A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i went to visit my long distant boyfriend for almost two months, whilst in that country and a few days after i had arrived i realized he was seeing another lady. i confronted the lady when she called the house and told my boyfriend to put a stop to it. for the remaining 7 weeks i never heard from the lady again. and i barred from boyfriend from staying out. he was redundant at the time so where ever he went i went, and i know he definately wasnt communicating with her because we were together all the time and i monitered him. he became extra sweet and rather tolerant of me, i felt and now looking back on it. when i returned to london i talked with him and he was responsive etc. since then he's been rather elusive. then i heard just yesterday and its been confirmed that he's married this exact lady. was i a fool in thinking that he had gotten rid of her? i feel very deceived and a fool. pls what do you guys think? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (2 November 2007):
 Your ex does not sound like a good person. He deceived you, shame on him. I am glad you are free to find someone who will treat you right. I know it is hard on you right now and you may feel like a fool but you should always remember that giving love and believing in people is not foolish. Take Care.
A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (2 November 2007):
 I was in a long-distance relationship for about 2 months - Kent to Yorkshire, when all of a sudden I found out she was seeing another guy. Even though it was only 2 months, I was devastated.The ball's in the other court now - he cheated on her a couple of months back - I was going to tell her that we (his friends and hers knew he was a bit of a ladies man) told her so, but I didn'tIt does get better with time, but I still can't get over her
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A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (2 November 2007):
 The exact thing happened to me about 3 years ago. I was in a long distance relationship - me in South Africa - him in London. He was only supposed to go back to London for 3 months, which became 4 months and then 5 and then 10. Eventually i had saved enough money to go visit him. It was supposed to be a ten day trip for us - and he told me not to worry about bringing much spending money, coz he will take care of that - since i paid for the flight. Well, when i got there he told me that he paid 1000 pounds into his parent's bank account - so we couldnt do much. Fine by me - he was supposed to come back to SA with me once my 10day trip was done. Then he told me he wasn't coming back with me, he was going to stay until his visa expired which was another 3 months away. I just noticed that he was really funny. I didn't see him for 10 months - and i lost 15kg - was looking really good - and he didn't even want to have sex with me. That is when i knew something was wrong.
We had a fight, because he was rude towards me, and i left to go visit another friend. When i came back the next morning, he could not even speak to me, so i went upstairs, and looked for another friend of our's number on his phone. That's when i got a crazy idea, and went through his phone (something that is totally out of character for me)Then i found it.. Messages between him and another girl.
Well, i confronted him a couple of hours later. He said that he's been planning on telling me - i said - that before i bought the ticket would have been a good time to speak up.
I decided to stay calm, even met the girl - and was introduced as a FRIEND...i really felt sorry for her - because he was already lying to her. I had her number stored on my phone for a long time, but never contacted her. I still slept in his bed - next to him for the remainder of my holiday. Asked him to be nice to me - and make my holiday worth while at least, and then we parted.
They are also now married - and she's pregnant. We are still friends, however - i still feel sorry for the girl.
She still doesn't know about me. Maybe it is better that way.
Anyway - point is - guys are horrible sometimes. You should feel sorry for the other girl a) because she probably didn't know about you in the first place and b) because she decided to marry him regardless of what he's done. He's proven to her already that he is a cheater and a liar.
Well - you are much better off without him.
It does hurt - for a while longer, but you will definitely meet someone new - and nice, and loving and caring. I sure have.
Good luck - and good on you for finding out the truth.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (2 November 2007):
 You can not control what people do or think. You thought that you could force him to care. He didn't have the integrity to care in the first place. People like him do not understand what love means. They will only understand the damage they cause when they truly fall in love one day.
You are never a fool for loving or trusting someone. That is what we're supposed to do. The fool is the person who takes advantage of your security and trust and loses it. To deceive someone only means someone took advantage of your trust. We are supposed to believe most people are honest. Going through life the other way would be terrible. Now you're gone and he is in another shallow relationship. He lost.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (2 November 2007):
 Hi,
You have nothing to feel bad about, he lied to you, not the other way round. Your not a fool, you trusted someone with no integrity, and that was not your fault.
Its easy to say "plenty more fish in the sea", but believe me its so! so! true.
XX
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