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*earkelja agony aunt

*earkelja

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*earkelja's profile:

This site has been a wonderful experience for me. I hope that I have helped some of you in some small way.

I'll be back from time to time to help where I can. My focus for now is to get my life back to good. Thank you to those of you who have helped me along my journey. Your help, love and guidance have made me strong.

Be good all of you!

< Prev4567891011121314Next > [24 pages, 932 answers]

I'm wondering what walks of life the aunts and uncles come from?

Q.   Dear posters, I think its wonderful to have people from different walks of life, to be able to come here and look at others situations with a different set of eyes. its great! On to my question, I was left wondering what each and every one of you...

A.   27 September 2008: Hi, I have an undergrad in marriage and family social science and a masters in business. I am an internal company consultant and I also work with our suppliers and customers. I have a teenager and am divorce now a year. I am in my fourties. ... (read in full...)

I don't feel I'm good enough for her and this is getting me really depressed.

Q.   i have just entered me first real relationship, but i have major confidence issues. the girl i am going out with is amazing, i love her, but i dont feal that i am good enough for her and that she can do far better than me and it is getting me realy ...

A.   27 September 2008: She chose you so buddy, tow the line. Why do you feel like you have to make her decision for her. Maybe she sees more goodness in you than you give yourself credit for. Just be the best person you can be and enjoy the relationship before you ... (read in full...)

An older woman who broke my heart, is dating someone else yet I still want her back.

Q.   I started dating a woman approximately a dozen years older than me. She was fresh out of a long marriage. We had a very strong relationship and she said she loved me and did all sorts of romantic things to back it up. The problem was we had me...

A.   27 September 2008: Hi there, Regarding the relationship you had, I do think it meant more to you than to her. The fact that she wasn't proud enough of you to have the relationship be "shared with the world" is a little concerning. I also think that her refusal to b... (read in full...)

Why do I still feel sad about him? For 4 months he put me through hell!

Q.   I finally broke things off with my emotionally abusive boyfriend a few weeks ago. During our short relationship (4 months but we've known each other for years), he put me through hell and also had some 'dark secrets' he told me. Well, one of those ...

A.   26 September 2008: This man did a number on your self esteem. Realize that the way to get back at him is to be strong and to realize that you are a wonderful person who deserves someone so much better than him. You broke it off...good for you. Do not think about ... (read in full...)

Does the fact that he is missing me means that he loved me??

Q.   I had a relationship for about 10 months with the perfect man, he's really smart (a scientist) and so nice to me, he gave me flowers and all tipe of presents for no reason, he cooked for me every time we were together, treated me like a princess. ...

A.   26 September 2008: I am venturing a guess that this man is lonely. When a man is lonely he recalls the wonderful woman he dusted off. I think he did care about you and I do think he does miss you. It also sounds like he has had some issues with his self esteem. A ... (read in full...)

I want to tell her that I'm not interested...but how can I do this in the nicest way possible??

Q.   Alright, so I'm wondering if there's a nice way of breaking it to a girl that you're not interested. Back in June I hooked up with this girl at a party, and all we ended up doing was kissing, because she said she wanted to take it slow, which I th...

A.   26 September 2008: If you want to do the kind gentlemanly thing, you should phone her and apologize for calling her up the other day and tell her that you are not wanting to get involved in a relationship. Tell her that you don't want to be tied down to one woman ... (read in full...)

Fight for him back or just move on without him?

Q.   Alright,my boyfriend just left me for another girl.He gave me no reason why he left me. This girl that he is with now is pregnant by his uncle.I told him that i am pregnant and he told me that he dont care to loose his number. I thought by him ...

A.   26 September 2008: If this man has chosen another woman and you are carrying his child I think you need to fight for your baby's rights before you fight for this man. He will owe you financial support for this child that you will raise without him if you chose to do ... (read in full...)

We are trying to work things out but I found out he's contacting other women! Advice?

Q.   I just found out that the man that I've been trying to work things out with had been reaching out to other women, and most importantly the day before he left Iraq to come home to me, as I thought. He's now in treatment to deal with so many things ...

A.   24 September 2008: My dear, I am so sorry for your hurt and your loss. I am really at a loss for words to tell you because I just can't imagine how you are feeling. It does seem like this man has drained his emotional bank account with you and he has left you high... (read in full...)

Is it OK to still care for eachother in this situation?

Q.   I'm in the Army with 2yrs left the guy I met is in the Navy with 5 yrs left, we met up here on deployment, we've only known eachother for a month, when we leave deployment he will go back to his base in N.M and I'll go back to GA, the dilemma, we ...

A.   24 September 2008: It does seem that he has some feelings for you and it also seems he is protecting himself from a) getting your hopes up and b) getting himself hurt again. Take things slow for now and see where it goes. Do you know what his mental state is after ... (read in full...)

Where did I go wrong?

Q.   I have a guy friend who ive been friends with for two years.He was always there for me,giving me advice when i needed it wnd we'd hang out from time to time. I went thru a horrilble breakup in feb and he was there for me through that too. About tw...

A.   20 September 2008: It sounds as if this fella liked the chase. Once he had you where he wanted you his true colors came through. I do not think it is fair for him to ask you to go back to the way things were because you can not. Things advanced and there are bitter ... (read in full...)

I can't even afford to eat a cookie, and he's brought up the subject of getting me plastic surgery for my stomach and breasts!!

Q.   My husband stood me up while i was in labor. I'm still really upset about it. When I was in the early stage of labor (when you're just waiting for the contractions to come closer together) my husband left me alone to go out drinking with his ...

A.   20 September 2008: Well, this selfish man is now a father, right. Does he help you with your baby? Does he contribute to the relationship in any way at all or is he completely there for himself? This is a man who has no clue what you just went through for him to h... (read in full...)

We are trying to work things out but I found out he's contacting other women! Advice?

Q.   I just found out that the man that I've been trying to work things out with had been reaching out to other women, and most importantly the day before he left Iraq to come home to me, as I thought. He's now in treatment to deal with so many things ...

A.   20 September 2008: If your man is being treated for mental illness it is possible that the contact he is making with these other women is a symptom of unhappiness or depression. Sometimes we need other people (of the opposite sex most of the time) to validate our ... (read in full...)

Did any of you girls find your prince charming after jerks like this?

Q.   I have been with this guy that I lost my virginity to for a couple of months. He told me that he was studying to be a lawyer and therefore too busy to have a serious relationship, but i foolishly kept sleeping with him hoping that he will change his ...

A.   20 September 2008: Well, I am impressed. Many times girls in your position don't figure it out until the guy dumps them. I think it's awesome that you have taken things in your own hands. You decided this guy was not giving you what you needed and so you broke it ... (read in full...)

He golfs every weekend and I am tired of feeling lonely at the end of the week!

Q.   I have a live in boyfriend of 2 years who golfs every weekend without any thought of me. If I ask what's up, he becomes irate and tells me I am a control freak and he doesn't need permission. I am tired of being lonely, any suggestions?...

A.   14 September 2008: The two of you need to work out some kind of compromise. My EX used to fish every weekend, gone friday night and not home until Sunday night. Then he hunted. The he got the golf bug and golfed on Saturday and Sunday. Forget going out in the ... (read in full...)

My partner went to prison for attacking me and then I had an affair. Should I break up our family for this guy?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend (let's call him John) for 5 years, we have 2 children together. Last year he went to prison for 4 months for attacking me . I held out and was faithful to him but since he's been home I just don't fancy him. We n...

A.   14 September 2008: All of us here give advice from our own perspectives and based on our experiences. You are very young and you are married to a man who attacked you. No wonder you are not feeling lovingly towards him and no wonder you found yourself in someone ... (read in full...)

Guy blew me off so I sent him an apology! He said he'd get back to me..what does this mean?

Q.   Well this guy that i dated kind of blew me off, so I sent him this really cool apology letter. and I text him and ask did he get it and he said yes, he's thinking he will get back to me. What does that mean?...

A.   12 September 2008: I think the guy is repeating his previous behavior, he is once again blowing you off.... (read in full...)

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and he's just told me he's married, but separated for the past 11 yrs.

Q.   I have been involved with my boyfriend for 3 years now, and he has just told me he is married but separated for the past 11 years to the women I thought was just the mother of one of his children. We live in North Caroline and she lives in ...

A.   12 September 2008: I have a friend who fell in love with a man in a very similar situation. He did divorce his wife for her and they are now married. The guy didn't go through with the divorce in the beginning because he didn't have a reason to and because his ... (read in full...)

Would a woman find a love letter touching even if she doesn't fancy the sender?

Q.   Hi. Just wanted to know whether love is fickle. Allow me to go into slightly more details! If a woman receives a love letter from someone she fancies, she may well like him even more - correct? If the very same words came from someone she does not...

A.   6 September 2008: First, what's a psuedo love letter? Second, if you like this woman then you need to find a way to be comfortable in her presence and find ways to show you that you like her. For me, when a guy avoids me and acts aloof around me I figure he is NOT ... (read in full...)

Does this guy have issues?

Q.   Very strange guy i am thinking. See what you think. Were in same yr at school, met up on facebook few weeks ago, met in person 2 weeks ago tomorrow for a drink in the day. I went out with mates that night, he txt saying pop round on way home, i ...

A.   6 September 2008: I think that you two are not communicating well. To me, you've sent him a message twice that seemed to indicate to him (rightfully so) that he is looking for action with you. You are the one who brought up those thoughts. When someone does that ... (read in full...)

How can I show him I want to move up into our relationship without freaking him out?

Q.   I have a good male friend - I would say our relationship is somewhere between friends and lovers. We only see each other occasionally, although I see him as part of my work at least once a week. Last year he needed me more because he was coming out ...

A.   4 September 2008: I agree, just keep it at the friends level and let him make the moves. He is the one who has been through the bad times and he will make his move if and when he is ready. If you push him he will scare away. Enjoy what you have and secretly wish ... (read in full...)

Is Sarah Palin a suitable candidate for VP?

Q.   [Part of a DearCupid series on the forthcoming Nov 08 presidential election] Sarah Palin, John McCain's choice for vice-president, is a strict anti-abortionist, pro-guns and against sex-education. Her 17 year old daughter is now pregnant. ...

A.   2 September 2008: Yes..she is as qualified as most and more qualified than many. To compare her qualifications to Obama's (which is going on here in the US) is wrong. They are not running for the same position. Regarding the Government getting involved in peopl... (read in full...)

Should I tell this man I fancy him, I'm 15 years older than him!

Q.   Hi i am not sure what to do, i fancy this guy at work but i am 15 years older than him,i dont think he feels the same one minute he will speak the next not i am just the same.Now do i sit him down and tell him perhaps making a fool of myself and ...

A.   1 September 2008: Given the situation, age difference and working together, perhaps just try to develop the friendship. It could be that yes, he has feelings for you but then he feels like he shouldn't because of the age difference. He could also be getting teased ... (read in full...)

We only have sex when he wants to and in his manner, friends say he is using me, what to do?

Q.   Another weekend and I am feeling sick - my bf and I have been together for 3 yrs - since July things have been rocky when I confronted him about advertising himself on the sex friend sites. He has his girls who are 11 and 13 hating me and he ...

A.   1 September 2008: Exactally why would you want to stay with this loser? He doesn't care about you. There is someone out there who will treat you way better. Tell him to let the door hit him in the ass on the way out.... (read in full...)

Should we call it quits after 7 years?

Q.   Hello all you experienced people, My relationship..., seven years engaged a couple ago. 5 kids between us although hers are gone, moved in for a bit but because of lawyers and child support laws she moved out. we still get along well and enjoy t...

A.   1 September 2008: I'd be more concerned that she doesn't want to get to know your kids after 7 years. And you say she doesn't come to your house? Sounds a little like a one-sided relationship and more like you have a friend and not a life partner to me. Whether or ... (read in full...)

I want to meet someone new and have a sex life, but the problem is that I have herpes!

Q.   Picked up a nasty virus called Herpes over 20 years ago ... the 'lady' in question 'forgot' to mention it! Told my wife before we married ... she accepted it ok , but we never had a really good sex life ... i didn't want her to get it. Right now...

A.   1 September 2008: To add to Babyduck, the medication will also work to prevent giving the virus to your potential partner. Get some education on the statistics, lots of folks have this virus and it is more common that you think. People have all kinds of issues a... (read in full...)

I didn't want to have sex with him and he went ballistic!

Q.   Please help me im so heart broken. Should i stay or not? We went to the museum today everything was so fun.. When then he said lets go to (his friends names house) and he wanted to have sex but his friend was home. So i didnt want to of cours...

A.   1 September 2008: What this man did to you is abuse. He does not love you, you are a mere posession to him. I understand exactally why you did not want to have sex with his pals in the next room. Intimacy is something that is between the two of you, not the two of ... (read in full...)

What is my boyfriend trying to say to me by saying nothing?

Q.   i have been in a loveless marriage for 5 years. He has been dating other women and i began dating a man 2 years ago. We stay living together only for convenience and we are working on separating sometime next year. anyway, I am totally in love ...

A.   30 August 2008: No-one can say what is going on with him but there are some indications that he is wanting a cooling off. I'll just list them and comment. 1) He isn't concerned about, nor does he respect your feelings. In a solid relationship this would have been... (read in full...)

Wasting money on birth controle because my partner is no longer as interested in sex!...

Q.   me and my bf of 3yrs have a 1yr old. He still slaps my butt and feels me up but gives me nothing in bed. For the past year and a half sex is only once a month, maybe!!! . I'm angry . I have to tell him I want it !! but all he does is dry hump me ...

A.   29 August 2008: There is nothing wrong with you. The question you need to be asking is what's wrong with him. Is he stressed, tired, wants to be damn sure he doesn't have more kids? The two of you need to have a meeting of the minds on your sexual compatibility. ... (read in full...)

Will he ever contact me again?

Q.   I met this guy 3 months ago and I really fancied him. We were seeing each other once a week and spent some time on the phone. Two weeks ago he invited me to teatro. He was acting strangely, I mean he was quite nervous. After the show we went out ...

A.   29 August 2008: None of us here can answer that question. But if it has been over a week (has it been 2?) since he's contacted you, it is highly unlikely that he will call. I don't think it was because you were quiet. How was the conversation when he drove you ... (read in full...)

Years after our marriage I find out he's my half-brother!

Q.   What would you do if you met a guy started going out with him than years later you got married to him and found out that you had the same dad....... What would you do? stay together? seperate? or see each other as brother and sister? ...

A.   29 August 2008: If you are happily married then I see no reason you can not continue with the marriage. If this news upsets you to the point where it is affecting your marriage then I think the two of you need to have a heavy conversation. Remember that this ... (read in full...)

I'm on the verge of telling him to get lost because he never contacts me!

Q.   I really like my partner and if we were to split up I would really miss them and be very upset but I am so tired of them never contacting me.. Reply, yes! but actually make contact, sadly no! We live over an hour away so ony get to see each other at ...

A.   27 August 2008: I am attempting to tip you over the brink. I do think if he cared he would call. He isn't thinking of you, you aren't foremost on his mind so he doesn't call. You deserve better. Believe me, I was in your shoes and everyone on this site told me ... (read in full...)

I feel confused, lost and alone

Q.   Hi I'm 23, and have been with my fiance for 2 and a quarter years, we met in my workplace when I was 20 and she was my first girlfriend, being overweight, and a bit of a reclusive person I had, and still have almost no self esteem. Due to this ...

A.   27 August 2008: I think you should invest in seeing a doctor who can maybe pinpoint what the issue could be in the sex department. It could be stress or preformance stress but it could also be a medical issue. I think she is getting frustrated as this isn't ... (read in full...)

How do I balance all this without going crazy?

Q.   I hope someone can give me good advice. 3.5 years ago I divorced the father of my two girls (Guy #1), ages now are 21 and 15. 2 years ago I married someone else (Guy #2), he has 4 children, but one is grown (in his 30's) and the other 3 live wit...

A.   26 August 2008: What I am finding is that the men who want us are a little younger-say 5 years. It's ok with me because I tend to keep active and fit and "withit". Look at Madonna. She should be your role model...of a 50 something woman whose got it going on... (read in full...)

I ended the relationship but she was so friendly in the previous months before she suddenly stopped contact. What's happening to her?

Q.   Hi My ex of 5 months has stopped contacting me. I ended the relationship. However, we has stayed friends and every few weeks catch up. Now in the past month ive head nothing from her and the email reply i got before that was fairly short and poli...

A.   26 August 2008: You did end this relationship. Your expectation for her to remain friends long term was idealistic. In order for her to move on and hopefully find someone new, yes, she probably does need to end the friendship. Yes it is possible she met someone ... (read in full...)

I have a lost love, and dreamin for when the morning comes...please help.

Q.   My ex girlfriend and i began dating at the beginning of college had a fabulous 3 years, so we decided to move in together. Things were great at first, So after a year of living with her, the relationship started to break down. Everyday life and ...

A.   26 August 2008: Get a job, get a license, get your life in order and SHOW her that you have changed for the better and that you can be a responsible adult who can take care of himself. If she is still checking your myspace, she must still care. But sometimes, we ... (read in full...)

He is about to leave his 12 year old to live with a woman with 3 children who has no respect for him. How can I convince him?

Q.   there is somebody in my life who i care for immensely, i am not in love with him. He is having a long distance relationship from the uk with a girl 10 years younger than himself in the usa. He works hard in order to sopport her and her 3 children, ...

A.   26 August 2008: Well, the relatives don't need to like his mother to see him and to maintain contact with him. They shouldn't take this out on the 12 year old and if they do...that is THEIR choice.... (read in full...)

Are there any undamaged women left?

Q.   I'm sick of trying to get along with a grown woman these days. Every woman I've known just makes the same mistakes in life for the same reasons. I don't even want to keep trying to find anyone different anymore. How do I find a grown adult ...

A.   26 August 2008: We are out here, just waiting to find the right guy. Many of us do not shove our past in our new partner's face so somehow you're just meeting the wrong women. We all have a past, not to get over but to understand. We all have issues, and I fo... (read in full...)

My boyfriend dumped me to go find himself. How could he just walk away so easily?

Q.   Dear Cupid, My boyfriend of fours recently dumped me two weeks ago. He said he needed to find himself, although he is 22 years old. Our relationship was a on and off one but this has been the longest time within the four years that we have not...

A.   26 August 2008: I think this time is good for you too. Why don't you spend the time finding yourself. There is always a reason for a relationship to be on and off again so in my opinion, this one just wasn't right for you. Think about what you want in a guy, ... (read in full...)

How do I balance all this without going crazy?

Q.   I hope someone can give me good advice. 3.5 years ago I divorced the father of my two girls (Guy #1), ages now are 21 and 15. 2 years ago I married someone else (Guy #2), he has 4 children, but one is grown (in his 30's) and the other 3 live wit...

A.   26 August 2008: I am kind of in your shoes so the advice I am giving you is what I would do. Ditch guy #2. You don't need the added emotional and financial stress. Sounds like guy #1 could get your daughter just because of what guy #2 is doing to both you ... (read in full...)

Some cracks have appeared in our relationship.....is she cheating?

Q.   With complete strangers thinking the same as I did in reference to my previous question posted I realise I did see exactly what was happening. I would like to hear what more people think. I met my girlfriend via a dating site in early 08. We rea...

A.   26 August 2008: I agree, she had no reason to be harsh with you...unless she was caught in the affair. If the guy I were dating had stopped by there would be no reason not to let him in at least only for a moment. (By 8 months he would know not to expect tip top ... (read in full...)

I ended the relationship but she was so friendly in the previous months before she suddenly stopped contact. What's happening to her?

Q.   Hi My ex of 5 months has stopped contacting me. I ended the relationship. However, we has stayed friends and every few weeks catch up. Now in the past month ive head nothing from her and the email reply i got before that was fairly short and poli...

A.   26 August 2008: Sometimes we maintain a friendship out of routine and also because it helps curb the breakup hurt. Once the realization hits that it's over, we can't really move on while maintaining the friendship so we move on and the contact becomes less and ... (read in full...)

He is about to leave his 12 year old to live with a woman with 3 children who has no respect for him. How can I convince him?

Q.   there is somebody in my life who i care for immensely, i am not in love with him. He is having a long distance relationship from the uk with a girl 10 years younger than himself in the usa. He works hard in order to sopport her and her 3 children, ...

A.   26 August 2008: I can appreciate your sincere friendship and concern for this man. However, as you said, he is 42 years old and what he does, he will be responsible for. Life's lessons aren't always learned at a young age. He is about to learn a lesson that will ... (read in full...)

Is it OK to still care for eachother in this situation?

Q.   I'm in the Army with 2yrs left the guy I met is in the Navy with 5 yrs left, we met up here on deployment, we've only known eachother for a month, when we leave deployment he will go back to his base in N.M and I'll go back to GA, the dilemma, we ...

A.   2 November 2007: Given your age and the fact that both of you will be living the same kind of life you may have a better chance than most. You'll both understand the sacrifices you've made and emotionally you'll both be going through the lonliness together. If you ... (read in full...)

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