants to wait until the third date, sixth month, one-year, marriage ... that is fine. But when do you ask that and how do you know?One thing that really helped was explaining that safety tactics make sense. If I am on a first date with someone, I will keep in mind that maybe they got burned and want to have an "out" if they need it. I would never kidnap or hurt someone and I cannot expect absolute trust right away. This may benefit me because if we are always in public at first there are witnesses that I didn't hurt her. But how does one have a private conversation and what do you do if she doesn't want to be affectionate in public? I do not mean taking clothes off or making out, that is tacky! I just mean hand-holding or cuddling or a short kiss on the lips. Those are appropriate for first dates.It helped to tell me that sometimes a girl is being friendly and I am taking it the wrong way. But how do I know? If I am at work, I talk about work. If I know my co worker, I might talk about politics (if we agree on it) or the game (whatever sport they like) or the weather or the new carpeting. Otherwise, I just talk about work. If a woman is at work, I expect the same but do not understand why personal details about a new tattoo or her child or a sick parent is just being friendly. Why would she give out details like that if she didn't want further conversation? I will use the advice to nicely ask why she didn't call me. Maybe that will help.Thank you. I will keep trying to find a middle ground.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (13 February 2014):
 I third that!!! Great answer Euphoric!
OP before you choose to ignore the advice given here remember that 9 people have come foward, mulled your situation over and collectively come to the conclusion that the problem lies in your court. People from all over the globe have seen and reached pretty much the same conclusion and are offering you guidance...you surely cannot afford to ignore that.
Nobody here wants you to fail, everyone here wants you to find a way through this and find happiness or none of us would even bother to take time out of our lives to reach out to you.
Please come foward with your comments and know that the aunts and uncles are always here to help you.
Hugs for all xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 February 2014):
 CANNOT BEAT what Euphoric29 said. 5 stars and a standing ovation for an awesome well done reply!
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 February 2014):
 OP, please read what Euphoric29 wrote very closely and carefully. And then read it again. Print it out and reread it when you start to get negative about this.
And just to say what she said again, "I am worried about your love life and your mental health, as well as your criminal record, if you continue like this.
"Please look for professional help, because it sounds like the bitterness, anger and negative attitude towards women is growing and keeping you from having a healthy and happy relationship- which is what you want and what I wish for you, too."
You will not get better advice than what Euphoric just wrote.
...............................
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (12 February 2014):
Dear OP,
There is a saying: "If you run into an a**hole in the morning, you ran into an a**hole. If you run into a**holes all day.. you're the a**hole". By Raylan Givens.
Now, please don't get me wrong - I'm not saying you are an a**hole. But something tells me that it can't be that you live in a universe full of shallow/fake/attention-hungry/slutty or mentally deranged and immature women, yet you are being a perfect, healthy normal gentleman. It's just against all odds!
What worries me is the massive amount of anger that you're expressing and the blame that you put on others. It doesn't sound like you're self-critical or willing to face the problem that's obviously somewhere in front of you.
Just by reading this post, I can point out some behaviors of yours that would definitely make me push you away and invent some random excuse not to get closer to you..
1) So, a woman doesn't call. And you go asking things like "are you ever planning to call me or are you just playing mind-games?" This is so accusatory! You could have been all charming and say "I have never gotten a call from you. Have you been busy? Because I'd really love to hear from you" or something like that, you act really aggressive. I wouldn't call you anymore, ever, after such a question, even if you had had a chance before.
2) So, you go to clubs where women dress provocatively, kiss you and grind around you - and instead of enjoying the attention you get, you whine about not getting laid or finding something more serious there? You seem to make a negative experience out of anything.. even things that other men would count as a success. You could take that female attention as a compliment, but you turn it around into something else.
3) You have met women who wanted to date you.. and instead of accepting some limitations, you have pushed for a kiss or a phone call next day. To women, this behavior can come across as aggressive or desperate, as if you were already expecting not to get what you want and needed to force it. You asked point blank (why? can't you be subtle?) if they were looking for a relationship and they said they were just dating around. I've hardly ever met a woman who was just "dating around" but I'd probably made up a similar excuse if I dated a guy who's really pushy and who I don't like, on second thought. That might not be a mind game, OP, that might be women saying - as politely as possible - that they don't want to get serious with you - anymore. My guess is that you must have pissed them off, scared them, whatever. Otherwise, they wouldn't even have met you for a first or second date.
4) Again, OP, if women don't trust you - even after a few dates - to drive them anywhere.. maybe it's time to think, really hard (!!) about whether a) all women are paranoid or b) you come across as scary?
And another thing: If, in the beginning of a date, I say I only have two hours.. this means I want a chance to get away from you, if necessary. This is quite clever because you can meet weird people while online dating. Leave me that security, accept it, and you might gain trust over time. Act like a little b**ch about it and you'll never see me again, because you confirm you're the kind of guy I want to get away from.
5) "I have tried churches" OP.. that's just not a legitimate reason to go to church. Church is for religion, not dating. So why do you expect to find anything else than god?
6) "I have tried to approach women as a friend".. and why exactly are you surprised they treat you as one? You got what you pretended to want, OP, which is friendship.
7) You say you prefer virgins who didn't sleep around.. ok. In my world, this means potentially demeaning towards more experienced ladies= Limiting your chances of finding a partner. Especially, since you're in your thirties and by all means not a virgin.
But this is the worst: 8) "I can see how it would have been better if I hadn't slept with girls who were just playing mind games and trying to say later that I pressured them into it. Those complaints came from girls who (you guessed it) dressed provacatively, rubbed all over me, made out with me and changed their minds. How do I make it clear that I don't want to mess around if they don't want to get physical? "
OP, this really pisses me off! You want a virgin but then again you make out with provocatively dressed girls (making it sound like THEY jump at you) - and think they owe you sex, now, just because they started making out with you? If I get this right, it's not just one, but SEVERAL women who accuse you to have pressured them into sex?! Did you go through with it - I mean, are you actually telling us about sexual assault here? And expect us to feel sorry for you, because after all, it's your right to get whatever from women, as soon as they're dressed "provocatively"?
Let me tell you OP.. you don't have any right to GET sex from a woman. If a woman changes her mind about having sex with you - midway - she does so because of something that's bothering her. It can be a bad mood of hers, a physical condition, or simply something about you. But in any case, if sex is not consensual, no matter at what stage it becomes non-consensual, you need to stop or it's a crime.
To sum this up, women aren't all erratic creatures who randomly change their minds from making out and flirting to suddenly no-contact. It sounds like women try to protect themselves or distance themselves from you, after they got to know you better. If this happens some of the time, okay.. it's possible you meet some overprotective and weird people from time to time. But if this pattern is as repeating as you say, it's definitely about you.
Some last words, OP: I am aware that this is an internet post, so there might be some misunderstandings. My advice is my honest impression of what I read IN THIS POST, not what I can see in real life. It's meant to benefit you, not put you down. I am worried about your love life and your mental health, as well as your criminal record, if you continue like this.
Please look for professional help, because it sounds like the bitterness, anger and negative attitude towards women is growing and keeping you from having a healthy and happy relationship- which is what you want and what I wish for you, too.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 February 2014):
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Albert Einstein
IF the way you are going about trying to find a mate is not working, then you should change your way.
I agree that the problem if it's 100% of the time is NOT others but rather what YOU are or are not bringing to the event/table/date.
Have you considered a mail order bride?
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 February 2014):
I second the suggestion of hiring a life/dating coach but only if you are willing to learn some hard truths about yourself.
I agree also that if this is a lifelong pattern, the one constant is you, and thus, it is you who is somehow not navigating the complicated dating rituals properly. If you get lots of first dates but then no second dates at all, you are definitely turning them off. Why, I have no idea. It could be you are a bad kisser, or there is something else going on in your interactions that put women off. Going to professional dating coach/matchmaker will probably zero in on the issue. You may even have been told what the problem was by some of these women, but for some reason, can't or won't accept that it is a problem.
Maybe you are mistaking friendliness for flirting? Someone talking about children/friends/school/whatever isn't necessarily coming on to you. She's making conversation. Smiling at you doesn't mean she wants you to ask her out. Smiling at you means she's smiling at you. And that comment about 'going through her line again' means she's in the food service business, as in a coffee shop or a cafeteria? They are expected to be kind to the customers and make idle conversation. If you are mistaking these signs of retail politeness as 'ask me out' invitations then you really a new filter.
Another thing that would be extremely off putting to me back in my dating days was if a guy pointblank asked me if I was interested in a relationship or not. I mean, if I barely knew the guy and we'd had like 2 conversations I would assume he had some issues with basic social niceties and would probably have said 'no' just to avoid any later unpleasantness. Asking so soon after meeting someone without having established if she's interested in you is most definitely off-putting.
This set of complaints show me that you really are overcontrolling and have unrealistic expectations. "I have tried online dating, but most of those women are very immature and act the same way or after a few dates, still don't trust me enough to let me drive them anywhere. One woman even had her PARENTS sitting in another booth and she was nearly 30 years old! Seems they only want to answer the phone on THEIR time and they want to call all the shots about where we go and what we do and how long we spend time together." It's reasonable to take precautions when meeting an online date for the first time. Getting into a car with a guy you barely know who is asking very pointed questions is just not a good idea from the female perspective. It's spooky and freaky and downright scary.
As for answering the phone, wait, are they supposed to answer the phone when they are in the shower, on the toilet or at work? Do you answer your phone 24/7? That's seriously bizarre to say.
And if they want to call the shots about where to go and what you do and how long you spend time together, after you've made some suggestions along those lines, would indicate to me that they don't like your choice of a dating venue, and don't want to spend hours committed to a date when they don't know you very well.
Going to churches just to farm phone numbers from women you assume would be virgins is really, um, icky.
If all the women you have slept with would say that you pressured them into it, well, now we are getting into some seriously creepy territory here. You are starting to come off as a guy who can't take 'no' for an answer.
The more I reply to this post the more I realize that you are really coming off as a strange and aggressive guy and it's no wonder you are not getting the second dates.
Go to a life coach/dating expert/matchmaker and be prepared to hear some hard truths.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2014): To put it in a nutshell. YOU ARE FAR TOO INTENSE!!!
You inform women you are looking for a relationship; and in every way you can, you warn them not to f*ck with you!
You are demanding and judgmental to a very high degree. You get angry when women don't respond the way you want them to.
Dude, seriously?!! I know you were expressing yourself in writing, and calmed down considerable afterward. You made some huge generalizations about women, that isn't going to carry over very well!
They can kiss and grind all they like. It's a party, or a club. Dress provocatively? That's how you dress and behave at parties and night clubs. That doesn't mean you're out scouting for a boyfriend or sex. They don't owe you squat!
Who exactly do you think you are to admonish and intimidate women for not behaving as you feel they should? Then you wonder why they pull away, or dump you on the spot?
You may describe yourself as calm, professional, and suave. Your post says otherwise. You are very angry and frustrated.
I understand how you feel. That is what dating is all about, my friend. It is a series of hits and misses.
Sometimes you hit it off, and the climate changes; and they just go cold. It is their prerogative!
You have a right to simply walk away at any point you feel teased or offended. No one is holding you hostage on the spot. It's a compliment to have a girl kiss your neck, grind, or pay you any attention at all! When she's done, she can just move on. Whether you like it or not. It's all in fun. She's enjoying her femininity; while getting an ego-boost. If she's got it, she can flaunt it. It's a party atmosphere. The behavior is naughty, but not surprising.
They get just as flustered and pissed-off about dating as you do! Men hit on them all the time. They get their turn.
This is the 21st century in America, my friend.
Women express their feelings and make any moves they please within the confines of the law. They don't have to follow your rules.
You are on a mission. Everyone else is out to have a good-time, make friends, and flirt. You are far too serious, and you carry your frustrations around with you like a chip on your shoulder. You have collected-up all your rejections and disappointments, and piled them into a cynical/misogynist heap of caustic aggression. It swells within you, and you frighten women with it.
The problem is YOU! There is no female-conspiracy out there forming some plot to discredit and/or deny you of anything.
It's your terrible attitude and arrogance. I have to come down hard; because it is very inline with the harsh tone of your post. Which happens to be quite sexist, to say the least. You are entitled to your opinion. However; when you publicize your aggression and use this forum to air your angry words; you need someone to extinguish your fury, before you get yourself into loads of trouble on your job.
For your sake, it was a good thing you didn't file any complaints to management at work. You probably wouldn't have a legal-leg to stand on; but you would alert management to keep an eye on YOU! They would sense there is an unhealthy amount of tension and hostility toward your female colleague(s).
Such unfounded accusations of inappropriate behavior would have been your own downfall. She would have a lot to say in her own defense; and you would put a nail in your own coffin the minute you opened your mouth. You can carefully choose your words; but your attitude would contradict them.
Now I'm going tone it down. You are frustrated and lonely.
We men often vent our feelings through anger; because being too emotional comes across as weak or unmanly. I will offer you the benefit of the doubt here; because we have all been where you are. We don't all have the same reaction.
You can't force people to have feelings for you. You must stop approaching your love-life, like you are on an assault mission. Call in your drones and fighter jets. Lets have some peace-talks.
Women are not waiting to be conquered. They started out liking you, but something you say and do turns them off immediately. Go back and do some introspection, and figure out what it is YOU ARE DOING, again and again. That gets the same reaction from women each and every-time.
You are no doubt a very intelligent and logical man. Yet, you come across irrationally where it comes to women. It shouldn't be too hard for you to analyze your own behavior and tactics; and figure out what it is that YOU ARE doing. Don't blame women.I'm sure they do own some responsibility; but not much from what you've described.
You are quite willful judging by your post. So I had to be just as harsh in my response. The point is to get you thinking, and squelch your anger a bit.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2014): It sounds like you're often misreading women. You say they're friendly and flirty and talk about son/school/friends etc... But that's not flirting. That is just being friendly. People generally talk about their lives in general at work to pass the time as if you're talking about things you like, your day tends to go quicker. You're going ahead and giving out your number but if they haven't asked for it, they're not likely to call you. There is no point getting shirty with people for not calling you, or accusing them of mind games. You're going to come across as not the kind of guy women want to be around if that's what you're doing.You cannot complain about women bringing people, even parents, to a first date when they met you online. They have no idea who you are and every woman should have some security when meeting someone random from the internet.You need to relax about finding a woman. Stop putting unnecessary pressure on yourself and on the women you talk to. You need to listen to women, but if you feel they're "complaining" they're not going to want to talk to you. Realistically you're not going to meet someone and start dating them without first befriending them. It takes patience and kindness for someone to trust you and for them to choose to spend their free time with you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2014): I think you come off too strong instantly, which comes across as creepy and desperate. Just because a girl grinds up on you all night, it doesn't mean she needs you and everything you have to offer including the ride home, she could just be enjoying the moment. By girls talking to you about their problems, doesn't mean they owe you anything, if you don't want to listen, say goodbye. Doesn't mean they owe you a relationship. Flirting is fun, it doesn't always have to lead to a relationship.For what you are looking for, a mature long term relationship, this takes time, patients and conclusions can be made over a longer period of time, with compromise from both parties. You seem to come across as having a mission to control each encounter and if it doesn't go your way, you attack the women involved or the situation as being wrong, rather than the way you come across.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (12 February 2014):
Sounds like you have been putting in a lot of effort to find someone to be your girlfriend and in the process have become a little bitter of women because you cannot find what you want.
I agree with YOUWISH, when someone has the same problem over and over with different women, it's probably something you are doing (maybe unconsciously) that is putting them off.
Going to bars and clubs and allowing women to grind up against you probably isn't the best way to meet someone genuine. Women are like guys when they go to bars and clubs, they just want to have a good time with their friends and not have any hassles from guys wanting to pick them up. Maybe you think a woman grinding against you is a sign that she wants you...I agree that could be a little confusing...so there must be something else about your appearance/personality or demeanour that is putting them off.
Have you thought about consulting a dating/life coach who might be able to identify if you are giving off the wrong signals? They can teach you relaxation techniques, speech patterns and body language to improve your life in all sorts of areas. There has got to be some reason why you have had such limited success and the answer might be right under your nose.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 February 2014):
 I'm going to be direct with you here, because to be otherwise would not be helpful.
Always when someone sees a pattern of behavior in the women/men they date, the pattern is with them. In this case, the pattern is you. You're either attracted to the wrong type of women, OR something about you is off-putting to them.
If you get to a first date with women from all walks of life, from the clubs to the churches, and they don't go for a second date or don't want to connect with you, then something you're doing is off.
There's a refrain I keep hearing from you that is especially telling: "They don't show affection, they shy away from it when I do, and they stop talking to me."
And you also said this: "I go to a club or parties where girls are dressed provacatively and made up and they grind all over me or talk to me all night and yet don't wnat to stop dancing/flirting enough to go out for coffee afterward, or they don't call me the next day."
And you said this: "I have had women at parties rub all over my legs, kissing my neck, and let me drive them home but won't let me up into their apartment."
First of all, you're asking women into their apartment and trying to kiss them on a first date?? No way! And why are you getting upset that women online have a safety net with them? Do you know the levels of sexual assault that can happen while meeting a guy online? The time issue is for their protection.
Second of all, even the best of dates with the greatest connection can stop abruptly if you are a terrible kisser. A really bad kisser will not usually hear about it, but that will kill any date. Make sure you *can* kiss, or you will keep getting struck out. All of us have had horrible kisser guys. One I dated was really hot, only to have him try and lick me like an ice cream cone and bruise my lips without letting me out of his embrace. He didn't get called back.
Third, are you crazy?! Call management on a girl because your ego got bruised? I hope you're not this whiny in person, because that's a bitch move. That sort of bitter or desperate vibe can be picked up, making women shy away from you.
Also, unless the girl is an animal lover, the ZOO on a first date?? No way! Do something a lot more exciting, or better yet, put the extra effort into finding out what a girl likes. Drinks are fine, but DINNER is better. Coffee at lunch is what people do when they are co-workers on a project. Go do something more fun like go to a concert, a sports game if she's into that sort of thing, or something more imaginative. The zoo has nasty smells and can be boring as hell.
Churches have singles groups as well, but you have to be part of the church and not just show up to get women's numbers. Are you religious? Do you have a home church?? Women are taught not to be led astray by wolves. If you're religious, then join a church and become a member of one with a singles group.
...............................
|
