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... Send *earkelja a private message | | | *earkelja's profile:This site has been a wonderful experience for me. I hope that I have helped some of you in some small way.
I'll be back from time to time to help where I can. My focus for now is to get my life back to good. Thank you to those of you who have helped me along my journey. Your help, love and guidance have made me strong.
Be good all of you! |
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Is it possible that my husband is gay?
Q. I have been married for a year. My husband hasn't slept with me most of that time. We have sex then he gets out of bed and sleeps on the coach. He never comes to bed till it's almost time for me to get up. This just isn't a normal marriage. A ...
A. 5 December 2009: It sounds to me like he's afraid of intimacy. He'll give you the sex, etc and perhaps he feels like that's all he's obligated to give.
In a marriage, it's the intimacy, the holding, the cuddling and the talking that bond the two of you, not... (read in full...)
He broke up a week before moving to my city
Q. Hello everyone. I have been with a guy for about 15 months now, however most of this ( over a year) has been long distance, as he moves about for work each year. He is due to move to the same city as me in 3 days time! I thought everything was f...
A. 2 December 2009: There is really nothing you can do to get him back. It is best if you try to move on. It will hurt a lot less than trying to hang onto something that doesn't want to be held onto. Even if you did make him feel guilty enough to come back it ... (read in full...)
It's so painful that I love him and he doesn't feel the same way! What should I do?
Q. Hi, Ive been with my boyfriend for just about a year, and we haven't approached the "love subject" well he hasn't. I love him and haven't said it, im 2 upset to because i no he won't say it back. This really hurts because obviously im in ...
A. 29 November 2009: What ever happened to honesty in a relationship? If he said he loved you, even if he'd been drinking and you didn't say it back....then maybe he thinks you don't love him.
Also...I did have a guy tell me he loved me after drinking and he asked to... (read in full...)
He asked me why I was so quiet and I told him... did I do the right thing?
Q. My boyfriend sent me a message two days ago asking why i had been so quiet with him recently and he knows i find it difficult to express my feelings face to face so he said to tell him in a message. So i did. I told him that i feel like i cant...
A. 21 November 2009: Being Honest is always the right thing to do. He will respect your honesty and perhaps he is speechless at the moment but my guess is that if he is an honest type of guy and he loves you that he is trying to figure out a way to give you more ... (read in full...)
I've fallen for somebody who doesn't want a relationship with me.
Q. Im in a huge fix.I've fallen for somebody who doesnt want a relationship with me.He's scared of commitment and also according to him our schedules dont allow us to see each other enough anyways.We met almost a year ago,and I kind of assumed he didnt ...
A. 14 November 2009: I agree with the others...you need to tell him how you feel and what you want. You've set up this boundry with him about being friends but did you ever tell him why? Men can not read our minds and it sounds like this guy does want to be more than ... (read in full...)
Am I being unfair to my ex girlfriend?
Q. [Moderator Note: Question orginally poster under the heading 'Do I owe my ex closure?' Link: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-i-owe-my-ex-closure.html] Hi, I'm in a bit of a quandry. I posted before but there were a couple t...
A. 14 November 2009: Let me get this straight...you walked out on your girlfriend of 6 years, sent her a nasty email and then blanked her. She responds by sending you an angry text message.
Now after some months pass, you can't find a better bargain so you're w... (read in full...)
I'm angry hurt and confused about this dilema I am in
Q. A few months ago, a friend in my social circle had been flirting with me. Things progressed, and we made out, fooled around a few times. I'm a virgin and didn't really want my first time to be casual sex, as he continually stated how he just wanted ...
A. 14 November 2009: There are a couple of things that could be going on here but really the only one who can give you the truth you need is him. We can all only give you ideas.
He doesn't have your best interests at heart or he would not have had sex with you and ... (read in full...)
I broke up with my commitment phobic boyfriend. Did I do the right thing?
Q. I met a wonderful man in his mid forties. He has never been married or in been in a serious relationship, he has very limited sexual experiences with women. He is kind, successful,loyal, honest. When we first met we emailed for two months leading ...
A. 25 October 2009: Hi,
This man has all the wonderful qualities of a platonic friend, not a "boyfriend" or significant other. There are lots of wonderful people in the world so don't think he's the only one.
The key in selecting someone to share your life with is... (read in full...)
My husband wants to have anal sex with me.
Q. My husband wants to have anal sex with me.We have never done it before,and I'd like some advice on how to go about.I'm a little bit scared about,is it safe or healthy for my body if he cums on my back?...
A. 18 October 2009: Think about using a condom for his health?... (read in full...)
The girl I love is my best friends daughter. What do we do now?
Q. I am 42 yrs old and have been best freidns with my co worker Dan since high school. I was even his best man at his wedding. I was in a long term relationship that ended 10 months ago, Dan was awlways trying to set me up with different people but ...
A. 18 October 2009: Honesty is always best. He is going to be doubly angry with you, one for what he may feel is a violation of friendship or male code. The other reason he will be angry is that you have been keeping this secret. He will also be upset with his ... (read in full...)
Are short women better lovers?
Q. Just curious to know why so many men say short women are better lovers than taller women. I read several different forums, and sure enough, it came up over and over again. Problem was, no one elaborated on what made sex better with petite women. ...
A. 17 October 2009: Forgot to add how you can improve your skills as a great lover....Communicate. Talk in bed about what you want and what he wants. Fantasize about your needs and be open to try new things. Keep him fastinated. Sex isn't always physical, your ... (read in full...)
Are short women better lovers?
Q. Just curious to know why so many men say short women are better lovers than taller women. I read several different forums, and sure enough, it came up over and over again. Problem was, no one elaborated on what made sex better with petite women. ...
A. 17 October 2009: OK...I have a male friend who prefers short, petite women and this is the honest to God truth of why....
he says (never seen it) he has a small penis and petite women have tighter vaginas and so sex is better for him.
I have no idea if this is ... (read in full...)
How do you end a friends with benefits relationship but still remain just friends?
Q. How do you end a friends with benefits type of relationship but still remain friends? I'm thinking of telling him something like this: When I'm with you I have a nice time, but I'm not going to sleep with you anymore. Like I said I have a good time ...
A. 17 October 2009: I would like more information. Did the two of you begin as boyfriend/girlfriend and break up and get to this now or did you have an agreement that you could never have more than what you have? What will happen to this relationship if you find a ... (read in full...)
Does he really like me? Or will he cheat due to his porn habits?
Q. Hi everybody. I've seeing this man for 2years and he never have girlfriend before.He is 30 years now.But I don't believe it.Its imposible never had girl before.Do you guys think he lie to me.And his family said that's true.He dating some girl before ...
A. 12 October 2009: You do need to trust him until he gives you a reason not to. Sometimes our non-trusting behavior pushes people into things they wouldn't normally do except that we "expect them to act this way so they do." So give him the benefit of the doubt. ... (read in full...)
Was he put off by no sex? Why isn't he calling anymore?
Q. Hello I am dating an interested guy. He told me that he is interested and he was acting like that but also shyly. Normally when he talks to others, this person doesn't act shyly. He was surprised when I told him that I am a virgin and don't want to ...
A. 12 October 2009: The ball is in his court. If he truly cares about you, he will contact you. If he wants a sexual relationship without the strings, he will not contact you. It could be he is busy so just give him time. ... (read in full...)
I really like him I just don't know what to do next
Q. I will try and keep it short as I can. I'm shy and I like a shy guy and I thought he liked me so I asked him out - so scary btw! Anyway he said yes, we went out he text me later to say he had a nice time, I asked him again and we went out, again I ...
A. 26 September 2009: Lots of guys are shy and they can initiate relationships. Some guys lack so much confidence or initiative that they won't make a move so the only way to get things rolling is for the woman to show interest.
You've done that. You've asked hi... (read in full...)
I needed a hug, not a French kiss!
Q. is it normal that a girl would just want a hug from her boyfriend rathar than a french kiss ,,you see ,2 of my friends died at a car accident, and i was crying so when we met , i hugged him and i started crying he hugged me back but then afterwards ...
A. 25 September 2009: He doesn't know what you need. Some of his reaction is reflexive and he truly hasn't grasped the magnitude of your loss. The only way to get this communicated to him is to explain your feelings. He will feel more connected to you when you do and ... (read in full...)
I've repeatedly told her I don't love her and don't want children with her but we are still together
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for about five years and lived with her and I have reapeatedly told her that I don't love her and I don't want her to be the mother of my kids I just don't know what to do. She has lost her job and now has a new job ...
A. 20 September 2009: Put a plan in place to leave her and accept nothing to get in the way. Give her three months to find an alternate living situation and get her feet on the ground. And don't waffle on this.
You've stated to us and to her that you don't love her... (read in full...)
His priorities are all screwed up how can I make him see this?
Q. Hello. I feel kinda silly asking for advice online, but I am confused and in need of the advice so here it goes... I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. He just recently moved out into his own place that he shares w...
A. 20 September 2009: Asking for advice whether it be on line or otherwise is a sign of maturity. It is also a sign of the inner you realizing there is a problem.
I think you realize he is taking you for granted. He knows you will be there for him regardless of how p... (read in full...)
He won't give me his phone number but calls me his property...
Q. 4 months ago, a much younger man I met in real life came after me full guns. He won't give me his phone number, but doesn't call me either. We mostly communicate by chat or email. He claims he is divorced with shared custody. He claims he...
A. 19 September 2009: Best to leave it alone. He knows what he's done and all you'll be doing is showing you care. Now you know what to say if he ever calls you again... "oh, yeah, saw you on myspace...good looking wife you got there....Take a hike loser."... (read in full...)
Anal sex and wife won't try it
Q. Hi Firstly I apologise for such a long post, but this is a BIG problem with lots of different elements. My wife and I have been together for almost 6 years (married 3 months) and a few problems keep coming up. The first problem, the one that...
A. 14 September 2009: I am going to try to reply to several things going on here. I do not think I am a prude and I like to think I have an open mind.
Anal sex is not for everyone. A partner's choice to engage in anal sex should be their choice and one shouldn'... (read in full...)
Do you follow your head or your heart?
Q. I am married to a wonderful man. He is smart, kind, has a good job, and is a hard worker. In fact, I love him - but only as a friend. I don't want a physical relationship with him at all. I have told him I want a separation, but I am not sure if ...
A. 14 September 2009: Which you follow is really more of a matter of what you want out of life. If it is your desire to find romance again and maybe be with someone who rocks your world AND can be your comfy slippers other times then I think you follow your heart.
... (read in full...)
He won't give me his phone number but calls me his property...
Q. 4 months ago, a much younger man I met in real life came after me full guns. He won't give me his phone number, but doesn't call me either. We mostly communicate by chat or email. He claims he is divorced with shared custody. He claims he...
A. 10 September 2009: There might be more than DOM & SUB going on here. This guy is out to mentally abuse you and keep your self esteem down by controlling you. You have absolutely no control here and I believe you want more than whe he can give. I know you will hurt ... (read in full...)
Why am I single? Can anyone shed some light on this?
Q. Hard to say this. I broke up with my ex in Feb 2005. Yes that long ago! I have been single pretty much since then, no significant relationship since. I moved location mid-2007 (but a non-English speaking country). When I go out with my frie...
A. 9 September 2009: Best of luck to you. Don't give up hope. That's too bad about the teacher. I agree, it's hard when you finally find someone and they decide you aren't for them for maybe what are superficial reasons.... (read in full...)
Am I trying to hold on to a heart that no longer belongs to me?
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm struggling with myself so much right now. I've been dating this guy for 3 years. We had ups and downs. Broke up once and got back. He used to care about me and like me only. He had a first love that he always seems to keep in his h...
A. 8 September 2009: I think you should take a break and clear your head. Give him some space to miss you and maybe he will realize what he had and come back with his whole heart in his hand. But be clear with him and with yourself. Do not settle for half a heart or ... (read in full...)
Is this just a nice way of him breaking up with me?
Q. My boyfriend wants to break up for now. Here is the deal. We went to the same college for one semester and it was amazing. We did everything together. Then I transfered to a school about 2 hours away and the first semester was hard but it work...
A. 8 September 2009: It could very well be that school and socializing is hard for him. It could be doesn't want to feel guilty if he wants to pursue dating others. It's hard to say, the only one who can really answer that is him.
I guess the bottom line answer i... (read in full...)
He won't give me his phone number but calls me his property...
Q. 4 months ago, a much younger man I met in real life came after me full guns. He won't give me his phone number, but doesn't call me either. We mostly communicate by chat or email. He claims he is divorced with shared custody. He claims he...
A. 8 September 2009: Hi there,
Be kind to yourself. You've been taken for a ride. Please read your post and I believe you will know what you need to do. Forgive yourself, dust yourself off and move forward. When this guy contacts you again tell him you're not inte... (read in full...)
Why am I single? Can anyone shed some light on this?
Q. Hard to say this. I broke up with my ex in Feb 2005. Yes that long ago! I have been single pretty much since then, no significant relationship since. I moved location mid-2007 (but a non-English speaking country). When I go out with my frie...
A. 8 September 2009: I think it is not you. I think it is a sign of the times. I believe the dating scene is on overload with all the internet dating. No-one is content these days to date the person next to them because "golly gee...what about that stunner who just ... (read in full...)
My husband will be having a baby with the woman he cheated on me with! What now?
Q. I've been with my husband since we were sophomores in high school. We married after he graduated college (I never got the chance to go to college because I was busy working so I could keep a roof over our heads). Neither of us were kicked out of our ...
A. 8 September 2009: You have been manipulated. This man has controlled you by demeaning you and taking down your self esteem. This way he can do whatever he wants knowing you wont leave. Unfortunately you are in the situation and you can not see this clearly. He ... (read in full...)
Am I trying to hold on to a heart that no longer belongs to me?
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm struggling with myself so much right now. I've been dating this guy for 3 years. We had ups and downs. Broke up once and got back. He used to care about me and like me only. He had a first love that he always seems to keep in his h...
A. 8 September 2009: My advice to you for this relationship and any one you have in the future. You deserve to have a man love you and desire you more than he desires anyone else. You want to be 'the one' for him. To me, this other woman is 'the one'. Sometimes it's ... (read in full...)
He's got feelings for another girl, but wants to take things slow with me... help!
Q. Hi there. I have been with my boyfriend for about 15 months. We've had a good relationship, had our ups and downs, but that's normal. Recently he became all distant and after I continuously asked him what was wrong he admitted hes got feeling for ...
A. 8 September 2009: There's a balance here of making sure you don't put yourself in a very hurtful situation but allowing him time to figure out what he really feels or wants to do. My advice to you is to tell him you love him and you want to be with him and if he is ... (read in full...)
If I don't like him as more than a friend, then why do I miss not hanging out with him as much?
Q. I've known my male friend for 3 years. During these 3 years we've been hanging out alone together, going to eat, cinema etc. I know that he used to like me (more than a friend) but I was never interested in having a relationship with him (as i'm not ...
A. 6 September 2009: I had a very similar thing happen to me. I have a friend who I used to hang out with alot. I thought I liked him more than a friend but he told me he wasn't attracted to me "like that". He got a girlfriend and I was a little jealous not because ... (read in full...)
I want her back in my life. Its so sad to throw it away
Q. i need help. i have been married for 9 months now and my wife left me last week. we have been arguing for months about silly matters and managed to resolve them but recently things started to get worse. the past 4 weeks we have had breaks, slept at ...
A. 4 September 2009: Take two weeks to cool off, both of you. Then send her some flowers and a note with an apology, futher stating that you want her in your life and that you would like to work things out with a counselor.
The damage is beyond what two people c... (read in full...)
I can't pee!
Q. i woke up this morning as usual an i went to the bathroom an found i couldnt pee ? im on my period and im dieing to go to pee but i physically cant im not even getting a burning sensation becasue im not even lucky enough to get a drop of pee out ...
A. 21 August 2009: You probably waited too long to go or maybe your period has made you swollen and cut off your ureter.
No matter, YOU NEED TO GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM. A burst bladder is deadly.... (read in full...)
How do I cope with this break from my boyfriend? Does this mean we're over?
Q. Ok my boyfriend just asked for a break! it sucks!! It came up all of a sudden for me. We arent seeing other people which im really really happy about but this hurts!! He wants No communication between us. he decided to have this break and when it ...
A. 19 August 2009: My experience with breaks is that if they come up all of the sudden and there really isn't a reason for them then it usually is the beginning of the end of a relationship. Breaks for a reason, a cooling off period for instance or if one or the ... (read in full...)
Can you live without sexual intimacy in a relationship?
Q. How do I know if my husband sexual problem is medical, or something else? He has ed and low sexal desire, but the DOCTOR NEVER FOUND ANYTHING WRONG. His health is k, so it is not medical so far ,unless they didn't find out why. I would fully exce...
A. 18 August 2009: How are the lines of communication? In my opinion, you can not live without intimacy, and that to me is a feeling of closeness with another person. You get that closeness by talking and by sharing. If he can't have sex or doesn't want to there ... (read in full...)
My mother dissapproves because I'm 20 and want to date someone who's 46. Is this really such a bad thing?
Q. So, I'm a 20 year old lesbian. I just recently met a 46 year old woman and we get along great. Most girls my age don't work, don't want to attend college and believe in anything but lies. We share what seems like a million a 10 things in common, we ...
A. 18 August 2009: Being in your twenties is all about figuring out who you are, what you like and who you want to be with. The age difference is significant, especially for a twenty year old, however, if the two of you start out as friends and see how that goes I ... (read in full...)
Do I hang on in there in the hope it is a blip or end the relationship? I feel like I'm in limbo....
Q. Have any of you ever been in a relationship where you feel like you are no longer going out with your partner yet nothing has been said by the other person? For the last year I have felt like my boyfriend, who is in his mid-thirties, is completely ...
A. 18 August 2009: Hi there,
You say this has been going on for a year. I do think this relationship is in trouble if not already over. The fact that he can't make a committment to you for a wedding speaks volumes. He is also making excuses for why the two of you ... (read in full...)
Is she still into me?
Q. Hello, to make it quick, I'm in the military and was away for some time in Afghanistan, I returned home after 4 years, but I noticed somehow my girlfriend rejecting me in some way, she isn't returning my calls, she doesn't answer my emails, could ...
A. 17 August 2009: Question, are you back home now with some stability or will you get called to go somewhere for another assignment? If there is a chance of the latter, then perhaps she is distancing herself and now allowing herself to get close in case you leave ... (read in full...)
Fell in love after internet relationship, now he's gone, did he fake the 3 years, we were together?
Q. As it says there, i really didnt know where else to turn. i don't have many friends left.. So i'll start from the begining. it all started when i was only 13, i'm now 16. it started as an internet relationship and i never intended it to go far i ...
A. 11 August 2009: I think the relationship just got too complicated for him and he bailed. He cheated on you but did you talk about cheating on him or maybe rub his face in it? If you did, that would cause anyone to walk away. He was wrong for cheating and ... (read in full...)
Fell in love after internet relationship, now he's gone, did he fake the 3 years, we were together?
Q. As it says there, i really didnt know where else to turn. i don't have many friends left.. So i'll start from the begining. it all started when i was only 13, i'm now 16. it started as an internet relationship and i never intended it to go far i ...
A. 9 August 2009: Did you have a physical relationship? Did he give you any reason why he doesn't want to be with you? I think we need more information to help you.... (read in full...)
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