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... Send *earkelja a private message | | | *earkelja's profile:This site has been a wonderful experience for me. I hope that I have helped some of you in some small way.
I'll be back from time to time to help where I can. My focus for now is to get my life back to good. Thank you to those of you who have helped me along my journey. Your help, love and guidance have made me strong.
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Is it OK to still care for eachother in this situation?
Q. I'm in the Army with 2yrs left the guy I met is in the Navy with 5 yrs left, we met up here on deployment, we've only known eachother for a month, when we leave deployment he will go back to his base in N.M and I'll go back to GA, the dilemma, we ...
A. 24 September 2008: It does seem that he has some feelings for you and it also seems he is protecting himself from a) getting your hopes up and b) getting himself hurt again. Take things slow for now and see where it goes. Do you know what his mental state is after ... (read in full...)
My life is in utter shambles...Filing for Divorce
Q. This is a long and painful story that I will post here, but I need to get some opinions from some "disinterested" third parties as my friends/family have pretty much weighed in on this issue. First, some background to "set the stage" for what's to ...
A. 6 April 2008: thanks for the update. let the healing begin.
Best wishes.... (read in full...)
My life is in utter shambles...Filing for Divorce
Q. This is a long and painful story that I will post here, but I need to get some opinions from some "disinterested" third parties as my friends/family have pretty much weighed in on this issue. First, some background to "set the stage" for what's to ...
A. 4 November 2007: To answer your question of cheating. Yes, she is cheating. She is not giving herself to you for whatever reason. Her secret life is a form of cheating you whether or not she is with a man. She has cheated you financially as well.
I think yo... (read in full...)
Why does she not realize I spent half my life thinking about her.
Q. i've been chasin this girl for over a year now. As soon as i try get step closer (by askin her to catch a film as friends) she moves away. I than give her space. 9months later after our friendship is stronger i ask again. She accepts but i find ...
A. 4 November 2007: Relax a bit. Perhaps you are trying too hard to impress her. People get a little skidish when we think people are too needy. Try being yourself and try to get your mind off of her from time to time. I do understand how you are feeling and it is a ... (read in full...)
Guy won't make first move, should the girl do it then?
Q. i was formally introduced to this guy at a function one day, but after that, we would keep eyeing each other, having stolen glances at each other, and this has been going on for almost 6 months now! i know he likes me, and i think he knows i like ...
A. 3 November 2007: I think you'll need to start talking to him. Find out about his hobbies, music, what kind of car he drives. Just start a conversation. It could be he is shy too. Going up and talking to someone is not making a move, it's just being friendly. ... (read in full...)
When he won my heart over...he disappeared.
Q. I was introduced to a guy by another one who was has been attracted to me for months. As soon as I met this new guy, we both felt mutual attraction and the feelings were so just so intense. He tried to know everything about me but I was not that ...
A. 3 November 2007: Six months is a long time to wait for someone. After this much time I am not sure he will live up to his commitment. I am sure he meant it at the time so don't be too hard on him. For whatever reason he is not available at this time. I had a ... (read in full...)
My bf broke up with me, feeling humiliated I was successful while he was not. How do you forget your first love?
Q. Dear Cupid my boyfriend broke up with me for a reason that is way unbelievable, his reason was I had a future and his life was a trash, because of this I humiliated him, but then I apologized; after this I heard from my friend that he was cour...
A. 3 November 2007: There are some people out there who constantly compare themselves to other people; they can't deal with people being better (or different) than them. It sounds as if this immature person perhaps was feeling inadequate around you and didn't like ... (read in full...)
Not sure if he loves me or I'm a good deal as I don't make him spend on me and am much younger than him. Please advise.
Q. I'm going through divorce at the moment. I've been married to my husband for 22 years. Im 45 years old. I've fallen in love with self employed builder whom came to fix my roof. He is 63 single. He soothes my painful divorce. We've been together ...
A. 3 November 2007: It doesn't sound like this man is very caring to people yet he expects people to care about him. There are some people out there that just are NOT capable of caring for another human being. When you add his concern for money to the equation I ... (read in full...)
Is it unfair to think my husband should stand up for me?
Q. My husband has a new business partner, who I sense does not like me. We are in each other's company a lot. Last night the partner made a very negative comment to me and about me, in front of my husband. My husband obviously knew I would be upset, ...
A. 3 November 2007: I had a similar situation only the people putting me down were my husband's family. I think he should have stood up for me but it was early on in the relationship and he is not a very confrontational man. I spoke to him later in private and told ... (read in full...)
We met on a dating site, we slept together and 3 days after that he dumped me by txt. Why is he still visiting my dating-profile?
Q. Met a guy on a dating site, went out many times and we clicked. Anyway after a few weeks we slept together and we both enjoyed ourselves. Three days later he dumped me by text....agghh! He said we weren't compatible. I texted back said I was fine ...
A. 2 November 2007: I would say he isn't into you. It could be he is just visiting your site out of curiosity or who knows maybe he was showing his friends people he dated? If I were you, I would just move on. He doesn't sound very mature anyway, ending a ... (read in full...)
Why did I do this to myself? Have I become the 'other woman'?
Q. I don’t know why I let this happen!!! I was married for 23 years he had an affair that he would not end so I filed for divorce. That all happened since May 2005. Divorce is final as of June 2006. I still love this man but he has chosen to live ...
A. 2 November 2007: I am sure you feel quite bad about what has happened and what you have allowed yourself to do, however, you do need to realize that you are in a very vulnerable position. Your ex took advantage of you. He sounds like a very immature man and if ... (read in full...)
I thought she was the one. How can I get over her?
Q. Probably no point in saying this really but i am going to put in out there. A couple of weeks ago i was told by a girl that i like that she likes me. i told her the same. she said she liked me but didnt want to rush it. after 2 weeks of getting ...
A. 2 November 2007: You're pretty young to have waited ages to find the 1. In my much longer life I can not dismiss what you are feeling right now. But I can tell you that it will get better. I can also tell you that there isn't just 1 person out there for you. ... (read in full...)
Is she taking a break, or breaking up?
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for almost 19 months. In that time we have had our ups and downs but we have always worked things out because we love each other. In September, she started at university (I am at a different university in th...
A. 2 November 2007: I am sorry that you are not happy. I would take this "break" opportunity to work on making yourself happy. People don't like being responsible for others' happiness. I think if you find yourself during this break and learn to be happy with YOU ... (read in full...)
Any tips on getting over him?
Q. I need to get over this guy that i've liked for quite a while. He has a gf so i need to get over him. Any tips on how to get over him. Should i not hang round with him anymore even though he's a great friend, or should I still be friends with him...
A. 2 November 2007: If it is not possible to appreciate your friendship for what it is then maybe you should not hang around him until you are "over" him? The trouble with you still liking him and being near him is that you won't give yourself the time off that you ... (read in full...)
How do I get him out of my head.
Q. i dont know how to start this i was in a very unhappy relationship and i own my own buisness as a cleaner, i had just broke up with my guy and then this guy asked if i could clean for him . at the time when i was hurting i poured out my troubles to ...
A. 2 November 2007: I think you should be greatful that the drop dead gorgeous customer didn't fire you on the spot. Sounds like he is a nice man who even told you he was flattered. But as he told you, he is unavailable to you and you should appreciate his honesty, ... (read in full...)
Is it OK to still care for eachother in this situation?
Q. I'm in the Army with 2yrs left the guy I met is in the Navy with 5 yrs left, we met up here on deployment, we've only known eachother for a month, when we leave deployment he will go back to his base in N.M and I'll go back to GA, the dilemma, we ...
A. 2 November 2007: Given your age and the fact that both of you will be living the same kind of life you may have a better chance than most. You'll both understand the sacrifices you've made and emotionally you'll both be going through the lonliness together. If you ... (read in full...)
Was I a fool?
Q. i went to visit my long distant boyfriend for almost two months, whilst in that country and a few days after i had arrived i realized he was seeing another lady. i confronted the lady when she called the house and told my boyfriend to put a stop to ...
A. 2 November 2007: Your ex does not sound like a good person. He deceived you, shame on him. I am glad you are free to find someone who will treat you right. I know it is hard on you right now and you may feel like a fool but you should always remember that giving ... (read in full...)
Can I email him again?
Q. I went out for a date with a guy on Monday night. I'd initially e.mailed him - I know of him, our kids are at the same school. He's just divorced, I'm soon to be. I e.mailed him on Wednesday saying I had a lovely time, and if he'd like to meet ...
A. 2 November 2007: You certainly can email him again but I wouldn't advise it. I think you let him know you had a good time and now it's up to him. Think if it were reversed. If he sent you the same email. Would you be annoyed if he then sent you another one? I ... (read in full...)
How can I get over this period, or ignor it?
Q. I felt really quite proud. I had got the courage to ask out a girl i fancied. I got rejected (she already had a bf) but i don't really mind. At least i had tried and i can be happy that i had the courage (i am actually quite shy so big achievement). ...
A. 2 November 2007: Good for you. Your friends may be laughing now but when you have a date for the big dance because you've had all this experience don't be surprised if they all come running to you to find out how you did it. If you are really shy then well done ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to feel so lost after breaking up?
Q. OK, last night I broke up with my bf of 4.5 yrs, we have'nt really been happy for the last yr or so as we lost our spark and both of us did nothing to help our relationship until it was too late. Last night, I sat him down and told him we are ...
A. 31 October 2007: I'd like to say that when I asked my husband of 22 years for a divorce he basically said he'd been expecting it and he too sat there stone faced. I do know that he is broken up about it but part of him didn't want to show any emotion. I also think ... (read in full...)
Is she too old for me?
Q. Simple question that has been eating at me for a few days. I met a great woman and have tons in common with her. we get along great, make good friends, talk for hours and just adore each other. We clicked instantly and i really like her. Only ...
A. 27 October 2007: How mature are you? What are her feelings about the age gap. Where are you each at in your life. You both want kids, marriage, etc. The fact that you are comparing her to your birth mother, who was very young when she had you, is a clue that ... (read in full...)
Do I let him know I like him?
Q. i need serious help. Ive liked someone for 3 years its been on and off but now he says he doesn't fancy me anymore. For months ive said i dont like him incase it ruins our friendship or he thinks he is better than me. But yesterday i got drunk with ...
A. 27 October 2007: I think you need to move on. The fact that he blocked you should tell you how he feels about you. It should also tell you that he is immature and he will avoid conflict. He's not really a friend now is he if he did this to you. You may have been ... (read in full...)
Is he trying to get us back in a relationship?
Q. I probabaly know the answers here but need some validation from others as well. I was seeing a member of management at my job at the beginning of this year. Well, the people at our work started huge allegations about him and I so we stopped immediat...
A. 27 October 2007: Work romance, no fun. Be aware that in the US if he is a member of management that anyone can file a harrassment suit against him for seeing you. They could be offended by his actions, or feel he is playing favorites with you, etc. It doesn't ... (read in full...)
How can I find out her size?
Q. Please help me with women's clothing sizes. My girlfriend wears a Medium in blouses and tops, but I want to buy her a nice dress without her knowing. I went shopping at the mall and they were listed by numbers like 4-5 and 5-6. What do these ...
A. 27 October 2007: Mediums are typically a size 8. A 4-6 would be considered small. Do you know her weight and height? Sometimes if you work with a sales woman and point out a woman her size she can assess her size. If it were me and I were a size medium and my ... (read in full...)
Is he the one for me?
Q. few months ago, I met this amazing guy. we chat everyday and met couple times, shortly I fell in love with him. but unfortunately, I found out that he's still in a relationship with other girl and just broke up 4 days before I know about their ...
A. 27 October 2007: It could be that this man does like you but he is holding back some because of his feelings for the other girl. He does need time to work through his feelings and if the two of you get together too quickly you'll never know if you were the rebound ... (read in full...)
I'm feeling hurt and confused after unpleasants texts!
Q. Things are really playing on my mind so i have to write my story again, im married with children but currently going through a speration for the last few months. because ive just not felt loved during my marriage and felt like i was always taken for ...
A. 26 October 2007: I completely understand wanting to feel loved and wanting the attention of a male suitor, especially after what you have been through. I agree with all though who say you should take some me time and really just flirt and get the attention ... (read in full...)
I want to get in shape, but will I be too skinny?
Q. I want to get my body in shape. I am a normal weight but I am not toned. I want to stay curvy (like a Jlo and Beyonce kind of figure) and I don't wanna be too skinny. I just wanna know; does toning your body means you lose weight?...
A. 26 October 2007: If you are wanting to add muscle and tone up don't be surprised if you gain weight. You will look much better and your clothes will fit so nice. I am toning using a Denise Austin tape for legs, butt, abs and arms. It does call for weights and the ... (read in full...)
Finally admitted infidelity after 17 years
Q. I am posting to this group hoping to get some support. 17 years ago, I was married for 5 years just had our first baby. My husband tells me has some kinds of bugs in his pubic hair. Stupid, naive, catholic school girl like me looks it up and finds ...
A. 24 October 2007: I don't believe you will get over your trust issues or save your marriage unless you (and your husband) seek some type of marriage counseling. Your husband has some issues, biggest being his inability to come clean to you. If you can't seek ... (read in full...)
I've decided to divorce my husband. Any advice to make it easier?
Q. I've decided to divorce my husband. It's definately not an easy decision to come to, but I know that it will never work between him and me. I was just wondering if anyone who has gone through a divorce has any advice to give about the whole thing. ...
A. 24 October 2007: You didn't mention children. I'd say if you have them that is your first priority. Next is finances. Next is property division.
I just went through a divorce after 22 years of marriage. I had been down the path after 10 years and after 15... (read in full...)
Ex husband suggested reconciliacion, when I agreed he said it was too late as he found another - now he tells people it was me who wanted to get back, making me look like a fool! How do I get past this?
Q. why did my ex husband say he wanted to get back with me,after a year then i said give me abit of time to think,and i said ok lets give it ago and he said its to late he has found someone else and wants to be with her.the new women told me she was no ...
A. 24 October 2007: I am glad you are seeing someone. Your ex sounds like the fool. It may not appear so to you but when people go around bad mouthing other people, we are not so naive as to sort out the truth. I believe he is the one looking like the fool. ... (read in full...)
Should I give him another try or do I just keep moving on with my life?
Q. I have been seeing a man for 9 nine months and about four months ago, after I told him I loved him, he told me that there was nothing between us except a physical relationship and that he liked me a lot but didn't love me and did not see that he ...
A. 24 October 2007: Yep, it's his ego. Believe the answer he gave you when he was not challenged by the threat of other men. He does not love you and never will. You have become a challenge to him now and that is all he's after, the chase. I'm pretty sure once he ... (read in full...)
I suspect there's more to the story
Q. Its been maybe a week now that me and my boyfriend I mean "ex-boyfriend" broke up and he's really confusing me. We had been going out for almost 2 years we were each others first everything. Then all of a sudden out of no-where he said it was time ...
A. 24 October 2007: I think there is more to the story too. I can't tell you what that is, only he can. It could be parental influence, peer influence or that he just wants to experience dating around before he commits to one person. Try to get him talking about ... (read in full...)
I just got with this guy and I find that I don't really like him as much as I first felt.
Q. I just got with this guy and I find that I don't really like him as much as I first felt. You would think you knew someone, but once you see their true colours, you just don't know who they are anymore. Anyway, I don't know what to do. I want t...
A. 23 October 2007: Go ahead and break up with him. You are young and this is the time to find out what you like. No sense staying with someone you're not over the moon for. It will be even harder to break up if you wait.... (read in full...)
What do I do now? I'm lost!
Q. Any advice right now would be so greatly appreciated...My boyfriend of 4 years has just broken up with me. I am absolutely devastated, and I really didn't see it coming. We got together at the start of uni, and graduated in the summer. He is now in ...
A. 22 October 2007: My dear child, I feel for you deeply. Closure is such a good thing but you should know that even when you get the opportunity things are always left unsaid because people aren't into hurting each other. Sometimes we just have to trudge on without ... (read in full...)
Where is my Prince?
Q. Are there any good men left out there? Pretty much all the men I have ever met in my life have been terrible. They have all pretty much been uncaring, unromantic, unfaithful, shallow, and rude. Which makes me wonder, are there any decent guys still ...
A. 21 October 2007: From a woman's perspective. I agree with peoriaman in that we talk about the perfect caring, etc man but when we find him we are turned off that he's "emotional." We look for this ideal prince and shut ourselves off from the decent man who isn't ... (read in full...)
I have no idea where I stand with her.
Q. hi, im having a problem with this girl i know, i dont know if she likes me or not but im getting mixed signals all the time, i go off her then once i see her again at the weekend, something happens and im in love with her again it seems.About 6 ...
A. 21 October 2007: I think she likes you but she doesn't know if you like her. We girls don't like to make the first move so we wait for the guy. But if they guy doesn't make a move, we try to do things to make sure they know we are interested. Sometimes even this ... (read in full...)
I don't know what to think about my behavior. What do you think?
Q. i went out drinking last night and got 'extremely' drunk. i brought home a woman with the intention of having sex with her and a friend of hers and a another guy came back too. after a while, i disappeared upstairs to have sex with the girl, leaving ...
A. 21 October 2007: I think you should not bring strangers back to your place and leave them alone in the place when you have flatmates. It would have been one thing to stay with all your guests but to leave two of them alone with access to the place was wrong. You ... (read in full...)
What do I do now? I'm lost!
Q. Any advice right now would be so greatly appreciated...My boyfriend of 4 years has just broken up with me. I am absolutely devastated, and I really didn't see it coming. We got together at the start of uni, and graduated in the summer. He is now in ...
A. 21 October 2007: autumnleaves07-If your bf had only said he wanted a break because of the two years of being apart that would be one thing. When he added his feelings for another woman, though it hurts, it seems as if he is questioning your relationship. In my ... (read in full...)
Was I emotionally abusive too?
Q. Was I emotionally abusive too? I recently broke up with my fiance because he was emotionally abusive. I tried to break up with him numerous times, but failed. I would pack, and sometimes even leave, but always returned out of guilt. I'm not going ...
A. 19 October 2007: When someone is emotionally immature they blame it on anyone but themselves. Trying to control someone is emotional abuse. People who physically abuse another person quite often believe the other person "made them do it". Breaking up with someone ... (read in full...)
Once in a while he says he wants to sleep with me. Does he really want me?
Q. This is one long story. Ok here goes. He knew I fancied him for a long time but one of his good friends liked me and I was close to him, so he kept away. Then in May/June and July my crush and I got v.close. People spoke about us and all. We neevr ...
A. 19 October 2007: Think hard. This man sounds a little immature. Trying to make you jealous, asking to sleep with you. A good man would treat you better than that. Sometimes it doesn't matter what we feel for someone or what they feel for us. Timing comes into ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure I could spend the rest of my life with him. How can I get to the bottom of my feelings?
Q. Hi Everyone. I need your help. My partner and I split up in February after just over 4 years together. After quite a few conversations in between then and now, we decided to try and make it work again. He was the one though that texted me quite a ...
A. 19 October 2007: The fact that you are questioning the relationship and your feelings for this man is significant. You should not commit to the relationship but rather move things back a bit and start over. Try just being friends with this man to see if you can ... (read in full...)
He likes me but does not love me, should I wait or let him go?
Q. i have been going out with this guy whom i love so much,but after some time he told me that he wanted me to give him space for two months as he has some problems.during the talking we had some arguement and he started saying that he likes me but ...
A. 19 October 2007: When someone in a relationship asks for space it is sometimes an indication of something wrong with the relationship. When there is something wrong the two people should work on it together. If he is asking for space because of this, this doesn't ... (read in full...)
How do I break down the wall that I have subconciously built around my heart?
Q. After a disasterous marriage; mental and violent abuse and post marriage finding out that he also abused my kids I thought my heart would break 14 years ago. Immeadiately after I threw myself into work, but then 5 years later developed a debilita...
A. 19 October 2007: Fear is a shuttering thing. There is no guarantee that love will be painless or that you will not get hurt. What is even harder to realize is that you may hurt someone else along the way. Not sure which is worse. What you will need to do is put ... (read in full...)
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