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... Send *earkelja a private message | | | *earkelja's profile:This site has been a wonderful experience for me. I hope that I have helped some of you in some small way.
I'll be back from time to time to help where I can. My focus for now is to get my life back to good. Thank you to those of you who have helped me along my journey. Your help, love and guidance have made me strong.
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We're both married, but havent had sex, are we just friends for friendship sake?
Q. I have been friendly with a man for the past 4 years. We met through work we both did at the time. We have got closer and closer over the years. In the past year, we spend at least one day, (if not both days) of the weekend or every other ...
A. 13 December 2007: Then your options are 1) be his friend and nothing more or 2) continue along your path of parting ways. My feeling is that you should part for at least awhile. The relationship he has with you he should be having with his wife. But since he is ... (read in full...)
We're both married, but havent had sex, are we just friends for friendship sake?
Q. I have been friendly with a man for the past 4 years. We met through work we both did at the time. We have got closer and closer over the years. In the past year, we spend at least one day, (if not both days) of the weekend or every other ...
A. 9 December 2007: By him saying you can not have a relationship I think you are going to have trouble getting over your feelings of being more than a friend. He has spoken and I believe what he is saying is that he is holding on to his marriage for whatever reason. ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with someone who just wants to be friends. What can I do?
Q. At first I was reluctant to speak to her as her ex boyfriend and i were close friends. he cheated on her and she phoned me the night they split up to see if he had spken to me as she couldn't get hold of him. i saw her the next day and we started ...
A. 8 December 2007: Hello,
Given what she has told you, yes, I do tend to believe her. It is possible to know somebody too well and be uncomfortable in a relationship with them. If she has shared all of her emotional baggage with you then she may not want the clos... (read in full...)
Could this be a rejection?
Q. On Tuesday my crush sent me a text message.. so we were chatting.. then somehow he finds out that I like him.. it didn't freak him out he just wanted to know why.. so I told him that he is a pretty cool guy.. then he sent me a message saying that he ...
A. 8 December 2007: Are you asking if you rejected him? I think he would interpret that as yes, you rejected him when you did not respond to his text. If you want this relationship to go anywhere you will need to text him back with an apology as to why it took you so ... (read in full...)
Should I believe him when he says he can date??
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been asked out by a man who shares alot of my interests. We have become friends and he initially said he was seperated but now the date is drawing nearer he's told me he still lives with his wife under the same roof but both hav...
A. 7 December 2007: No, do not believe him. He's a cheating, lying, no good sob. Don't let him catch you off guard.... (read in full...)
I'm so hurt and don't know what to do.
Q. I've been seeing someone for about 8 mths. things go great for a couple of mths then all of a sudden he pulls away and hardly speaks to me. This has happened twice and after the last time I wasn't going to bother with him any more as this hurts me. ...
A. 7 December 2007: I had the same thing happen to me though we didn't ever go out but we had a "flirty friendship" at work for 8 months. He would rev things up telling me he "liked me very much" until it was at a point where we should have been going on a date but ... (read in full...)
We're both married, but havent had sex, are we just friends for friendship sake?
Q. I have been friendly with a man for the past 4 years. We met through work we both did at the time. We have got closer and closer over the years. In the past year, we spend at least one day, (if not both days) of the weekend or every other ...
A. 7 December 2007: Then I think if you want to go for him and he is still with his wife that you should ask him "what is up with us and where do you see this heading?" Otherwise you will be left with not knowing which will drive you crazy and perhaps make you do ... (read in full...)
We're both married, but havent had sex, are we just friends for friendship sake?
Q. I have been friendly with a man for the past 4 years. We met through work we both did at the time. We have got closer and closer over the years. In the past year, we spend at least one day, (if not both days) of the weekend or every other ...
A. 7 December 2007: What have you done with your marriage? Did you sort out all of your issues and are proceeding with a divorce? In my opinion, if this man is flirty with you and you are still married then he probably enjoys the flirt without committment as you are ... (read in full...)
Do you ever forget your first love??
Q. Hi, i want to ask everyone who has been in love two questions: Do you ever forget your first love? Would you get back with them if you had the chance?...
A. 2 December 2007: No, you never forget. No, I wouldn't be with him if given the chance. My 2nd love, now that is another story.... (read in full...)
He has been so mean to me yet I can't seem to hate him and move on...was he always a commitment phobe??
Q. I met and fell in love with someone who I thought was a wonderful man. He came from an interesting family - his dad lives in another state than his mom (everyone thinks he lives a double life), but my man SEEMED to have a good head on his shoulders ...
A. 2 December 2007: What happened in the relatinship? You may never know. He may never know. The issue is his. He seems to be in a downward spiral-don't let yourself get tangled up in his problem. I think he is truely depressed and has decided to take things out ... (read in full...)
How do I recover from my heartbreak and show him I don't need him??
Q. Oh somebody please help.. About a month ago i broke up with my boyfriend of a year...(we dated for 2 years before that and broke up for a year before we dated again up until recently) He was my bestfriend, my everything. I told talked to him abou...
A. 2 December 2007: The first step is to accept things the way they are. He has chosen to once again break up with you. As for another chance, I wouldn't give him one. If you go on thinking that you will get back together in a year, you aren't allowing yourself to ... (read in full...)
Once you cheat will you cheat again??
Q. OK, a poll: Do you think once you cheat you will always cheat? Even if you found your soul-mate, married and are happy with each other and both agree that finding each other was the best thing that ever happened to you? I cheated and know it was w...
A. 2 December 2007: There are two kinds of cheating. Situational cheating happens when your relationship isn't meeting your needs. If you recognize this and change your relationship (either leave it or improve it) then I think you won't be likely to cheat again, as ... (read in full...)
Do you divorce someone you 'will always love'?
Q. I'm a 28 year old single guy, who has been seeing a married woman for the better part of a year. She first admitted having a romantic interest in me, and made it clear at that time, that her marriage had failed, and was on the way out the door. ...
A. 2 December 2007: You should exit the relationship at least until the divorce papers have been served. A year is a long time to string someone along. She has been deceitful to her husband and to you. One of the best reasons to stay in a marriage is kids but since ... (read in full...)
We were happy about her pregnancy and she told me she loved me. Next day it was over without explanations. Why??
Q. Hi, I'm finding it hard to get over my ex. I'll keep it short and to the point. We had been together for 9 months. She is 24 and I am 30. We met last Christmas while away with our families and it was love at first sight....I totally fell ...
A. 2 December 2007: Just thinking aloud. When the two of you started it was a known fact for her that she could not have kids. Perhaps with her getting pregnant a whole other world opened up for her. Did she date other guys who ended things when they realized she ... (read in full...)
My guy never tells me he loves me and misses me and I feel like he doesn't like me anymore.
Q. hey! Basically i like this guy and weve been out twice. I see him everyday and hes reallt nice etc. The only thing is that: my friend likes this guy but they're not as close as me and my guy are but they still tell each other how much they like eac...
A. 2 December 2007: No two guys are alike and no two relationships are alike. Please learn this right now-it is dangerous for you to compare your relationship to anyone elses. You will only find things to be disappointed in. Enjoy your guy for what he is. He sounds ... (read in full...)
What is my ex's game??
Q. Hi, I am feeling rather low today. Basically my story is this. I met my ex almost 2 years ago now, we chatted and got to know each other then dated for a few months and I fell absolutely head over heels for him within a few weeks, especial...
A. 2 December 2007: I think I know what's going on here. The guy is afraid of his own feelings. It has nothing to do with you. It is all him. I am sure he means those things he said to you at the time. The problem is that he has no business saying them because he ... (read in full...)
How can a man return to an unhappy marriage??
Q. Why does a married man , (who obviously is not happy in his marriage), choose to stay in it, when found out even though the woman he was seeing offers him support/help/place to live? Also, what must the atmosphere at home be like, going back to the ...
A. 1 December 2007: That is a good question. Why do some men have affairs and others leave their wife for the other woman? The couple of instances I know where the man did leave his wife, the other woman that the man fell for refused to have an affair. The men left ... (read in full...)
How can this txt have been a joke??
Q. I have known my wife for 21 years and been married for 17. She is my life, our love was the most passionate thing ever, we were best friends and always expressed our love. About a year ago I noticed a change in her, she would not cuddle me or kiss ...
A. 1 December 2007: Sorry to hear what the truth is but please look upon it as a blessing. You now know the truth, make your plans accordingly. The flip side would have been having her string you along for more time and tearing you apart inside not knowing.
Find ... (read in full...)
How can a man return to an unhappy marriage??
Q. Why does a married man , (who obviously is not happy in his marriage), choose to stay in it, when found out even though the woman he was seeing offers him support/help/place to live? Also, what must the atmosphere at home be like, going back to the ...
A. 1 December 2007: The affair was exciting for him. It was a momentary lapse in his judgement to find something that made him feel alive. Instead of working issues out in the marriage, he turned to you-it was easier for him.
Once a cheater decides to go back to ... (read in full...)
Do I stand a chance with this girl??
Q. I have met a beautiful Asian women at work, and i have been lucky enough to have been out on one date with her. Two weeks after the date she let me have her phone number, i called her a week later to say that i'd like to build up a nice relationship ...
A. 1 December 2007: I am thinking you need to sit back a bit and see if she starts talking to you at work. If she is ignoring you and you saw her with a man then I'd say she may be taken and perhaps she couldn't tell you herself as she didn't want to hurt you. It ... (read in full...)
How can this txt have been a joke??
Q. I have known my wife for 21 years and been married for 17. She is my life, our love was the most passionate thing ever, we were best friends and always expressed our love. About a year ago I noticed a change in her, she would not cuddle me or kiss ...
A. 1 December 2007: Because of the personal nature of the text AND her behavioral changes I am inclined to say that it was not a joke and that these two people do have something going.
It will do you no good to talk to the guy-your friend-but you need to have a t... (read in full...)
How can I stop this male escort from blackmailing me?
Q. i had sex with another man..he was an escort..i paid him money..now he is blackmailing me for more money..which i gave him ..and now he wants more money from me..and he threatens to tell others about this experience if i dont pay him...it can ruin ...
A. 30 November 2007: If being an escort is his business and he is blackmailing you do you have any recourse to go to the company he works for? How about turning him into the police. It is illegal to blackmail someone. I think if I were you I would take the risk of ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't it pay to be a nice guy? Why are women attracted to unkind men, abusive, players?
Q. Why dosen't it pay to be a nice guy? i do all i can 4 her and still no reward just get crap. I even tryed being bad to her and i got crap. So why are woman attracted to a%^ and *^*4? and why are they messed up? Someone tell me? because im so lost ...
A. 30 November 2007: We are not all attracted to bad dudes. Many of us appreciate the "on the level" guy who knows how to treat a lady. Given your verbal abuse on the situation I rather think you are very hurt right now-in which case your view on the world is a bit ... (read in full...)
How do I get over him if he is still contacting me? Does he want reconciliation or is just feeling comfortable in talking as purely friends?
Q. I broke up with my ex about two months ago and we hadn't talked for about 3 weeks because I told him to leave me alone on several occasions. Then, he texted me last night saying he wishes me well. Then, I texted him back to say I was sorry for the ...
A. 30 November 2007: How old is this man? Did he break up with you or did you break up with him. If you broke up with him it seems like he still is not over you and is hoping you'll reconsider. If he broke up with you then I think on some level he is interested. If ... (read in full...)
I can't move on, I can't decide how I feel or what I want or why he's acting the way he is...
Q. Hey, I am going through so much crap with my ex boyfriend. I'm 18 and was going out with him for 2 years ..he broke up with me through a text on monday but I was out and had been drinking so i didnt remember reading it ..rang him the next morning ...
A. 30 November 2007: Hello Eitak,
First off, cancel your plans of seeing him this Saturday. You should avoid any kind of contact with him until your feelings aren't so raw. He has a lot of nerve calling to "see how you're doing" and then to tell you he doesn't miss... (read in full...)
My friend's stategy to attract women. What do you think?
Q. I recently spoke to one of my guy friends about how he gets girls/woman to like him ( because he always seems to have woman on the go) He said that he gives them attention and then cuts it off and this makes them want more? What do...
A. 29 November 2007: It may work but it is not a mature way to have a relationship. If you play games to get someone then in my book you have already been dishonest with them and the foundation to any relationship is trust and honesty.
I do not appreciate men who ... (read in full...)
Should I keep trying with him even though he doesn't return my calls?
Q. please help.i meet this guy coming up to 2 weeks so far its been good,ive been round his house 3 times and stayed over night the thing is he wants sex and deep down i want it two but not just yet, anyway this weekend i went away on a day trip and he ...
A. 27 November 2007: I think I'd leave it be. Don't text or call him anymore. Let him come to you. You don't want him to think you are desperate. Men don't like desperate.... (read in full...)
Recently she cant get through the day without me...any advice??
Q. Strange situation here... i need to know what if anything there is i can do and what could of caused this. Well my wife and i have been together since we were 16 we love each other very much. Just lately she has become very attached to me and the ...
A. 27 November 2007: Look up "separation anxiety". It's pretty common with kids who are going off to school. There are a lot of tips to wean them off you. Maybe try some of these practices. It isn't healthy for your wife to have these feelings. If the two of you are ... (read in full...)
Is he playing with me? - he "forgot" to say he lived with somebody else and already had a child. He says he loves me.
Q. Hi! I was with this person who wanted to me intimate right away with me after a few dates. I said no. After a while he would call me a few times then one day I stopped calling him. six month later he chased me down after a month we became intimate. ...
A. 27 November 2007: I have to agree, this man is no good. Not knowing the total definition of a player I would go with classic manipulator, lier and a user of people. Stay away. You've already said yourself that you have nothing in common. I think you should limit ... (read in full...)
I was his rebound , but there is more to it, how can I convince him we should be committing to each other?
Q. Im stuck as to what to do can anyone give me some sound advice. I met this guy 9months ago and well we hit it off straight away and everything is gr8. Well i say gr8 he knows i love him but he wont say it back to me. The basis of the story is that ...
A. 26 November 2007: If you push him, you will lose him. He is right to use his head at this point in the relationship. He is protecting himself from hurt AND most importantly, he needs to figure out why his marriage failed (what his role in it was) and why he let ... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm losing her to her husband (whom she left)...
Q. I met this girl at work, she had just seperated with her husband and has a 2 year old child, and she lived with me for 3 + months in which time we grew very very close. Now she has been back at the husbands for about 3 months during which tim...
A. 26 November 2007: While I am sorry for you, I am not sorry for the outcome. I think she did a very hard thing. However, I am concerned that she kind of put the "keep on trying" out there for you. It is best if you move on without reservation. You should try to ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with someone who just wants to be friends. What can I do?
Q. At first I was reluctant to speak to her as her ex boyfriend and i were close friends. he cheated on her and she phoned me the night they split up to see if he had spken to me as she couldn't get hold of him. i saw her the next day and we started ...
A. 26 November 2007: I can understand why you caved in, she needed you. But you need to be sure you are not going to be "used" in the process. Both of you need to define what you want from the relationship but for now both of you need to be just friends as she has ... (read in full...)
Recently divorced, then met a married man, why am I so stupid?
Q. I deserve this - I recently (Aug) went through a traumatic seperation and lost alot of weight but had just started to get back on my feet. I started to chat to someone on the net, who lived local and was nice to talk to , made me laugh, said ni...
A. 26 November 2007: You made a mistake...what an amazing opportunity to learn from it. I am sure you have. Don't dwell on it, move forward. You've had your first encounter after your separation/divorce. That is a very hard step. I agree with Richard however, take ... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm losing her to her husband (whom she left)...
Q. I met this girl at work, she had just seperated with her husband and has a 2 year old child, and she lived with me for 3 + months in which time we grew very very close. Now she has been back at the husbands for about 3 months during which tim...
A. 26 November 2007: Dear jumpman23, I know it is easier said than done. I will be sending courage accross the ocean for you on Monday and hope things go well for you. Take your time if you get hurt by what happens on Monday. Know that there is light at the end of ... (read in full...)
Is he genuine or is he playing me?
Q. Was chatting with a guy on a website for nearly 3 weeks, we hit it off really well. But it was always me who initiated the conversations on the website, he would only phone when it suited him and when I phoned he never answered. I was told that if a ...
A. 25 November 2007: He doesn't sound as if he is into you. I'd move on. I'm not sure what the definition of a player is so I couldn't tell you if he was a player or not, but since he's not that into you, you'll always be the initiator and this is not a good position ... (read in full...)
Does he really want her back?
Q. After a great night of passionate sex with my boyfriend, he starts dreaming of his ex-wife. I know this because he started talking about how lucky they were to have their daughter, and then he starts pushing his body up against mine, and says wow ...
A. 25 November 2007: regarding his comment "it's good to be back." what is he saying? Does he mean it's good to be back in love or does he think he is back with his ex? Is he sleep talking?
Try not to read too much into things and if it is bothering you, you need... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm losing her to her husband (whom she left)...
Q. I met this girl at work, she had just seperated with her husband and has a 2 year old child, and she lived with me for 3 + months in which time we grew very very close. Now she has been back at the husbands for about 3 months during which tim...
A. 25 November 2007: This woman sounds confused but since she is now with her husband, you need to give her space to figure out what she wants to do. Meanwhile, you need to be thinking that she most likely will not choose you and then you need to move on. I am ... (read in full...)
We have been intimate but he claims that we are still just friends as he enjoys hanging out but does not want to commit - which may change. Maybe his ex wife caused him to put up this great wall?
Q. I am really confused and not sure what to do. I have been seeing this guy for a little over a month. When we first met, he said to take it slow, that he did not want to jump into anything. However, the first 2 weeks or so, we saw each other every ...
A. 25 November 2007: He likely lost some confidence with his divorce. In my book, actions speak louder than words. So, go with his actions. Try not to define the relationship too much for him and try to minimize your expectations of what it will be down the road. ... (read in full...)
Can't stop thinking about a girl who is proud to be a heartbreaker.
Q. Okay, so I'm looking for advice here, or at least some opinions of people who can relate. I'm totally nuts over a girl who I barely even know, and I have no idea why. I went on a few dates with her several months ago, and she cut off contact with...
A. 25 November 2007: She does have you hypnotized. However, no one can hypnotize anyone unless they let them. So for whatever reason, she's got you under her control....but YOU let her do this to you.
Now that you know this, you should know that you have the powe... (read in full...)
Should I just leave her be??
Q. Hi, I was currently going out with this girl who i met on holiday. This was about 4 month ago, we got on like two peas in a pod from day one. After the holiday was over we met up and soon after started going out with each other. After a few months o...
A. 25 November 2007: What's up with the child? If indeed she is pregnant with your child then you are connected to her. You shouldn't be so concerned about your feelings here but how about some consideration for what she is likely going through being pregnant. She is ... (read in full...)
Yeast infection
Q. Help me please!!! This is a little embarrassing, but I know I have a yeast infection, and I don't want to go to the doctor! Are there any home remedies to cure yeast infections? If there are any that you know of please tell me what they are, and ...
A. 25 November 2007: I agree, in the US, it is over the counter. There are several brands. I prefer monostat 3. The one day remedy doesn't seem to work as well. Also, if you are suseptible to these type of infections eat yogurt daily and avoid eating too many ... (read in full...)
He keeps looking at younger women. Should I be worried here?
Q. I'm 52, slender, and youthful looking for my age. (So I'm told) My boyfriend is 12 years younger than me, but he looks the same age. He is wonderful in a lot of ways, but he is always looking at younger women. Once I noticed that he had an ...
A. 25 November 2007: How stable (long term/committed) is your relationship? What about children? Do you have them, want them, what about him? Could these actions with younger women have anything to do with that?
You mentioned he had other younger women but it d... (read in full...)
Is my ex putting me off to be kind, or is he keeping me on the back burner?
Q. Thank you to everybody who helps. I am trying to stay on good terms with my ex. When I asked him for coffee he says it is not a good idea as he is afraid we will go back to where we were before but ever since we broke up he has always said we will ...
A. 25 November 2007: I think it is important to put some distance and time between your breakup and your friendship. I don't know how long it's been since you broke up but I would say a good 6 months is time enough. If you still feel like going for causual coffee then ... (read in full...)
How can I move this friendship on to an actual relationship?
Q. I am best friends with a guy, now we're stuck in this fling thing where I really like him and I want something proper but I don't think he does. I've tried to make it stop and just move on as I don't want a fling, I want a proper relationship but I ...
A. 23 November 2007: Recognize that the relationship is what it is and if it is not what you want in a relationship then you have to make your move. Sometimes we get into a pattern of bad behavior and it takes a broader view to change. I say move on, tell the guy this ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with someone who just wants to be friends. What can I do?
Q. At first I was reluctant to speak to her as her ex boyfriend and i were close friends. he cheated on her and she phoned me the night they split up to see if he had spken to me as she couldn't get hold of him. i saw her the next day and we started ...
A. 21 November 2007: You were honest with her and I think you handled things wonderfully. You waited until the time was right for you. You did not push things too fast. You did not push yourself on her. She is doing what she thinks is right and in a way, the ... (read in full...)
We're both married, but havent had sex, are we just friends for friendship sake?
Q. I have been friendly with a man for the past 4 years. We met through work we both did at the time. We have got closer and closer over the years. In the past year, we spend at least one day, (if not both days) of the weekend or every other ...
A. 8 November 2007: OK..You might not be having sex but this relationship is definatly an affair. You are emotionally tied to this man who in my opinion wants more than you are giving. But please do not do it until you resolve your marriage and he resolves his. If ... (read in full...)
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