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... Send *earkelja a private message | | | *earkelja's profile:This site has been a wonderful experience for me. I hope that I have helped some of you in some small way.
I'll be back from time to time to help where I can. My focus for now is to get my life back to good. Thank you to those of you who have helped me along my journey. Your help, love and guidance have made me strong.
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Problems with his ex-wife, I'm not allowed to see my step-daughter and our marriage is falling apart.
Q. I have been married for almost 2 years and have never met my 15 year old stepdaughter. Her mother won't allow it. My current husband's visitation has been reduced, by his ex, to daytime visits every other weekend as his daughter is not allowed in ...
A. 8 January 2009: I stand by my original post. This man needs to put his foot down. His daughter is being unreasonable and really he is doing her no favors by allowing her to continue with this behavior. I think the longer it goes on you will eventually become ... (read in full...)
Should I ask my friend to help me lose my virginity?
Q. I'll be turning 32 in a few days. I am still a virgin in just about every imaginable sense (I've never even french-kissed). This is something I am supremely self-conscious about. I also have an anxiety problem which tends to leave me more fearful ...
A. 13 November 2008: I think her self esteem suffered after the break up and she felt "good" that she was in a "relationship." Some people just can't stand to be alone. To me what you had did not meet the definition of a relationship. I think she may have used you. ... (read in full...)
Still in love with him, how do I get him to let me be his friend?
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me after dating for a year. We had arguements like up couples do. It's been four months since the break-up. I was devastated because I didn't know the real reason why we broke up. I asked him on several occassions to talk ...
A. 18 June 2008: I am agreeing with the others, you need to allow him to have his time and space to work out his issues. The best thing to do for you is to distance yourself and try to move on. Being friends with someone you still care about more than a friend is ... (read in full...)
Has anyone been in this situation?? Any advice much appreciated!
Q. Hi, met someone, dating 2 months, he might get custody of his kids permanently, they are 3 and 4 and mines are teenegars. I'm scared, he asked me if i can help him with the kids, we live an hour apart and that might consist of him moving to where i ...
A. 16 June 2008: I think your relationship is not solid enough for him to move in with you. It's great if you help him out from time to time but you really aren't solid enough for you to be stepping in for him on a regular basis. The other thing to consider is ... (read in full...)
Has anyone any experience of dealing with your confidence levels after failing a professional qualification?
Q. i would like to know if there are people out there who failed a subject while doing a professional course such as doctor,engineering or dentistry???how did it go after that..did it put down your confidence level..i need help..thanks...
A. 16 June 2008: whatever you do, don't retest with your confidence level so low. Work on building it up. Maybe study a different way or work with a career counselor. They can actually build you back up by reaffirming your career choice.
Good luck. Take a b... (read in full...)
He has problems and he's trying not to hurt me. Does he just need more time?
Q. I have been seeing a guy who has been suffering from depression, last night after being out he texted me asking me to stay the night whilst there he said to me he liked me but wanted to protect me from being hurt and admitted he was trying to put me ...
A. 16 June 2008: I think you should give him time and space. If he is saying he is still in love with his ex then I think you are fighting an uphill battle.
I kind of went through a similar thing with a guy who was having issues. He didn't want to talk, di... (read in full...)
Has anyone any experience of dealing with your confidence levels after failing a professional qualification?
Q. i would like to know if there are people out there who failed a subject while doing a professional course such as doctor,engineering or dentistry???how did it go after that..did it put down your confidence level..i need help..thanks...
A. 16 June 2008: Yes, the first time I took the GMAT (entry test for grad school) I was in the lower 30 percentile. No school would let me in. One school told me that I shouldn't waste my time retaking the test as it was a proven fact that I would get the same ... (read in full...)
No idea what to do about our relationship...
Q. My boyfriend and I just broke up a couple of days ago. We have been together for five years. This is going to be long in order to give you all the details you might need to help me. When we got together he was still in Iraq. He had went home on ...
A. 16 June 2008: You have built a lot in 5 years but if he says he is not in love with you and he had an affair and is continuing to have an affair, he probably is going through some issues. It's wonderful that the two of you can be friends and that you care about ... (read in full...)
I'm really confused!! First he turned me down..then asks me out, but he's moving!! Why is he doing this?
Q. Theres this guy who ive known since about march this year. I really like him and we talk alot because we share a college class together. We would often get together and study out of class as well. Anyway one night I sent him a message asking him ...
A. 13 June 2008: I'm thinking he didn't respond because he didn't want to lead you on. Now that he's told you he's moving, you can't go and get your hopes up with him. I don't think this will lead anywhere so just treat it as a good time with a good friend. ... (read in full...)
My husband is very insentive when it comes to love-making... I'm only 50 but feel I'd be better living alone than like this!
Q. I am so embaressed and have no one to go to for advice. Maybe someone here can help? I am going through menopause and lately trying to have sex is really painful. I have read what I could on this and tried to relay the info to my husband. I explaine...
A. 13 June 2008: I think your husband's recent reaction has opened the floodgate to a lot of feelings that you have supressed about the intimacy in your relationship. You husband is being selfish about sex, only seeking to fulfill his needs.
This is not your pro... (read in full...)
The worse it gets, the more I'm in love with him
Q. Dear Cupid In March i wrote to you and i got very helpful responses from other members. Last month i was ready to move out and he cried begging me not to move after i found sms's in his phone that he's been sending his so called ex-girlf...
A. 13 June 2008: Hey Prim,
You took the first step. Brave thing to do. You will go through some very tough and lonely times. But as long as you know this, you should be able to cope. Realize that this relationship was making you physically ill.
It is not... (read in full...)
Why didn't he call?
Q. I go to this resturant every couple months with my family and the waiter always stares at me and talks to my family like he is trying to impress them. He waves to me makes eye contact and everything.My mom said the guy is trying so hard leave your ...
A. 13 June 2008: With some guys, the flirting is comfortable, taking things beyond that is hard and they have to work themselves into things. It is possible he never saw your number, didn't know which of you was which or just chickened out.
Go back with a friend... (read in full...)
Although it sounds like I'm just feeling sorry for myself, I am stuck in this rut. Please can anyone help me?
Q. My problem is that I really hate being alone and feel like life is passing me by. My boyfriend and I broke up 10 months ago and I have been single since. He belittled me and made me feel small and his parting shot was that I was ugly and turned his ...
A. 13 June 2008: Hey there. Beauty comes from within. Sounds like the ex is quite the hogger.
You need to boost your confidence and learn to be comfortable in your shoes. Event he ugliest duckling can walk into a room and command attention because she believes... (read in full...)
I don't want my 2 regular girlfriends to find out about my girls on the side, but 2 of them are now pregnant!
Q. I'm in need of some serious help. I have been in a long-term relationship with a wonderful girl for the past five years and with another equally beautiful girl for two. The first girl I met through friends, the second in a strip club. I know som...
A. 13 June 2008: You need to establish paternity and then take your lumps.
As for the two girls who aren't getting hurt? You sure about that? You are leading them to believe that you are in a solid relationship and you are not. Eventually they will discover... (read in full...)
Long distance relationship ends in silence...what can I do?
Q. I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for the past 5 months with a guy I consider to be the perfect match for me. We have 3 hour phone conversations a few times a week and almost daily emails. We’ve gotten together in person as often as ...
A. 12 June 2008: As with the other reader, the same exact thing happened to me, though we do live close to each other.
With my situation, he did communicate with me for a few weeks (while I think he was trying to figure things out) and finally he sent a text tha... (read in full...)
What should my next move be to obtain the maximum out of this situation? She is ignoring my calls for now...
Q. Hi, I met a girl on the internet and got on well on a 1st date on a Thursday. Lots in common, held hands, smiled a lot. I phoned her on the sunday, asked whether she wanted to go out on tuesday which she couldn't do. She then offered up friday but ...
A. 9 June 2008: I agree with aunty chrissie, no more contact. It's one thing to let one phone call go but if you had two and neither was returned then it is time to move on.
We've all been there and it is possible that she got busy or that she didn't fancy yo... (read in full...)
Dumped him and now I apologized..so why is it so hard for him to forgive me?
Q. Dating a guy for two months. He was totally into me at the beginning, but I wanted to go slow. He said all the right things and I fell, hard, for him.. All of the sudden he needed time alone and space, it really freaked me out.. I thought I was ...
A. 9 June 2008: In my view, this is not meant to be. If he was sincere about building on a relationship with you, he would have tried to understand where you were coming from. Only a small glimpse we can see from what you've said but it does seem to me that he is ... (read in full...)
How can I cope with the fact he doesn't have feelings for me after all this?
Q. Hey ok i need your help to get over this because i've got to the point now where i can't cope with it anymore. How do i cope with the fact he doesn't have feelings for me after all this?? I'm sorry if this runs out to be very long i juts need some ...
A. 8 June 2008: He sounds like a decent guy and he probably does have some feelings for you but if he stated he wants to stay single, then that is what he will do. You can not force the guy to want more or to like you as you like him.
It is true that when we ... (read in full...)
I can't trust him. Do leopards ever change their spots?
Q. hi, i need some advice on what to do. i have this boyfriend, we've been going out for about 18 months, and its not exactly been easy :( he cheated on me right at the start of our relationship, i forgave him. then he told me he was still in love wi...
A. 6 June 2008: I will tell you that you have allowed this behavior by taking this leopard back time and time again. You have low expections of him and he knows it. The pattern has been set for the two of you and this is the life you will have going forward. So, ... (read in full...)
I don't understand why she left everything... I need your help.
Q. this weekend my girlfriend and i broke up out of the blue. we have known each other for a while but have only been together for a couple of months. i met her at work and a few months later we started being intimate with each other. you see she ha...
A. 6 June 2008: When we get into relationships, we go in sometimes with blinders on. We leave one relationship and get into the next without fixing what went wrong with ourselves in the previous relationship-that is a rebound. Rebounds usually have issues because ... (read in full...)
I found out my fiance of 14 years has just slept with his cousin - can they be charged for incest??
Q. i have just found out that my fiance of 14 years, has just slept with his cousin - who he has been re-united with after 20 years. i am very hurt and sickened and want to know if they can be charged, by Law for Incest. Please advise...
A. 6 June 2008: Why would it matter if he could or not. Would it change anything between you? Are you going to stay with him but just wondering if he'll be gone for a few weeks? Or did you want to press charges to get back at him.
When you are an adult, s... (read in full...)
My question is, is my friend wanting more or just being flirty?
Q. My issue is with a male coworker. I don't know what to think. I initially worked with the company, left, then came back 5 years later. When I was there initally, we were good friends and joked around alot. He even came to my wedding reception with ...
A. 6 June 2008: Given your age, I would stay away from this man. I think he is toying with you and being passive aggressive. His motivations are sexual for sure.
Do you really want this guy for a friend? Would you allow your girlfriends to tease you like he ... (read in full...)
We want to go on a cruise, any tips about where and the weather?
Q. My boyfriend and I decided to take a vacation together. We're not a sun/beach person (since we both get burn in the sun very easily). So we were thinking about a cruise or Mexico/Cuba all inclusive. This way we're indoor if we want to. I'm leaning ...
A. 3 June 2008: If you are not a sun/beach person then I would suggest you do a New England cruise which leaves out of New York and then goes to Boston and Maine. There is lots to do on this cruise including sightseeing at some very historic towns. Your from ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him about the annulment now or later, or even never?
Q. Should I tell him now or never? I had a short duration (3 months)of a long-distance marriage. My ex was impotent at the time of marriage so this marriage was never consummated. I moved to a different state, later we both moved to different countr...
A. 3 June 2008: Honesty is always the best policy. If you don't tell him and he finds out, he will resent you more and he also will not trust you.
So, the sooner you tell him the better. If he has an issue with it then he is not the man for you. We all have... (read in full...)
Should I name this horse 'noid' or not?
Q. today my girl and i had a very good day laughs and jokes. so after i drop her off at home,she calls me and tells me that she loves me and that she had fun today, about 3 hours later she calls again and says she loves me and thanks me for everything ...
A. 28 May 2008: I think you should stop over analyzing things. If she said she had a great time, thanks, she loves you, take care of yourself, etc, then I think that's what she meant. Just because someone tells you to take care, it doesn't mean it's over. It ... (read in full...)
Should I ask my friend to help me lose my virginity?
Q. I'll be turning 32 in a few days. I am still a virgin in just about every imaginable sense (I've never even french-kissed). This is something I am supremely self-conscious about. I also have an anxiety problem which tends to leave me more fearful ...
A. 26 May 2008: I would not risk losing your friend by asking her. Women and men categorize sex differently, most of us anyway. Many women (and men too) can't just have sex for the sake of giving someone the experience they need. I also think that your first ... (read in full...)
She has lent me her car and cash but I don't really have any feelings for her
Q. dear all. i am seeing someone who is realy charming. at the mo i am short of cash because i have gone from weekly pay to monthly. on weeks pay has had to last for 5 weeks. she has lent me £500. does other things for me, but i cant fall in love. i ...
A. 26 May 2008: You are feeling guilty about really what boils down to using this woman. If you do not have feelings for her, and you seem to know this, then you are really leading her on and allowing her to develop feelings for you. You should find a way to pay ... (read in full...)
Please, somebody put my mind to rest! I found out my ex was using heroin, died, now I'm paranoid!
Q. Hey guys, this sounds dreadful, but i have to share my worry with somebody. I just found out that my ex died of a suspected heroin o'd, and my emotions are mixed since i found out what it was. I'm totally shocked. Part of me thinks i can't believe ...
A. 23 May 2008: 1) get rid of the physical fear and do yourself a favor and get tested again. No-one has to know.
2) yes there is some guilt by association but really you can not be responsible for the actions of anyone but yourself. If people want to judg... (read in full...)
He couldn't get enough of me, but now he's gone AWOL.
Q. Hello, Yes, I recently had 3 month fling with a guy who I met online. All good fun but we decided to cool off due to distance. We then kept in touch by email, text etc. However, in the past 2 months I haven't heard from him! I've emailed a few ti...
A. 23 May 2008: It is possible that when you both decided to cool things off he was checking out and over the past few months he was parting ways but not telling you. Seems he had his closure and made his decision and I agree with the others, how rude not to tell ... (read in full...)
He doesn't want a girlfriend right now, but wants me in his life! Should I stop seeing him altogether? I do love him.
Q. I am divorced. I started sleeping with a co-worker. He and I are really great friends. He tells me all the time that I am his best friend. We do so much together. He does not want a girl friend. I understand that, I myself am getting out of a ...
A. 23 May 2008: You say you are in the process of getting a divorce so you most likely have unresolved issues to contend with there. You really should give yourself some time before you allow yourself to fall for someone so quickly. You need to figure out what ... (read in full...)
I'm stringing him along before I end it, is this wrong?
Q. I've figured out I am being strung along and I think I will just string him along. I've stopped the sex and have become unpredictable and unavailable. He doesn't seem to like that much. Am I wrong for doing this for a few weeks before I end it?...
A. 19 May 2008: Game playing is never a good idea. The best revenge is living well. So end it, be a good person, take the high road and get on with your life.
... (read in full...)
Problems with his ex-wife, I'm not allowed to see my step-daughter and our marriage is falling apart.
Q. I have been married for almost 2 years and have never met my 15 year old stepdaughter. Her mother won't allow it. My current husband's visitation has been reduced, by his ex, to daytime visits every other weekend as his daughter is not allowed in ...
A. 17 May 2008: The person who needs to put his foot down and support you is not doing so. I know he is in a very difficult situation but he needs to stop giving into his ex. I am assuming he is not good with conflict. He has married you and you are part of this ... (read in full...)
Am I making him feel inadequate? Or is it something else?
Q. Hi, long story short: me and him - 3 year relationship. Love(ed) each other to bits, truly. Very passionate, but regular rows mainly due to his weed habit and mood swings. Him very "I'll show you" thru his actions eg, after a big row he went off and ...
A. 17 May 2008: You were dating a guy who has low self esteem. I think the more successful you got, the worse he felt about himself. This isn't anything to do with you, it is all about him. It doesn't sound like he has much ambition. In the beginning he was ... (read in full...)
Dumped by my coworker, I need help to move on
Q. A co-worker and I started seeing each other in late January and he broke up with me in early March. We didn't sleep together, it was just too much too soon, according to him. The problem isn't the breakup; the problem is dealing with it over two ...
A. 17 May 2008: The ideal situation would be not to see the guy for a period of time so that you can heal and get over him without the constant reminder. Since this can not be you will have to work with your mind. Somehow you have to convince yourself that this ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he at least show me the respect to call me back?
Q. i have been good friends with this guy for 2 years. We were both in other relationships so we were just friends -he was friends with my ex which is how we met.after my ex and i broke up we admitted our feelings for each other - but it was too close ...
A. 17 May 2008: Yes, you are left in the dark with no answers. I know how you are feeling. I was in a similar situation where the guy I liked wanted to continue to date me but there were circumstances where he felt he couldn't. He too disappeared for days and ... (read in full...)
He doesn't call me like he used to. Am I wasting my time?
Q. i have been seeing this guy for 4 years, i love him so much, but this days he is gone to drinking and partying and never calls me as frequent as he used to. when i call him and ask him why he says he has no money also he tells me he really loves ...
A. 16 May 2008: Drinking and partying cost money. Seems he has his priorities and you just aren't the #1 at this time. He was rude to have danced with another woman while he left you sitting there. It does seem that he's taking you for granted and that you are ... (read in full...)
The worse it gets, the more I'm in love with him
Q. Dear Cupid In March i wrote to you and i got very helpful responses from other members. Last month i was ready to move out and he cried begging me not to move after i found sms's in his phone that he's been sending his so called ex-girlf...
A. 16 May 2008: I can not top Irish49's advice. You are staying because you are afraid and because this is the pattern to which you have become familiar with.
Big mistake if you stay. Even though you are in your 40's you still have a lot of excellent years ah... (read in full...)
How do I make him see the reason he is single is his bad hygiene??
Q. Hi aunts and uncles, I have a bit of an odd problem. I've been friends with this guy for about 8 years, and I have tried to bring this up to him numerous times in different ways but he won't listen. The problem is, he has given up on women beca...
A. 16 May 2008: The thing is that poor hygiene comes naturally to him. Even if he showers up for the club where he might meet a girl, he'll lose her once the leopard stripes come back. He needs some serious intervention to realize that women (most of us anyway) ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he at least show me the respect to call me back?
Q. i have been good friends with this guy for 2 years. We were both in other relationships so we were just friends -he was friends with my ex which is how we met.after my ex and i broke up we admitted our feelings for each other - but it was too close ...
A. 16 May 2008: I think this guy doesn't yet know what he's going to do. The text message he sent last week was to test the waters to see where you're at. I am sure he was missing you as well. No one can say where he is at today but you did call him back-Did you ... (read in full...)
He's gone off with this other girl! Am I being unreasonable?
Q. Ive been friends with this boy, jon, for 10 years. We went out with each other at the beginning but now we are just good mates. A couple of months back, we talked about getting back together but then things happened in my life which stopped me from ...
A. 16 May 2008: Rejection is a stange animal. I believe you somehow thought of him as yours even though you never planned on proceeding with a relationship. Exactally what was he to do, wait for you to come around, which you say you never would have.
I thi... (read in full...)
I feel this man is a control freak, can our relationship survive?
Q. hi there, i dont know where to start with this. last year i was violently assulted by a partner resulting in many injuries including scaring to my eye and loss of teeth. it was on the return from one of the dentist trips that i met my partner. i ...
A. 16 May 2008: I agree with the others that you seem to have gone from one bad apple to another. This man wanted to date you after your abuse because you are the kind of woman he wants, one to abuse. He knows how to manipulate you, how to control you and how to ... (read in full...)
Just found out my boyfriend has kids, after he told me he didn't! Should I dump him?
Q. I just found out after six months of dating my boyfriend that he has kids. He told me he didn't should I dump him ? I have not talked to him for 3 days and he keeps calling and leaving messages about how sorry he is. Thanks for any input someone can ...
A. 15 May 2008: When you are first dating it is typical not to tell everything about yourself but kids are a pretty important thing in your life. That news should actually come out right away because you aren't just going to have a relationship with the guy but ... (read in full...)
One day passed after the break up - and I'm sorry for the things that will never happen... help!
Q. It has been one day since I broke if off with my boyfriend - I am kinda lost and dont know what to do - does anyone have any advice on how to keep moving and not be thinking about him? I knew I was going to be second guessing about the breaku...
A. 11 May 2008: You are going through a very lonely period right now. It is completely normal to go through that mental list of good things that will never happen again or will never happen at all, especially if you had all these plans. When you enter into a ... (read in full...)
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