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My life is in utter shambles...Filing for Divorce
Q. This is a long and painful story that I will post here, but I need to get some opinions from some "disinterested" third parties as my friends/family have pretty much weighed in on this issue. First, some background to "set the stage" for what's to ...
A. 6 April 2008: thanks for the update. let the healing begin.
Best wishes.... (read in full...)
We're both married, but havent had sex, are we just friends for friendship sake?
Q. I have been friendly with a man for the past 4 years. We met through work we both did at the time. We have got closer and closer over the years. In the past year, we spend at least one day, (if not both days) of the weekend or every other ...
A. 13 December 2007: Then your options are 1) be his friend and nothing more or 2) continue along your path of parting ways. My feeling is that you should part for at least awhile. The relationship he has with you he should be having with his wife. But since he is ... (read in full...)
We're both married, but havent had sex, are we just friends for friendship sake?
Q. I have been friendly with a man for the past 4 years. We met through work we both did at the time. We have got closer and closer over the years. In the past year, we spend at least one day, (if not both days) of the weekend or every other ...
A. 9 December 2007: By him saying you can not have a relationship I think you are going to have trouble getting over your feelings of being more than a friend. He has spoken and I believe what he is saying is that he is holding on to his marriage for whatever reason. ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with someone who just wants to be friends. What can I do?
Q. At first I was reluctant to speak to her as her ex boyfriend and i were close friends. he cheated on her and she phoned me the night they split up to see if he had spken to me as she couldn't get hold of him. i saw her the next day and we started ...
A. 8 December 2007: Hello,
Given what she has told you, yes, I do tend to believe her. It is possible to know somebody too well and be uncomfortable in a relationship with them. If she has shared all of her emotional baggage with you then she may not want the clos... (read in full...)
We're both married, but havent had sex, are we just friends for friendship sake?
Q. I have been friendly with a man for the past 4 years. We met through work we both did at the time. We have got closer and closer over the years. In the past year, we spend at least one day, (if not both days) of the weekend or every other ...
A. 7 December 2007: Then I think if you want to go for him and he is still with his wife that you should ask him "what is up with us and where do you see this heading?" Otherwise you will be left with not knowing which will drive you crazy and perhaps make you do ... (read in full...)
We're both married, but havent had sex, are we just friends for friendship sake?
Q. I have been friendly with a man for the past 4 years. We met through work we both did at the time. We have got closer and closer over the years. In the past year, we spend at least one day, (if not both days) of the weekend or every other ...
A. 7 December 2007: What have you done with your marriage? Did you sort out all of your issues and are proceeding with a divorce? In my opinion, if this man is flirty with you and you are still married then he probably enjoys the flirt without committment as you are ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with someone who just wants to be friends. What can I do?
Q. At first I was reluctant to speak to her as her ex boyfriend and i were close friends. he cheated on her and she phoned me the night they split up to see if he had spken to me as she couldn't get hold of him. i saw her the next day and we started ...
A. 26 November 2007: I can understand why you caved in, she needed you. But you need to be sure you are not going to be "used" in the process. Both of you need to define what you want from the relationship but for now both of you need to be just friends as she has ... (read in full...)
How can I move this friendship on to an actual relationship?
Q. I am best friends with a guy, now we're stuck in this fling thing where I really like him and I want something proper but I don't think he does. I've tried to make it stop and just move on as I don't want a fling, I want a proper relationship but I ...
A. 23 November 2007: Recognize that the relationship is what it is and if it is not what you want in a relationship then you have to make your move. Sometimes we get into a pattern of bad behavior and it takes a broader view to change. I say move on, tell the guy this ... (read in full...)
My crush is giving me mixed signals...HELP!!!!
Q. So... there's this guy that I have a major crush on. Basically, we met two years ago thru my ex-boyfriend. We were friends all while I was dating his friend, but there was definitely some tension there, always. Anyway, when my ex broke up with ...
A. 23 November 2007: Part of me says you both are sending mixed signals. I am not sure what the etiquitte is on responding to text messages but if he text'd you last and you have not responded perhaps he is waiting for you? I can see where you thought you didn't need ... (read in full...)
Should I text him back?
Q. Ok just a quick problem. I was going out with a guy I really liked for 5 months. He broke up with me because he didn't have time for a relationship but ended up going out with another girl. He is texting me again asking how I am and stuff. Should I ...
A. 23 November 2007: Time for you to have the cake, tell him to eat it.... (read in full...)
Is it normal to have a crush at my age?
Q. I can't get this guy out of my mind.... is it normal to have a crush at my age? We are both getting divorced, his is almost finalised, mine is just beginning. Am I just focusing on him, to take my mind off the real everyday nitty-gritty matte...
A. 23 November 2007: Nope, it is normal. Think about about your feelings as a bridge to get through to the other side. If it works out with the new guy, great. If it doesn't you will always know that the feelings you've had for him are what helped you get through the ... (read in full...)
Is this guy just messing with my mind?
Q. Hi , please help! This guy is messing with my mind!! Ok here's the story! I met this guy a couple of weeks ago and we talked for a bit and then he asked me for my number! He texted me and we've been chatting on msn all week , it was going real...
A. 22 November 2007: Adding to the already good advice (don't call or text or contact him in anyway), don't sit around and wait for him to contact you, move on. Something obviously got in the way of your brief relationship and his head isn't in it right now, sorry to ... (read in full...)
If he loves me, he will divorce his wife, but how long do I let our affair continue until I know he will never separate from her?
Q. I had an affair with a colleague, and fell in love. We were both married when it started. It has gone on for two years, and I am now JUST divorced. One problem: he moved out a year ago and has not started divorce proceedings. I know he adores ...
A. 21 November 2007: It would be disrespectful for him to talk about his relationship (good or bad) with his wife and the process he is going through for his divorce/separation. You need to understand this and give him his space, even if this means a reconcilliation ... (read in full...)
Is he attracted to me or is he just doing his job??
Q. I am a member at my local gym and there is this really nice, kind, attractive instructor there. He has been helping me with my proggramme for about a year now.We laugh together and get on well. I know he has got a girlfriend.He hasn't told me but s...
A. 21 November 2007: I think you should keep it as a business relationship. You are paying him and he is doing his job. Since you know he has a girlfriend, you should treat him as such, unavailable. If you can't stop thinking about him, you need a new personal ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with someone who just wants to be friends. What can I do?
Q. At first I was reluctant to speak to her as her ex boyfriend and i were close friends. he cheated on her and she phoned me the night they split up to see if he had spken to me as she couldn't get hold of him. i saw her the next day and we started ...
A. 21 November 2007: You were honest with her and I think you handled things wonderfully. You waited until the time was right for you. You did not push things too fast. You did not push yourself on her. She is doing what she thinks is right and in a way, the ... (read in full...)
We're friends but I want more. Should I tell her?
Q. A little long (sorry) For the past 5 years..........I've been debating this question: Should I tell a girl who is 6 years older than me that I should be the one she should be dating? Now as I said earlier, we've been friends for 5 almost 6 year...
A. 20 November 2007: I guess you should approach it cautiously if you want the friendship to continue in the event she doesn't feel the same about you. Maybe you should go see her again and get to talking about what you want in a mate, that sort of thing. At that time ... (read in full...)
Should I be patient, or walk away.
Q. I am seeing a married man, and have been for nearly a year. I also work with him. He has been married for a number of years and has two children (18 and 14). He has told me that he loves me, is not in love with his wife and he even left home ...
A. 19 November 2007: First, Jazmine's comparison to you isn't quite fair. But she does define the other side. I am sure this man's wife would be devastated if she found out about the two of you. So think about you in her position. Now as for how to get over him, one ... (read in full...)
How long should you wait until sex? I'm 12.
Q. I am 12 i have a felling to have sex but i know it is wrong and i wont do it. Just to tell you now my b/f is not pressuring me but we both know it is wrong so we will wait. what age should i wait until? My b/f and i have been going out for about 5 ...
A. 18 November 2007: I can understand the pressure from peers etc to have sex. Having sex is a life changing event and it really should be reserved for when you are older and you have a solid relationship with someone you trust. You are too young at 12 to understand ... (read in full...)
Is my friend's strategy valid? - to make women like him.
Q. I recently spoke to one of my guy friends about how he gets girls/woman to like him ( because he always seems to have woman on the go) He said that he gives them attention and then cuts it off and this makes them want more? What do you think? Doe...
A. 18 November 2007: This is a psychological game where the man who is aloof appears to be "worth more" because he isn't "available". The woman starts to feel insecure about herself and begins to wonder if she is worth anything. Then when the man does make contact she ... (read in full...)
It was me who pursued a "committed" woman and she was equally at fault for giving me encouragement. Will this force her to decide between us, if I stop the chase?
Q. Hello would appreciate your take on my problem. I was stupid enough to become involved in an affair with a woman who was already in a relationship. It was me who pursued her and she was equally at fault for giving me encouragement. I knew that there ...
A. 18 November 2007: How in the heck can you tolerate this game playing relationship. I can see the thrill of the chase but this is insane. My self esteem would not be able to handle this and I don't know why you would want to put yourself through it either. Don't ... (read in full...)
Should I be patient, or walk away.
Q. I am seeing a married man, and have been for nearly a year. I also work with him. He has been married for a number of years and has two children (18 and 14). He has told me that he loves me, is not in love with his wife and he even left home ...
A. 18 November 2007: Don't walk away, run. This man is taking advantage of you and you have a lot at stake. Your reputation at work is in jeopardy. You are wasting good years of your life and you will likely get hurt if you continue this. This man has at least 4 ... (read in full...)
I was due to move into his house. Out of nowhere, he doesn't feel the same. What can I do?
Q. Hi There, my ex- boyfriend dumped me a week ago after 18 months together. I was due to move into his house and bought a car for this purpose. I hadn't seen him the weekend before because he said he was sick. During the week when he rang I was cool ...
A. 18 November 2007: It is possible that with the next move of the relationship (you moving in) that he took some time to re-evaluate the relationship and decided that it was time for him to move on. I wouldn't jump right to cheating at this time. What was this family ... (read in full...)
I miss her so much it hurts! Should I call her or should I wait to not ruin the work of getting over her?
Q. Hey all my original post is here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-ex-has-been-giving-me-the-runaround.html So i've now started a new job since uni graduation, I am living in a new location, new house with new people. The thing ...
A. 18 November 2007: Hey Justaguy you've had 4 weeks of progress. I know what you are going through. You are going to have good days and bad days. You are going to burst out crying for no reason at all. You will be sad sometimes. This is all good. It's the healing ... (read in full...)
Unrequited Love
Q. I have a problem and I'm so tortured. I am suffering from unrequited love with a co-worker. He flirts with me constantly and I turn into a giggling blushing teenager whenever I see him. I know he knows I like him because I feel like he enjoys ...
A. 15 November 2007: If it was up to him to pick the time and place and he hasn't done so yet, I would say let it go. There are some guys (and girls) that get an ego boost from flirting with co-workers. It's their way of getting through the work day and it gives them ... (read in full...)
She ended the relationship abruptly and I always feel tempted to send her a piece of my mind. How do I move on?
Q. Hi Wonder if you can help again. I'm finding coping with my break up very difficult. I keep going over everything over and over again, tempted to send a text to her to give her a piece of my mind, write a letter etc. She ended the relationship by ...
A. 14 November 2007: Both responses are right on. Write that letter, don't send it. Make a pro/con list of why this break up is a good thing. Honestly there must be some things that bothered you about her. Make sure you add what she did to you to end your ... (read in full...)
I'm a bit nerdy, she's a model, she says not to worry about the attentions she's getting, but should I?
Q. i've been in a relatonship now for 3 months. i'm with the most amazing girl there is. She's really hot and I'm not saying that just because I'm her boyfriend. however lately I've started to feel a bit hesitant about it all. Firstly she does a bit of...
A. 14 November 2007: Enjoy your girlfriend. If you continue to bring this up, she will sense your insecurity and most likely bolt. There are all sorts of reasons women pick their men, even hot ones. Just be sure you give her attention....... (read in full...)
We are in a long distance relationship, I'm not sure what he meant when I got his last message, am I reading between the lines too much?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been going strong for 18 months now, and have always been vocal about how we feel about each other. Because we- at the moment- are long distance, on Monday we had a serious chat about whether we should stay together, and both ...
A. 14 November 2007: That is actually a very nice response. I wouldn't be worried if I were you. He probably wanted to top your message and couldn't find a way to do it. The simple I love you is a wonderful reply. You're being ridiculous.... (read in full...)
Does a player ever change their tune?
Q. GUYS, once a player, always a player? The man is 37 and we have gone out quite a few times, known each other for quite some time, have the same upbringing, background, and I really like him. Now, he has quite the reputation of a player. In fact, ...
A. 14 November 2007: To your question about meeting his friends and family. Do you know if he has introduced other women to them? What did he introduce you as "his girlfriend" or his "friend"? Believe me I do know what it is like to be totally taken by a guy. ... (read in full...)
She's saying I smother her, but we live miles apart?, is this worth it?
Q. ive been with this girl for 6 months.im 32 she is 30.last week monday and tuesday was great wed and thurs she didnt return calls. thurs she send me an email and tells me she needs some space.she feels smothered and its stressing her out.her dad died ...
A. 14 November 2007: I am sending you encouragement. Move on. I also agree that even if she comes back, some damage has been done to your relationship (and your self esteen) so you should not take her back. She'll also think that she can come and go as she pleases ... (read in full...)
Does a player ever change their tune?
Q. GUYS, once a player, always a player? The man is 37 and we have gone out quite a few times, known each other for quite some time, have the same upbringing, background, and I really like him. Now, he has quite the reputation of a player. In fact, ...
A. 14 November 2007: I believe your attraction to the player is the thrill of the chase and of you perhaps being the one to settle him down. Your nice man may not be thrilling but in the long run I believe you will have something with which to build a complete ... (read in full...)
She's saying I smother her, but we live miles apart?, is this worth it?
Q. ive been with this girl for 6 months.im 32 she is 30.last week monday and tuesday was great wed and thurs she didnt return calls. thurs she send me an email and tells me she needs some space.she feels smothered and its stressing her out.her dad died ...
A. 14 November 2007: I would say your friend is in an evaluation process which does sometimes occur when big changes like a death or a medical issue occur. Likely she is spending energy supporting her friend's divorce and maybe this is also causing some re-evaluation ... (read in full...)
How do I get over my ex?
Q. Hi 6 years ago I was seeing this guy for about 6 months, when the relationship fizzled and we parted ways abruptly. At the time, I found him really attractive and felt that we really connected, but having him in my life was really hard work...
A. 11 November 2007: I tend to agree with Peoriaman that something may be missing from your current relationship which has you thinking back to your ex. I would encourage you to work out what ever is wrong with your current relationship and then maybe these thoughts ... (read in full...)
Should I still contact her or move on?
Q. Though i know many girls as friends i have very little experience with relationships and when i do get numbers i don't even get to a date. Now i have known one girl for 2 years now. She approached me and each time i see her she always comes up ...
A. 11 November 2007: I think you should try to stay connected. Try to minimize your expectations to friendship. Sometimes friendship works itself to more, sometimes it does not. She may be going through some very difficult times. I am kind of going through a similar ... (read in full...)
I can't be physically intimate with women.
Q. Today I was in a conversation with a 15 year-old lad I know and the conversation drifted past the question of being a virgin in terms of peer pressure. While trying to exercise the maturity and responsible adult attitude in response to this I found ...
A. 11 November 2007: Let's take this one step at a time. Would you like to have a relationship with a woman? If you would, then I would say that not all hope is lost. Is there a physical reason you can not be intimate with women or are you saying you can't because ... (read in full...)
What do women really want from their boyfriends when they are feeling down or really upset?
Q. Okay can some of you out there give me some tips on how to comfort your girlfriend/wife/female friends when they are upset and going through a tough time. It's just it doesn't come naturally to me and I feel really awkward around upset people and ...
A. 10 November 2007: We want to be held and when we are ready to talk we want you to listen. Don't try to fix things though, just listen. We also like it when you do nice things for us like get us ice cream or do the dishes or make the dinner. Just be there and be ... (read in full...)
To chase or not to chase?
Q. I got this problem I'm undecided on what I to do. See the story goes like this. I'll admit growing up I never was really social, I was that insecure kid when i came to everything. I ended up meeting this wonderful girl 4 years ago. At the time I ...
A. 10 November 2007:
The heart wants what the heart wants. Go for it. You don't want to live your life wondering "what if." Until you close this door, no woman will ever be good enough.... (read in full...)
I don't want to be on my own, it's really hard sometimes.
Q. ive been in a 5 month relationship with a lad i really love, i met him straight after my fiance who i was with for 4 yrs, i cant get over him so i txt him and sometimes ring him to see if he is ok, i know this is wrong but i still have feelings for ...
A. 10 November 2007: Please understand that getting over your ex will be difficult AND your feelings wont be over in a flash. It'll all be fine down the road. What I am concerned about is that you have gotten yourself into a relationship before you've sorted all of ... (read in full...)
We're both married, but havent had sex, are we just friends for friendship sake?
Q. I have been friendly with a man for the past 4 years. We met through work we both did at the time. We have got closer and closer over the years. In the past year, we spend at least one day, (if not both days) of the weekend or every other ...
A. 8 November 2007: OK..You might not be having sex but this relationship is definatly an affair. You are emotionally tied to this man who in my opinion wants more than you are giving. But please do not do it until you resolve your marriage and he resolves his. If ... (read in full...)
He went from being obsessed with me to being totally indifferent. Why?
Q. I met a guy (who was single and wished to stay that way, due to a recent break up). Even though he knew he couldn't go out with me he text me loads, called, wanted to see me etc, basically obsessed! This continued for a month or so, then he turned ...
A. 8 November 2007: Perhaps he was lonely and you were a nice diversion for him to get his thoughts off his hurt. He maybe realized that he was going overboard and didn't want to put himself out there again to get hurt. My guess is that he calmed down a bit and felt ... (read in full...)
My husband demands sex in a demeaning way because I earn more money. What to do?
Q. I have been married for two years now, and I do love my husband. Least year, my husband realized just how much more money I make them him and at first, he was just resentful. It then leered its way into our sex life, and he only wanted to be ...
A. 8 November 2007: Unfortunately there are some guys who respect their high earning wife and who have ego's that can take it. It appears that you have de-masculated your mate as he is unable to be the "man" in the relationship. OR the fact that he was not a ... (read in full...)
Is is normal for my boyfriend to still be in touch with his exes? Even after 9 years with me?
Q. In a long term relationship for 9 years. About a 2yrs ago boyfriend cheated for about 1 year with a younger woman. We are both 49 yrs old. We got engaged about a year ago. When he is with me his ph is constently off. I have been having problems with ...
A. 7 November 2007: I still keep in touch with an ex (after 30 years) but it's just Christmas cards and once in a blue moon lunch. Not an everyday phone call.. that would be a bit much. ... (read in full...)
His ex cheated on him and now I wish he'd get over it!
Q. Hi. I work in the same place as this really cool guy. We've been spending quite some time together and I really really like him and for the first time I'm falling in love.I know he likes me too but there's a major problem I've had to deal with.He ...
A. 7 November 2007: Your guy was honest, that is a plus. I realize that you like this guy but I think it might be good for you to limit your interaction with him to friendship until he can get past this issue. Pull back a bit so that if he is totally unable to be in ... (read in full...)
I go to him but he makes less effort to come to me! Do I accept this because I love him or seek elsewhere the attention I need?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for about 10 months. We live about 5 miles apart, and in the beginning he would come over to my house to see me, call me regularly, and tell me how much he missed me if we didn't see each other during the week. As ...
A. 7 November 2007: You mention that he wants to be with his friends, does he make an effort to be with your friends too? Does he include you with his friends? I have met many a confirmed bachelor and they are a very independent breed. They prefer casual ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be on my own, it's really hard sometimes.
Q. ive been in a 5 month relationship with a lad i really love, i met him straight after my fiance who i was with for 4 yrs, i cant get over him so i txt him and sometimes ring him to see if he is ok, i know this is wrong but i still have feelings for ...
A. 6 November 2007: My thoughts for if your contact with your ex is wrong. Do you tell your current boyfriend about the contact? If he does not know, would he be upset if you told him. If you are keeping secrets from your current guy, I'd say it is wrong. I can ... (read in full...)
Am I doing the right thing???
Q. Help someone please, I have finished with my husband of 19 years and I really don't want him back its over for good.... My problem is that I have fallen head over heals with a man ten years younger than me, we meet on holiday and he is the best t...
A. 6 November 2007: I think you did the right thing and a very brave thing. I am not so concerned about the age difference, more the mom pleasing. It's one thing to honor your mom and to be honest with her-and I'm all for that-but when you can't tell her things then ... (read in full...)
He broke up with me, but I said we should take a break instead, he will come back to me wont he?
Q. So, I get a call today as I'm leaving work and my love is like, "Something is wrong..." and I'm like," OK, what?" and he tells me he wants to tell me to my face...so I suddenly think, SHIT...this is bad. So, I come home, change, and make my place ...
A. 6 November 2007: I have to agree with the concensus. I do not believe your guy will be back. He fell out of love and held his tongue for two weeks. Two weeks of dispair about how and when he was going to tell you. Two weeks of knowing he was not in love with ... (read in full...)
Who would you choose - money or no money?
Q. Ok,Simple question. If you re torn betweet two men for marrige, One of whom Is pretty rich(can have laisure and relaxed life with), and the Other not so much(indeed may have money problem later), You like them both in certain way, Who would you ...
A. 4 November 2007: After having money and not wanting for anything except LOVE, I would say that money definately does not make you happy. At this point I am looking for love. I can not tell you how many times I have driven by a little hovel of a house and thought ... (read in full...)
My life is in utter shambles...Filing for Divorce
Q. This is a long and painful story that I will post here, but I need to get some opinions from some "disinterested" third parties as my friends/family have pretty much weighed in on this issue. First, some background to "set the stage" for what's to ...
A. 4 November 2007: To answer your question of cheating. Yes, she is cheating. She is not giving herself to you for whatever reason. Her secret life is a form of cheating you whether or not she is with a man. She has cheated you financially as well.
I think yo... (read in full...)
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