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... Send *earkelja a private message | | | *earkelja's profile:This site has been a wonderful experience for me. I hope that I have helped some of you in some small way.
I'll be back from time to time to help where I can. My focus for now is to get my life back to good. Thank you to those of you who have helped me along my journey. Your help, love and guidance have made me strong.
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Confused about what to do...
Q. I have been married for 7 years and I have not been good to my wife. I want to work things out but everytime I try I screw up. I have made my wife's life hell ever since I got back from Iraq. My question is what do I do? Do I keep going down this ...
A. 7 March 2008: Please realize that you have been through a lot when you served in Iraq. That was a big sacrifice. I am sure you came back with some issues and you need to try to find a way to work those out. Do you have anyone you can talk to? Somewhere you're ... (read in full...)
I love a song, but it reminds me of a bad time in my life. How can I stop associating it with a bad incident?
Q. I have a bit of a strange question. The answer is probably as simple as I think it is, but if somebody could guide me further, it'd be great. There's this song. The first time I heard it, I loved it straight away. I listened to it over and over, I...
A. 7 March 2008: Play the song when you are doing something you really enjoy. Maybe then you will start to associate the song with good memories. You'll have to do this over and over and over.
Please don't let a good song that reached into your soul become a... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a relationship to start to change after just 3 months? What I mean is less phone calls, fewer texts and fewer "I love you's?
Q. Is it normal for a relationship to start to change after just 3 months? What I mean is less phone calls, fewer texts and fewer "I love you's". I should start by telling you that I have self-esteem issues,i'm overly sensitive,abando...
A. 7 March 2008: It is possible she is pulling back if you are smothering her with your concerns. Can you just give her space and realize that giving someone space is the kindest thing you can do for them. It shows them that you trust them and that you love. Many ... (read in full...)
What am I do wrong that makes my husband watch internet porn instead of be with me?
Q. What am I doing wrong that makes my husband watch internet porn (daily), but doesn't want to be with me? He tells me he's tired or his back hurts or that I pressure him for sex and so he's not into it. I don't doubt that he loves me, but I am not ...
A. 7 March 2008: As everyone has said, you have done nothing wrong. This is all his issue. Not all men watch porn and certainly not all men watch porn every night. He has an addiction which is now entering into your bedroom. Best have an open discussion with ... (read in full...)
He tells me he "Can't fall in love again". Is there anything I can do?
Q. My boyfriend has told me he "can't fall in love again" because he has convinced himself that if he does he will get hurt. He found his fiances dead 2 weeks before the marriage and then 2 years later he married a girl 10 years younger (18). After 12 ...
A. 7 March 2008: How long have you been dating? When was the divorce? Has he had any significant relationships since then?
If you are just starting to date this man, you could just give him some time but try not to get too attached. See if he warms up to the i... (read in full...)
I'm a little neurotic, but he called out another girls name, so I think he may be having an affair, what should I do?
Q. My boyfriend and I spent an evening with friends last weekend. We each had a fair amount to drink during the evening. Anyway, my bf was talking to his mate about a trip we were arranging with some of my mates, and my bf called me by another girl’s ...
A. 5 March 2008: I think you should let it go. My ex-husband introduced me at his 10 year reunion with another name. He was sooo sorry that I actually felt worse for him than me. Let it go. Now if it happens again, you should probably have a discussion.
As fo... (read in full...)
Is he treating me mean to keep me keen?
Q. Hey there, I know this guy from work, let's call him "C". I've worked with his for just over 18 months. When i started my new job "C" had worked there for about a month and was really quiet, despite this we got really well as i was quite shy to...
A. 5 March 2008: If he is treating you mean to keep you kean, this it is a game you don't want to play. He sounds like an immature boy who will sacrifice your reputation at work. He is definately not your friend and if I were you I would tell him that your friends ... (read in full...)
He wants space to sort things out. Is there any hope?
Q. My partner has asked for space to sort out his life, his business and his children. he wants to learn how to love himself and get his foundations right before he comes back to me, if he does. This was 6 weeks ago. We are both in our forties and have ...
A. 5 March 2008: I think you should leave him alone with his space to work out his issues. Analisa is right, he will be no good in this relationship not loving himself. He needs to be whole to contribute. Him saying he wont contact you as that would lead you on ... (read in full...)
How do I tell her I can't cheat with her anymore?
Q. I made a huge mistake. My wife and I were having problems with our marriage and she complicated it further by having a few sexual encounters and a full blown emotional relationship. I became an angry person with an agenda to get even. I contacted an ...
A. 4 March 2008: The only way to do this is quickly and honestly. You have kind of set the wheels in motion so to speak and now you need to follow through and come clean. Yes, she will be hurt and may even beg you to stay with her or to continue the affair but the ... (read in full...)
We are losing touch...is it because he has me and is too comfortable??
Q. I have been seeing my guy now for alomst a month and we have worked and known each other for over a year almost 2 years now. He used to call me nightly if not daily and thats because our schedules conflict with his band (his hobby) my kids, or our ...
A. 2 March 2008: You've only been dating for a month. It is possible that the relationship is just fine and he's just busy. It is also possible that he is re-evaluating things. Just give him space, don't worry so much about it. It could very well be normal for ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to be upset here?
Q. Let me start at the beginning....I posted on here a while back about my hair....well I finally got my wig and it looks amazing! so today I went and emailed my BF and well...I think I'll just post the emails here....make it easier.... wore m...
A. 2 March 2008: I think he honestly did have an issue with the situation, not you. Yes he could have handled it differently. I think you should give it a rest, both of you.
I think he likes you for what you are and maybe the wig does make him uneasy as in his m... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is going through divorce....stand by him or walk away?
Q. I don't know where to turn as nobody understands the pain i am feeling. I work very closely with my boyfriend, from the day we met we clicked. He is 11 years older than me, getting divorced and I fell in love with him. We have been in a relationship ...
A. 2 March 2008: The best thing to do right now would be to give him space. If you push him to prematurely get a divorce then he will only blame you for it down the road. You want him to get his divorce on his own so that he can come to you on his own.
As fo... (read in full...)
Can we reach a point of healing this relationship? Is there hope?
Q. I'm in a troubled relationship. It's unhealthy, and we don't know what to do. We met through a mutual friend (who had been a very good friend of mine for years, and played mwith my bf in a band back then). We got along great. Five months later, an...
A. 2 March 2008: Your boyfriend put you in a very bad position. He so wanted to know something that he couldn't handle and I'm pretty sure he knew this. Unfortunately what is done is done. He doesn't sound like he has the emotional maturity to handle your past ... (read in full...)
Do I have a future? Am I being too insistent? Why does he avoid to make plans?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend just over a year on and off and I am not sure how i feel about him anymore. He says he loves me and we see each other most evenings when he is home weekends, but through the day on a weekend he prefers to be with his ...
A. 2 March 2008: I would be concerned about spending my life with a man who wasn't thrilled to be with my kids. They will be a major part of his life but if he can't seem to include them in his life after a year and a half, it isn't likely he would later.
Looki... (read in full...)
Would it be wrong for a 36 year old to date a teenager? Can people choose who they are attracted to?
Q. honeslty do people think this is wrong if a 36 year old man is really really attracted to a 16 year old (mature, or so he thinks) girl...i mean people cant help who they're attracetd to right??? and if he got carried away and ended up in bed with ...
A. 2 March 2008: I think that a 36 year old man has no business dating a high school student. The man is either not fully grown up or is reliving his youth.
I am quite sure you are mature but if he truly cares about you he will give you a few years without ... (read in full...)
What stimulates women the most?
Q. What stimulates women the most, kissing, massaging or something else? I know I should know but just want to get a few ideas. If you just pretend there are no other issues blocking a sexual turn on such as looking at other women, porn or an ...
A. 2 March 2008: for me I like a man's smile and his kind words and actions. mostly though a smile can melt me.... (read in full...)
Do you think she is unstable? Is there something wrong with me? Have I just been used all of these years?
Q. I am struggling to understand and very hurt, I need help, someone to talk to. My fiancé and I have been together for 10 years. I started going with her shortly after she went through her second divorce. We have had the classic ups and downs in...
A. 2 March 2008: I am sorry you are going through this heartbreaking situation. It really sounds to me like this woman is taking, taking and taking. You have given all that you can and she has given you a family life that was less than acceptable.
This ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my boyfriend?
Q. I'd like some advice please. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, moved in together in September. Everything has been alright but these past few months, he has treated me like shit and to be honest, I don't deserve it but I'm too s...
A. 2 March 2008: I do not think this arrangement is working and if you continue to live together you will break up for sure. I think you should move out and see if the relationship gets back on track. If it doesn't then I would suggest you leave him.
If he is pu... (read in full...)
Was he joking or does he really like me?
Q. there is this boy at school who i kinda like he always talks to me and he says he fancys my sister (he would not go out with my sister because se is 20 and he is 14 and he only says it as a joke to me)it was mufti day today and he complimented me on ...
A. 1 March 2008: I think this boy was trying to chat you up and you ran away with your friend. Yes, I think he likes you but now you are going to have to make more of an effort than that.
Next time you see him distance yourself from your girlfriends and try to t... (read in full...)
Will brushing out your hair while wet give you split ends??
Q. One night i was in the bathroom getting ready to brush out my hair after i got out of the shower and my sister comes in and says i wouldn't do that if i were you.. and i was like do what? She said brush out my hair when it is wet. I asked why and ...
A. 1 March 2008: I have always heard, comb when wet, brush when dry. I think the hairbrush stretches wet hair and tends to break it more easily.
Anyone out there in the beauty business???... (read in full...)
Should I attempt to pursue something with a guy who is shy about meeting in person?
Q. To set this up, I have little experience dating. I went through years of not even trying to date. But I've decided to turn over a new leaf and put myself out there. I decided to try online dating and have corresponded with some nice guys that way. I ...
A. 29 February 2008: This is a tough one. If he is that shy about meeting you in person it could be an ongoing issue. It could also be that once he is comfortable with you, he'd be ok. But lets look at the bigger picture. He will go through this most likely in every ... (read in full...)
How to drive away my nightmares?
Q. I am having nightmares every night for most of the night and not getting the sleep I need. I can't seem to control them and I'm really tired all the time. I don't know why this happens, but I really need to know what I can do about it. ...
A. 29 February 2008: I am not an advocate of sleeping medication but tylenol does make this PM product that I use from time to time when I can't sleep. It does work but it is a temporary resolution.
To get to the bottom of your nightmares, you need to find the unde... (read in full...)
Her not texting me back is really doing my head in!!!
Q. Hi, I met a girl on the weekend, went back to her house with my mate and her mate. We didn't do anything just watched a film and fell asleep together on the couch. I got her number and I'm always first to text. When we text she seems interest...
A. 29 February 2008: I am wondering here what happened to the telephone. The proper way to ask a girl out in on the telephone, I think. That way you can have a discussion about what to do. You've kind of left her holding the bag on that decision and maybe she's ... (read in full...)
Do you think he is into me or not really, anymore?
Q. I was practice teaching at this school for 2 months but left to teach somewhere else. I found a DVD I borrowed from one of the others teachers a month later and contacted him to tell him I had it and if he wanted it back. I've always had a lit...
A. 29 February 2008: I am going to be honest with you. I have lived through this situation for the last year with a man that I care very much about-still do. He's been hot and cold with me and sending me so many mixed signals my head has exploded.
What I have det... (read in full...)
I had brief intercourse with a stripper during a lap dance... should I tell my wife?
Q. I’m felling real guilty about what happened to me at a strip bar. I’m a happily married man, ten years married with two kids. I go to strip bars, my wife lets me and its never been an issue. She goes out with her friends too, and admittedly been ...
A. 29 February 2008: I accept your apology. I was raped at 15. It takes a big person to apologize.
Can we end this now?... (read in full...)
I need an answer on how to break up with my girlfriend of 2 months...
Q. I need an answer, I need to break up with my GF of 2 months because I realize now that I wasn't in love with her at all, I was infatuated but not in love. I want to let her down easy but I want to end it soon. At the same time, and I've felt this ...
A. 29 February 2008: Thank you for your consideration with your girlfriend. A true gentleman will find the right words to end a relationship that isn't working. It is best to be honest with her and yes, let her down gently as really she didn't do anything wrong, it ... (read in full...)
I just can't tell if he's interested in me or not, help!
Q. I recently met a guy who is in my department at school when a bunch of us were out at a pub. we hit it off immediatley and spent the entire night talking, he kept rubbing my arm while we were talking too, and at the end of the night he asked for my ...
A. 29 February 2008: What is the timeframe on this? When was the last time you saw him? How much older are you?
Sometimes guys get confused about their feelings but depending on the timeframe of this situation, don't give up hope just yet. ... (read in full...)
I'm so tempted to call his wife and rat him out because I feel for her and of course I would get some statisfaction.
Q. I was dating this guy for about a year that I met at work. The question I have is and I probably already know the answer. He was seperating from his wife and also has two children with her. Why does he continue to spend time with her and of course ...
A. 28 February 2008: It is never a good idea to get involved in someone else's relationship. You need to stay out of what ever they have. The relationship you have is with him. If you are angry with him, let him know, which I think you've done.
Do I think he'll ca... (read in full...)
My live-in boyfriend wants to move out after 5 years
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 6 years. We've been living together for about 5 years. This year we've been talking about marriage and getting engaged. He promised me that 2008 would be the best year ever. But this weekend he ...
A. 28 February 2008: There is some event in his life that is causing him to do an about face with this relationship. The fact that you have been together for such a long time and that he hasn't been flaky about the relationship up until this point does seem to point to ... (read in full...)
We slept together and now he is avoiding me...what happened??
Q. So after 3 weeks of dating and getting to know this guy who was planning future (months ahead) dates for us... we slept together. Now he is avoiding me? What happened?...
A. 28 February 2008: I agree with Waterloo. Give him one mark for showing up at the big sex event. No more marks for performance. No marks for being a good guy and no marks for a future.
Some guys also do panic after they've had sex with a woman because they fee... (read in full...)
I'm sure he's cheating, isn't he?
Q. Here is my question. To make a long story short, My boyfriend got a text from a woman that he is supposedly "friends" with, asking if she left a pair of black pants at his house. I calmly asked him how long he had something going on with her. He ...
A. 26 February 2008: Nobody on this site can tell you if he is cheating or if you are overly suspicious. A foundation for a relationship is trust. You must trust him. If you do not, you will most likely push him into having an affair.
I don't like people being ov... (read in full...)
I've made my mind up...what are my rights??
Q. It is thanks, by and large, to the really helpful replies and other articles on this website that I have now found the strength to tell my unfaithful, lying, controlling, husband that I will no longer tolerate his awful behaviour to me. While I was ...
A. 26 February 2008: Well, he does have a right to live in the house but I don't think that is going to work. So yes, when he comes home, give him a few days (for sure ask you lawyer and don't do anything until you talk to her!) and then tell him he must move out of ... (read in full...)
Should I call it quits or try to work it out?
Q. I haven't talked to my boyfriend since Friday. He's mad at me but I don't know why. Everything was fine on Friday then all of a sudden he's mad. He always does this and it frustrates me so much and he never tells me why he's mad. He just goes on ...
A. 26 February 2008: It sounds to me like you two need some work on your communications. This is like a cornerstone of a relationship and the fact that he is (dare I say) pouting and withholding information from you is kind of a red flag. How will he be when the big ... (read in full...)
Do you think he is into me or not really, anymore?
Q. I was practice teaching at this school for 2 months but left to teach somewhere else. I found a DVD I borrowed from one of the others teachers a month later and contacted him to tell him I had it and if he wanted it back. I've always had a lit...
A. 26 February 2008: It it's any consolation, we've all been there. So, yes it sucks. We don't know what happened or where their heads are at but that's just the way it is. However, I don't think in all my dating years I've ever not been honest and up front with ... (read in full...)
Should I keep talking to her or not?
Q. Hello everyone. Have a question that I hope some of you can help me with. Should I continue to see and talk to my ex? Its not all the time, every now and then. Sometimes we will meet out for dinner, or spend the day together. Sometimes, I am ...
A. 25 February 2008: I think the fact that it hurts you sometimes means that you are not completely over her, which I think you know. In order to get past this, you need to make a complete break and stop seeing her at least for awhile. You could look her up late when ... (read in full...)
Why do I find it hard to leave a relationship where there is no love??
Q. Why do I find it hard to leave a relationship where there is no love, intimacy and no respect? I believed I was more in this relationship than what he will admit to. I work with him and live with him, I dont have anything of my own. I believed ...
A. 25 February 2008: Staying is easier. Leaving someone you have built a life with is hard. It is hard because you have a pattern with this person. You are comfortable. You have a home to go home to and you know what to expect when you go home. You have a person ... (read in full...)
How long can someone last without food?
Q. heyx I am 15 years old, and just out of curiosity, how long would you say i can last without any food? And dnt tel me about how its bad for me, i already know that. Im just curious how long a girl like me, about 5 ft 3 weighing in about 9 and a ha...
A. 23 February 2008: 3-5 days max. Remember to drink plenty of water if you are going to go without food.
I won't tell you it's bad for you since you already know this. There are religions that fast for 3 days but you MUST drink water.... (read in full...)
Why is he doing this? I would love to think he's in love with me...
Q. Dear All, I am a 25 yr old girl and I have a unique problem. There is a celebrity i was crazy about [like most of u are about celebs] and was quite active on his fan sites [esp de ones he frequented passively]. Now, before i joined the for...
A. 23 February 2008: 1) Is he the real deal or is it someone in his circle? 2) He is married? Not an ideal catch if you ask me and his intentions are not good if he wants to meet up with you. 3) He sounds like he is playing games with you. Celebrities are real... (read in full...)
I do love my husband but he revealed to me after marriage he is against having children, time is running however so what should I do?
Q. I've been married for 3 years and have reached a stage in life where my biological clock is ticking. i feel the need to have babies but my husband doesn't agree. when we were dating he never mentioned that he didn't want children..but now he is ...
A. 23 February 2008: Richard is right, decide the importance to you of having children. You need to decide if letting the marriage go over this is what you want.
Then, you need to have an open discussion with your husband. The past is the past, what you need to ... (read in full...)
No reply from my affair since Valentine's, why?
Q. hi all ive been with my husband for 13 years we have children.the past year has been real tough for us as i asked for a seperation because i felt we had drifted apart. within this time while going out with friends i met a younger man than me 6 years ...
A. 23 February 2008: My guess is that he grew tired of this text affair and when valentine's day hit felt the need to be with someone real. Internet and texting fills a temporary void with someone but having the real thing is much more satisfying.
Now, you have sai... (read in full...)
Do you have any tips to try to get rid of my feelings?
Q. (Sorry, this is a repost after getting an account.) So, I've been looking for some help from various places, and this situation I'm in is quite the rough one. To start this off, it's an online relationship, we talk on the phone, but there's n...
A. 23 February 2008: Do I have this right... this girl is your friend and she called you for advice and ended up in tears, then took a call from a guy who is causing her to be upset, letting you go?
I know you probably care more than a friend for this girl and you ... (read in full...)
Do you think he is into me or not really, anymore?
Q. I was practice teaching at this school for 2 months but left to teach somewhere else. I found a DVD I borrowed from one of the others teachers a month later and contacted him to tell him I had it and if he wanted it back. I've always had a lit...
A. 23 February 2008: There are plenty of fish in the sea. In time you will stop thinking about him. I am giving you the best advice possible....let him alone....do not contact him....
If you ever want a chance with him again, let him alone.... (read in full...)
Do you think he is into me or not really, anymore?
Q. I was practice teaching at this school for 2 months but left to teach somewhere else. I found a DVD I borrowed from one of the others teachers a month later and contacted him to tell him I had it and if he wanted it back. I've always had a lit...
A. 21 February 2008: If I were you, I would not do this. He will think you are desperate. Has he initiated any contact? Has he asked you out? If he was interested he would have suggested an alternative time to meet but he did not. Please let him come to you. Now, ... (read in full...)
Do you think he is into me or not really, anymore?
Q. I was practice teaching at this school for 2 months but left to teach somewhere else. I found a DVD I borrowed from one of the others teachers a month later and contacted him to tell him I had it and if he wanted it back. I've always had a lit...
A. 21 February 2008: Yes...let it go. Believe me, you do not want to pursue this any further. You'll only regret what you do. No man is worth this kind of attention.... (read in full...)
Do you think he is into me or not really, anymore?
Q. I was practice teaching at this school for 2 months but left to teach somewhere else. I found a DVD I borrowed from one of the others teachers a month later and contacted him to tell him I had it and if he wanted it back. I've always had a lit...
A. 19 February 2008: I think you should not reply to his email. Let it go until you have something to say to him or maybe just let it go. Let him work for you. I have been told that if a guy has to work for you that they appreciate more. Something to do with the ... (read in full...)
Do you think he is into me or not really, anymore?
Q. I was practice teaching at this school for 2 months but left to teach somewhere else. I found a DVD I borrowed from one of the others teachers a month later and contacted him to tell him I had it and if he wanted it back. I've always had a lit...
A. 16 February 2008: If I were you I would let it go. He knows you are interested in spending time with you. Some guys freak out when girls are aggressive. If he was really into you he would have suggested an alternative time to meet. The fact that he stalled his ... (read in full...)
I had brief intercourse with a stripper during a lap dance... should I tell my wife?
Q. I’m felling real guilty about what happened to me at a strip bar. I’m a happily married man, ten years married with two kids. I go to strip bars, my wife lets me and its never been an issue. She goes out with her friends too, and admittedly been ...
A. 21 December 2007: I don't think you should compare yourself to a rape victim. Yes, you should have stopped her the minute she started unzipping your pants. What you had was a consensual act, not rape.
Should you tell your wife? Yes. Will she understa... (read in full...)
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