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female
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anonymous
writes: Was I emotionally abusive too? I recently broke up with my fiance because he was emotionally abusive. I tried to break up with him numerous times, but failed. I would pack, and sometimes even leave, but always returned out of guilt. I'm not going back this time, but I just want to know if packing and breaking up with him so many times was emotional abuse. After we broke up he asked me why I finally did and I told him because he was emotionally abusive. He said I was! The sad and frustrating thing is his friends always felt sorry for him when I would break up, but they don't know the other side to him! Who was at fault? I think he just wanted to be in control of me, but I need reassurance. When someone is emotionally or even physically abusive, do they always turn around and blame it on you?
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female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (19 October 2007):
 When someone is emotionally immature they blame it on anyone but themselves. Trying to control someone is emotional abuse. People who physically abuse another person quite often believe the other person "made them do it". Breaking up with someone (again and again) is not abusive, unless you did this intentionally. It seems like you tried and kept trying and giving him the benefit of the doubt. You sacrificed your own feeling (out of guilt) to give him another chance. This isn't emotional abuse. Sounds like you made a good decision. Don't look back. Good luck.
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