A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in the Army with 2yrs left the guy I met is in the Navy with 5 yrs left, we met up here on deployment, we've only known eachother for a month, when we leave deployment he will go back to his base in N.M and I'll go back to GA, the dilemma, we both have strong feelings for eachother, but we don't know what to call what we have or want to have because we both know our future we will part due to our military branches and locations. It's tuff to end what we have and be friends when we both are emotionally and physically attracted to eachother and want more. If it was up to us we'd want our fantasy to be together after deployment. Is it ok to continue to care about eachother even though were going to part and know this will probably end hard for the both of us?
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (24 September 2008):
 It does seem that he has some feelings for you and it also seems he is protecting himself from a) getting your hopes up and b) getting himself hurt again. Take things slow for now and see where it goes. Do you know what his mental state is after serving in Iraq? Could he also have some apprehension because of some feelings he is carrying about that duty?
I think if you find that he is pulling back too much and not getting invested as you are then you probably need to pull back yourself and see what he does. You could also tell him that love is all about taking risks and sometimes getting hurt. No-one does it intentionally but if it all works out, the rewards are awesome.
If he still doesn't want to give to the relationship, you may need to find someone who can give you what you need. That will be a decision you'll know when to make. You'll feel like you are giving more and getting less and eventually even you will want more and need more.
Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, make a long story short, the guy that I met in Iraq gave me a call while I was taking a 4 week break from Iraq and he told me that he was tranfering to a base that is going to be an hour and a half away from mine. I'm happy about it, he knew I'd react happy. The only confusion for me is he is being very careful, says he doesn't wanna call we have a relationship yet until we are close and learn more about eachother, he also didn't come out and tell me that his reason for moving coincidently close is because of us... since we've been back he still has a month couple months until he is officailly close, and we did see eachother once and have kept in contact much often while we've been apart and are making ways to see eachother somehow. He has been hurt in the past and is fearful of getting hurt again, any dilema that gets in the way he backs away..and then other times he gives 100%, ... which has made this all a challenge of me wondering if he has his plans and hes not telling me. He did not tell me about him thinking of transfering where he is now he recently told me he's going to be assigned to a ship and hes going to have to travel aways, and he tells me that he doesn't know if he wants to deal with being apart and a longterm relationship, hes been in one before and it didn't work out. Even though he has his discouraging thoughts it makes me feel bad because anything is possible.It seems hes thinking about protecting his feelings for the future, but it doesn't make sense to me, what about now. I feel helpless sometimes... hope this all makes sense... thanks to whomever can offer some help or just read...
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPlease excuse my grammer on the question to everyone who took their time out to read this. (was in a rush)Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your comment. I will go back to your comment so it can help me know that it's always possible. :)
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (2 November 2007):
Given your age and the fact that both of you will be living the same kind of life you may have a better chance than most. You'll both understand the sacrifices you've made and emotionally you'll both be going through the lonliness together. If you can maintain contact through email and phone and then plan a couple of trips to see each other from time to time, I think that you have a great chance. Don't give up what you have, it's worth working on or putting on hold for a later date. I wish you both luck and thank you both for your service to our country! God Bless.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. I remember your advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your comment, I will remember your advice. :)
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