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... Send *earkelja a private message | | | *earkelja's profile:This site has been a wonderful experience for me. I hope that I have helped some of you in some small way.
I'll be back from time to time to help where I can. My focus for now is to get my life back to good. Thank you to those of you who have helped me along my journey. Your help, love and guidance have made me strong.
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One day passed after the break up - and I'm sorry for the things that will never happen... help!
Q. It has been one day since I broke if off with my boyfriend - I am kinda lost and dont know what to do - does anyone have any advice on how to keep moving and not be thinking about him? I knew I was going to be second guessing about the breaku...
A. 11 May 2008: You are going through a very lonely period right now. It is completely normal to go through that mental list of good things that will never happen again or will never happen at all, especially if you had all these plans. When you enter into a ... (read in full...)
She said it was 99% right, but something was missing...What does that mean?
Q. Hi all, Over the last month I have been in touch with a woman from a dating website. We have clicked really well on emails and then on the phone when we can be on for up to 3 hours at a time. We both felt that we 'get eachother'. We met today f...
A. 11 May 2008: All of the relationships I've had in the past the spark was developed over time getting to know the person, talking to them and feeling the connection. Once you feel the connection that is what generates a spark. For some people the spark totally ... (read in full...)
I think he does love me but he's never got time for me. Please help.
Q. We're working abroad and we are both married, he has a girlfriend but i couldn't help falling in love with him, he said he love me too. I really love him so much (well i'm just a human). My problem is i feel bored with our relationship because we d...
A. 10 May 2008: You are his spare spare. I think he is stringing you along just in case his girlfriend dumps him and he has an itch that needs scratching.
I wouldn't waste my time on him. You are better to spend those two hours a night that you talk to him talk... (read in full...)
I was happy with his friendship - I never stopped loving him and gave him another chance, now this??
Q. This is long so please bare with me. When I was younger - I had the biggest crush on one of my sisters male friends. I never thought that I would ever stand a chance because he was older (6 years) but when you are young that's a big age gap. ...
A. 10 May 2008: It sounds to me like he feels as he is cheating on his wife by writing to you. Six years is a long time to keep a secret pen pal from his wife and I actually think it was wrong for you both to keep this secret from your spouses if this was just a ... (read in full...)
I honestly never touched a woman's body while I was away working, and my g/f doesn't believe me.
Q. I've been dating this girl for 3 months, then on the 4th month we decided to live together. On the 5th month i went to Hawaii to work for 4 months (with continous communications, sending gifts and stuff to her). 2 weeks before i finished my 4 ...
A. 10 May 2008: Sometimes absence does not make the heart grow fonder and when the person isn't truly in love the void can become lonely. It sounds as if she filled her void and this new man became the new you.
You need to get your name off the apartmen... (read in full...)
There's ranting and there's ranting, but his ranting is a little too much! I've had my rant, now it's your turn!!!
Q. I've been married to my new husband for 6 weeks now. When we first met, he was kind, loving and caring towards me - but now he's changed. At the wedding he ranted about everything - and about everyone at the wedding and in the wedding speech. ...
A. 10 May 2008: I wonder if the pressure of marriage is getting to him and causing this stressed out reaction of ranting. I think he needs to come clean about what is really going on because if he was able to live rant free before, something is causing this. And ... (read in full...)
After 42 years of marriage my husband unexpectedly left me for a younger woman.
Q. After 42 years of marriage my husband unexpectedly left me for a younger woman. I really did not believe anything was wrong between us, i am totally and utterly heartbroken by his deceit and coldness. It is beyond belief the way that he told me,...
A. 6 May 2008: Take this time to work on you. Get a new hairdo, get into an excercise routine, go out with friends and just generally find a way to be happy and content. Try to be independent. You may find that you really are enjoying yourself instead of sitting ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't want sex?
Q. I know he loves me as he shows me in other ways. But getting him to kiss or have sex is very difficult. Ive tried lots of different things but nothing really works. He loves me I know that. HE said that sex was important in a relationship at the ...
A. 5 May 2008: Some men are asexual which means they do not enjoy sex and do not need sex in a relationship. If you marry this man he will become your roomate and if your sexual needs are important and not being met you will be very unhappy.
There is nothing ... (read in full...)
He says since all he could offer me was grief he could only really offer me nothing-what does he mean?
Q. I was with my boyfriend for twelve years and he ended a year ago. He was adament that we remain friends and I guess I went along with it as I thought something was better than nothing. We have not had a physical relationship in that time. He sent me ...
A. 5 May 2008: I agree with oldersister, he is cutting all ties with you, friends and all. He is chosing to end things by putting himself down, which isn't all that attractive but that's the route he chose to go.
So, move on with your life without this friend i... (read in full...)
Is her love just a lie?
Q. I have been in a relationship for 4 years I have never loved anyone more. When we first saw each other it was an instant attraction, something you would read about in a fantasy. She was already in a relationship with someone and had a child wi...
A. 4 May 2008: I don't think she knows how to be in a committed relationship to be honest. Think about the fact that she cheated with you on her previous boyfriend. Her short life has a pattern of sexual betrayal to the man she is with. Somehow, she never got ... (read in full...)
He made excuses for not seeing me and got angry when I asked. Please help me understand.
Q. I've been seeing this boy for 2 months. He told me on the phone that he couldn't see me this weekend, so I asked him when we could meet, and he flew off the handle... and then told me that he'd met someone else the last couple of days. I didn't ...
A. 4 May 2008: I think you are pressuring him and that smells of commitment. If he doesn't want a commitment and he seems to want to call all the shots then I think you best leave him alone. It doesn't sound like an equal relationship from this view.
If I ... (read in full...)
Why does he ignore me? The signs are all there. Is it his friends?
Q. asked him out 9 months ago. He’s shy and is in the popular group but is really focused on his studies.He said 2 days later that it was too close to exams but maybe after them thanx for asking. After summer he was showing loads of signs that he was ...
A. 4 May 2008: Point 1-he may have told his friends you asked him out and they are being the boys they are and teasing him about you.
I think many of these are signs that he is interested in you but boys this age don't have all the answers about how to make ... (read in full...)
Am I in love or is it an obsession I have?
Q. Dear Cupid, am i in love or obsessed? I've liked this guy (for the purpose of this, lets call him mr x)for nearly a year now, that was when i first met him. It became clear to me how much i liked mr x straight away, but then mr x just wasn't inte...
A. 4 May 2008: You say you do know him well and you like his personality. You say he isn't that good looking. Do you think he is shy? Does he KNOW you like him as more than a friend? Sometimes guys need clear signals before they make a move. I'm glad that you ... (read in full...)
Am I in love or is it an obsession I have?
Q. Dear Cupid, am i in love or obsessed? I've liked this guy (for the purpose of this, lets call him mr x)for nearly a year now, that was when i first met him. It became clear to me how much i liked mr x straight away, but then mr x just wasn't inte...
A. 4 May 2008: I do not think you are in love because I don't think you probably know him well enough for that at this time. I think what you have for him is an infatuation. My guess is that without the real knowledge of being with him or knowing him well you ... (read in full...)
There's something special about him but he's unpredictable! Should I stay or go?
Q. I have been dating a man for 9 months. He is very connected to my spirit. We are very compatible. We are so much alike. He has said he loves me. I love him too. Everything is perfect when we are together, we have such a great time...it's just that ...
A. 3 May 2008: It doesn't sound as if he respects you enough to let you know where he stands except to say you are dear to his heart. It is entirely possible that he is not emotionally available at this time. If that is the case, you are best to cut your losses ... (read in full...)
He has lots of casual sex buddies, will I be different?
Q. Dear cupid Am stuck in a rut and really confused as to what is going on and what do i do now. I have this male pal whom we've been chatting and talking via phone for the last 6 months, at first we started out just being pals, talking about an...
A. 1 May 2008: As a female I must say that I agree with Collaroy. If a male friend of mine kept talking about sex with me I would be uncomfortable in what he really wanted with me. It sounds as if the relationship was built on almost flirting and toying around ... (read in full...)
Why can't my ex-boyfriend be my friend at least?
Q. I am 31 years old and many of you may be wondering what is she doing here? But believe me it gets worse with age....I fell in love with someone who dumped me 2 months ago. I didnt see him for long, only 4 months but found him to be just the kind of ...
A. 30 April 2008: Let it go for now and give it some time. It could be that you really want to be his friend but it could also be that you can not accept the path he has choosen. People who remain friends after broken relationships usually were friends before, are ... (read in full...)
When do you give up? Am I over-reacting?
Q. Help! I take psych medications for depression and anxiety so I dont always know if I am overreacting to something or getting being too nice and always question myself. So I am please asking for advice I am so angry and hurt! My bf of almost three ...
A. 30 April 2008: I agree with the other two. I think you feel inadequate in this relationship because you feel inferior to this guy because of your depression. I think that is a normal reaction but I disagree with you.
I think you are better than this guy. I ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he call me his girlfriend? Is he ashamed of me?
Q. I've been dating a guy for a year and 7 months. We have the same interests (but not too many as to keep the relationship intersting), we talk for hours on the phone, he takes me to special places I've never been before, etc. I've hung out with his ...
A. 30 April 2008: Well, he feels bad that you are not making demands on him. He knows full well that it's time to make a committment. Just exactally how long does he expect you to wait? It sounds as if he is still pining for his ex and that puts you in the 2nd ... (read in full...)
He pursued me for about two months, then virtually overnight he changed!
Q. I have been dating this guy who is 42. He was very, very into me, and pursued me for about 2 months. He really gained my trust, and I liked him a lot. We started having sex (three weeks ago) and virtually overnight he stopped being on time, ...
A. 30 April 2008: This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Just what is he looking for, a roomate with benefits? This man should be showing you some respect and dating you properly. He should be taking you out to dinner and hanging you on his arm to show ... (read in full...)
I'm really falling for this guy, but I don't know what his game is, please help.
Q. I have become friends with a 37yr old guy over the past ten months (i am a 33yr old single mum with a 4yr old son). We met on an internet dating site and he initiated the contact at first with a nice email. We continued converstaion for several week...
A. 28 April 2008: Well, I think he is your friend at this time and I'm not sure if he is interested in more or if there is a story behind his shyness. Has he ever been with a woman before do you know? Has he ever been in a serious relationship? Perhaps he simply ... (read in full...)
She finished with me saying she has too many emotional issues from her last relationship which was abusive?
Q. Should i wait for my girlfriend. She finished with me saying she has too many emotional issues from her last relationship which was abusive.I begged her to give us a second chance and she agreed but needs more space and time. I love her so much but ...
A. 28 April 2008: First off, she doesn't realize you are hurting because she can only deal with her issues at this time. She didn't intend to hurt you but she herself knows she can not participate in a relationship now.
While you might think it's a good idea to ... (read in full...)
I can't say NO to her. I want to make her happy even if I am not. How do we untangle this mess?.
Q. In the past ten years I can only think of only two time that I have been happy. The first time was when I enlisted in the Marine Corps. I served in Iraq from the start until June 2003(being a senior unit and having been stateside for one month out ...
A. 27 April 2008: I can only say that marriage is a family proposition. You not only marry your girlfriend, you marry her family. It sounds like there was some bad blood from the start and things never got better. It's no use trying to blame anyone for it because ... (read in full...)
This morning he told me it's over...but why?
Q. ok.. so the story goes... im really good friends with this lad.. have been for quite a wile..he has tried kissin me a few times..each time ive sed no. however he tried last night wen i was really drunk, n i kissed him bak but then stopped. also ...
A. 27 April 2008: Then you have no choice but to sit out for awhile and see if you bump into him at some later time. If you did respond then I think he is scared or who knows. It doesn't sound like he'll be real dependable as he doesn't seem to know what he wants ... (read in full...)
This morning he told me it's over...but why?
Q. ok.. so the story goes... im really good friends with this lad.. have been for quite a wile..he has tried kissin me a few times..each time ive sed no. however he tried last night wen i was really drunk, n i kissed him bak but then stopped. also ...
A. 27 April 2008: It sounds to me like when you didn't respond to his text asking to pick up where you left off he felt like he couldn't deal with the friendship because he has feelings for you? Why didn't you respond to his text? Do you know what you want with ... (read in full...)
Why open up to me like he hasn't before?
Q. i would like some very urgent help with a problem please. For the past 2 and a half years i've been flirting with this man and he has been responding well i decided to tell him in a letter how i felt about him, well i saw for the first time about 3 ...
A. 26 April 2008: I think this man thinks of you as a friend. He probably needed someone to talk to about his situation. He said he is spoken for so you should not expect anything more than friendship from him.
Try to find some other love interest who is availabl... (read in full...)
My boyfriend broke up with me because of something in his past. How am I supposed to handle this?
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago... i didn't do anything wrong neither did he but something happened in the past that he couldn't handle. now he is being so horrible to me... things at home are not good and he's the only friend i can tell ...
A. 26 April 2008: I am sorry you are going through this sad time in your life. You can not change this situation and unfortunately, you do not have this friend around to lean on during your tough family times. No one knows why this man who loved you once can not ... (read in full...)
SITE VIDEO: April 2008 video from Andrew
Q. Been a while since we had a video update. Anyone interested in being able to post their replies to the site as YouTube videos??...
A. 26 April 2008: Well Andrew..you are a cutie. Also didn't think you were so young.
I agree with Brooke. I have to re-read and re-write everything I write because sometimes I too get carried away with what I think is the obvious solution but then remember... (read in full...)
Is this 10 year relationship an affair in disguise or just a friendship? Any thoughts?
Q. ten yrs ago i fell deeply in love with "m". m broke the relationship off after six months for reasons i didn't understand. i all but stalked "m" to try and get him back with no such luck. after about 6 months, i met a great guy who was wonderful to ...
A. 26 April 2008: Hi there,
M is filling place in your life and S is filling another. Together these men are giving you everything you need. S gives you stability, love, a parenting partner and probably sex. M give you the emotional side of the relationship whic... (read in full...)
I'm headed for a nervous breakdown because I can't make a decision about my relationship! She has issues from her past.
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for 10 months. We both left or marriages for each other. We fell in love and thought we were perfect for each other - soulmates. She broke up with me 3 or 4 months later. She gave me several reasons such ...
A. 25 April 2008: I think both of you need to take some time out from each other. At least two weeks. During this time you should make a list of what things attract you to her and what things you struggle with. Then you need to go back over the list and rate each ... (read in full...)
We met online, only after we slept together he said that he loves his ex and we could remain FWB! Should I accept this?
Q. I met a guy on a dating site, we hit it off. But he broke up with me a few days later because he wanted to get back with his girlfriend. This is after we slept together. I emailed him back wanting to see him to discuss the situation. He said he ...
A. 25 April 2008: This is a question of how much do you respect yourself. You will not respect yourself if your choice is to be his FWB and I guarantee he will NOT respect you either.
I tend to agree with all the others. He is not being completely honest with you... (read in full...)
I feel terrible about the misunderstanding in rearranging for the date, is there anything I can do?
Q. Well this probably seems trivial to some people who are in pain due to rejection but this has made me feel quite sad. I met a man and had a date with him. It went really well and there was a definite connection and chemistry. It took a lot of pa...
A. 25 April 2008: Adding to the inconsiderate is failure to communicate. This is a man who you would struggle with on that level as well. I am sure he felt humiliated that he didn't communicate with you but maybe he figured you were going to do all the work in the ... (read in full...)
Why does he just give excuses instead of the real reason?
Q. me and my boyfriend are pretty much finished, after 9 months of love, and 3 months of falling out. the falling out is on his part, as i've fought to keep us together. He's the kind of sensitive type who keeps it all in, and im wondering, we're not ...
A. 24 April 2008: That is the problem when you don't have all the answers, you start to over analyze every thing that is said. For your own good, just try to let it go. I know this is easier said than done but you can not analyze anyone elses behavior or words. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend or ex or whatever of almost 2 years has turned everything about him around...
Q. My boyfriend or ex or whatever of almost 2 years has turned everything about him around. He doesn't act the same so I called him out on it and much more and he treated me like i wasn't even there he didn't care i guess but last night he put his ...
A. 22 April 2008: What are you saying? Did he hit you? I guess we need a little more information about what is going on.... (read in full...)
I will never love her the way she loves me....what is a good way to manage this situation?
Q. I have just ended a long phone conversation that seems to keep occuring, i do not know what to do so i have turned here for some advice.. I met a girl a year ago and we moved into a relationship at what i feel now was far too fast, after the last...
A. 22 April 2008: The most painful experience anyone can endure is thinking someone cares for them when they do not. Honesty is always best, even if it hurts this girl. Rip the bandaide off and then let the wound heal. There is nothing worse than her going on to ... (read in full...)
My girl puts up barriers due to our age gap. Do I fight for this or let this go?
Q. I am a 31yr old single guy who has strong feelings for a girl who is 21yrs, I have known her for 4 yrs now and we have been very close for much of this time, an up and down relationship mainly due to her not wanting to accept that she has fallen for ...
A. 22 April 2008: The age gap really shouldn't be a problem if both of you are adults and both of you accept the difference. It seems that it is an issue for her. She appears concerned with what others will think IE: her parents and the people around her. As long ... (read in full...)
During an argument he said he doesn't have this problem (soft erections) with other girls, could he be cheating??
Q. I confused. my bf and I have been together for 7 years and for the last year or so hes been gettin soft during oral and vaginal sex.now its not every time but happens now and again and I don't complain or say anything. a day ago we got into an ...
A. 21 April 2008: It could be he is deflecting the shame and embarrassment towards you and it just slipped out. Much easier to have said what he said than to say "I don't know what is the matter with me. I guess it's too much porn." It doesn't mean he is currently ... (read in full...)
Why does he just give excuses instead of the real reason?
Q. me and my boyfriend are pretty much finished, after 9 months of love, and 3 months of falling out. the falling out is on his part, as i've fought to keep us together. He's the kind of sensitive type who keeps it all in, and im wondering, we're not ...
A. 21 April 2008: It could have to do with the caring level but it could also have to do with guilt. Sometimes when people don't want to do things they give a reason but the overdo the reason out of guilt.... (read in full...)
Why has he not called after the great time we had together?
Q. Hi,i met this fella through a friend,we arranged to meet up and seemed to both get on really great, so much so he stayed with me for nearly 4 days,took a day off work and also cancelled a previous arrangement.Anyway he has gone home now and although ...
A. 18 April 2008: I had a similar situation but instead of doing what Collaroy and Birdynumnins said for you to do, I let him drag me through some cat and mouse game of "I'm going through issues right now, give me some time" for nearly 3 months.
Collaroy is right... (read in full...)
Will she ever go away?
Q. This might be a common thing but I have been with my boyfriend for 3 months and we are very happy except for one thing - there is this female friend of his who in her words is in love with him. She rings him all the time and if he doesn't pick up ...
A. 16 April 2008: If he indeed is not interested in a relationship with her and she keeps on ringing him then what in the world is he doing going out for a drink with her.
I agree with you that he is giving her a false sense of hope by going for drinks with her... (read in full...)
Am I wrong in how I am handling this?
Q. A few months ago I hired a new assistant that is a very young attractive single woman. I attend many trade shows to meet our customers and I think its a good idea for my assistant to come along too once a year as a learning opportunity. I brought ...
A. 16 April 2008: Did your assistant do anything inappropriate? If that answer is no and you didn't do anything inappropriate then I think your wife is asking a lot of you to "fire" this woman for being attractive and for getting attention. Her behavior, if she is ... (read in full...)
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