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... Send *earkelja a private message | | | *earkelja's profile:This site has been a wonderful experience for me. I hope that I have helped some of you in some small way.
I'll be back from time to time to help where I can. My focus for now is to get my life back to good. Thank you to those of you who have helped me along my journey. Your help, love and guidance have made me strong.
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I am confused and hurt by his cruel actions regarding me and my son!
Q. hi everyone, im a 36 yr old woman whose been dating a 57 yr old man for 2 yrs, and even though things havent been that good over the last few months as they were in the beginning i never dreamed he would treat me and my son the way he has over the ...
A. 27 July 2008: I would just like to add that perhaps with the additional people in his home HE is stressing out and just trying to find a calm in the storm. He can't take sides and you don't know if he's telling his kids to grow up when you're not around.
If th... (read in full...)
How would you handle your boyfriend up and leaving for a vacation without telling you?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been "sort of" living together (he still has his own place) for almost 3 years now and 2 days ago he just up and left to CA without telling me. I know where he is through friends of his. I also know that he is meeting old ...
A. 27 July 2008: Wow. I am sorry that this happened to you. This is not the behavior of a loving individual. You've been together for 3 years and somewhat living together. The only reason I can think that he didn't want to tell you is that he felt it might turn ... (read in full...)
9-year relationship ends because "his heart wasn't in it?" Why if I was such a "catch" did he admit that he didn't appreciate me?
Q. I was just dumped after a 9 year relationship. I am having such a hard time getting over it since we still share the same interests ( so i run into him often), the same friends, and we live within walking distance of one another. This guy was my ...
A. 25 July 2008: You made the statement, "really he had nothing to offer". When we feel that way about people, they sense it. I am sure you started out on the same path but when your job and education surpassed his it was an issue he couldn't deal with. It must ... (read in full...)
Can you help me sort out this relationship so I can save it?
Q. Hi, I'm new here, and desperate for help. I met my guy close to 1yr ago, when I started my latest job. We became friends, and it eventually deepened into intimate friendship. We started a relationship. Trouble is, I had practically no interest in ...
A. 24 July 2008: I agree with oldersister. He has decided he does not want to be with you and he is searching for justification. 1) she lied to me (which this wasn't really such a whopper if you ask me and what was his excuse for not picking up???) 2) she doen't ... (read in full...)
I think I have an STD. What do I do?
Q. I have had sex several times with my boyfriend, i know he has had several sexual partners in the past. I am now experiencing slightly odd things, very very mild bleeding and the constant feeling i need the toilet. I'm worried, are these typical ...
A. 18 July 2008: I agree with birdy, if you are experiencing bleeding then the infection has possible gone into your bladder. You don't want to mess around because it can go into your kidneys quickly. I would go to a dr asap to get antibiotics. Cranberry Juice ... (read in full...)
Why, after all the things he promised me and after telling me he loved me, could he reject me so quickly and without explanation?
Q. I broke up 2 months ago with a man I had been seeing for 8 months. He treated me well and we spent many happy times together and even talked about the prospect of living together in the future. He often mentioned his ex wife and how terrible she had ...
A. 18 July 2008: A similar thing happened to me as well. In my case I got the "need space" text message and then nothing. When I tried to get answers so that I could have closure I was ignored. For the next 4 months I tried to go over everything I said or did ... (read in full...)
Is this an unspoken break up? My boyfriend asks me to give him time to get over our fight of 8 weeks ago...
Q. It's been almost 8 weeks since my boyfriend and I had a fight (lots of little things building up to him getting "upset" and no longer being even remotely affectionate.. kind of an unspoken breakup). He's behaved like a good friend ever since then.. ...
A. 18 July 2008: I can't say how pushy you've been with him but if he says you're too pushy then I agree with your friend's advice in giving it time. Enjoy the friendship for what it is for now. You asked how long. I would say 4 weeks of letting things be is ... (read in full...)
Dating this guy...Then he seems to vanish into thin air!
Q. I was seeing this guy for approximately six weeks things were going fine between us. We spoke every other day two or three times and it was mostly him calling me. He showed genuine interest in me. We are both Cancers and our birthdays are ...
A. 14 July 2008: Well, I am glad that he did provide a small slice of closure and that you at least get to know it is not you. Yes, probably something did come up that he did not expect and that meant he could not continue with you. I think you handled the ... (read in full...)
How do you act graceful in the midst of a former flame?
Q. How do you act graceful in the midst of a former flame? There was a man I was in love with a couple of years ago and now we will have to confront each other at an professional event. I know when we see each other there will be sparks again but...
A. 13 July 2008: I am having the same situation occuring for me in August.
Here is the conversation I have worked out AND practiced. Since I will not be seeking him out, it will likely be he who comes up to me.
he-Hi XXX.
me-oh hi xxx, how are you?
he-I'm fin... (read in full...)
I'm in a relationship, but I feel like I'm single!
Q. this guy has liked me for over a yr now. about 3-4 months ago we started dating. a few weeks ago, he got kicked out of his house and got a new job. he works A LOT, and when he's not working, he's hanging out with his friends. that leaves no room for ...
A. 11 July 2008: The best thing to do is to leave him alone as long as you can stand it. If he doesn't try to communicate with you, it would seem to me he is giving you the brush off. I can understand wanting answers and I know that you deserve them but my guess ... (read in full...)
He's nince but he makes me feel reeeeallly bad, I hate myself when he doesn't pick up!
Q. Hey everybody, :)... or should it be :( First i have to say the person who thought of doing this site for people for free is like an angel, thank you. Well it's a number of questions, i'll through them all together. I'm someone who so muc...
A. 11 July 2008: You are what you are and you can't really change that. You could maybe tone it down some. Sometimes when it's over the top and all too often, it doesn't seem genuine.
Regarding the guy who responds to you only when he wants to and who doesn't ... (read in full...)
This guy has been playing me like a violin! I don't know who I am any more. How do I get over him?
Q. Solve my problem pls!! I want a solution! I need a solution! I need it now!! THis guy has been playing me like a violin! I tried to end it but I keep going back when he calls me... we weren't even in a relationship because he has issues. I am a ...
A. 6 July 2008: Well, cudos to you for NOT calling him or stooping to that level. If he were truly playing you like a violin, you'd be calling. So bravo to you.
I agree with the other posters that you have to come to the conclusion that this is not the man for ... (read in full...)
Dating this guy...Then he seems to vanish into thin air!
Q. I was seeing this guy for approximately six weeks things were going fine between us. We spoke every other day two or three times and it was mostly him calling me. He showed genuine interest in me. We are both Cancers and our birthdays are ...
A. 6 July 2008: Basically this guy stood you up as you were to have gone out on June 14. Then he didn't contact you for a week and a half-which he could have done broken phone or not. Then he tried to make you look like you were cheating on him and now he is ... (read in full...)
I'm attracted to my husband's younger brother and had sex with him. Why is this so wrong?
Q. I'm a married woman in my 20s, I really love my husband. He's in his 20s also. We have a great sex life. Even so, I've been attracted to his younger brother (also in his 20s) since before we got married. Recently, his brother and I got a little ...
A. 6 July 2008: Ok,
I've read everything. No harsh words coming from me, however I am heartened to see overwhelming support for the sanctity of marriage.
It's one thing to do things in a marriage via mutual consent but to me what you have done is betrayed you... (read in full...)
Are girls who grew up without a father attracted more to "bad boys"?
Q. My question put simply: Do Girls who grew up without knowing their father (i.e the father left home when they were born) have a tendency to be attracted, and go with "Bad Boys" who dont really care for them, and ultimatly cheat on them and treat th...
A. 5 July 2008: Hey poster,
I think it all boils down to self esteem. Girls (and guys) get involved with people who mistreat them simply because they lack self respect and don't leave the situation because they don't feel "worthy" enough for someone who would be b... (read in full...)
Are girls who grew up without a father attracted more to "bad boys"?
Q. My question put simply: Do Girls who grew up without knowing their father (i.e the father left home when they were born) have a tendency to be attracted, and go with "Bad Boys" who dont really care for them, and ultimatly cheat on them and treat th...
A. 4 July 2008: I'll take a shot at this from a woman who spent a few years without a father figure.
Yes, there is turmoil in relationships for people who grow up in disfunctional families. However, some fatherless (or motherless) families are complete... (read in full...)
SITE NEWS: Over 600,000 visitors last month!
Q. Just a quickie We broke the 600,000 unique users/month (i.e. people!) last month. According to google analytics we had 638,310 visitors from June 1st to June 30th. Doesn't seem that long ago we passed the half a million mark. Thanks to all t...
A. 4 July 2008: Thanks for the creation of Dearcupid, Andrew. This is a great site. I'll bring the hotdish to the next party Irish! Tell me when and where.... (read in full...)
Is he afraid of being in a committed relationship, or is it something else?
Q. Saw this guy for 2 months. He's 42, I'm 39, so not kids...He did all the running; I wanted to be sure of him, so I held back in terms of being the one to get in contact, but I liked him so, so much. He has his own business, and 3 wks ago, he was ...
A. 4 July 2008: At his age, this stress about being in a relationship doesn't seem "normal". Do you know if he's had other serious relationships in his past? If not, I would say he is not the kind of fella who will ever be in a serious relationship without some ... (read in full...)
I've wasted my life on a loser, now what am I going to do?
Q. Not sure where to start here really, but I feel I've got my 'just desserts'. I left a loving relationship (but not exciting one) for someone which was no more than a conman, in respect of who he really was. We've now been married 20yrs and all he h...
A. 4 July 2008: In the US there is such a think as 50/50 split but they do take into consideration squandered assets. So, if for instance he used your pension to buy something for himself, then that comes off the 50/50 split. Unfortunately the louse is accostomed ... (read in full...)
My willy won't stay hard for sex!
Q. Hello, I'm 28 yr old male.Usually if I am trying to have intercourse but having trouble getting it in I lose my erection . If the girl is tight or dry my penis seems to get discouraged after 1 or 2 attempts and will only get 2/3 hard. Its like unle...
A. 4 July 2008: 1) try saving yourself for intercourse
2) try lubrication
3) try foreplay with the woman to get her wetter
Both of these will help you with this issue. It's not as uncommon as you think and all of these will help you. Also a partner who can ... (read in full...)
I told him to make a decision about our relationship and he hasn't called back! What does this mean?
Q. i am 23 yrs old i have a male friend that i grew up with since 7th grade we lost contact, and ran into each other this year. so we have been conversating i am single he say tha he single so we had sexual invovlement more than once and i spend the ...
A. 3 July 2008: Good for you in making the decision. Stick to your guns. It does sound like he didn't take your relationship as anything more than sex. Sometimes when a relationship is founded on that it is hard to turn it into more. If he doesn't respond to ... (read in full...)
My ex went back to his ex when she pretended she was pregnant. Should I contact him now?
Q. Should I contact my ex after 4 months? We only dated for two months but we had a really good relationship, with so much chemisty and both wanted the same things in life. However, his ex (whom he has children with) pretended to be pregnant (when she ...
A. 2 July 2008: I think it is best to let it go. Given the circumstances of the breakup, the decision was his and I am sure he thought he did the right thing. Eventually, things will sour again with his ex and he may or may not contact you in the future, but you ... (read in full...)
I want to know how I should handle myself on the first few dates? I don't want to appear clingy or desperate!
Q. im in a new relationship after breaking up with my fiancee of a year and a half and i cant remember how i should act for the first few dates like how much is too much or too little texting and how much is too much or too little seeing each other. as ...
A. 30 June 2008: The point of dating is to get to know someone. There is no guarantee of a 2nd date as things happen, even if you two had a great time. Try not to get your expectations up but do enjoy his company, if you do. He should also be trying to figure out ... (read in full...)
He doesn't know what he wants, will he ever grow up?
Q. Hi, I have been seeing this guy for over 2 months now and it's been pretty intense. We have fantastic times together. We've had our ups and downs lately because of his actions. He says: he says he wants to be with me and we are in a "relatio...
A. 25 June 2008: Too add to that, he is old enough to know what he wants and won't likely change for you at this age. Life's too short to be with someone who doesn't want you 100%. You also don't want to be nagging at this guy all the time to put out in the ... (read in full...)
Why after we dated for a year does he not speak to me anymore?
Q. I was a single woman for two years. I decided to give myself another try with a man after being by myself. The relationship was good in the beginning. I felt that I finally found a good man. We became good friends first then it moved to a more ...
A. 25 June 2008: This is a man who is 47, pretty set in his ways. He left a relationship without any words to you which is very inconsiderate. He then felt that he could just pretend nothing ever happened. Until I got to the part where you said you asked him if ... (read in full...)
Can someone please help me tell him its over??
Q. I want to break it off with my on again off again boyfriend....okay here it is... I've been with this guy a few years we have a kid together... in a nutshell tons of love, drama, sex lies, abuse and last but not least b.s...one minute he luvs me ...
A. 25 June 2008: Think safety first, for you and your daughter. I am concerned that he abuses you both physically and mentally. He does this to keep you in place, to rip apart your self esteem so he can control you. If there is no hope in changing this ... (read in full...)
How do I choose and who do I choose?
Q. Please help me. I have a boyfriend of 4 years who i am in a long distance relationship with, although we do see each other at least twice a week and talk everyday. he is willing to give up everything and sell to move to where i am and buy a hous...
A. 25 June 2008: Trust is a major part of a relationship. The 2nd guy is not trustworthy. He is still in a relationship and has not told his significant other about you. Also, even when there is trouble in a relationship, trustworthy people leave them cleanly ... (read in full...)
If he took off with my daughter I would be devastated! Please help!!
Q. I have a daughter that is about to turn 7. Her father and I split up in November 2005. He has not helped us at all. He has moved on and married another woman that has 3 kids. He has seen my daughter a handful of times and all but one my olde...
A. 25 June 2008: This is a tricky question. On the outside, it looks as if your daughter's father wants to start participating in her life after a period of fathering on the sidelines. A month is a long time for a 7 year old to be placed in circumstances she is ... (read in full...)
We've not had sex in 2 months, should I leave him?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 yrs, and we have not had sex in 2 months, should i leave?...
A. 25 June 2008: Typically when this occurs in a relationship there are discussions and talks about what is going on. Either you do not care enough about him to work on this issue (which is a shared issue in a relationship) or you do not have a strong enough ... (read in full...)
I'm having a hard time getting over this girl....
Q. So I dated this girl long distance for two months, went and visited her a few times, fooled around a little bit. It was her who expressed interest in me initially and then I took the step of asking her out. Anyways, before she comes home from ...
A. 22 June 2008: I think you should not play games with this girl. You really should not contact her until you feel like you can be friends. When you are feeling good about her and about yourself, give her a call, be casual and go out for lunch.
Anytime an ex th... (read in full...)
Recurring yeast infection is affecting my relationship! Help!
Q. OK,,,for the past 3-4 years I have been suffering from reoccurring yeast infection..everytime more and more often. It will go away for a month and then be back the next month. sometimes its light, but other times it will make it really uncomfortable ...
A. 22 June 2008: Maybe too have your partner checked. I may be out on a limb here but if he has jock itch, maybe that is the cause of your yeast infection.... (read in full...)
Should I be suspicious?
Q. My man said he had to work this evening. When he returned home he acted strange, ran into the shower and then I was in his car, I found an empty box of 3 condoms. He said that they were not his and it must be the guy he gave a ride from work. I ...
A. 22 June 2008: His behavior is suspicious. Does he normally come home and shower right away or at least around the time he did shower?
The empty box of condoms most likely does not belong to his work pal, that's stretching it a bit.
Time for a heart to h... (read in full...)
I really love this man, but I don't trust him. Am I right to finish with him?
Q. I am in real devestation. I have been with my man for 10-11 months. During that time a lot has happened that has made me not trust him. First off, i found out he was with someone else for the first 6 weeks of our relationship, living with them. i ...
A. 22 June 2008: A basic foundation for any relationship is trust. Yours never had it. When you are in a relationship you should never feel like you have to check up on the other person. If you do, either you have issues with feeling insecure or there is a reason ... (read in full...)
Speed dating. I have two days to prepare - so tell me how I can make a woman want to make love to me in 6 minutes?
Q. Hey guys and gals. I'm single recently divorced and looking at new dating options…ways to meet others. And there's a lot of new ways that involve internet dating...too many to mention. But I was looking at this new thing called speed dating (new...
A. 21 June 2008: Keep in mind that this speed dating thing is a two way street. The woman will be questioning herself too, wondering how to impress you. My advice to you is to be aware of what you are looking for and to reflect that in your questions. The key in ... (read in full...)
Why is it men run when things get serious?
Q. Hi. need some someones perspective on this please. i'm left feeling very down and confused. Why is it that men run when things get serious? and this guy is 40! I been online dating for a while now as i don't get much time to myself and my friends ...
A. 21 June 2008: I am sorry that this has happened to you. A very similar thing happened to me. I agree with oldersister that it is his issue and you have to try and find a way to move past it, past him. That is not easy to do as I've been kind of stuck in the ... (read in full...)
All I want is an explanantion - Why won't he talk to me?!
Q. I had a relationship with a man that was 47 years old and we dated for almost a year. We had some problems, but not bad enough to where we couldn't sit down and talk about them. He started tripping with me and left me without even really telling me ...
A. 20 June 2008: This man has mixed feelings and until he is clear about his feelings he will lean towards not leading you on. That means he will not call you and will not initiate anything. However when he sees you his feelings surface and he I am sure does care ... (read in full...)
Why did she change her mind? Does she like me or not?
Q. i recently went on a school trip and everyone was in the living room. Slowly one by one everyone went to bed and me and this girl were left. We were lying next to each other on the sofa just talkin in the dark. She put her head on my chest and ...
A. 20 June 2008: Seems she lost the moment. Could be she thought you weren't interested in her or could be she thought she would be making a mistake. She can only answer that.... (read in full...)
How can I get motivated and move on from this betrayal?
Q. Okay, this is a fairly long question so bear with... I don't know if anyone will remember me, as I asked for some help her last year. Basically, my girlfriend broke up with me after I left high school, and started dating my best friend. That wo...
A. 20 June 2008: Yes you have been betrayed by a so-called friend and your ex. They continue to "betray" you long distance. I know this is very hard to do but my suggestion is that you somehow need to realize that these are small people and you are measuring your ... (read in full...)
We were having a great time...but I have discovered that he was cheating and lying to me...he hurt me, but I just can't seem to stop caring about him...
Q. I've recently found out that the guy who I was seeing is actually married and has been seeing a whole host of other girls as well as myself. I'm finding it really hard to cope with. I haven't exactly told him I've found out, but have cut all ...
A. 20 June 2008: He has all the makings of a preditor. He knew your weakness and that in itself was an attraction for this cheating liar. Follow Tisha1's advice and try to find the silver lining in this very hurtful experience you are going through. Remember he ... (read in full...)
What should I do? I've spent weeks thinking but haven't come up with a solution...all advice really appreciated!
Q. Hi all, My husaband recently got back from a business trip in china. I know it sounds untrusting but I checked his phone and to my horror there was text to one of his sports friends it went something like this, Hi mate, can't play squash, still in ...
A. 20 June 2008: This is a trust issue and he definatly has done something to destroy your trust. You will need to work past this issue of what went on in China, with him. In this case, the evidence seems to point that at a minimum he seems cavalier about sexual ... (read in full...)
Still in love with him, how do I get him to let me be his friend?
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me after dating for a year. We had arguements like up couples do. It's been four months since the break-up. I was devastated because I didn't know the real reason why we broke up. I asked him on several occassions to talk ...
A. 18 June 2008: I am agreeing with the others, you need to allow him to have his time and space to work out his issues. The best thing to do for you is to distance yourself and try to move on. Being friends with someone you still care about more than a friend is ... (read in full...)
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