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... Send *earkelja a private message | | | *earkelja's profile:This site has been a wonderful experience for me. I hope that I have helped some of you in some small way.
I'll be back from time to time to help where I can. My focus for now is to get my life back to good. Thank you to those of you who have helped me along my journey. Your help, love and guidance have made me strong.
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He said the nicest things but hasn't called in over a week..is this a hint??
Q. Greetings everyone!! Well I've met what seems to be an incredible man 3 weeks ago and at first he seemed very into me. We went out to dinner twice and had a coffee the third time together. He said the nicest things to me, like "he'd never been...
A. 4 February 2008: I'm sorry to hear this. I think it was very nice of him to call you to explain. At least you know if was nothing you did or didn't do. I think you probably have a fair amount of respect for him too and now you have a measuring stick to gage your ... (read in full...)
He said the nicest things but hasn't called in over a week..is this a hint??
Q. Greetings everyone!! Well I've met what seems to be an incredible man 3 weeks ago and at first he seemed very into me. We went out to dinner twice and had a coffee the third time together. He said the nicest things to me, like "he'd never been...
A. 3 February 2008: Please write us all back because I for sure am interested in what happens. I'm kind of going through a similar thing. Part of me is thinking he isn't interested but I know in my heart that he is but the he too is intimidated by me, which he said. ... (read in full...)
In love with my ex-husband's old friend... how do I make him realize how much HE cares?
Q. My ex-husband's old friend moved in with us last year. We have become very close. My divorce was final at the end of last year and he stayed at my house after my ex-husband moved out. He was NOT the reason for my divorce as there were soooo many ...
A. 3 February 2008: If you have already told him in a letter that you fell in love with him then I would say that the ball is clearly in his court.
As for how you act from here on forward, you need to be sure he knows you will remain his friend. It could be that he ... (read in full...)
How can I make this feeling go away?
Q. Please help me I'm in a state. I'm really in love with someone who I had a serious conversation with tonight I now know there is no point whatsoever of trying with him anymore, he has told me he hasn't got feelings for me and never will. Hard to ...
A. 3 February 2008: I am going to suggest that you embrace your pain. Reel it in and let it take you to a far reaching world where everything is bleak. Cry your heart out. When you can cry no more tears I would like you to realize that this pain is the counterpart to ... (read in full...)
A question for mothers out there.
Q. I was wondering for mothers who have more than 1 child..did you get more stretch marks with the 2nd baby, or is all the damage pretty much done after the 1st? I have a 10 month old and I am due next month to have another baby. Also, does it hurt ...
A. 3 February 2008: I only have the one child but I don't have a single stretch mark and I attribute that to using lotion every day. My nurse told me to do this. I used Vaseline Intensive Care with Vitamin E. ... (read in full...)
Why won't he call?
Q. I have been talking with my new love interest - a man who so far I like a lot. We have had at least 10 phone calls. I must say that I have initiated around 7 of these phones calls... I called him first. I made the last 3 calls... ending ...
A. 2 February 2008: I think you should not contact him and see if he initiates any kind of contact. If he does not then he wasn't really all in this relationship anyway. I know these are hard words to hear but they were said to me long ago and I didn't listen. ... (read in full...)
I'm an emotional mess here! Help!
Q. Ok, I have a problem, and sorry if this gets long, but it's really bothering me. I've been with my boyfriend (we'll call him D)for almost 7 months and we've been friends for three years. He's very loving and a great boyfriend and just all around ...
A. 2 February 2008: I can understand your being upset over giving up your virginity to someone who doesn't value the importance. I'm trying to think if the guy I gave mine up to did and I don't think he did either, but it didn't bother me. I don't think you should ... (read in full...)
Does he still want to be with me?
Q. My boyfriend and i have been dating for 4 years and living together for 3 years. But at the moment i am unemloyed and we fight about it a lot, he calls me useless and say i do nothing I have apllied for work in 7 different jobs, he still fights ...
A. 2 February 2008: If somebody called me useless I'd be deciding whether or not I wanted to be with them. So you don't have a job, you are actively trying to get a job. That is not useless. He doesn't sound very supportive to me and if he gets wigged out and ... (read in full...)
Is it really wrong or should I just get over it?
Q. I'm in a serious relationship with a guy who's 22 and I'm 19. We've been together for 7 months. He's very sweet, kind, emotional and just all around a good person. He's always willing to help me and I know in my heart that he really loves me. ...
A. 2 February 2008: There are a couple of things I want to say to you. He was honest with you. He told you because he is having trouble forgiving himself. He didn't need to tell you. I agree that it was wrong, wrong and wrong on so many levels. I think he knows ... (read in full...)
Confusing me with mixes signals.
Q. Hi. Just wanting some advice on a work/ relationship problem. I have been working at my current job for over a year now and last week we had a work party, which was the first one I had been to at this company. My problem is that i ( along with ...
A. 2 February 2008: I do not think it is a good idea to date your boss. In fact, depending on the laws in your country she may have already crossed the line with you and could loose her job over it.
Most likely alcohol played a factor in what went on and it would be... (read in full...)
Has he lost interest in me after having sex??
Q. I have been dating this guy for a while. We finally had sex with him a week ago. Now he dosn't call as much and dosn't seem too interested in me. Was he just using me? ...
A. 2 February 2008: We need more thatn these four sentences to assess what is going on. What was the relationship like before? How long have you been dating? Has he been pushing for sex all along and you finally caved and now he is not calling?... (read in full...)
Torn between two men and when something goes wrong I always run to the other one.
Q. I have two men in my life and can't choose between them. It is causing me great turmoil, so much so, I have lost my job and I am overall not handling things well. I had (guy 1) as the end all be all. Completely fallin' in love with him and wanted t...
A. 2 February 2008: Take a good clear look at the two men in your life and really you need to choose which one, if either of them, you want to be in your life. It could very well be that neither of them are good enough for you but that you are just hanging onto them ... (read in full...)
19, I totally lost my sexual desire 2 years ago. Any advice?
Q. I am now 19 years and I totally lost my sexual desire 2 years ago. I also consulted a doctor who checked my hormone that appeared to be normal. Whats my problem and how can I solve it? ...
A. 1 February 2008: Are you too busy? Are you with someone you love and would like to be intimate with? Are you depressed at all? Are you stressed out? Do you get enough excercise? There could be many things going on. Did the doctor do anything besides look at ... (read in full...)
Does my ex still love me, or is he just after my money?
Q. Hi!please help me,last monday i call my x-bf coz i just try if he answer the phone coz i missed him then he did,he talk that we almost 5 months for being together if we dont broke up...so last tuesday we meet and then i give him a money to help ...
A. 1 February 2008: You have let your heart lead but I think your head is trying to tell you the truth. This man is not a good man. I think he did want your money. There are too many good men out there to waste any more time on this dude. Time to move on.
Take ... (read in full...)
We are having problems but I don't want to lose her.
Q. i have been dating my g/f for about 4 years and we were so comfortable with each other that we started picking out children's names and planned on moving in together and establishing our lives together. eventually though, within the past year, i got ...
A. 1 February 2008: You have a lot going on right now. Focus on getting through graduation. Don't make any decisions until your mind is clear. Sometimes when you are in a gray mood everything is gray. Your feelings about your shitty retail job (your words) could be ... (read in full...)
Is she just too high maintenance?
Q. Nemo solus satis sapit...or two heads are better then one. That is one of favorite latin proverbs, and thats why today I am sending this letter/question out. First off, and I'll do my best to keep this short, altought certain insight is required...
A. 1 February 2008: I do not think this is a healthy relationship. When looking for someone you should always make sure they have friends, this shows you that they have the ability to have a life separate from your togetherness. Someone who does not have friends will ... (read in full...)
Is he having or had an affair?
Q. This is an update to a post i put on dated 18.12.07 regarding a "Happy Birthday" text sent to my husband. I have as advised kept an eye on things this month. There have been phone calls between him and her, which would be work related. Last Tu...
A. 29 January 2008: If you continue to monitor your husband like this and continue to have these mistrusting thoughts about your husband you will drive him right into the arms of another woman. Because after all, he'd hate to disappoint you but not having the affair ... (read in full...)
I'm in the Navy , she wants to take it slowly, is this a real relationship?
Q. Here is my situation, I am currently in the Navy, which i dont think that this is a problem. But within the last 6 months i have started talking to a girl that i dated in high school, i was very much in love with her at the time. Over the time we ...
A. 29 January 2008: What exactally do you mean by she wont make any effort. Does she see you, return your calls, email you? Does the relationship all feel one-sided with you giving and her just taking things as you dish them out but not contributing to move the ... (read in full...)
How do you do the rebound thing? I think it might help me get over my ex.
Q. About a month ago my bf and I broke up. We were very serious and the break up was very bad. I've been an emotional wreck for weeks, and cry literally every night. Recently I called to try to get him back, and he told me he's been going to bars, ...
A. 27 January 2008: too funny Lily Moll- I too have a txt file on my hard drive of my relationship gone to hell. It started in August and ended today. Mine wasn't a long term relationship like yours but the guy really took me for a loop. I found the list of reasons ... (read in full...)
How do you do the rebound thing? I think it might help me get over my ex.
Q. About a month ago my bf and I broke up. We were very serious and the break up was very bad. I've been an emotional wreck for weeks, and cry literally every night. Recently I called to try to get him back, and he told me he's been going to bars, ...
A. 27 January 2008: I don't think having a rebound relationship is a good thing for you right now. Give yourself a good cry and then make a list of all the reasons this break up is a good thing. For sure a long distance relationship is hard and now, your ex is ... (read in full...)
Your points on the happiness spectrum
Q. What were the most happy moments in your life so far? And what were the most unhappy ones? ...
A. 27 January 2008: Happiest...giving birth and being with someone I care about
Most Unhappy...breakups and deaths in the family... (read in full...)
Is it a lost cause falling for my co-worker?
Q. I work with a co-worker and i have fallen for her. Were becoming good friends and she's mention a few times that she would not date anybody that she works with. At this point i have not expressed how i feel about her. In someways i understand her ...
A. 27 January 2008: These days dating someone from work can bring a lawsuit or you could lose your job. I agree that life is too short but there are also plenty of women who do not work with you. Continue to be her friend and who knows one of you may get a better job ... (read in full...)
Overwhelmed by failed marriage
Q. I am 41 and going through a divorce after 25 yrs of marraige and im scared as heck and dont really know what life has in store for me and my daughter ...The Divorce is just really starting but he ask me in April I thought there was Hope But ...
A. 27 January 2008: I too went through a divorce and lived. I will not lie to you, there will be tough times. Make a list of your concerns and then work through them, like a project. Writing down your fears and confronting them with answers will help you not feel so ... (read in full...)
He seemed sincere!
Q. A week ago, I met a guy; we were both proctoring exams at our university. We talked a little before the exam, and exchanged a few whispers during the exam. Our areas of research seemed to overlap a little and he said he had some sources I should ...
A. 27 January 2008: It is possible to that he didn't recognize your email address and it went to his junk box and he just deleted it. Make sure you have a good title for the email that he will recognize.
... (read in full...)
He's confusing me
Q. I am looking for some opinions on my situation. I am 18 and work part time at a store with a guy who is 19, turning 20. Ive been working with him for about 8 months now. I really like him a lot, hes such a happy and positive person to be around, hes ...
A. 27 January 2008: I also think he likes you. You have probably made him a bit shy about asking you out since you are dating other guys openly and he likely thinks if you like him, you'd be saving yourself for him.
I agree with the other post. Try flirting... (read in full...)
We only ever go out on dates with his friends, the spark has gone! Please help!
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 4 months. We were set up by a mutual friend of ours. But since the first 2 dates we now always go out with four of his other friends (2 couples). The only time me and him actually get to have a co...
A. 27 January 2008: I am thinking that this relationship isn't going to progress much further in terms of what your needs are. This guy doesn't sound like he wants a real connective relationship with you, just someone to hold the corners down with his friends.
... (read in full...)
Loved one refuses to get help
Q. When a man leaves you for reasons of insecurity or committment issues, how do you convince him he needs help without outright telling him to? We broke up, but not because we don't love each other. Everyone said we were a perfect match. ...
A. 26 January 2008: In life I have learned that you can not change people who do not recognize they need change or if they don't want to change. He will have to come to the realization that he needs help-if indeed he does. It could be that he couldn't see the two of ... (read in full...)
My newly sober husband and a clueless boyfriend! Help!
Q. I'm at a crossroad here..My situation is tearing my heart apart and I need some advice from anyone who is willing to read this. Well I've been married for 3 years and my husband suffered a major car accident 7 years ago (before we met)ever since ...
A. 26 January 2008: You need to separate the two issues you have. You left your husband because of substance abuse. If you tried and tried to work with him on this and you couldn't be the rock he needed to straighten his life out then I think you were right to at ... (read in full...)
Lovesick for an old flame! Please help!
Q. I need advice on what will help as I've tried everything I can think of. When I was 15, I fell in love with someone my age and we stayed/lived together for 5 years, even got engaged. He loved me alot, we did everything possible in bed and were ins...
A. 23 January 2008: I would caution you that sometimes we remember our past with blinders. There was a reason things didn't work out and maybe things would be different now but I truly believe we need to live in the present. It's too bad your marriage didn't work out ... (read in full...)
What is the deal with him-is he afraid to have a relationship or what?
Q. I went out with this guy a couple of months ago and we really enjoyed being together. As I got to know him more, I found out that we had a lot in common. I have hinted to him that I would like to be more than just friends but he said that he just ...
A. 23 January 2008: I think you friend is focusing on his education right now. I knew a pre-med guy in college, same deal. He didn't want to date as he felt it could make him loose site of his goal. I don't see anything wrong with the relationship you have now. ... (read in full...)
I need help in seeing the reality of my own pain! What the most painful thing that has happened in your lives?
Q. What are the most painful things happened to you,,in your lifetime so far? I'm curious, what are the most hurtful things, what happened t others, and how they deal with it, as I feel, my life is full of pain, and everybody else seem to have smooth ...
A. 23 January 2008: We all endure pain to some level or another.
1) 15 was a bad year. Parents divorced, date raped on my very first date after arguing with my mom that I was mature enough to date. Moved away from my friends to a tiny city where I was an outs... (read in full...)
What would be the best thing for me to do?
Q. I am married but seperated for the past 8 years.Single Parent with a high profile job. Have had a serious relationship and broke off about 4 years back. I am choosy when it comes to dating and getting involved. Recently I started liking a colleagu...
A. 20 January 2008: This man's wife just had a baby. It is entirely possible that the sex life while she was pregnant was poor and that he looked on the outside to satisfy this need. Now that his wife has given birth it is likely their sex life will fall back in ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is becoming more distant - what is my next step?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years nearly and we've had some great times and some really bad times. I think trust is the biggest issue we have with each other. I'm almost 30 and trying to get into film as well but with no luck especial...
A. 20 January 2008: When we women start to feel as if the relationship isn't giving them what we need we turn inward and become distant with our partner. We talk to our friends. My guess is that if the contact was minimal when she was on holiday that it really gave ... (read in full...)
What does a smear test involve?
Q. Hello ladies, im due to go for a smear test soon and im really scared as ive never had one before. What exactly happens? Is it painful? Im very shy anyway and the thought of having this done makes me nervous. Any general info and advice would be ...
A. 20 January 2008: This would be a pap-smear which is used to test for pre-cancerous cells in your pelvic area. What will happen is they will put a metal like clamp into your vagina to open the area and they will then take a swab of the cells and put it in a lab ... (read in full...)
Is soap a good 'lube'?
Q. is it safe to have sex in the shower when soap is used as a sort of lub...
A. 19 January 2008: Can you say yeast infection? ... (read in full...)
Should I wait for him to say something as I don't want to scare him off.
Q. Hello agony aunts and uncles: A couple of years ago I met a guy online and we became good friends. Eventually, we sort of fell into a relationship, complete with the daily calls and "I love yous" and fidelity, etc. I would have gone to the ends...
A. 15 January 2008: OK, game playing was in reference to the lady who said you should wait for the man to say he loves you first. That is playing games. I did not mean that you were playing games. Sorry for the confusion. I was just saying that you should not feel ... (read in full...)
We are trying to enjoy our final months together but I am not always sure how he feels.
Q. I've been in a relationship for almost 2 years now with a man who is a fair bit older than me. He's my best friend, my first boyfriend and I am very much in love with him and am always trying to show how much he means to me. But, being a fairly u...
A. 14 January 2008: What is the reason you need to say goodbye in June? Is the relationship able to continue beyond that? I guess we need more information in order to tell you what to expect after June.... (read in full...)
Is there a way I can ease my loneliness without hurting my wife?
Q. I am caught between not wanting to hurt me wife and trying to easy my lonelyness. What do I do now? Is there a way to not hurt her and ease my loneliness? We are not and have never been soul mates. I respect her enough after 19 years, that I do...
A. 14 January 2008: Is there any way you can move your wife to an apartment where she doesn't need to drive but can take a bus or walk to work and for groceries? I think you are doing a good thing working with her to make her independent. It seems like she's been ... (read in full...)
Is there a way I can ease my loneliness without hurting my wife?
Q. I am caught between not wanting to hurt me wife and trying to easy my lonelyness. What do I do now? Is there a way to not hurt her and ease my loneliness? We are not and have never been soul mates. I respect her enough after 19 years, that I do...
A. 13 January 2008: Well, this is a bad turn for you. Your wife needs some help. Does she have any friends or family that can care for her or help her get through this lonliness? I think you need to settle this down before you proceed. Don't back down on your ... (read in full...)
Should I wait for him to say something as I don't want to scare him off.
Q. Hello agony aunts and uncles: A couple of years ago I met a guy online and we became good friends. Eventually, we sort of fell into a relationship, complete with the daily calls and "I love yous" and fidelity, etc. I would have gone to the ends...
A. 13 January 2008: My opinion is that life is too short to not say what you feel when you feel it. I'm not big on game playing. I think that sometimes people get the jitters when someone seems to be drawing them in too close. But to me, that means the person isn't ... (read in full...)
She asked me in a hypothetical manner if I'd marry her. Any thoughts?
Q. i am writng you guys cos i trust u.a while ago i wrote to you about a lady that was very close.she lives in glasgow and me in stoke.she is THE most amazing lady i have ever met.i'm 42 she 56.its only numbers.ok.yesterday. hypethetically, i think ...
A. 13 January 2008: If you are worried about the age difference I think you said it correctly, it is only a number. You both are mature enough to know what you want and if you both have feelings for each other then I say, "what's stopping you?" The discussions you'd ... (read in full...)
He blows hot and cold. Is it me or is it him?
Q. Hi. Me and my boyfriend have been together about 6 - 7 weeks and he's upset me tonight. He was being really weird on the phone with me - not talking much, being really quiet and he didn't say love you when I went and he always does. But when ...
A. 9 January 2008: The way you can tell how much a guy likes you is by how he reacts to you when he is with his friends. The fact that he is downright rude to you tells me he is not comfortable with his feelings. He was also disrespectful towards you by telling his ... (read in full...)
Is there a way I can ease my loneliness without hurting my wife?
Q. I am caught between not wanting to hurt me wife and trying to easy my lonelyness. What do I do now? Is there a way to not hurt her and ease my loneliness? We are not and have never been soul mates. I respect her enough after 19 years, that I do...
A. 30 December 2007: to quote from a poem I wrote many years ago
"my heart is in hiding from all damage done"
Yes, it is normal. Your head has taken over as it is not possible for your heart to get through this alone. So put your head into it, take your heart al... (read in full...)
Is there a way I can ease my loneliness without hurting my wife?
Q. I am caught between not wanting to hurt me wife and trying to easy my lonelyness. What do I do now? Is there a way to not hurt her and ease my loneliness? We are not and have never been soul mates. I respect her enough after 19 years, that I do...
A. 24 December 2007: If you've made this decision know that you have a tough road ahead of you. Don't waste another moment looking in the rear view mirror because you are likely to drive right past your future.
I truly believe there is a reason for everythi... (read in full...)
Is there a way I can ease my loneliness without hurting my wife?
Q. I am caught between not wanting to hurt me wife and trying to easy my lonelyness. What do I do now? Is there a way to not hurt her and ease my loneliness? We are not and have never been soul mates. I respect her enough after 19 years, that I do...
A. 23 December 2007: Well, I hit that wall and didn't want to hurt my husband either. But the fact is that staying with him was hurting him anyway and it was hurting me. I asked for and got a divorce. He was hurt beyond my imagination. But it is a temporary hurt and ... (read in full...)
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