A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in an online relationship.Without getting into specifics, we've been going steadily for over 10 months now.But there's a schism, it seems.Despite me being "the male," her sex drive is, by far, much stronger than mine.Typically, it's the male with the stronger sex drive.This, alone, is a non-issue.It doesn't bother me.What bothers me is that earlier on in the relationship, she would get upset with me for not "cybering" with her. For not being "in the mood."After a time, I told her that I didn't appreciate being pressured like that.It's not like it helps me get into the mood anyway, and it only hurts my feelings and degrades me as a human being.Her excuse for acting out like that was that it made her feel unloved and unwanted.Eventually, we got over that, too.To a point, anyway.We would still "cyber" off and on, but every time I mentioned that I wasn't in the mood, she would...well she wouldn't take it out on me anymore, but she would go quiet, and stop talking.Other times, she would cover up her hurt better, but from past experiences, it just ended up making her words feel...empty (just for the short time after turning down her advances). I knew it bothered her, even if she didn't show it. Right now, we're at a point where we don't have sex, or "cyber" at all. We agreed not to, because it seems that the hurt just isn't worth it, in the end.But sometimes, she asks. Sometimes, she asks to consider an exception.And I just don't know what to tell her.I'm more in control over my sex drive, so I'm not....easily turned on, since the agreement.Because we're not supposed to, you know?I don't know...Sometimes I wonder if I was wrong for making such a fuss over it.Sometimes I wonder if I was wrong for agreeing to such a rule.Sometimes I wonder if I should've just sucked it up and fucked her anyway.
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in the mood, sex drive, unloved Reply to this Question
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (17 March 2011):
 Sometimes I wonder why people bother with relationships that don't fulfill any of their real needs...
Tell her no enough and she's going to get what she wants elsewhere. This isn't a good relationship for either of you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2011): well of course there is very little "typical" when it comes to sex, it is full of grey areas as well as certain extremes. this - girlfriend would you call it? - seems to be on the "extreme" side of i guess sex drive.while not to judge because i no very little about who she actually is, i'd guess she's kind of needy and maybe craves a certain attention, and in her mind sex is equated to this attention. i dont mean to psychoanalyze everything, but this issue has to be stemming from something, especially considering her dramatic, not-so-rational response when you deny her sex.in the end, she shouldn't make you do anything you shouldn't. if you love her, you can show it in ways other than sex. if you don't then you should tell her, because she is clearly taking everything very seriously. if she makes it into something bigger, you could end up with in a sticky situation. if she really keeps pushing for sex and keeps being extremely difficult when you don't "have it in you" to give it to her, you might want to consider ending it with her, because this could turn "parasitic" if you will.hope this helps, best wishes!
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A
female
reader, StarryEyes101  +, writes (17 March 2011):
 Wow! She sounds like a spoilt brat. I don't find any enjoyment with cyber sex at all. Ya know there have been times when i haven't been able to get out of it so I do it, but I'm watching tv, or making something to eat while texting/writing online or whatever LOL. They have no clue. So i do what i want, and they are just carrying on as if i'm doing it with them. I think you should tell her that you feel degraded when you do it. She has to respect that.I hope this helps
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