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... Send *earkelja a private message | | | *earkelja's profile:This site has been a wonderful experience for me. I hope that I have helped some of you in some small way.
I'll be back from time to time to help where I can. My focus for now is to get my life back to good. Thank you to those of you who have helped me along my journey. Your help, love and guidance have made me strong.
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Fell in love after internet relationship, now he's gone, did he fake the 3 years, we were together?
Q. As it says there, i really didnt know where else to turn. i don't have many friends left.. So i'll start from the begining. it all started when i was only 13, i'm now 16. it started as an internet relationship and i never intended it to go far i ...
A. 11 August 2009: I think the relationship just got too complicated for him and he bailed. He cheated on you but did you talk about cheating on him or maybe rub his face in it? If you did, that would cause anyone to walk away. He was wrong for cheating and ... (read in full...)
Fell in love after internet relationship, now he's gone, did he fake the 3 years, we were together?
Q. As it says there, i really didnt know where else to turn. i don't have many friends left.. So i'll start from the begining. it all started when i was only 13, i'm now 16. it started as an internet relationship and i never intended it to go far i ...
A. 9 August 2009: Did you have a physical relationship? Did he give you any reason why he doesn't want to be with you? I think we need more information to help you.... (read in full...)
When does friendship become more than friends?
Q. Okay, I have a question. Say a woman is married and she has a good male friend (we'll call him Mr. X) that is also friends with her husband. Mr. X and the woman are pretty good friends, closer friends than he is with her husband, but she and Mr. X ...
A. 31 July 2009: Well,
He's holding the line for now but I agree that it is only a matter of time or alcohol before the line is crossed by one or the other of you. If you have those feelings for him and you are married then I think this is an inappropriate frie... (read in full...)
Are these guys playing games with me? I don't know who to trust!
Q. help! two months ago i met a guy X. he grew massively on to me. i considered him as family thats how close we were. we had sex and everything. then he introduced me to his mate Y. i started seein Y cuz X left for holiday to sort out his LDR. X kept ...
A. 29 July 2009: Sometimes guys have more insight than we do on the reading of a guy. But sometimes guys have an alterior motive. If he is truly x's friend then it wasn't very friend like to have sai that about him. So, I think you would be wise to look at the ... (read in full...)
What would you do if you found your 40 husband in bed with a girl age 18-21? Help me
Q. What would you do if you found your husband who's 40 in bed with a girl between the ages of 18-21? The girls blonde, young everything he would like and i even found texts on his phone where he told her she was hotter than me, and would prefer h...
A. 28 July 2009: I honestly do not believe I could stay with a man if I had to live with that picture of finding him in bed with someone else, young old or otherwise. So, I think I would have to leave. Trust is a big deal to a marriage and even if I could find a ... (read in full...)
When does friendship become more than friends?
Q. Okay, I have a question. Say a woman is married and she has a good male friend (we'll call him Mr. X) that is also friends with her husband. Mr. X and the woman are pretty good friends, closer friends than he is with her husband, but she and Mr. X ...
A. 28 July 2009: I agree with Daniel (hi Daniel!) I do believe that men and women can be friends, even when married to someone else. Friends do text and get together. I think we are missing information. You say the woman wants more, you are a woman so is this ... (read in full...)
My ex fiance got married 5 months ago & I'm a mess
Q. is there anything i can do about this im devasted ive just heard my ex fiance got married about 5 months ago. i wasted so much time-he did want me back but due to circumstances i didnt do anything-what an idiot anyway now hes married-i feel ...
A. 15 July 2009: You are heartbroken, not a lost cause. In life, timing is everything. For you, this is harder because you may have felt that the two of you would get back together and you were holding the cards. Unfortunately, he moved on and is not not an ... (read in full...)
I like her until she likes me back!
Q. I can totally be the one pursuing the girl, but when I find out she likes me back and she gets all attached to me, I don't like her anymore. Is that normal? or is that me finding things wrong with her because I'm not completely self assured? or is ...
A. 15 July 2009: I believe this is a fear of commitment going on. It is possible you like the chase and there are a lot of guys and gals who like that. Maybe you feel she is not worthy of you if she was so easy to get. Maybe you don't want to escalate a ... (read in full...)
Why do guys like you after you've moved on?
Q. There is this guy named Andrew that I had a huge crush on. He never ever noticed or even spoke to me in class. I would even sit next to him on purpose or ask him a question about something just to get his attn. One time he completely ignored me and ...
A. 15 July 2009: Some guys and gals like attention. When you keep giving people attention the sometimes think you are not worthy of theirs so when you back off you immediately become a challenge for them and they pursue you in the attempts to get that attention ... (read in full...)
Is having chemistry important?
Q. I will start by saying that while I am open to the possibility of a relationship, I am very comfortable and happy being single. I have never been the type that has to have a boyfriend to feel secure and good about myself. And, often in the past, ...
A. 15 July 2009: Well....I will answer your question from my perspective. I am newly single and have been dating for 2 years. I've been on about 10 dates. I have had "that feeling" with two of my dates. Nothing with the others and the date was agony and when I got ... (read in full...)
Why would he kick me out of his life like that?
Q. This guy has been my friend for a year and we havn't been as close anymore which I respect. I havn't seen him in two weeks or more because of summer! I thought me and him were friends, I accepted the fact that were going to be nothing more than ...
A. 12 July 2009: Unfortnately, we are not accountable for other people's actions and if this guy has chosen not to maintain the friendship then there is nothing you can do to keep it going. I'm so sorry.... (read in full...)
Friends verses lovers...
Q. I met this guy and we became extremely good friends especially since we had so many things in common. He was seeing a girl but it wasn't working out. The girl was jealous because we used to hang out a lot but we were just friends. Eventually we both ...
A. 12 July 2009: Well, I am so sorry. I understand what you are saying about the one who shouldn't hurt you hurts you the most. I truly think it is for the best that you are backing away. You will get closure and healing and you can move on.
I will share wi... (read in full...)
Where is our friendship going?
Q. Is our friendship moving in a different direction? I'm not real sure how to take this. He's my neighbor - a 42 year old single male. I'm a 29 year old single female. We are really good friends and sort of have a brother/sister type relationshi...
A. 6 July 2009: This man seems awful needy. I think he has grown attached to you and is rather possesive. I don't think I would be comfortable with this and I would start to put up some boundries. His calling when you clearly weren't going to answer and ... (read in full...)
Friends verses lovers...
Q. I met this guy and we became extremely good friends especially since we had so many things in common. He was seeing a girl but it wasn't working out. The girl was jealous because we used to hang out a lot but we were just friends. Eventually we both ...
A. 3 July 2009: Sometimes dear we can not explain people's actions. I'm with you. My best friend is male and we get along so well, he says he loves me and finds me attractive yet he is so desperate to be with someone else. Now he has found someone and he is ... (read in full...)
Broken...
Q. Hello, I've been in a relationship for 6 years with this woman who is now 31. She was a single mom of 3 kids with three different fathers, a high school drop out. I became daddy #4 four years ago. In our house there is a total of 6 different ...
A. 3 July 2009: How many men will step up to the plate and invest into the future with this kind of woman? You ask? Well, I wonder if that is how you feel about her "this kind of woman" why you did. Think deep and hard about why you are with her. I wonder if you ... (read in full...)
Friends verses lovers...
Q. I met this guy and we became extremely good friends especially since we had so many things in common. He was seeing a girl but it wasn't working out. The girl was jealous because we used to hang out a lot but we were just friends. Eventually we both ...
A. 3 July 2009: It sounds to me like you might be the backup plan for him if things don't work out with the other girl. It could well be that he cares for you both, too.
Sometimes when you have a friend of the opposite sex you can confuse the feelings of genui... (read in full...)
She wants to break up with him as I'm the "third person" in their relationship!?
Q. So, "Rachel" and "Graham" have been together for almost a year now. Rachel is my oldest friend of 11 years and Graham is my best friend of 5 years. Since I've known him, I've also liked Graham as more than a friend but he has never been interested ...
A. 30 June 2009: Hi there,
I have a male best friend that I am attracted to but he is not attracted to me. We've been a "couple" in every sense of the word, not sexual, doing couples things together for the last 6 months. Neither of us has had a significant othe... (read in full...)
Am I overstepping where I shouldn't?
Q. My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years, and things are lovely. We have a great relationship. In the last 3 years we have moved and changed our circle of friends. My best friend (other than my husband) is a very gay man. There is ...
A. 28 June 2009: You are only overstepping in your mind. If it is as you say purely platonic then you have no worries. This friend of yours is probably feeling very fortunate to have a great friend like you. Not very many people would be as open as you've been. ... (read in full...)
He was feeling a bit "nostalgic" indeed!
Q. I had dated a guy about five years ago - Our relationship lasted about 1 year. We were very passionate and I felt like we got along well and had a lot in common. Well we broke up eventually and he met someone new about 4 years ago. I told him I ...
A. 28 June 2009: I think he is just feeling a bit anxious about the marriage and thought he'd just see what you're up to. It was very selfish for him to contact you knowing how you felt. Perhaps he just wanted to know that he was still vital for another woman ... (read in full...)
Help me understand what he is thinking. (BOYS help me with this one!)
Q. I have currently been in a LDR with my boyfriend for the last 8 months. We struggled but we made it work. Yesterday he moved back to my home town, and we had a great night.. I finally remembered why I loved him. The long distance was making t...
A. 27 June 2009: No you aren't over but if you want to have this relationship go the distance you both have to be a little more mature and open about your communications.
I am sure you know now that your anger burst where you said "it's over" was wrong but real... (read in full...)
Confused and hurt! Should I just move on?
Q. I've been with this guy for 5 years. Our relationship started out sexual (bad start huh?). Then it grew to love. He was my first love and I lost my virginity to him also. I was 20 years old. He later, after a year, decided in his mind he didn't want ...
A. 27 June 2009: I think you have to decide if you truly love this man or if you are in a pattern relationship. Sometimes it's hard to leave the first one because you don't know what's out there. Perhaps you think you'll never find someone as good. It's not a ... (read in full...)
How do you know when you can trust someone?
Q. Hey, how do you know when you can trust someone? My bf and I have been together 8 years, up until last year, when he broke up with me out of the blue. I'd had my suspicions about him before the split (started receiving cell calls late at night, ...
A. 20 June 2009: When you agreed to take him back, you agreed to trust him, or you should have.
I hope you two had a good discussion about the situation when you agreed to take him back. If you did not, it's not too late to do so. If he squirms about it then I w... (read in full...)
Is 22in waist reasonable for a 5ft 4in, 110 pound girl?
Q. I'm 5'4" and I weigh about 110-115 on average. My measurements are 34-25-35. My butt is kind of average to flat so most of my hip measurement comes from my actual hips, not my butt. I've always had kind of big hips in comparison to the rest of my ...
A. 18 June 2009: As the model person said...your bust and hips should be the same and your waist a good 10 inches smaller. As far as trying to control the natural tendency of your body...that will be a challenge. What I have found that if I lose weight, it always ... (read in full...)
How do I break the hold he seems to have on me?
Q. Hi, everyone! I need all of your insights and encouragement to walk away from a bad situation. And I really need to know what this guy wants from me. He's been pursuing me now off and on for over a year, and the dummy that I am keep allowing ...
A. 13 June 2009: I just want to add...
With my situation, I'v come to realize he only wants to know he can have me. But he doesn't really want me. By me saying yes I will go out with him, I am only feeding into his ego. Because yes...he too has a major self est... (read in full...)
How do I break the hold he seems to have on me?
Q. Hi, everyone! I need all of your insights and encouragement to walk away from a bad situation. And I really need to know what this guy wants from me. He's been pursuing me now off and on for over a year, and the dummy that I am keep allowing ...
A. 13 June 2009: Ouch...I am also in a very similar situation. Some guy has been playing with me for almost 2 years. I back away and ignore him and then he comes along and asks me out. It's a pattern. However, he has stood me up 3 times, the last time, just this ... (read in full...)
If we keep spending time together will it change his mind about a relationship?
Q. I still like my ex boyfriend, and i know now that he doesnt want to date me. When we talked about it, his exact words were "i dont want any relationships, i just wanna fuck." Do you think if we kept sending time together that he would change his ...
A. 13 June 2009: No, he will not change his mind because if he gets his way with you he will NOT respect you. If he doesn't respect you, he can not love you.
The best thing to do is to move on. Realize he is a cad for even asking you to do this. A good man woul... (read in full...)
I cant make up my mind!
Q. I can't make up my mind!!! I dated this guy for 4 years, nothing happened, we talked about marriage apparently only when he was drunk and feeling emotional. Anyways. I lost my job, he offered me one and now I am working for him making barely 1...
A. 13 June 2009: I agree completely with RCN. What came to mind for me is that you have TOO MANY options. How on earth will you ever get to know someone or experience togetherness when your main accomplishment is juggling?
I'm seeing two guys but I think th... (read in full...)
Love? lust? or Bust? Is my dream guy really a nightmare?
Q. I'm "seeing" my ex again after two years of back and forth where I'm always hurt. I'm not sure if this time is any different aside from him originating that we're "seeing" one another. I don't even know what that means. I met him Halloween 20...
A. 13 June 2009: While we are only giving opinions based on what you have said and we don't know his side of things but what stikes me as a very red flag is that he has left you a couple of times for someone else. The hot sex and comfortable relationship are not ... (read in full...)
Too skinny to date?
Q. Yeah, that's it. I'm 24 now and if you look at me, you'd think I stopped developing when I was 14. 6ft and only 135-140 lbs which apparently is a huge turn off for girls. I'm not going to say I've tried everything in order to gain weight...
A. 7 June 2009: I am personally attracted to men who are confident in who they are and it is very sexy with a man is comfortable with his body. So for me, it's all about how you carry yourself.
Yes, I will agree that there are women who are not into skinny g... (read in full...)
Do I just suffer through a broken heart?
Q. I met this guy about 9 months ago, and from the beginning he told me he was still in love with his ex, and hoped they would be back together someday, at that time they had been broken up for a little over a year. We decided to be friends, and ...
A. 7 June 2009: Let him go. In my opinion yes he does love you but he loves her more. You were a placeholder for her. He didn't intend on it and maybe if she never came around his feelings for you would have grown and he could have forgotten her but now you ... (read in full...)
Is something wrong with me? Do I only want the one I can't get?
Q. I lived with a man for 2 years but it was a re-bound relationship. He is a great man but 15 yrs older, treated me like a queen. We split up and we both had other relationships this was 3 yrs ago. I fell in love with someone else and am not quite ...
A. 7 June 2009: You need to decide what you want in a relationship and what you are willing to forgo. There is an attraction thing that is not there with the man who adores you and that is not a good foundation for a marriage. It's called settling.
Why do you h... (read in full...)
My wife has doubled in size, I've lost interest in sex..do I leave her to get her to get in shape?
Q. When I proposed to my wife she was 5' and a perfect size zero. She had lovely long hair and walked like a graceful lady. Exactly my type. Now after 15 yrs of marriage she's a size 14-16 w/ short hair and walks like a chimp. Doubling her weight ...
A. 6 June 2009: Nor do they stop loving someone when they get a cute spunky haircut. Lifestyle and hair changes make it easier and much more stylish for some of us to have short hair.
I agree. You are too shallow and have neglected this woman's inner beauty. ... (read in full...)
We had a second chance, but he says he likes me as a friend
Q. Ok so I like this guy and he lives about a hour away..we met when I was in 7th grade and thought he was really hot..we texted eachother a few times them kind of just stopped..I dropped my phone in a lake and lost his number..then this year I saw him ...
A. 6 June 2009: I disagree with the statement, friends equals no love. I have an opposite sex friend and we definately love each other, but we are not "in love." And, it's the one of coolest relationship I have.
How to build a friendship...Text casually... (read in full...)
An awful ordorless, goop comes out of my mouth, don't know what it is, any ideas?
Q. Hello DearCupid, I used to use this site quite often when I was a bit Younger when i needed Advice and found it Helpful, so maybe you All can help me with this occuring problem I've been having? I keep pulling out this white-ish Goop out of my m...
A. 6 June 2009: It does sound like a sinus infection or it could be thrush. Go to a dr. Believe me, they've seen it all.... (read in full...)
We had a second chance, but he says he likes me as a friend
Q. Ok so I like this guy and he lives about a hour away..we met when I was in 7th grade and thought he was really hot..we texted eachother a few times them kind of just stopped..I dropped my phone in a lake and lost his number..then this year I saw him ...
A. 6 June 2009: When we get the opportunity to build a relationship we should start out slow. Especially if you've had a hard break up. Don't just jump into a love relationship.
If you develop a friendship you will get the opportunity to get to know this guy... (read in full...)
She got feelings for me and our friendship is ruined!
Q. so im 16 years old and my teaching set changed this year and there was this girl that i didnt usually talk to, but this year she sits next to me (alphabetical) and i got to know her and i was nice to her but as a friend and she started to get ...
A. 5 June 2009: That's a hard one. Looks is in the eyes of the beholder. To have a relationship as she wants there has to be mutual attraction. I am guessing that is not the case for you towards this girl. If you care about her at all you will sit her down and ... (read in full...)
My husband seems to be starting his mid-life crisis
Q. My husband ,after years of neglect,started to change like crazy. He works out,looks at himself in the mirror, and very snappy with me. He wants to buy new shirts, and pants, he never ever wanted it before. He has a weird expression,on his face,a...
A. 30 May 2009: Hi there,
I agree with Britt, something has caused him to stop in his tracks and take stock of himself. Did he just have a physical where the doc said he's in trouble?
If he has gone out and bought new underwear, be very alarmed, especially i... (read in full...)
Women who have left their husbands..how did you finally make the choice?
Q. I know,it is a very hard question.. But I wonder, how those, who decided to leave their husband were making their choice? When is it really enough, even if it is, painful, and risky? And very unsure ,how it will be after.. Cheating ? Abuse ? What i...
A. 26 May 2009: Hi there....
I left a long term marriage that was dead. Similar to Country Woman, I am now friends with my ex and we get along great, more like brother and sister which was pretty much the way the marriage was too.
I left because I no longer li... (read in full...)
How can I get this young guy out of my head and concentrate on the older guy who gives me everything I want and more?
Q. Hi,can any one help me.Early last year i came out of a 10 yr relationship which i have a six yr old daughter from.The last few yrs my ex was quite abusive,so i had to bind my time to get out of.I have a good relationship with my ex now,and he is ...
A. 19 May 2009: I am proud of you! This time to refocus will be good and I think you will eventually come to find someone who can share your life with you. Excellent!!... (read in full...)
My much older boyfriend is engaged to another woman, but I know he really likes ME!
Q. Im 18 and the man im seeing is 34. we are smitten by each other... we see each other nearly every day, send over 100 texts to each other daily and cant keep our eyes off each other. I have never felt this way about anyone before! There is the small ...
A. 16 May 2009: He probably cares about you but I believe he will still get married. It is likely he is sowing some of his wild oats before he gets married. I'd have to really question his character at this point.
If it were me in this situation I would ou... (read in full...)
How can I get this young guy out of my head and concentrate on the older guy who gives me everything I want and more?
Q. Hi,can any one help me.Early last year i came out of a 10 yr relationship which i have a six yr old daughter from.The last few yrs my ex was quite abusive,so i had to bind my time to get out of.I have a good relationship with my ex now,and he is ...
A. 10 May 2009: Hi there,
I think you know yourself fairly well which is actually very good. I also think you are being very honest with yourself about the potential and future of the "go nowhere" relationship. I am not so concerned about the age but the sign... (read in full...)
How can I show my family that this guy has changed?
Q. I started dating my curent boyfriend about 5 months ago and my family hates him. I have known him since high school and I will admit he has had a troubled past. He has been charge with assault 3 times (from fights that stated at bar when he was ...
A. 6 April 2009: My dear, your man is the one who would be responsible for showing your family how he has changed. He will do this by his actions. How he cares for you, how he cares for your daughter and how he cares for himself. Nothing you can say or do will ... (read in full...)
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