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... Send *earkelja a private message | | | *earkelja's profile:This site has been a wonderful experience for me. I hope that I have helped some of you in some small way.
I'll be back from time to time to help where I can. My focus for now is to get my life back to good. Thank you to those of you who have helped me along my journey. Your help, love and guidance have made me strong.
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Where do people get the strength to finish with people that are no good in there life
Q. my boyfriend is very selfish and only thinks about himself he wants his own way all the time and i think he just is useing me. i have tried to finish with him many times but then he says he is sorry and i forgive him only for him to start again wh...
A. 23 July 2010: Everyone gave you some solid advice.
What is key here is that the past is a predictor of the future. You have taken the right step and now you just need to keep on that path. You are what I would call a caregiver in life and you feel good whe... (read in full...)
I just cannot stay away from him, he is the best I ever had and is very well endowed!!
Q. Ok so me and my ex-bf are still having sex!! We broke up in 2002 and we still have sex on the REGULAR I mean 3 or more times a week! Problem is me and him both are in relationship with other people now, but we both still love each other a lot and ...
A. 21 July 2010: Couple of questions.
1) what are you getting out of the relationship with the new boyfriend? Not sex, not intimacy (or you wouldn't have the heart to be with the ex) so is it money and security?
2) what is the ex getting out of his new relation... (read in full...)
He just stopped talking to me!
Q. so the guy i was dating for 7 months just out of the blue stopped talking to me... it all started when one weekend he went to get his stuff from his ex that he was with for almost four years (they havent seen eachother in 9 months or have even ...
A. 20 July 2010: I think you are on the right track. Loving yourself and doing good things for yourself are what you need right now. Utilize your network of friends. I like that you have move towards acceptance.
The first time the guy cut me off he did send... (read in full...)
I've even been in therapy but cannot get over my ex
Q. Dear Readers, I was in a nine year relationship with my boyfriend. (Met in high school - dated on and off through college and after.) We had problems - mostly that he had growing up to do and put his friends before me, couldn't commit to moving...
A. 20 July 2010: What is it about your ex you can not get over? Is it what you had or what you thought you had or what you wanted? I had a very wise friend tell me that life wasn't meant to go in reverse, only forward.
I do believe that people can change b... (read in full...)
He just stopped talking to me!
Q. so the guy i was dating for 7 months just out of the blue stopped talking to me... it all started when one weekend he went to get his stuff from his ex that he was with for almost four years (they havent seen eachother in 9 months or have even ...
A. 19 July 2010: I am going through this right now and I know exactally how you are feeling. The guy who is doing this to me has done this to me before and the reason is still not clear to me but I am pretty sure I know what happened.
Sometimes people going in... (read in full...)
What can I do to feel better about myself?
Q. What can I do to feel better about myself? i split up with my fiance last year after 7 hellish years and had to enrol in a debt programme as he left me on the floor i lost so much confidence and with the help of 2 good friends started building...
A. 18 July 2010: Good advice from Miamime. Also realize that making mistakes is allowed and it is a process we go through on our growing up journey. Just learn from the mistakes you've made and try not to make the same ones over. You can make new mistakes and you ... (read in full...)
Do I risk losing the relationship with my family and my kids for a relationship with him
Q. Hi, I left my fiance, 5 year relationship because id had enough of his anger and violence. He didnt hit me but did a lot of yelling, broken many things, thown things at me, attacked his kids when enraged, kicked property etc, lost the respect of ...
A. 11 July 2010: I totally agree with CaringGuy. Statistics don't lie and neither do CaringGuy and I. Abusive people do NOT change even though they promise to do so. This man does have power over you and he knows it. Violent behavior only escalates. I grew up ... (read in full...)
Why do some people feel the need to brag and put others down?
Q. I had dinner last night with an old friend from college. After she asked what my other friends and I have been up to her reply was, "Oh I see nothing has changed." She then proceeded to tell me about how she travels to different places for work and ...
A. 10 July 2010: I have a friend who used to do this and I too figured out that she was insecure and what she was communicating was simply surface stuff. What I did was listen and nod to her stories and when she mentioned something negative about a mutual friend I ... (read in full...)
After we had an affair he's having commitment problems.
Q. I met someone at work 12 years ago. He was co habiting and had children but was not married or in love with the mother anymore (he said), but would not leave out of love/duty etc. for/to the children (does this really happen?). He pursued me ...
A. 5 July 2010: I think he is not in a place where he can have a relationship much less commit to one. He needs to sort out his feelings because even though he "didn't love" his ex, she left him. You left him. He's been rejected and he needs to get over that. ... (read in full...)
How did he let go so easily?
Q. *OP's Original Title* How did this happen? My boyfriend and I had been together 9 months. We'd known each other and been really in love for almost 2 years. I gave him absolutely all of me. We really were great together and always had fun and ...
A. 4 July 2010: I am sorry you are going through such a tough time. There are a couple of things I see from an outsiders perspective.
I believe what you had was real and somehow when he had his phone issues he disconnected. I think he liked his independ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is pulling away!
Q. Hi, well I have been going out with this boy for just over 3 months. he has wanted to go out with me for nearly 5 years but i have always said i would go out with him when i was ready to commit fully to a relationship. When he asked me a few mont...
A. 13 June 2010: Hi there,
You are both young. If this is his first relationship he probably doesn't know how to communicate. He has told you that you are too clingy so try to give him some space. It is possible that he is afraid of being hurt, after all it t... (read in full...)
I don't think I can be just friends with her. Should I end it?
Q. I met this girl about 18-20 months ago when I started my new school to do my A-levels. I'm 18 years old, and so is she. About a month in, I decided to stand up and dance to Michael Jackson's Thriller in front of half the sixth form (like, 150 ...
A. 16 May 2010: I agree with Daniel. Don't end the friendship. Just take some time out to be away from her. Constantly seeing her has not allowed you to curb your feelings for her. If you step back a bit she will be hurt but she should understand. If you tell ... (read in full...)
He keeps saying I deserve better. Why can't he belive that I like him?
Q. The guy I'm dating constantly wants to know why I like him, what is it about him..and says he cant understand why I like him seeing that im soo nice, a good girl..(ive never done drugs, stolen or anything like that) and he used to do drugs, fight ...
A. 16 May 2010: unfortunately, there isn't anything you can do to make him feel better about why you are with him. What he is feeling is about him and how he feels about himself. He doesn't feel worthy of having someone like you by his side because he has low ... (read in full...)
Left ex to shield child, now new hubby is 10 times worse???
Q. This is the first and only time I think I'll post anything about this situation. I'll just lay it all out and pray I get needful responses! Bare with me, theres so much to say!!! Back, 4 years ago I began dating this charming man I met at work. W...
A. 2 April 2010: Hi.
You've definately got some big problems. I'm not sure if my advice will be good for you but if these were my problems, this is what I would do.
First off, it's not really fair that your child's father didn't have a choice to be involved in ... (read in full...)
Is he just using me?
Q. Hi i have been going out with this guy for around six months. i really like him. we got on really well and never did a day do by without him texting me or us chatting. He had been away for six seven week visiting his family he came back last w...
A. 1 April 2010: It seems to me that he isn't really into you. Possibly he was in the beginning but when you tried so hard to control the relationship he pulled away. The more he pulls away, the more you tried to control his feelings.
What I don't like about th... (read in full...)
How can I end this painful and perpetual cycle and finally get together with someone? Preferably her?
Q. I am a 38 year old guy with not much experience of sexual relationships but a lot of experience when it comes to missed opportunities. 5 years ago I met a young woman who I really hit it off with. I worked with her but every time it came to asking ...
A. 1 April 2010: I think because you are dealing with shyness here and are further concerned about losing the friendship that you work on strengthening the friendship.
This will do two things, make you feel comfortable with her and allow you to get to know her... (read in full...)
My friend is pregnant again, and I don't want to have to help financially again
Q. I'm probably going to get alot of backlash with what i'm about to write so I want you to read this post properly. I have been mates with this girl for about 10 years. In that time she has has 2 children that were accidents 1 of which I'm god...
A. 27 February 2010: It sounds like your friend has taken advantage of the friendship. Which, friendship does go both ways. Ask yourself what kind of friend she has been to you. If you are the one giving and she is the one taking it sounds like the friendship might ... (read in full...)
Doesn't he love me anymore?
Q. My husband of 5 yrs (been together for 11 yrs) has become increasingly uninterested in me and our marriage over the last 7 yrs. I'm not really sure if he is having an affair, although a lot of the circumstances surrounding us appear that he could ...
A. 20 February 2010: I agree with the other posts and just want to add that you are showing your children a very unhealthy relationship. When they get older they will do as they have learned. If you allow your husband to treat you with total disinterest your children ... (read in full...)
Why does he want to keep me a secret? Is he just using me???
Q. Well im seeing this boy, and he asked out another girl (my best friend). So i immediatly dumped him, my friend didn't know we where going out (well seeing each other) at the time, so I didn't say anything. Luckily she said no. Then about a week ...
A. 14 February 2010: The fact that it's a secret means he wants to keep his options open. The fact that he asked your friend out means he's keeping his options open.
He's quite young to be saying he loves you and I tend to think he's saying it in an effort to get y... (read in full...)
If a guy rejects you but wants to be friends, do you stay friends?
Q. Hello , I would like to ask a question if a man you liked was not really intersted in you and asked to be friends with you. Would it be right to be friends with him....
A. 13 February 2010: oh, and I forgot to tell you that if you continue with the friendship you will be constantly reminded of his rejection and you will not feel desirable. ... (read in full...)
If a guy rejects you but wants to be friends, do you stay friends?
Q. Hello , I would like to ask a question if a man you liked was not really intersted in you and asked to be friends with you. Would it be right to be friends with him....
A. 13 February 2010: in my recent experience...no. move on. I tried the friends route and the two of us became best friends. He found a girlfriend and I got kind of silly about it but we continued the friendship, the three of us.
Our friendship did fade away and... (read in full...)
I feel like an idiot for letting this go on for so long! Will he ever stop lying to me?
Q. my husband cheated for five years with a person at work. I was suspicious of their friendship bet he said "only friends." They took trips together and he would call from cell to tell me that he loved me. Someone sent me a letter telling me all o...
A. 13 February 2010: The fact that you have such a tight leash on him is saying alot. You don't trust him. With good reason, yes.
I think he won't learn. Ask yourself, how can a man lie to you for so long without it bothering him? Does he have no guilt or remorse?... (read in full...)
Dating but relationship is going cold...
Q. I'm seeing someone right now and for a while things were going great. But now things have gone kind of cold. We went out for a few weekends and she had fun but now she seems to be withdrawn and have a lot of stuff on her mind right now. About 3 w...
A. 7 February 2010: How long have you been dating? It seems that she is at an introspective time in her life and a relationship might not be on her priorities.
I really think that the best thing to do is to let the relationship go. Taking a break is not solving ... (read in full...)
Do "mansluts" ever change or will he always be like that
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles Ok so, last night i was at a party, i had my eye on a guy on the guestlist. I went too the party and actually met him he seemed nice and after a few drinks we pulled. He is however what one may class as a "manslut" but i ...
A. 6 February 2010: My experience is that yes they will change but only if there is a reason to change. I knew a guy who was like that until he met a woman he liked, thought he could have her like he had the rest of them. He chased her and she kept telling him she ... (read in full...)
He dumped me for another girl so why does he keep texting me?
Q. My ex broke up with me for another girl, but keeps texting me asking how I am and how school is and I don't reply coz I don't think it's fair. Anyway, yesterday he text me while I was in college saying 'Hey. did you send me an e-mail? x' and I...
A. 6 February 2010: I agree 100% with starfairy...all he is after is affirmation that he's a hot dude with women wanting him. Don't give into him. The best thing to do is to ignore him. There are a lot of guys (and girls!) out there like this. They have low self ... (read in full...)
Considering dating an older woman...
Q. I am a college student and I am really not attracted to any girls I know personally or for that matter my recent and distant past. I have joined an online dating site, and have considered dating an older woman. I have just turned 23. My question...
A. 3 February 2010: Ae isn't really a factor in a relationship as much as where people are in their life and their mutual maturity levels. As you get older, age doesn't matter as much.
As you said, if you are not financially independent or have a career, unless y... (read in full...)
Considering dating an older woman...
Q. I am a college student and I am really not attracted to any girls I know personally or for that matter my recent and distant past. I have joined an online dating site, and have considered dating an older woman. I have just turned 23. My question...
A. 3 February 2010: Ae isn't really a factor in a relationship as much as where people are in their life and their mutual maturity levels. As you get older, age doesn't matter as much.
As you said, if you are not financially independent or have a career, unless y... (read in full...)
Guy over friend?
Q. theres a guy that really likes me but he already has a gf he said he will break up with her for me but she is my friend and i dont want to hurt her. should i go out with this guy? ...
A. 3 February 2010: Friend. You will find in life that boyfriend, husbands, bosses, etc come and go but your friends (male and female) can be a source of lifelong joy and companionship.
Friend.... (read in full...)
Not wanting a relationship or sex
Q. I have a problem of sorts. I am normal by all accounts, but sometimes I wish never to be in a relationship and never to marry or father children. Sometimes I see myself down the future when I am old, without a wife or children. Of course I like to ...
A. 3 February 2010: Normal can not be defined by generalizations and what is normal and good for someone may not be normal or good for another.
I know a two brothers that are 39 and 36 and neither of them has really had a significant relationship and neither of them ... (read in full...)
I have ED, how common is this over 40? WHY do I have it? Am I the only one?
Q. How common is erectile dysfunction over 40? I, m having ED since 43,and now,Im 47.. My doctor did not find anything wrong with me medically. He just says,it is aging. I CAN'T ACCEPT THAT.I really don't want to complain, but it is such a bad ...
A. 1 February 2010: The ex had some physical damage that occurred at birth to his vas defrins (sp???) that restricted flow. He has low testosterone as troubled too much mentioned. Unfortunately, he refused to go to a doc and has ordered his Viagra through a website. ... (read in full...)
Please help me, I'm so confused...
Q. I met my ex on a dating site after a few months of chatting. We decided to meet our first date went very and end up dating. For nearly a year all was going well until I went out one night I was raped was a virgin. After that I went through ...
A. 1 February 2010: I'm gonna ask...did you go through counseling after you were raped? Even if you feel like you're ok now being raped does a couple of things to a woman. It makes you feel like you have no control over your happiness and it takes your self esteem ... (read in full...)
Is he more attached than he let on??
Q. Hello: My boss is like 44 yrs old. He is very immature.. Well, I have been pulling away from him for some time because of an attraction between us. Needless to say - It went to HR. He asked to stay cordial with me and wanted us to sti...
A. 31 January 2010: Yep, you nailed it...immature. This guy will only cause trouble for you. He does seem to have some kind of "attention needs" where you are concerned. He is telling people things to fill his own ego. The unfortunate thing here is that he is ... (read in full...)
I have ED, how common is this over 40? WHY do I have it? Am I the only one?
Q. How common is erectile dysfunction over 40? I, m having ED since 43,and now,Im 47.. My doctor did not find anything wrong with me medically. He just says,it is aging. I CAN'T ACCEPT THAT.I really don't want to complain, but it is such a bad ...
A. 31 January 2010: You are not alone. My ex had this problem very early on. Instead of having a healthy discussion of "our" problem he dealt with it by pushing me away. We didn't have sex for at first weeks, then months and finally years. It was a constant battle ... (read in full...)
I told him I loved him and now I feel foolish
Q. He and I have been dating for 4 months, but known each other for 5 years. We actually dated for a year, but remained friends all this time. On wednesday while we were out to dinner, I told him that I love him. He didnt say it back, but he said ...
A. 25 January 2010: Good for you...you're in touch with your feelings. It's always best to be honest about what you feel and to say it. Life is too short to wonder if you did the right thing. Of course you did. You felt it so you said it. Please don't feel foolish ... (read in full...)
All seemed to be going great and then voila! he disappeared
Q. I have known this guy for several months, we are on the cycling team together he is 22 and I'm 20. Last week we danced together and made out at a party. He came over to my place the next day and we kissed, cuddled and made plans to spend time ...
A. 24 January 2010: It really sounds like he isn't into you like you'd like him to be. It could also be that he wants some space. He's young and maybe he just doesn't want to be tied down.
It is too bad he didn't have the courage to tell you the truth of the matt... (read in full...)
I met an old beau online, we wined and dined and then his wife phoned me ...
Q. I was on an online dating site. I decided to delete my account because I wasn't happy with th contacts I was getting. Anyway, I had one wink and when I decided to respond, it was from a guy who I had been in love with when I was 18. He came to see ...
A. 24 January 2010: Guys a cad. But what I do not understand is how you did not know he was married if you spent time in his house. What was his explanation for the woman's clothes in his closet or the toiletries in the bathroom? And yes, that's pretty bold of him ... (read in full...)
Casual romance?
Q. For a while now I have really been into this guy. We had a little bit of new years eve romance and have been non-stop texting and chatting since. He came round tonight and there was a fair bit of passion, lets say. He has just told me he doesn't ...
A. 10 January 2010: You have to really figure out what you want in a relationship. If you're just going along with what he wants but inside really wishing for a relationship then yes, you will get hurt.
I don't know if it's something built in but I for one can not ... (read in full...)
I told him I would call his home!
Q. I was in a relationship with a married man and I thought I got pregnant and tried to contact him several times. So I called him a few times for about 5 days and he didn't answer. Then I sent him a message stating that I thought I was pregnant and I ...
A. 2 January 2010: I am sticking to the fact that in an illicit affair, the home and family is OFF limits. Even if you call and say your someone else...the fact is that you are intruding in a part of his life which is clearly off limits to you.
If you had call... (read in full...)
I told him I would call his home!
Q. I was in a relationship with a married man and I thought I got pregnant and tried to contact him several times. So I called him a few times for about 5 days and he didn't answer. Then I sent him a message stating that I thought I was pregnant and I ...
A. 2 January 2010: When you sign up for an illicit affair with a married man...his home and family is off limits. If you don't like slinking around then find a relationship you can be proud of and where the guy is proud of you. This kind of relationship sabotages ... (read in full...)
Why am I taking so much bad behavior from him?
Q. 1) Husband infertile, cannot have sex, and not bothered to fix it. 2) Listens only to his mother, father and sister. Completely controlled by them, and expects me to dragged along. They exploit him for money. 3) He was not there for me phy...
A. 16 December 2009: I was in your situation. I stayed for 22 years. I asked for a divorce three times. The first two I went back to him because he cried and made me feel guilty. The third time I left and had to just focus myself to stay the course.
I learned ... (read in full...)
Is it possible that my husband is gay?
Q. I have been married for a year. My husband hasn't slept with me most of that time. We have sex then he gets out of bed and sleeps on the coach. He never comes to bed till it's almost time for me to get up. This just isn't a normal marriage. A ...
A. 5 December 2009: It sounds to me like he's afraid of intimacy. He'll give you the sex, etc and perhaps he feels like that's all he's obligated to give.
In a marriage, it's the intimacy, the holding, the cuddling and the talking that bond the two of you, not... (read in full...)
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