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... Send *earkelja a private message | | | *earkelja's profile:This site has been a wonderful experience for me. I hope that I have helped some of you in some small way.
I'll be back from time to time to help where I can. My focus for now is to get my life back to good. Thank you to those of you who have helped me along my journey. Your help, love and guidance have made me strong.
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How can I show my family that this guy has changed?
Q. I started dating my curent boyfriend about 5 months ago and my family hates him. I have known him since high school and I will admit he has had a troubled past. He has been charge with assault 3 times (from fights that stated at bar when he was ...
A. 6 April 2009: My dear, your man is the one who would be responsible for showing your family how he has changed. He will do this by his actions. How he cares for you, how he cares for your daughter and how he cares for himself. Nothing you can say or do will ... (read in full...)
I'm 56 and searching for the right answers!
Q. i was married 27 yrs, divorced, regret it. remarried, a man that is an alcoholic and smokes about 3 packs a day. he shows no interest in me but that i bring home my paycheck and he has someone to keep the house from feeling lonely when he comes ...
A. 6 April 2009: Hi there, You are still young. The only person who is responsible for your happiness is YOU!! It doesn't sound like you are happy with your situation so change it. You are not being appreciated or loved. It isn't good enough to stay for someone ... (read in full...)
How do I turn my sex buddy into my boyfriend?
Q. I'm sort of seeing this guy at the moment, it started out as a 1 night stand back in January but recently we seem to be making a habit of meeting in the pub for a few drinks and then going back to his house. I guess you could call us 'sex buddies'. ...
A. 6 April 2009: To a guy, he figures you know the score and he's pretty pleased with the situation. No strings sex. I think in this case the relationship was founded on the one night stand and what you are having now is a serial one night stand. I don't think ... (read in full...)
We have a son together and he's been in contact with his ex girlfriend all along...
Q. Late 2007 I met this guy, we were both getting over our relationships, started hanging out a lot, comforting each other from our loss and one thing led to another but we both had an understanding that it wasn't anything too serious. About 5 months ...
A. 6 April 2009: Hi there,
I agree that both of you have some thinking to do. You have to decide if you can trust him again. The other thing you need to think about is if this man is who you want to spend your life with.
Sometimes when a baby arrives the ... (read in full...)
Your opinions needed here! Does he like me as a friend or more?
Q. This guy I’ve known for about five years (he’s actually a former college prof of mine; he is not married). We’ve really kept in touch since I’ve graduated, emailing and sometimes talking on the phone. He has been flirting with me since last summe...
A. 8 March 2009: Hey there,
My only advice to you is...try not to corner his feelings and make him commit. Guys hate that. Maybe a free and easy conversation but yes, try to get your feelings a little out in the open without scaring him off. I think these days... (read in full...)
Do actions really speak louder than words when first dating someone?
Q. Do you think its a bad sign if the person you are dating never commits to plans? OK, so I'm not a kid anymore, I'm in the later part of my 20's ... dating should be easier, more straight forward right? Well, I met this girl about a month ag...
A. 6 March 2009: Yeah! I am glad this is working out for you. Good luck.... (read in full...)
Your opinions needed here! Does he like me as a friend or more?
Q. This guy I’ve known for about five years (he’s actually a former college prof of mine; he is not married). We’ve really kept in touch since I’ve graduated, emailing and sometimes talking on the phone. He has been flirting with me since last summe...
A. 3 March 2009: Well, for sure if the relationship crashed, the friendship would be doomed. The age difference is significant but not insurmountable. However, I hear you saying you value the friendship and that he did hurt you at one point when you thought there ... (read in full...)
Do actions really speak louder than words when first dating someone?
Q. Do you think its a bad sign if the person you are dating never commits to plans? OK, so I'm not a kid anymore, I'm in the later part of my 20's ... dating should be easier, more straight forward right? Well, I met this girl about a month ag...
A. 28 February 2009: First, actions do speak louder than words. The fact that she is avoiding intimacy in the form of kissing after so many dates is a little concerning. Also, if she can not make advanced plans, maybe she is keeping her options open. I think another ... (read in full...)
Your opinions needed here! Does he like me as a friend or more?
Q. This guy I’ve known for about five years (he’s actually a former college prof of mine; he is not married). We’ve really kept in touch since I’ve graduated, emailing and sometimes talking on the phone. He has been flirting with me since last summe...
A. 28 February 2009: what is the age difference? I will tell you that when I was in my early 20s I dated a man who was 13 years older than I was and it was one of the best relationships I ever had. We would be married today but he was ready for marriage and kids and I ... (read in full...)
Your opinions needed here! Does he like me as a friend or more?
Q. This guy I’ve known for about five years (he’s actually a former college prof of mine; he is not married). We’ve really kept in touch since I’ve graduated, emailing and sometimes talking on the phone. He has been flirting with me since last summe...
A. 26 February 2009: hard to tell...if you just like him as a friend, why all the concern about what he feels for you. I suspect you maybe want more. If that is the case, and that's ok if it is, then you should let him do some chasing. Guys don't like forward women as ... (read in full...)
He got what he wanted from the start so why play this role?
Q. A year ago I got my heart broken by the first guy that I ever gave my 100 percent all to. After being with him almost every day for 11 months, I found out a day before his wedding that he was getting married to his ex girlfriend. I felt my world ...
A. 26 February 2009: Good luck to you and I am glad you have a friendship with this guy. Opening up is hard. Giving yourself up for a person is hard. Baby steps for you. Take it slow and you will be ok.... (read in full...)
Sexual issues--how much of a problem is this? Is it valid enough to leave?
Q. I am in absolute tears as I wrote this. I am married to a wonderful man who I have been with since I was 17. If this is a bit long please bear with me. The only problem we have ever had is the lack of sex in our relationship. He has pretty much ...
A. 24 January 2009: I will tell you that this situation will not change. I was asking myself this same question when I was your age and I stayed. I left when I was close to 50 when my looks AND my body are still the kind men lust after. So, two things to tell ... (read in full...)
Am I being too forgiving??
Q. I am wondering if I am being too nice by accepting my bf's apology? We are both 20 years old and have been going out for about 3 months. From when I first met him, I had a really good gut feeling about him, I felt he was genuine and the real thi...
A. 18 January 2009: The two of you haven't been dating that long, 3 months. Perhaps this 5 day party thing was his way of pushing back a bit on the relationship. I guess don't be too possessive of him at this stage and give him the benefit of the doubt about his ... (read in full...)
Problems with his ex-wife, I'm not allowed to see my step-daughter and our marriage is falling apart.
Q. I have been married for almost 2 years and have never met my 15 year old stepdaughter. Her mother won't allow it. My current husband's visitation has been reduced, by his ex, to daytime visits every other weekend as his daughter is not allowed in ...
A. 8 January 2009: I stand by my original post. This man needs to put his foot down. His daughter is being unreasonable and really he is doing her no favors by allowing her to continue with this behavior. I think the longer it goes on you will eventually become ... (read in full...)
He is asking me for no strings sex, what should I answer him?
Q. This guy is with me since 2 years ago. We have kissed and caressed each other. He is asking me for sex, but without love and emotions. On New year eve he called me up and again asked me for sexual relations. I said him that i love him, and i also ...
A. 3 January 2009: This does not sound like what you are looking for in a relationship. Time to find someone new as he is only wasting your time and for two years has not allowed you to go out there and find the man who will respect you and will be emotionally ready ... (read in full...)
Did I end up becoming a good friend and not girlfriend material?
Q. Hi there! Ok, I've gone out with this guy a few times. We have lots to talk about and joke around, talk sports, and have driven out for late, late night food cravings. I'm a little tomboyish.. guys love it! But this guy I'm soooo into... he text,...
A. 3 January 2009: I agree with Britt. He is being cautious. The statement that he gets in relationships too quickly means that this time he is taking his time to really get to know you before he puts his whole heart in it. That actually is a very self realized ... (read in full...)
Did I end up becoming a good friend and not girlfriend material?
Q. Hi there! Ok, I've gone out with this guy a few times. We have lots to talk about and joke around, talk sports, and have driven out for late, late night food cravings. I'm a little tomboyish.. guys love it! But this guy I'm soooo into... he text,...
A. 2 January 2009: Has he tried to kiss you? Does he talk about his girlfriends with you? It is never too late to change things. Try flirting. If all else fails, then you will have to ask him "if he thinks of you as a friend and if he's ever thought of you ... (read in full...)
Mixed signals after first date
Q. ok here goes..went out on somewhat of a blind date that was set up by a mutal friend..it wasn't so much blind b/c we exchanged pics and there was a mutal attraction. the date went great..we laughed and really hit it off..when i got home, she texted ...
A. 2 January 2009: How about a good old fashioned phone call. Call her up and ask her out on a date. Girls still do want the guy to initiate things. Maybe she is waiting to see just how much you are into her before she puts out any further emotions...
... (read in full...)
First date gone wrong - forget him or give him a second chance?
Q. Ok, so I met this guy for the first time..yeah our first date! I noticed a few things about him that I thought were rude, weird, hmmm I dunno you tell me. I go out of my way to cook a nice dinner since everything is closed late NYE. I figured it was ...
A. 2 January 2009: 1) he wasn't going to come over but he did-though he felt he had to tell you you he could take the offer or leave it
2) he is rude, have to pee, chews with mouth open
3) he is a pervert giving you lingeree on your first date
4) he is cheap-making... (read in full...)
Grief from loss of my daughter and pain from husbands confession to an old affair - how do I handle it all?
Q. Reading who am I? I walk alone 31th dec. prompted me to write to say how I feel at the moment. I have been married 38 years and blessed with 3 daughters. Sadly my daughter of 35 years died after a very sudden heart problem. The pain of losing her ...
A. 2 January 2009: I am very sorry for the loss of your daughter. Being a mother myself, I can not comprehend your pain.
Grief does different things for different people. For some of us it brings us close to our feelings and makes us raw. Your husband has been... (read in full...)
What gives you happiness?
Q. Hello everybody!!! Happy 2009! I was wondering ,what do you think, what is the most important thing in your life ,what gives you happiness? ?Is it something ,what you don't have? Or is it something ,what you think ,you will have one day? So ...
A. 2 January 2009: Happiness comes from within. So, what makes me happy?
My daughter and seeing her happy.
Knowing I have a family who love me and support me.
Knowing I have friends who love me and support me.
I would like to be in love with someone who loves me... (read in full...)
What's with the mixed signals?
Q. So I have this friend I've known for a few years. We're constantly in and out of one another's lives and most of our relationship is on the phone. I have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend but we do a lot of flirting and seem to love tlking about ...
A. 2 January 2009: A few thoughts come to mind. It could be that he feels safe flirting with you because you have a boyfriend. He may well be attracted to you but not even admit it himself. It is possible that he feels you are not attracted to him in that way.
... (read in full...)
He broke up with me to be single and focus on himself. What do you guys think?
Q. Hey everyone Me and my BF broke up about 4 months ago. I had no idea why. He just came one day and said, he wants to be single and he needs to focuse on himself. I was absolutely devastated. Our relationship was great as well as sex. I loved him...
A. 2 January 2009: I am sorry for your pain. Love has two main ingredients, people and timing. If the two are not working together then the romance will fail. I think this is a case of poor timing. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about it.
If it is fa... (read in full...)
I'm afraid that I'm going to ruin this fantastic friendship but I feel like after wanting him for this long, I need to know how he feels.
Q. I apologize in advance. This is a very lengthy question, but I feel it's really complicated so I shouldn't spare any important details. I am completely hooked on my best guy friend (Andy). He makes me smile and laugh all the time and I spend...
A. 21 December 2008: Hi,
I am in a similar situation right now. I have known the guy for 15 years and have been good friends with him for a few months. We are both now in a situation where we are not attached to anyone and we really enjoy each other's company. Ther... (read in full...)
He laughed and called me his "fuck buddy!"
Q. Hi People I'm finding this really hard, I've been split with my bf just over a month, and I'm still in contact as in friends and I still sometimes sleep with him in the car, Well last nite I went round his house for the first time since we sp...
A. 29 November 2008: For some reason, you are not the woman for him. He left you for an ex and now you are being used as he finds his next connection.
The reason he doesn't want to be with you may not be anything you can control and it doesn't mean something is wrong... (read in full...)
I think it's funny now... is it normal for me to think of it this way?
Q. About 9 months ago me and my boyfriend had a major fight as he lied about where he was one night, following it we both went on a night out with friends but seperately, and met up later, when we met up I caught him on the phone planning to meet up ...
A. 29 November 2008: I do think it is normal to be feeling a bit insecure about what will happen. However, in love you need to trust. So let him go and expect the best (that he will behave). In time, he will earn back your trust. And if he violates that trust again ... (read in full...)
My bf gets turned on by asphyxia and domination fantasies!..and it scares me!
Q. My boyfriend gets turned on by asphyxia and domination fantasies. I am aware that fantasies are harmless and did not worry unduly about this but he has recently incorporated putting plastic bags over my face when we are having sex. I know that he ...
A. 27 November 2008: Your boyfriend does not respect you. You have told him you do not want to do this anymore. Regardless of what sex act, if one partner says no, then the other partner needs to respect this. Here, your boyfriend has put his needs ahead of yours and ... (read in full...)
He got what he wanted from the start so why play this role?
Q. A year ago I got my heart broken by the first guy that I ever gave my 100 percent all to. After being with him almost every day for 11 months, I found out a day before his wedding that he was getting married to his ex girlfriend. I felt my world ...
A. 27 November 2008: I just want to clarify, the guy you are seeing Brad, he is NOT the one who was dishonest and saw you even though he was getting married, right?
So this Brad, he is the first guy you saw after your "breakup". I will tell you that you probably... (read in full...)
I don't think I love my husband anymore! Help!
Q. Hi I feel sick and utterly alone not being able to talk to anyone about my marriage. There is nobody I feel I can be absolutely honest with and the one person I should do my husband I don't want to hurt. We have been married 9 years and have 4...
A. 27 November 2008: Hi there,
Is there anyway the two of you could go seek some counseling together? For the partner, especially the one who is home alone with kids while the other partner leaves, there is a disconnection with not just him but with everything. How ... (read in full...)
He disappeared on me with no warning or explanation...
Q. Until 2 months ago I was dating a man for 1 1/2 years. Suddenly he disappeared on me without warning. He no longer called, wouldn't answer my calls etc, and I haven't spoken to him since then. I thought we were very close - we talked marriage - ...
A. 26 November 2008: I wouldn't say anything abusive about him. If anyone asks you could simply say "Bob and I are no longer dating." If they pursue more then "I'm not really sure, aren't the chicken wings spicy?" You're there to have a good time, not to ponder the ... (read in full...)
Why did he react this way when I asked about his children?
Q. I guy I´ve emailing quite long time now after we met in person 2 years back, I called him to say Hi since we are long distance and holidays are coming. I always knew he has 3 kids but I never knew much about them, or how old they are. So, I ask...
A. 26 November 2008: It is possible if the kids don't live with him that there is a sadness about that. But I agree with the others, you didn't ask anything out of line.... (read in full...)
If he liked me enough, he would've called right?
Q. I've known this guy for about 3 years now but we're not great friends or anything (we used to stay in the same apartment block and our friends know each other). If anything i have a small crush on him but he always plays coy and we have never been ...
A. 26 November 2008: I think he expected you to reply "ok". He was waiting for you to confirm this. No wonder the two of you can't get it together, your communication needs some work. When asking for a date, one should really talk person to person anyway so there is ... (read in full...)
Is she flattered or is she having second thoughts?
Q. Afternoon everyone! Recently I asked a woman out at work who unbeknownst to me at the time, was already seeing another guy (same place of work). In knocking me back she said in an e-mail that she 'must decline' my invitation. Is this different from ...
A. 23 November 2008: And yes, she was flattered. Any woman who was asked out would be.... (read in full...)
Is she flattered or is she having second thoughts?
Q. Afternoon everyone! Recently I asked a woman out at work who unbeknownst to me at the time, was already seeing another guy (same place of work). In knocking me back she said in an e-mail that she 'must decline' my invitation. Is this different from ...
A. 23 November 2008: I think you should find a way to be friends with this woman. I know it is uncomfortable but if you work your way back in as JUST FRIENDS the uncomfortableness will go away in time.
You can't worry about if she "wanted to decline" or "had to decli... (read in full...)
I like my boss, I think he feels the same, but we both have partners and he has kids!
Q. What do I do, the chemistry is there, the eye contact is there, we still blush even though we've been working together 3 months now. I think about him almost everyday and when he goes home on a friday im the last person he says goodbye to and he ...
A. 23 November 2008: Your choice, your job or a fling with this man who "doesn't have the time to marry the women with his kids". How in the world does he have the time for you?
Sounds like bad news. And yes, crushes can last for years.... (read in full...)
Is this for real?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been seperated from my husband for 13 months(pending divorce). 8 months ago I was sent to a nearby and familiar city for a 2 week training program. I lost weight, chopped my hair, and bought a new wardrobe. I was looking and feel...
A. 23 November 2008: Yes, he's for real. A real heartbreaker. You are right to continue to tell him "NO." The other poster is right, a date doesn't need to cost a lot of money. He has the HOTS for you. He doesn't know you like he should know you because he hasn't ... (read in full...)
Rushed into bed on the first date and now I think I've blown it...
Q. im a 18 year old guy and ive been on a first date with a 22 year old we got along fine but i rushed it too fast we ended up sharing a bed but we didnt have sex, alothe we dont mess around (foreplay). as you can imagine this killed the conversa...
A. 23 November 2008: You've asked him once and he was busy. Let him take the ball now. He knows you are interested. If you ask again he may think you're too pushy.... (read in full...)
Have I just messed up the signal-reading again?
Q. A good six months ago I met a woman at my evening class - although obviously I couldn't help noticing she was attractive, when we first started chatting I wasn't all that interested in romance (I've been happily single for a while now). Over t...
A. 23 November 2008: What I do is ask "so do you have big plans for the weekend?" or "did you do anything fun this past weekend?" This way you open the door for someone to mention a significant other. If they say something like, no no big plans, just going to sit ... (read in full...)
If he didn't want to be with me, wouldn't he just tell me upfront?
Q. i have a super huge problem me and my boyfriend (well ex i duno) have been together for 8 months. and for the past 8 months he has talked to me either by seein me text or email everyday. he texts me every morning before he goes to work because ...
A. 23 November 2008: I think you're going to have to play the waiting game for a bit longer. Then when he does get in touch, he will have an answer for you. I understand your concern if you've been in contact every day and now two days of nothing. He could have lost ... (read in full...)
Is she trying to do the right thing or is there another agenda here?
Q. Hoping people can give me a bit of a hand here. I broke up with a guy at the end of August. I was feeling bad about it for a bit but am much better now and am dating again and having fun. He has a new girlfriend. I have seen them together and I have ...
A. 23 November 2008: I think your friend didn't want you to say anything negative about this guy in front of his new girlfriend or her friends. Just wanting you to know who is who. Just being a friend.... (read in full...)
Am I crazy to feel this way please help !!!!!!!!!!!!
Q. What should I do? I’m 22 years old and married for about 4 months my husband and I have a 1 year old and another on the way. When I was pregnant with my son he wouldn't touch me. When I asked him to have sex it would be I’m tired. He would ...
A. 23 November 2008: I am sorry you are going through this. He has replaced you with the internet and of course you are feeling rejected and this hurts you very much. It will do a number on your self esteem, at a time when you are suppose to be the most beautiful ... (read in full...)
Problems with his ex-wife, I'm not allowed to see my step-daughter and our marriage is falling apart.
Q. I have been married for almost 2 years and have never met my 15 year old stepdaughter. Her mother won't allow it. My current husband's visitation has been reduced, by his ex, to daytime visits every other weekend as his daughter is not allowed in ...
A. 17 May 2008: The person who needs to put his foot down and support you is not doing so. I know he is in a very difficult situation but he needs to stop giving into his ex. I am assuming he is not good with conflict. He has married you and you are part of this ... (read in full...)
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