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... Send *earkelja a private message | | | *earkelja's profile:This site has been a wonderful experience for me. I hope that I have helped some of you in some small way.
I'll be back from time to time to help where I can. My focus for now is to get my life back to good. Thank you to those of you who have helped me along my journey. Your help, love and guidance have made me strong.
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My husband's affair...
Q. I've been married for 13 years but been with my husband for 16 years in total. A few months ago I discovered he had been having an affair with a 13 years younger woman with 6 children, we had no children together but he had 4 from his previous ...
A. 4 April 2008: My advice to you is that you are now the only one responsible for living your life and you should live it without regrets.
I see no reason you can not have a male friend and agree that you should try to keep him at bay until you've gotten through ... (read in full...)
He told me its over... I need help to get over it.
Q. ex bf of over 2 years decided to break it off with me saying that he still loves but not sure as a gf or a friend (chicken way of telling me its over) and that he would like to be friends with me and that maybe we can be together in the future. I ...
A. 26 March 2008: I agree with the others that this guy is just trying to make sure he has nothing to feel guilty for. If I were you, I would not respond to him at all. Just let it go. He told you how he felt and there is nothing to be gained by you telling him ... (read in full...)
How to resist temptation of contacting or responding to an ex.
Q. Hello. I've written here before asking a question about how to get over a breakup. That was back in September. I definitely got through the break up, and moved on and found happiness within myself. But not completely. Currently I am...
A. 24 March 2008: Hey, good for you. I'm glad you are being strong and that you have figured out that this guy is not good enough for you. It's hard when you realize that a) he is a looser and b) he should be lucky to have you but then he doesn't want you. I agree ... (read in full...)
He told me its over... I need help to get over it.
Q. ex bf of over 2 years decided to break it off with me saying that he still loves but not sure as a gf or a friend (chicken way of telling me its over) and that he would like to be friends with me and that maybe we can be together in the future. I ...
A. 22 March 2008: How about, "Happy Birthday, Name. Have a great day." Simple and it will let him know you care. He probably expected you to be crawling back to him but if there is ever to be a chance at getting back together, you are doing the right thing playing ... (read in full...)
I need closure, how long should I wait before calling him again?
Q. My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years ago broke up with me about 2 weeks ago, because he said that i did not support him. he refuses to give me some sort of closure, and i have tried everything: i wrote him a letter, i have tried to call him and i have ...
A. 21 March 2008: What kind of closure are you looking for? If you have done something wrong to cause him to break up with you and you have said you were sorry in the letter and he has said he forgave you but it's still over, then to me, it's over. What else is ... (read in full...)
She's says she's not ready, but I found out about a one night stand in her past...what gives?
Q. I've been dating my partner for 3 month weve not yet had sex, I've ask her and she says she's not ready. Anyway I've just found out she had a one night stand with a guy in our local pub about 6 months ago. What gives? I'm confused and pissed off. ...
A. 21 March 2008: It's a good sign that she told you she's not ready. It means she values this relationship for more than a physical connection. She may not feel good about her one night stand either. More handsome than you is not relevant at all to the situation. ... (read in full...)
He's lied to me and am so confused...should I stay or go????
Q. ok this might sound a bit long winded so i will try and keep it as brief as i can..... i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. 9 months ago i moved away from my home, family and friends to start a new life with him. we have been staying at ...
A. 21 March 2008: I would not live with this man until he can prove to me that he is capable of taking care of himself. Don't pay his bills, don't buy him smokes, etc. He is using you to take care of the essentials while he fritters your future income on things for ... (read in full...)
What is going on in my marriage?
Q. I've been married for 22 yrs. to a very wonderful man that any woman would be lucky to have. January 1 we had a bad fight that caused him to withdraw from me for two months now. He says that he loves me and always will but since that day the love is ...
A. 21 March 2008: I believe that the fight you had in January was perhaps fueled by his feelings. Sometimes when you are not happy you pick fights or fuel them because you are so angry inside. If he was feeling loving towards you in January this fight, whatever it ... (read in full...)
He still lives with his ex! Am I being unreasonable?
Q. I started going out with my boyfriend 2 years ago. He has an ex who is his best friend and he told me from the beginning no one would ever come above her (which was ok to begin with but I thought i might come close after 2 years?!) For the first 6 ...
A. 21 March 2008: There are a couple of things that are relevant here.
1) This man did not consider your feelings at all. He knew you felt threatened by his relationship with his ex yet he did not discuss his living situation with you.
2) In fact, he hid his futu... (read in full...)
Living together or marriage? What do you think?
Q. My boyfriend of 6 1/2 years, has actually made the next step of wanting to totally commit to me. This is after a email I sent last week saying I'm tired of playing games , good luck, i'm moving on ... He is now begging me to let him back into his ...
A. 21 March 2008: I do believe that two people can live together and be committed. Sure it's easier to get out of if things aren't working out but you're both old enough to know what you're getting into. Marriage is a nice bow to a solid relationship.... (read in full...)
Husband threatens to cheat and divorce me! What is the matter with him?
Q. Whenever My husband and I have a spat, in the end he threatens with divorce. I have told him that it is hurtful that he brings divorce up especially since I dont say things like that since I know that it would hurt him. Also, since I love him very ...
A. 21 March 2008: There is something going on in his mind and he is feeling resentful or regretful of being married. He needs to open up and be honest with you about what is going on with him. The other thing it could be is his learned way of fighting. Do you know ... (read in full...)
Why is he brushing me off?
Q. I met this guy 2 weeks ago, we saw each other a few times in one week, we had long makeout sessions, he seemed to be interested in me but for the last week hes been standing me up and not answering or returning my calls i find it weird that hes ...
A. 21 March 2008: Sure does sound familiar. I agree, don't contact him again. If he wants you, he knows where to find you. I agree that there is a reason he's holding back. Could be nothing at all to do with you and totally him. But if you keep calling, it will ... (read in full...)
He told me its over... I need help to get over it.
Q. ex bf of over 2 years decided to break it off with me saying that he still loves but not sure as a gf or a friend (chicken way of telling me its over) and that he would like to be friends with me and that maybe we can be together in the future. I ...
A. 21 March 2008: What you are feeling is normal. It is normal to have the inkling of hope when you really care about someone. Go ahead and send a text or quick call to wish him a happy birthday. No harm in that, but do not expect any response from him, other than ... (read in full...)
Case of the "X"
Q. I have been seeing this guy I work with for about 6 months. I have never been invited over to the new house he stays at but have been to his old spot. He says that I can't come over because we work together and for work purposes, I shouldn't know ...
A. 19 March 2008: If his younger brother stays with him, why's the ex girlfriend watching the dog?
I think he is not being truthful and he is hiding something and that is why you can't go to the new house.
... (read in full...)
Can anyone, please that understands the difficulty of giving up someone you care and feel like you love them so much help me?
Q. I know a lot of people face this problem on these sites, being infatuated by your teacher and it does get dull to help but I am stuck beyond stuck and like the rest need your help. I have tried to get through this on my own for years, and it's ...
A. 19 March 2008: I'm going to try here. You are in love with what could be, not what is. If you were in love with what is, the two of you would be together making plans but that is not the way I read this. You have an infatuation and I am certain that you care ... (read in full...)
He told me its over... I need help to get over it.
Q. ex bf of over 2 years decided to break it off with me saying that he still loves but not sure as a gf or a friend (chicken way of telling me its over) and that he would like to be friends with me and that maybe we can be together in the future. I ...
A. 18 March 2008: I expect that in the past you were dependent on him and lately you have shown your independence and this is new to him and puts him in a whole other world, one he is probably not used to nor comfortable with. Continue on as you are doing. You ... (read in full...)
Relationship Advice Sought.
Q. My partner and I have been together for twenty years. We have a good relationship and he is a wonderful man and treats me well. We take good care of one another and together we share all the relationship duties : mortgage, bills, groceries, ...
A. 18 March 2008: I always say that when you leave one relationship it's best to fall on your own two feet and not into the arms of another. That way you are leaving your relationship for you and not someone else. If you can not bear the thought of being alone then ... (read in full...)
I'm going to a slumber party with some women friends and I'm male.
Q. Hi, it's me Paul. Again I want to thank all the females for their anwers and everything for helping me out but now I got another situation. After I went out with my female friends for the girls night out that weekend they invited me to join them for ...
A. 18 March 2008: cool. Bring your make up and nail polish. they'll want to do a make over on you.
Seriously. It's nothing. They will probably have margaritas and watch a few movies or just get into their jammies and have a gab fest. Not sure if that will cha... (read in full...)
Hooked back up with ex but now he hasn't called, why?
Q. me and my ex hooked up, dated for a couple of months, then he called me to ask me out. I said i will call him friday and let him know. He never called again. why...
A. 17 March 2008: Did you call him on Friday? Maybe he is waiting for you to call him.... (read in full...)
He is getting "cold-hearted" towards me and I'm getting angrier but obsessed, what do you think?
Q. Hi, Just a little long but I am very tormented.... I had a coworker (John)that started helping me out at my farm. He is recently divorced very christian, kind person. For the last year we have done things together -antiqueing, play dates ...
A. 17 March 2008: I think it is best to distance yourself from him for at least a few months and let the dust settle. People have their own pain and it is possible that he wasn't able to be there for you during your crisis. I am not making excuses for him mind you. ... (read in full...)
My husband's affair...
Q. I've been married for 13 years but been with my husband for 16 years in total. A few months ago I discovered he had been having an affair with a 13 years younger woman with 6 children, we had no children together but he had 4 from his previous ...
A. 17 March 2008: way to go Cindygirl.
You took the first step. It will be lonely for awhile and you will be sad. You soon to be ex will hound you but keep strong and know you are doing the right thing.
When I got divorced I was very lonely but soon I found good... (read in full...)
Why do I care, and can't seem to get past all the hurt that he has caused me? I did not even love him (either)?
Q. I have broken up with my ex about 2 and a half months ago. I have had many one-day dates in the past but he was my first relationship that lasted for a year. I broke it off, because i couldn't take being hurt any longer by him and basically being ...
A. 16 March 2008: The why you can't get over him is because you continue to try to get what you can not have, his undivided attention and some sort of love. He has hurt you badly and you are still in pain. I think you would like for him to realize what he has done ... (read in full...)
How to resist temptation of contacting or responding to an ex.
Q. Hello. I've written here before asking a question about how to get over a breakup. That was back in September. I definitely got through the break up, and moved on and found happiness within myself. But not completely. Currently I am...
A. 16 March 2008: The man you are trying to get over is sending you mixed signals. It's the classic come close, go away syndrome. Guys do this (and girls) when they are confused about what they want, when they are playing you AND when they do not have enough self ... (read in full...)
My husband's affair...
Q. I've been married for 13 years but been with my husband for 16 years in total. A few months ago I discovered he had been having an affair with a 13 years younger woman with 6 children, we had no children together but he had 4 from his previous ...
A. 16 March 2008: I think you should at a minimum take a long break from this guy. Long enough for you to see that you aren't lonely for his attention and long enough for you to believe in yourself, that you can live alone and that if you wanted to you could find ... (read in full...)
Sexual orientated texts from a married woman
Q. Would you consider it appropriate for a married woman to send text messages that have a sexual theme to a single man? There's a woman at my workplace who I foolishly gave my number to so she could send me, at the time, an innocent media message. Now ...
A. 15 March 2008: What's the difference if she's single or married? If these are indeed jokes of a sexual nature I see married women just as easily sending these as single women. Married women like to laugh too.
The bottom line is that you are uncomfor... (read in full...)
We're sleeping together but he won't kiss me!!!
Q. hey everyone. I am seeing this guy and although we are having a sexual relationship he will not kiss me! I don't have bad breath he just says it does nothing for him which I think is a little selfish as I love it! this bothers me. Is there anyone ...
A. 15 March 2008: I agree that kissing is more personal and this guy has intimacy issues if he can not kiss you. He is also selfish if he knows you like to be kissed and he is not doing that to satisfy you. I think you need to end this relationship as it doesn't ... (read in full...)
Is a younger man taboo?
Q. I met my son-in-laws brother a year ago, he is 16 years younger than me, he is the most intelligent, loving, amazing man I have ever met, he said age is nothing but a number, and just because my daughter and his brother are married does not make he ...
A. 15 March 2008: I do not think it is taboo. Age is a number. Really once you get past 30, you know what you want and age shouldn't matter. These days it is becomming harder and harder to guess women's ages. It is likely no one will even see the difference, ... (read in full...)
Mixed signals from a man
Q. Hi, I recently met this guy, a model/actor at a party. At the time I was seeing someone else so didn't really pay much attention to him. He started texting me and I thought he was a bit of a jerk. Then something happened, I'm not sure, but I starte...
A. 15 March 2008: The one question I have is, how long has this been going on? If it's just been a few weeks, then it's not a big deal. If it's been more than a month and he hasn't asked you out properly then something is going on with him. Either he isn't keen on ... (read in full...)
35 and single, what do I do?
Q. I'm 35 and not married. I feel like Bridget Jones. I'm tall, slim, attractive with blond hair and intelligent - have an amazing job, well paid and lots of friends. I have no idea what the secret to finding a man and having a long lasting ...
A. 15 March 2008: I agree with thatgothgirl20 that you are not a failure. You need to believe this deep down because I would guess that you are emitting this feeling to potential suitors and they are running scared.
The pool of guys out there is vast and these da... (read in full...)
We got through the tough times and rebuilt trust...until last week.
Q. I am hoping someone can give me some advice as I am so confused and don't know what to do. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years. We got off to a pretty rocky start as he still had connections with his ex and I found out about 4 months ...
A. 12 March 2008: I do not think he would have stopped seeing woman on the net if you had not caught him. In fact, if you let your guard down I wouldn't put it past him to be right back there.
He has proven to you in the first 4 months of your relation... (read in full...)
Is it normal to have doubts before your wedding? Did you...?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over 7 years. we are getting married in less than 3 months and I am having doubts. I have been with him since i was 17 and hardly had any other relationships before. i just don't feel attracted anymore although i do ...
A. 11 March 2008: Yes. I think it is normal to have doubts but if you are also feeling attracted to someone else it may be premature to walk down the isle.
Ask yourself honestly, are you going through with the wedding so that you will not disappoint him and your... (read in full...)
Had he moved on anyway? If so, why didn't he have enough respect to tell me the truth?
Q. My partner of 16 months asked for space mid January as he was unsure what he wanted with pressure of work, finances etc. He said that he felt the same about me but just needed to sort his life out. He did not know how long he needed to do this. I ...
A. 10 March 2008: When someone asks for space, we need to give it to them with trust that they have good intentions. Typically when a relationship is mature and space is needed, it's a sign of doubt in the relationship for whatever reason.
The man is lying ab... (read in full...)
"he's only just got back in to the water and is just paddling around for a bit." What does that mean?
Q. When speaking to a guy who just got out of a long relationship he said he's only just got back in to the water and is just paddling around for a bit. What does that mean?...
A. 9 March 2008: For you it means he is not relationship material at this time. If you want to date him and have fun with him, ok but he's not boyfriend material. So don't get too attached.... (read in full...)
I'm sad and angry most of the time in my sexless marriage. Should I leave??
Q. My husband and I don't have sex anymore. He's always "too tired". Funny, he's never too tired to stay out to 2am with his drinking buddies or play table tennis on his evenings off. Just too tired for me. We rarely sleep in the same bed together ...
A. 9 March 2008: You say you were married 6 months ago and haven't had sex since what December? Could it be that he is having some committment issues since the marriage? Was he married before or is this his first marriage. Did things change after you moved in or ... (read in full...)
He always has porn on when he makes love to me...
Q. I was sexually abused as a child and as a result I have problems in bed. I have had therapy on and off for years. I think I am doing better, but my partner tells me I am not, he has told me I am boring in bed and if it wasn't for porn he would not ...
A. 9 March 2008: If you have been abused when you were younger and you are getting help for this now then the partner you need is someone who is willing to work with you and be caring and understanding for you. Your partner is not doing any of the things you need ... (read in full...)
I'm a lonely male single parent, am I past relationships?
Q. Dear Agony Aunt, I will be fifty in a few months time, I'm single and spent the last 10 years raising two children on my own, whilst trying to succeed in a career. But men who look after kids have a glass ceiling as well, and relationships la...
A. 9 March 2008: OK, are you saying 50 year old women don't appeal to you? That is a crying shame. What about 50 year old women who have taken care of themselves (and look like they're 40) and who are single and lonely and raising children alone. If you are ... (read in full...)
My marriage is on the rocks, we have so many issues with each other, how can we move forward out of this rut?
Q. i need to know how to keep my marriage ,my husbands says i eat out to much that is why we have no money ,an he hates his jobs .and why he throws everything right or wrong back in my face and what can i do to just keep peace at home with our kids ...
A. 9 March 2008: I don't think you should decide what you want your husband to do for his career. It is his choice. He must know what he wants and if you push him into something that will not make him happy then neither of you will be happy. That is not what a ... (read in full...)
What do you think about this??
Q. This is my situation. I have already made up my mind of divorcing my husband right after you see what I am going through. My husband came out the 1st week of January 2008 and told me that he loves me to death as the mother of his kids but not ...
A. 9 March 2008: If he no longer is in love with you, why is he filing for a legal separation and not a divorce? I think you should have a discussion of your future. A divorce say fine, the end. A legal separation may be for financial reasons or could be ... (read in full...)
My ex broke up with me 3 months ago, now is really keen to meet up, what's going on?
Q. Am I asking for trouble meeting up with my ex? We were together a year, lived together etc. Out of the blue, he broke up with me (though looking back things were strained)...But a week before that he told me he was thinking of proposing. So 3 mo...
A. 9 March 2008: If this is the case, what has changed now with him? Don't let his insecurity cause you to feel insecure about this relationship. Hear him out but remember that he hurt you and you should give it some thought before you go back with him.
Do yo... (read in full...)
My ex broke up with me 3 months ago, now is really keen to meet up, what's going on?
Q. Am I asking for trouble meeting up with my ex? We were together a year, lived together etc. Out of the blue, he broke up with me (though looking back things were strained)...But a week before that he told me he was thinking of proposing. So 3 mo...
A. 9 March 2008: Ask yourself this, do you want him back? Will you be upset if he just wants to have a drink, have sex maybe and then tell you he made a mistake? I'm not sure what he has in mind but if I were you, I would meet up with him, have that nice friendly ... (read in full...)
We had sex and he's not interested now, what do I do?
Q. Heya I need help im madly in love with someone, I have been for years but there not interested anymore and im quite certain about it. I cant move on we are really close. These feelings arnt going away. He didnt want anything to do with me after ...
A. 9 March 2008: If he is being so uncaring and doesn't want you, why would you want to be with him? I understand you are feeling hurt and rejected and you gave yourself sexually to this man who played with your emotions. But he is a cad and you are so much better ... (read in full...)
What would you do in this situation?
Q. i recently met a man i have started to like . we have now been dating a few months and he then found out from a close mate of his that he dated me a year ago. now my man may leave me, he is not sure . what would you do in this situation...
A. 8 March 2008: Anyone who would tell me "I may leave you but I am not sure" I would say to them, "well I am sure I am going to leave you." That is a very cruel thing to do. You did nothing intentionally to this man to cause him to treat you like that. If he ... (read in full...)
He told me its over... I need help to get over it.
Q. ex bf of over 2 years decided to break it off with me saying that he still loves but not sure as a gf or a friend (chicken way of telling me its over) and that he would like to be friends with me and that maybe we can be together in the future. I ...
A. 8 March 2008: This guy didn't want to hurt your feelings and he most likely truly does care about you. That is why he said those nice things. Really, if he was with you for 2 years he most likely does think you are great, etc. However, he has decided to end ... (read in full...)
I do not want to call her because I think I deserve an explanation, am I wrong?
Q. i have ( or had -do not know yet ) a gf of over 3 yrs. we do not live together, but live a few blocks away. our schedules do not match so we do no see each other as much as we would want to. due to her past marriage of over 16 yrs with a guy that ...
A. 8 March 2008: I think your girlfriend is still suffering from the hurt of her past marriage where her spouse did cheat on her. She has unresolved issues and is bringing them into your relationship. Unless she gets some help for this she will be forever ... (read in full...)
Confused about what to do...
Q. I have been married for 7 years and I have not been good to my wife. I want to work things out but everytime I try I screw up. I have made my wife's life hell ever since I got back from Iraq. My question is what do I do? Do I keep going down this ...
A. 7 March 2008: Please realize that you have been through a lot when you served in Iraq. That was a big sacrifice. I am sure you came back with some issues and you need to try to find a way to work those out. Do you have anyone you can talk to? Somewhere you're ... (read in full...)
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