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I'll be back from time to time to help where I can. My focus for now is to get my life back to good. Thank you to those of you who have helped me along my journey. Your help, love and guidance have made me strong.
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Is there a way I can ease my loneliness without hurting my wife?
Q. I am caught between not wanting to hurt me wife and trying to easy my lonelyness. What do I do now? Is there a way to not hurt her and ease my loneliness? We are not and have never been soul mates. I respect her enough after 19 years, that I do...
A. 14 January 2008: Is there any way you can move your wife to an apartment where she doesn't need to drive but can take a bus or walk to work and for groceries? I think you are doing a good thing working with her to make her independent. It seems like she's been ... (read in full...)
Is there a way I can ease my loneliness without hurting my wife?
Q. I am caught between not wanting to hurt me wife and trying to easy my lonelyness. What do I do now? Is there a way to not hurt her and ease my loneliness? We are not and have never been soul mates. I respect her enough after 19 years, that I do...
A. 13 January 2008: Well, this is a bad turn for you. Your wife needs some help. Does she have any friends or family that can care for her or help her get through this lonliness? I think you need to settle this down before you proceed. Don't back down on your ... (read in full...)
He blows hot and cold. Is it me or is it him?
Q. Hi. Me and my boyfriend have been together about 6 - 7 weeks and he's upset me tonight. He was being really weird on the phone with me - not talking much, being really quiet and he didn't say love you when I went and he always does. But when ...
A. 9 January 2008: The way you can tell how much a guy likes you is by how he reacts to you when he is with his friends. The fact that he is downright rude to you tells me he is not comfortable with his feelings. He was also disrespectful towards you by telling his ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my mom I was sexually abused by my dad? Will I ever have a healthy relationship with a man? Is it bad I live with my parents still? (returning home after my husband's abuses.)
Q. ok...i was sexually abused when i was 6 till i was 17... the few people ive told said i need to tell my mom... and ive been reading other peoples advice on here...most said to tell the mom too....but i cant. i cant do that to her... its been 6 year...
A. 6 January 2008: Hey, Rape is rape on base or off base. You need to press charges here and start standing up for yourself.
I know abuse does harm to your self-esteem but this continual abuse you seem to be attracting is going to take you down hard one day. Yo... (read in full...)
Does he fancy me? Should I confront him?
Q. hi i met this guy last year he is 21 years older than me, he doesn't have a wife kids or girlfriend. we started talking then it got a little more serious. but then it all got out and people started laughing and joking about it and made matters ...
A. 5 January 2008: My guess is that he is conflicted about the age difference. If you are 16-17 then you are underage and he could be in big trouble for having a relationship with you. A 21 year age difference when you are so young is a lot to deal with. He will be ... (read in full...)
He says I'm the one but he's dumped me. What is going on in his mind?
Q. My boyfriend of 10 months decided to bring to my attention his confusion in our relationship on New Years Day. We had a great New Years Eve, we kissed at 12, he held my hand...He sat me down and confided (as he was drunk) '[My name], I love yo...
A. 5 January 2008: I agree with Baby Duck. I would add that I think what this relationship needs is a cooling off period. He is feeling trapped and confused. You are being hurt because he can't seem to make up his mind.
What he doesn't realize is that it is not a... (read in full...)
Should I stay broken up for good?
Q. so tonight i was out with my friend and i deceided to stop by my boyfriends friends house on the way home just to see if he was there and say hi. well i drove up and saw his car so i pulled along side of it. then! he took off driving in his car as ...
A. 5 January 2008: Well, since you want some more advice I will chime in. Your guy cheated on you. That alone is reason to leave. What I find extremely immature is that he was caught and instead of doing the manly thing he embarks on a high speed chase. This tells ... (read in full...)
We split 6 years ago. Should I contact her? Should I seek professional guidance?
Q. I have not been in a relationship in 6 years. I have been stuck on the "love of my life" who ended it 6 years ago with me. I never got closure from her and it has bothered me all this time. I moved far away from her. I did find out she just got ...
A. 5 January 2008: You are going through a very difficult time and I am sorry for this. You should not contact your ex for closure. Closure is over-rated anyway. She won't be honest if it was something about you because no-one likes to hurt people. Most likely ... (read in full...)
I met a girl online, but I worry some issues I have will ruin a relationship
Q. I met a woman on the internet about 2 years ago.When we first started to chat we told each other alot about each other.Her past scared me off but we still talked.After being in therapy,I relized anyone 46 is going to have a past just like I do.I ...
A. 3 January 2008: Hey there, if you get a chance to get to the library, there is a very good book that may help you get some positive thinking. It is written by Benjamin Zander called the Art of Possibility. Excellent read.
I think you should try to have a h... (read in full...)
She was my first, I was not hers... should I "get even" by experimenting with somebody else, as the thoughts about my wife's past haunt me regularly?
Q. Married for 7 years with 2 chilren, have had normal ups and downs but very good marriage. My wife had been with 6 other men before me, and I was a virgin. We got married right out of high school so I know these encounters she had were just "dumb ...
A. 3 January 2008: I am sure this is bothering your wife as well if you have discussed this with her at length. If she is aware how much it is bothering you then you have probably made her feel very inadequate. How awful for her. She didn't do this to you.
I thi... (read in full...)
Do I deserve this mental torture? I forgave my ex everytime she decided our break ups were a mistake, and every time I forgave her she broke up again.
Q. hi i am 38 years old , never married or engaged . I thought maybe i had commitment issues and always thought the grass was greener on the other side . One year ago i met a lady , a single mother and got on really well with her six year old child. We...
A. 3 January 2008: I feel for you. I think you are the most admirable man to have gone through all that you went through with this woman. No one can say you didn't try. I think she has a serious issue and try as I may, I'm even thinking that some of this has been ... (read in full...)
Did I ruin my chances for dating him?
Q. hi, im a 28 yr old, successful, a taurus by zodiac.passionate about life, love, family and friends. Anyways i met this guy at a function, alot of eye contact, i initiated contact as he was in the same network for a work cause. He replied, remembered ...
A. 3 January 2008: Typically when someone tells me they are not desperate, it puts a label on the person. You start to look for signs of desperation. When you contacted him again he probably was a bit put off.
If your goal is to date this fellow then you need... (read in full...)
Is it over before it began?
Q. I recently ran into my ex boyfriend of 12 years ago. The only other time we ever saw each other was a few years ago when we met up and visited for one night. We are both married with families but decided to meet up a few times. The last time things ...
A. 3 January 2008: You are both married. If you've been initiating things and you left it up to him to initiate the next "outing" then I think you should leave well enough alone. My guess is that he was not comfortable with the passion of the last meeting and to ... (read in full...)
Is she waiting on me to make the first move or...should I just forget her now?
Q. Please re-read my other questions to refresh your memory if you want, but the last few weeks the same thing has been happening but i do feel im getting closer if you get me. all her mates have been doing the same sort of tricks, by tricks i mean her ...
A. 1 January 2008: Yes, silly. She was waiting. She by now probably thinks you are not interested in her. It's fairly obvious her friends know she likes you. What are you waiting for? If you like her why didn't you ask her to dance when she was standing next to ... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and in love with a 30 year old and don't know what to do
Q. I'm in love with a guy who is 30 im 14 I really love him he isnt married but he has a girlfriend with a 5 yr old son I loveee his son to death his girl I wish she would drop dead hes my cuzins friend I'm always at my cousins house seeing him he ...
A. 1 January 2008: This 30 year old is not flirting with you. He's being nice to the cute little girl. Please don't mistake a man being nice to you as a sexual invitation.
Otherwise, I agree with all the other posts.... (read in full...)
He likes me alot more than I like him, should I settle for him?
Q. I have had the ultimate worst luck with men! From being in a serious relationship for 6 years, to being with another guy for 2 years who ended things with me cos his mother controlled his every breath and hated my guts for some reason :o@ Now I have ...
A. 1 January 2008: I agree with Phil. You should be head over heals in love with the man you choose to marry. This is what will get you through all the crap that is sure to come in marriage. If you settle you will always wonder if you chose wisely and you will most ... (read in full...)
Am I setting myself up for a fall?
Q. I'm in my early forties and started a relationship with a woman in her thirties studying in a nearby city; she's from abroad, and returned to her home country after we'd been seeing each other for several weeks. By arrangement, I went to stay with ...
A. 31 December 2007: I don't agree with her asking for your account information so she can spy on you. That is not a trusting behavior. I don't approve of you telling women you are a sex machine either but you seem to have realized you should stop this. No woman ... (read in full...)
Does he have 'Courtship Nerves'?
Q. Any body language experts reading? I've recently met a man at work and feel a powerful attraction to him. My instinct tells me he's interested too, but to be sure, I've been trying to read his non-verbal body language. He is a very self-ass...
A. 31 December 2007: I think he is tongue tied. This is typical of many guys, even older ones. It could be he is unsure of himself, unsure of a relationship with someone at work or completely inept at these kinds of things.
Do you always compliment him first or... (read in full...)
Don't men still do old-fashioned things for the women they love?
Q. I'm a little irritated with my b/f. For two weeks, I've asked him 3 times to air up the tire on my car because it looked low. Each time, he blew me off saying, "Yeah, yeah, yeah..." and then doing nothing. Today I had a flat and he was pissed at me ...
A. 31 December 2007: He doesn't seem to be much of a gentleman. I'd say if you are helping him out the least he could do is help you out. My ex still does those things for me and I help him with some things he isn't quite sound at. All relationships are give and ... (read in full...)
We've been together 6 years but he's told me he loves his ex as much as me, and he wouldn't be able to resist her if the chance came up. Do I stay or leave him??
Q. My partner and I have been together for 6 years and I have a Daughter from a previous relationship who calls my partner Dad(No contact with my ex).When we first got together he explained that he and his ex were still friendly and i accepted ...
A. 31 December 2007: I think if the reason your boyfriend and his ex broke up is because he couldn't give her children and she now has a child that there is a very good chance he is thinking, problem solved and he is planning to get back with her.
Even if she doesn't ... (read in full...)
My newly single neighbour is 15 years older than me, I'd like advice on how to get her into bed
Q. I have known this very beautiful and fun woman in my neighborhood for about ten years. We have been friends and have enjoyed doing many things together. I am 20 and she is 35. About a year ago she was divorced and her ex is not in the picture. She ...
A. 31 December 2007: What exactally do you want this woman for? Sex and sex alone? Not many women want to be Mrs. Robinson and that is how you are treating her.
Do you like this woman for any other qualities? Do you want a normal relationship with her or do you j... (read in full...)
My BF doesn't like kissing?
Q. I have been in a not-too-happy-but loving relationship for 4 years, with a 1 year distance relationship at the beginning. When I have finally moved in with my boyfriend our sex life became cooler after a few weeks. Now (3 years afterwards)he ...
A. 31 December 2007: The differences you have in your intimate relationship are significant and they filter through your entire relationship. I can tell you from experience that down the road it won't get better, in fact from the experience I had, it just gets worse ... (read in full...)
Is there a way I can ease my loneliness without hurting my wife?
Q. I am caught between not wanting to hurt me wife and trying to easy my lonelyness. What do I do now? Is there a way to not hurt her and ease my loneliness? We are not and have never been soul mates. I respect her enough after 19 years, that I do...
A. 30 December 2007: to quote from a poem I wrote many years ago
"my heart is in hiding from all damage done"
Yes, it is normal. Your head has taken over as it is not possible for your heart to get through this alone. So put your head into it, take your heart al... (read in full...)
Do you think that he is taking time out to think now that Christmas is over or he has already made a choice? Is it maybe a mid-life crisis?
Q. Hi, please help. My partner/fiance left our home 2 months ago after 5 years for a reason i did not know. I saw him last sunday and he told me that the reason he left was because he had met someone else. When i asked him he told me it was a 26 year ...
A. 30 December 2007: I think you have given him plenty of time to think. I would not contact him for any reason. In fact, if he contacts you, I'd be cool with him. He hasn't been fair to you in any of this. I realize you love him but when someone tells you they need ... (read in full...)
I discovered my husband's infidelity, now he is very insecure, afraid I'd leave him. Why is he doing this? How can I help him?
Q. I caught my husband in an affair, I have forgiven him now he never wants to be alone, it is as if I had the affair. I feel as if he is afraid I am going to leave him, I told him I love him, but I will never love him the same or feel the same as ...
A. 30 December 2007: People's actions are a reflection of where they are at. Your husband is filled with guilt, as he should be, but he is working OT to reassure you he will not slip up again.
I hope in time you can come to love him as you once did. I am sure he ... (read in full...)
I told my insecure gf to move on if she did not trust me. She did. What can I do now?
Q. my girlfriend of 8 months recently broke up,due to me telling her if she did not trust me to move on. she is very insecure. she slept with a person 2 nights in a row and says he showed her the attention she was wanting. she will not talk to me for ...
A. 30 December 2007: Was your girlfriend super insecure or was there an event that made her not trust you. In my opinion, the relationship wasn't secure if it couldn't withstand her not trusting you (again, why?)to the point where she left you and was immediately with ... (read in full...)
Am I justified to feel this angry with my ex?
Q. I dated my best friend for a few months at the begining of the year, we had been friends for 3 years prior, and yes I already know it was probably a bad idea, he lied to me and I left him, giving him some space for a few months then we started being ...
A. 30 December 2007: Yes, you are justified to be upset. A should not have agreed to be friends if he could not do so. In the future however, even if you are best friends with someone you used to date you should probably refrain from talking about someone you are ... (read in full...)
If I feel that there's nothing between us on my side any longer, how can we carry on? Has the relationship reached the end of the line? How should I tell him?
Q. I really don't think I want to remain with my partner. We don't live together or anything and after splitting up earlier this year, we got back together in September. He was the one that kept contacting me to see if we could try and sort the rel...
A. 29 December 2007: I believe your relationship has reached a point where it is no longer giving you what you need. I think that once you reach that point it becomes difficult if not impossible to get it back. The strain you are feeling is the impending doom of ... (read in full...)
What would you do about this situation?
Q. what would you do if your husband befriend an unmarried woman and he feels that he "must babysit" her because she is far away from her family? what would you do if your husband invite this woman over to stay at your house because she feels "lonel...
A. 29 December 2007: Why don't you ask him how he would feel if you befriended an wealthy, attractive young man who needed your undivided attention? You know, he's new in town, doesn't have any friends and really just needs a home cooked meal from time to time.
... (read in full...)
Sex at the wrong time(too early)? I feel I've complicated our situation by over-analysing it, what do you think?
Q. OK everyone, here goes with a daft question more to do with younger people, instead of a middle aged woman! I have recently separated and joined a dating site; met up with a local guy and visited him, just after Xmas. He sent a lot of emails an...
A. 29 December 2007: I think from here you should try to enjoy each other's company and refrain from a physical relationship until you are both ready. With all the emotions of a divorce (both of you) going on it is understandable to be so confused and to over analyze ... (read in full...)
He told me he will have lunch with his ex and mentioned some bad things about her, why would he talk negatively about her to me?
Q. I've been dating this guy for about a month. I know a month is not long at all, but we see each other pretty often, talk every day and he seems to be really into me. We are both 25. He went to visit his family in his hometown for the holidays and ...
A. 28 December 2007: It means he had lunch with his ex. The fact that he talked negatively about her means he doesn't want you to think the ex is a threat to you. It's good he told you, he's just being honest. I don't think you have any worries.
Happy New Year!... (read in full...)
Am I silly still liking him after what's happened?
Q. I started working in this bar from July time to end of October and I'd always liked the manager that worked there. I knew he had a girlfriend and always did but he's like the only person I could think about. About the beginning of October I finshed ...
A. 28 December 2007: I think you are best not to push things, especially if he has only just broken up with his ex. Just let him go. It's not like you wont see him at work anymore. Just be friendly and casual.
I believe he knows how you feel so you don't need to ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to get into a relationship while hung up over someone else?
Q. Theres a guy iv liked for a while but clearly isnt interested thus a waste of time being hung up over... however I go cold when ever another guy gets close to me and then i dont even want to see them! for example a really nice decent guy asked...
A. 28 December 2007: Been there, done that. Time and the right guy will merge and all will be well. Don't force yourself to be with someone you do not want to be with or to be with someone great when you just aren't ready to be with someone.
I do think that being wi... (read in full...)
Am I silly still liking him after what's happened?
Q. I started working in this bar from July time to end of October and I'd always liked the manager that worked there. I knew he had a girlfriend and always did but he's like the only person I could think about. About the beginning of October I finshed ...
A. 28 December 2007: I think ifyou have sent him text messages already and he hasn't replied then you should not try to contact him further. It is possible that he feels badly about his break up and just isn't ready for any relationship. Guys don't like clingy women. ... (read in full...)
Am I doing the right thing? What do I say next time we meet?
Q. A long-time family friend (we are both divorced; he has been attracted to me for some time) suddenly contacted me, we started to text message/phone each other, and went out on a few casual dates. This changed our friendship but over a period o...
A. 28 December 2007: I think seeing him at the movies was the closure you needed. Being the good person you are I think taking the high road if you see him again could salvage your friendship, if you still want it. I would shy away from ever getting involved with him ... (read in full...)
Instead of waiting for my doubts to be confirmed I blurted out, now she is super defensive and I am paranoid. Ideas?
Q. recently- 6 months i have thought my wife has being playing away i have 9 pages of doubts what finnaly confirmed it for me was receiving some weird almost abusive, scary jokey texts from my so called friend then having their communication verifi...
A. 26 December 2007: You have a lot of evidence for sure. Though when you get a feeling about something your mind has a way of twisting all the facts to fit into your perception.
I can't tell you what is going on with your wife, only she can. I think that you have... (read in full...)
Should I tell my mom I was sexually abused by my dad? Will I ever have a healthy relationship with a man? Is it bad I live with my parents still? (returning home after my husband's abuses.)
Q. ok...i was sexually abused when i was 6 till i was 17... the few people ive told said i need to tell my mom... and ive been reading other peoples advice on here...most said to tell the mom too....but i cant. i cant do that to her... its been 6 year...
A. 25 December 2007: Jenny,
This is way over what I can help you with. This is a very serious problem that will affect your relationships until you get some help.
You said one thing that I need you to understand. You said why should you tell your mom since it was... (read in full...)
Should I wait for him to have his "fun" ? It's been 4 yrs. Is it hopeless, can I expect a change, what should I do/tell him?
Q. Well I've been dating a guy on and off for 4 years 3 of those years it was platonic and it was never serious until this year. Well for me I thought it was. He was dating people on the side which he never told me I found out.We had a long talk about ...
A. 24 December 2007: If this man is out partying without you and with other girls I don't think you are much of a priority for him. If this man calls you in the wee hours and especially if you are his booty call then I do not think he respects you much and I think he ... (read in full...)
Although I love her, I ended our affair (because she didn't respect my ultimatum to leave her long term bf.) Did I make the right decision? I think she was just considering me as first choice.
Q. Hello guys, keep beating myself up about this so hope you can all help. I had an affair with a gorgeous girl who i fell for big time, we get on so well, sex is amazing probably because its forbidden fruit etc and we share a deep bond and amazing...
A. 24 December 2007: I think you did the right thing. Now I worry that you will be able to stand your ground and not go running back to her and end up with the same old unfullfilling relationship. You are putting yourself through an emotional roller coaster with this ... (read in full...)
Am I right to question his integrity??
Q. I am seeing a guy who I go to university with. He is home for the holidays (Diff. Province entirely). We have been using web cam to stay in touch. I was taken by surprise when I saw that he was 'shaven'. My question pertains to why might he shave ...
A. 24 December 2007: I don't think he went to a movie with a male friend. I'd say he has some "splaining to do". I wouldn't try to do this over the phone or email or web cam. I'd wait until he gets back.
I'd say it is possible that he is spending time with his... (read in full...)
Is there a way I can ease my loneliness without hurting my wife?
Q. I am caught between not wanting to hurt me wife and trying to easy my lonelyness. What do I do now? Is there a way to not hurt her and ease my loneliness? We are not and have never been soul mates. I respect her enough after 19 years, that I do...
A. 24 December 2007: If you've made this decision know that you have a tough road ahead of you. Don't waste another moment looking in the rear view mirror because you are likely to drive right past your future.
I truly believe there is a reason for everythi... (read in full...)
I think she's treated me badly. Will it be futile to contact her again?
Q. It's very long and complicated. Very recently I changed my job. When I left my old job, a girl I worked with there and with whom I'd formed a good friendship seemed very upset that I was leaving and gave me her email address and phone number. During ...
A. 24 December 2007: There are a couple of things going on here. I do think that she likes you. I think that she is confused about these feelings and that something is holding her back. I think that the relationship is filled with mixed signals from both of you. But ... (read in full...)
Am I right to question his integrity??
Q. I am seeing a guy who I go to university with. He is home for the holidays (Diff. Province entirely). We have been using web cam to stay in touch. I was taken by surprise when I saw that he was 'shaven'. My question pertains to why might he shave ...
A. 23 December 2007: LOL...sorry. Guess he didn't do it for Mom!!! Well then. I guess I don't know what to say. I still say though that if he is cheating or planning to there really isn't anything you could do to prevent it. The best thing to do is to give him your ... (read in full...)
Is there a way I can ease my loneliness without hurting my wife?
Q. I am caught between not wanting to hurt me wife and trying to easy my lonelyness. What do I do now? Is there a way to not hurt her and ease my loneliness? We are not and have never been soul mates. I respect her enough after 19 years, that I do...
A. 23 December 2007: Well, I hit that wall and didn't want to hurt my husband either. But the fact is that staying with him was hurting him anyway and it was hurting me. I asked for and got a divorce. He was hurt beyond my imagination. But it is a temporary hurt and ... (read in full...)
Am I right to question his integrity??
Q. I am seeing a guy who I go to university with. He is home for the holidays (Diff. Province entirely). We have been using web cam to stay in touch. I was taken by surprise when I saw that he was 'shaven'. My question pertains to why might he shave ...
A. 23 December 2007: There are a lot of reasons men shave. He could have done so to appease his mom, to take a family photo or because hsi scruff got to him. It isn't good in a relationship when you don't trust your partner.
And to be honest the man I like loo... (read in full...)
Instead of waiting for my doubts to be confirmed I blurted out, now she is super defensive and I am paranoid. Ideas?
Q. recently- 6 months i have thought my wife has being playing away i have 9 pages of doubts what finnaly confirmed it for me was receiving some weird almost abusive, scary jokey texts from my so called friend then having their communication verifi...
A. 22 December 2007: There was no computer error on the phone. She does know how it got there. It could be several things. Are they planning a surprize party for you?
I guess I can't say what is going on because I don't know what the text said and if it was to y... (read in full...)
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