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*earkelja agony aunt

*earkelja

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*earkelja's profile:

This site has been a wonderful experience for me. I hope that I have helped some of you in some small way.

I'll be back from time to time to help where I can. My focus for now is to get my life back to good. Thank you to those of you who have helped me along my journey. Your help, love and guidance have made me strong.

Be good all of you!

< Prev1234567891011Next > [24 pages, 932 answers]

When is the right age to have sex?

Q.   dear readers.. this is a sex question. everyone has different opinions on the right age to have sex right? it all depends on your values as a person, ie religion, gender, family, friends, boyfriend, etc.. just what ever makes you, you. so i ...

A.   7 August 2011: When you are best friends with the person and you have formed a loving bond and both of you agree and have discussed the ramifications about what you are embarking on. If you can not talk to your partner about sex-then the answer is "no sex for ... (read in full...)

Older husband has ED, do I cheat?

Q.   need help.my husband is older by 12 yrs..he has ED.i am only 33 even though we r married..do i stop hhaving sex cause he cant..i like having sex..our sex life has never been great anyway..so do i find me someone on the side just for sex or just stop ...

A.   7 August 2011: If you still enjoy sex, there are things your husband can still do. 1) Go to a doctor-together-yeah it's hard for a guy to bring this up but divorce and cheating wives are embarrassing too-especially when people get wind of the reason. Maybe the ... (read in full...)

How can I tell her in a nice way that I'm no longer interested in her?

Q.   Okay so I met this girl the other day at a social event and I got her number. Well we went on a casual date and while everything went great something she did finally made me put two and two together. See I have this friend and you know us guys that ...

A.   31 July 2011: Don't lie and make up some lame "let's just be friends" excuse. You've decided to be decent, don't stop short. But are you really decent? Is your friend telling the truth or did he embellish the story? Is this really the girl? If you really... (read in full...)

Why is Divorce Ok? I am put off if I find a person is divorced.

Q.   Im asking the question: Why isnt it shameful to be divorced? Why would anyone admit it? to me it makes the person look selfish and non commital really.. I have to admit it puts me off a person quite a lot. What does everyone else think? ...

A.   4 July 2011: labeling people shows a certain level of immaturity and inexperience with life. Shunning divorced people and telling US (cuz I am one of them) we should be ashamed of ourselves and should hide our past shows a lack of compassion and haughtin... (read in full...)

Never Ever Give Up on something you cannot go a day without thinking about ... or is that an old wive's tale

Q.   Ok ... .. about 5 years ago now .. almost 5 to the day .. I fell in love with the woman of my dreams, a woman that made me feel the way I never thought I would feel, in a way that I didn't think was possible for anyone .. let alone me .. problem ...

A.   3 July 2011: It seems the two of you are kindred spirits but unfortunately when the two of you get together there is a fuel that doesn't just spark, it engulfs the love and tenderness that should be so warm and caring. I couldn't say if it is the drugs ma... (read in full...)

What are the defining qualities that you look for in a man, from initial attraction to wanting to develop a relationship with someone?

Q.   Question to the women out there on dear cupid... What are the defining qualities that you look for in a man, from initial attraction to wanting to develop a relationship with someone? I only ask this for a little advice as I struggle quit...

A.   31 May 2011: Hi there... The first thing that attracts a woman is looks-if you don't know the person. After that, it's nice if a man can hold a conversation and be able to talk mutually without opening up too much right away. A guy who opens up too much and... (read in full...)

I don't like how my partner is treating our child..

Q.   hi all, im 29 years old, got a little girl who i love more than anyone (14 months old) sometimes this is the problem with me and my girlfriend of 3 years. i dont look at her in the same way anymore. not because i dont fancy her or some...

A.   17 April 2011: This is called child abuse. You need to step in and find a way to get some kind of intervention and help for your girlfriend. For some reason she doesn't understand the role of nurturing mother. If this is your daughter too, then why do you h... (read in full...)

Do I keep waiting for a guy whose parents will never let him marry me?

Q.   I love a guy madly over the past 3 years and I really can't live without him but he is not ready for marriage. He says that his parents will not agrree to that. What do I do?? ...

A.   12 March 2011: The short answer is no, you need to move on. Let's roll forward three years from now. Somehow he decides to go against his parents wishes much to his own dismay. The two of you are married but his parents don't want him in their life, they dis... (read in full...)

Moving on is too hard while I need help please to get her out of my mind. But how?

Q.   I broke up with my ex about two months ago. I know she has moved on, and every once in a while I'll get a text from her saying hello. I'm sure I WON'T get back with her but my question is...what is the best way to get over her, and thoughts of ...

A.   12 March 2011: I think it's unfair for her to continue to check in on you if she has moved on. You might begin to heal if you told her to let you be. There may come a time down the road when you have moved on where you might be able to deal with a friendly text ... (read in full...)

3 years after husband walks out, I still grieve, when does it stop?

Q.   Hi, I was with supposedly the "love of my life" for 32 years. In 2008, I found out he was having an affair. He left my son and I for 2 months, and then returned, stayed for 3 months, kept seeing the other person and then left again. I have not seen ...

A.   31 January 2011: Hi Lace, I too have gone through a divorce. Though I did not have the additional esteem killer like an affair. But it seems that what you have lost is your identity. You want to get better and that is a great start. It's time to rebuild. Even... (read in full...)

Dating a man 20 years older I really can't see what I am getting out of this relationship

Q.   I am 35 in a relationship (for 20 months now) with a man of 55. I love him, he wants to marry me, but i am hesitating. Sex is nearly absent (he has medical sexual problems), there is no financial security, and all issues that come with 20 years age ...

A.   25 December 2010: Memories are the best part of any relationship, we take them with us and the good ones keep our spirits up. The bad ones teach us lessons. In the game of love, you only play for yourself. Make a check list of 10 things you want in a relation... (read in full...)

My ex boyfriend the monster wants to try again!

Q.   I don't know what is right or wrong anymore about love. My exbf was a monster. He ripped my heart out and taunted and did vicious things to me for entire year after he dumped me. I went all the way down hill and hibernated but he still found ways to ...

A.   25 December 2010: everyone has given you good advice. I agree..don't get back with him, ever. Regardless of what he becomes or his path to get there, the two of you will never mix. As one poster said, the combination of the two of you is toxic. You've come a l... (read in full...)

My friends say "he was always going to leave"

Q.   Ok so short story long... My ex of 5 years left me for his mistress, but when I ask for counseling from my friends all the guys say the same thing....they all say (along the lines of) he was always going to leave. But up until the day I caught him ...

A.   11 December 2010: What you are wanting is closure and the explanation for a failed relationship tied up in a neat package with a bow. Unfortunately, even when we get the chance to talk with the other person the real reasons are sometimes/often masked in order that ... (read in full...)

My friends say "he was always going to leave"

Q.   Ok so short story long... My ex of 5 years left me for his mistress, but when I ask for counseling from my friends all the guys say the same thing....they all say (along the lines of) he was always going to leave. But up until the day I caught him ...

A.   5 December 2010: Your friends must have sensed or knew something about him that they did not tell you while you were in a relationship. Have you ever heard people who discover something about their partner saying "I was the last to know."... (read in full...)

He wants to be with me but still keep his distance

Q.   I've been dating a guy for about 3 months. I see him almost every day and spend the night almost every night....he cooks meals for me, takes care of me when I'm sick, tells me I'm beautiful...basically acts like the perfect boyfriend. But, he ...

A.   5 December 2010: In three months he should want to share you with at least his close circle of friends or his family and he should want to meet the people who are important in your life. Only he can tell you what is going on but I suspect he is keeping his opti... (read in full...)

My 57 yo boyfriend in involved with a 26 yo who is now pregnant!

Q.   I've been involved with a older man for the pass, 9.5 years. I Thought the world of this man. I have never met anyone so devious and down nasty as him. I caught him cheating several times with different woman, they were always his friends. Now he is ...

A.   5 December 2010: So you realize this man is bad news and it seems you are more concerned with showing his new lady the bad side of him rather than protecting and taking care of yourself by getting the hell out of this bad situation for yourself. As Jilly so smart... (read in full...)

Didn't know it at the time, but I had sex with my future teacher

Q.   Sorry, guys, this is kinda long. STORY TIME When I was 17, my boss held a huge Christmas party at a hotel. There, a friend of mine introduced me to his single friend who was very charming and sexy. Long story short, we ended up having a one ni...

A.   28 November 2010: College is a turning point and you deserve to have the best advantage possible for mentoring, etc. Go to his office and tell him that yes, you remember he is the "one night stand" guy and yes, you were a minor (he probably does already know) and ... (read in full...)

I feel like my boyfriend's dirty little secret

Q.   Hoping someone can shed some light on the relationship situation i am in. I have been seeing this guy for 15mths now and although when the mood takes him he will say he loves me, i have never felt so unloved and insecure in my life. I am 35 and h...

A.   21 November 2010: When you are in a relationship with someone you should be proud enough to introduce them to family and friends. You should respect their time enough to plan events instead of doing everything on the spur of the moment. When you are in a loving r... (read in full...)

Break up has left me unable to move on

Q.   I am despairing of ever finding that special relationship. My last relationship ended at Christmas last year. I hadn't realised at the time that he was breaking up with me as he asked me what I thought about things so I presumed that he...

A.   21 November 2010: did you have this conversation in person? I guess I don't understand why you two didn't communicate to the point of both of you understanding each others positions. One of two things are going on here: 1) he started the conversation hoping you woul... (read in full...)

He hurt my feelings when he said not tonight

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 months and we are getting along great. Normally we see each other 1 time a week since we live 30 miles apart and due to our work schedules. In addition to our regular jobs, we both have weekend part time ...

A.   31 October 2010: Each of us have different sex drives, which in a relationship we need to understand and respect. I think your fellow wasn't trying to hurt you, I think he was trying to respect you. You might feel good about "giving" sexual pleasure every night ... (read in full...)

I don't know how to get over the shame and humiliation

Q.   Dear anyone I've been married for nearly 30 years and weve had our ups and downs. It turns out my ex to be hubby has been a secret cross dresser all of our married life. he has hidden it so well that i didn't have a clue until he came out and told...

A.   17 October 2010: Hi there, I don't know if the moderator said it or if you feel it but the shame and humiliation is probably more a feeling of betrayal and disappointment by someone you had by your side for 30 years. The man you fell in love with wasn't who h... (read in full...)

Why won't my partner use my name?

Q.   Hi there, I have a very unusual problem with my partner of 7 years. He will never use my name, not my first name of even a pet name. If he wants me and I'm not in the room, he will shout 'are you there'. I mentioned this to him early on in our ...

A.   10 October 2010: I agree that it is a sort of lack of intimacy in the relationship. It could also be that he has gotten out of the habit of using names because perhaps he called a woman by the wrong name once. My ex (due to lack of intimacy) called me by a former ... (read in full...)

Do I have to choose between him and them?

Q.   Hi everyone. Five years ago I sold my house and moved in with my partner at his request. He had previously lived here on his own for 15 years and has never been married or had children of his own. My children are in their 30's and this is where ...

A.   10 October 2010: I understand the situation. I don't think it would do any good to threaten to leave anymore but I think you should be able to spend some quality time with your children. I don't know if money is an issue here but how about getting a room (or a co... (read in full...)

When he just wants to get into your pants...

Q.   Simple question: how do you know when a guy just wants to get in your pants? What are the sure fire signs?...

A.   2 October 2010: He moves too quickly with the physical part of your relationship. He doesn't take the time to get to know you. IE: He doesn't ask you things about yourself (like when is your birthday.) You tell him when your birthday is and he can't even remem... (read in full...)

Am I making him want me less by being available?

Q.   My ex and I dated for about 3 months - like two people deeper in love than I've ever experienced in my life and I've been married and dated several guys. He was married but his wife left him and he went overseas. Then I got really sick and he chan...

A.   18 September 2010: You do need to break away. He is taking you for granted and since neither of you is involved in each other's lives, this is not a relationship. It's not even a friendship since I do not believe he is caring about your emotional well being. Anyti... (read in full...)

Is he ever going to ask me out?

Q.   [MOD NOTE: OP's own title] I met a guy online who seems really normal. We started talking on AIM every night for several hours and we seem to have a lot in common. But he won't ask me out. He did one time, even picking a place, but this hasn't e...

A.   12 September 2010: These days there are a lot of people who are fulfilled with just chatting or texting back and forth but never being with anyone. I don't know if everyone is afraid to put themselves out there or if people are just afraid to meet someone in person ... (read in full...)

Breaking up because of self-anger issues

Q.   Hi, I am (or was) dating a guy for last 7 months, and last 2 we have not seen each other due to reasons, but stayed in contact and had in plan to meet soon. However he changed his mind...I do not know what is really going on. He is sensitiv...

A.   6 September 2010: Move on. Most likely he has has some past abusive relationships and your outbursts are a trigger to that recollection. He knows what he wants in a relationship and he has the courage to know when something isn't right for him. He was honest with ... (read in full...)

Please help, I cheated on my wife with a prostitute

Q.   I've been married for a year and a half, I cheated on my wife with a prostitute and got caught. I love my wife and was seeing the prostitute just because I was so damn horny and wanted to do things with the prostitute that my wife doesn't do. Since ...

A.   5 September 2010: A one and a half year marriage is very vulnerable and unfortunately, you gave your wife every reason to leave. Had you been married for 20 years and slipped once that may have been recoverable but within such a short time (some would even say ... (read in full...)

He says one day he'll marry me but has a wife and child. What should I do?

Q.   Am separated from my husband and I am currently seeing this guy who is 10 years older than me we do not do a lot of things together. We hardly go out or do any fun things together. This guy is a medical doctor and is married with 1 adopted daughter. ...

A.   4 September 2010: Hi there, I think this man is controlling and manipulative. I am not sure if he loves you or loves the thought of having you around. If he truly loved you he would not do what he is doing to you. He doesn't want you to discover a man who will... (read in full...)

I'm feelings uncomfortable in my own home! why wont he leave?

Q.   my partner has a tendancy when we argue to be really verbal to me. after coming back from a holiday we hardly spoke in the car which we were in for 8 hours! it drove me mental and ended up in an argument. the next thing i know he was in my face ...

A.   25 August 2010: first off...you do not owe him an apology. Perhaps it's time to get your friends back and have a ousting party at your house for this cad. You really need to get him out of your house and move on with your life. Sometimes when women support ... (read in full...)

The "exclusive" discussion caused a big rift. Should I wait it out?

Q.   I went on holiday and then got into an argument by text with a guy I have been seeing for a month. He doesnt want to be exclusive and I was jealous of a girl he has been seeing ~(they are friends too, but occasionally get intimate). He texted m...

A.   22 August 2010: I think you should back off and wait to see if he contacts you. As much as you want to "work things out and get a 2nd chance" ask yourself what you really want. It is ok if you want an exculusive relationship if that is what you want. However, if ... (read in full...)

Stabbed in the heart by her comment...

Q.   So this morning was the biggest heart break I could ever handle. I found out my girlfriend... my best friend... my everything cheated on me a month ago. She told me this intoxicated and also took an e pill saying some guy performed oral on her, but ...

A.   21 August 2010: Hi there. I am sure she does love you a lot but what you can not change is that to me it sounds like she doesn't want to settle down just yet. The fact that she is out there acting single, clubbing in tight dresses, etc tells me that she's not ... (read in full...)

I don't want to play with fire...

Q.   It all started when my collegue asked me to join him to play billiards.He taught me how to play.After that incidence,I would always caught him staring at me,and to my surprise,I found myself acting nervous/excited when he's around. Then, he started ...

A.   17 August 2010: nope. leave it be. do not contact him.... (read in full...)

Confused about my relationship with a colleague - is he just a friend or more??

Q.   Hi, I am a married woman - have a 4 year old. Marriage isn't going great guns at all - husband hasn't touched me in years together and I haven't touched anyone except this colleague of mine I am gonna talk about in just a bit.. There's a colleague ...

A.   17 August 2010: My dear, we are all searching for the same thing in live and in our hopes to find true love we are sometimes willing to "look the other way" even when we know in our hearts it isn't right. Keep your heart open and listen to your head.... (read in full...)

I don't want to play with fire...

Q.   It all started when my collegue asked me to join him to play billiards.He taught me how to play.After that incidence,I would always caught him staring at me,and to my surprise,I found myself acting nervous/excited when he's around. Then, he started ...

A.   15 August 2010: You didn't say. Are you male or female? If you are male, then a friendship with another man is a good thing but I don't know too many men who go to movies together. They usually do sporting events or golf or go to bars. If you are a female, ... (read in full...)

I don't want to play with fire...

Q.   It all started when my collegue asked me to join him to play billiards.He taught me how to play.After that incidence,I would always caught him staring at me,and to my surprise,I found myself acting nervous/excited when he's around. Then, he started ...

A.   14 August 2010: If you value his company and want him as a friend then have a conversation. Your profile says you are male but you said he calls you small sister. If you are female then you might be playing with matches. If you are male it sounds like you might ... (read in full...)

Confused about my relationship with a colleague - is he just a friend or more??

Q.   Hi, I am a married woman - have a 4 year old. Marriage isn't going great guns at all - husband hasn't touched me in years together and I haven't touched anyone except this colleague of mine I am gonna talk about in just a bit.. There's a colleague ...

A.   14 August 2010: Some food for thought. Try to look at things from his perspective instead of yours. You are wondering if he likes you and if he's thinking you are cheap. I honestly do not think he is thinking anything at all about you when he says he doesn't want ... (read in full...)

Confused about my relationship with a colleague - is he just a friend or more??

Q.   Hi, I am a married woman - have a 4 year old. Marriage isn't going great guns at all - husband hasn't touched me in years together and I haven't touched anyone except this colleague of mine I am gonna talk about in just a bit.. There's a colleague ...

A.   14 August 2010: Well, what I am going to suggest you will not like. The issue is that you are married and a man only wants two things from a married woman. 1) Sex without strings or 2) the woman to divorce her husband and make an honest man of him. You think yo... (read in full...)

Do you tell your husband when you have cheated?

Q.   I had an affair 3 years ago with a man I thought I loved. I was so messed up from it I slept with another man just to get over the man I was in love with. I have been married to my husband for over 20 years and have not slept with anyone else! It ...

A.   1 August 2010: Having an affair is a symptom of a faltering relationship. Work on fixing the relationship thus removing the possibility of cheating again. Telling your husband is unkind if the intention is to make yourself feel better. Will the informat... (read in full...)

My friend says it is best if we don't speak anymore, how can I show him things will get better?

Q.   hi, i have a friend who lives in another country. we have known each other for a long time. he is in a way more than a friend but it is complicated. however recently things havent been going well. he said something has changed but he doesnt know wha...

A.   28 July 2010: Hello, I know you want to go and see him but my advice is that you should NOT go to see him under any circumstances. Those of us filled with hope tend to see things as they could be, not as they are. How it is today is that this person does ... (read in full...)

Where do people get the strength to finish with people that are no good in there life

Q.   my boyfriend is very selfish and only thinks about himself he wants his own way all the time and i think he just is useing me. i have tried to finish with him many times but then he says he is sorry and i forgive him only for him to start again wh...

A.   23 July 2010: Everyone gave you some solid advice. What is key here is that the past is a predictor of the future. You have taken the right step and now you just need to keep on that path. You are what I would call a caregiver in life and you feel good whe... (read in full...)

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