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*illywombat agony aunt

*illywombat

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*illywombat's profile:

Felt like changing this, so here goes.

Student of Psychology, Degree in Nursing with wide variety of experience. Mother, daughter, sister, wife, ex, neice, grandaughter, student, boss, colleague....you get the picture.

Interested in impulse control disorders, like chocolate, cheese, Tintin, travelling, Pepsi max, Cracker, Tony Soprano, eddie Izzard, toilet humour, Family guy - shall I go on?

Adore my family and friends. Love to help others, abuse survivor, rape survivor, holder of family record for cherry pip spitting......

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Getting out of a bad marriage and having an affair with married man

Q.   I have just come through a dreadful breakdown in my marriage, he has left and I am battling with divorce. The thing is, I have met someone who has given me a shoulder and we have begun an affair. I know it won't help in the long run but for now he h...

A.   19 May 2006: I am always dubious when a married man (or woman) says they stay wiht their partner for the sake of the children. You are in emotional turmoil and this guy has cottoned onto this and is exploiting you. You are ending one marriage, which will cause ... (read in full...)

Feel used,dirty and sexually taken advantage of!

Q.   Dear Cupid, This is a gay sexual related question. I've been with my long distance partner for almost two years. We are each others first with this being a "gay relationship" however on my side he was my first, and I lost my virginity to him. Whe...

A.   19 May 2006: This sounds like a slightly odd situation and I think you need to be strong and have it out with him. That is unless you are thinking of ending it anyhow, in which case move on. What do you mean by *skin disorder*? Have you actually seen this ... (read in full...)

Mixed race relations are banned by his father

Q.   I hope someone can give me some advice on this... Basically I've just split up with my boyfriend of two years (for the second time) the reasons for our split is that his dad will not meet me or allow me to go round his house as he doesn't believe in ...

A.   19 May 2006: You dont say how old you are, but if you are over 18 honey you can do your own thing. Stand up for yourself!... (read in full...)

He's 52, I'm 17...how to get to know him..so we can be better mates?

Q.   I'm 17, he's 52. We get on well and we've known each other for over 5 years. He calls me a mate which is great but we don't know much bout each other. We've always speak whenever we see each other and i trust him but i still don't know much bout ...

A.   19 May 2006: I jsut wouldn't go there. This is a silly situation for any teenager to get into, sounds like the plot to Lolita or something!... (read in full...)

I'm engaged to a man whole calls me a "slag"... What do I do?

Q.   I am engaged to a wonderful man, well he used to be wonderful. He has recently started being really nasty to me calling me a slag and rough. I have never cheated on him. He always apologises the day after but I can't take much more of it what do I ...

A.   19 May 2006: Abuse comes in many many froms, just beacuse this guy has not hit you doesn't mean you are not in an abusive relationship! You ahve asked for advice, but I have a feeling you won't follow it. Get out now. This guy will destroy your self worth an... (read in full...)

I'm happily married but there's this attractive woman at work who likes me! What should I do?

Q.   Hi There. I'm in a spot of bother at the moment. I'm married,quite happily and have 2 children and darly love my wife. BUT.... there's this girl (yeah I know!!!) whom I work with. We get along great and she's really attractive. She's engaged to...

A.   19 May 2006: Go ahead make her day. She will probably laugh in your face and call you an infatuated moron....but hey!! The office could probably do with a laugh.... (read in full...)

Is acting carefree and prenting to i'm moving on the best way to get my ex back?!

Q.   I am a 25 year old gay male. I met my boyfriend who is 23 a year ago and it was a love at first site. Were both each others first loves and both our first serious relationship. Things were going great...or at least I thought they were. We had been ...

A.   19 May 2006: Yes this is a good way to behave if you didn't want him back and wanted to show him you don't care. But I have to ask why you would even want him back. This guy has SH*T on you from a great hieght and treated you badly and the chances are if you ... (read in full...)

She cheated on me, i need advice on how to move on

Q.   Hello, I seriously need advice. A quick fix if possible. My girlfriend asked me to marry her last year and I said that I was not ready but I loved her and would propose soon. She then moved out and in with a group of single girls. She limit...

A.   19 May 2006: I think I cannot offer any advice to you other than to get out now and stay away from her before she causes any more heartache. This is a very confused girl. The fact that you got her to change herslef FOR you suggests that you maybe didn't love ... (read in full...)

My partners ex is being awkward

Q.   i have lived with my partner for several years. I have had problems with an ex of my partner who wanted to be friends with him but not with me. this was sorted and my partner cut all ties with her which has resolved this. now she is moving nearer to ...

A.   19 May 2006:  Both you and your partner need to discuss this situation in depth with his family. You have to air your feelings honestly and truthfully about the situation you are finding yourselves in. I would go as far as to say that this woman has an ... (read in full...)

I married my exhusbands friend and he is a jealous man

Q.   I married one of my ex-husbands friends, he lived with us as a roommate and then we began an affair after he moved out. I have a child with both husbands, aged 20 and 11. My husband/ex-hubby's friend/father of my child is extremely jealous and ...

A.   19 May 2006: This sounds like a case od non-communication. If you like to go out and he doesn't can you not both meet in the middle? Maybe start going out with him and do stuff that doesn't involve just pubs and clubs (I am very much presuming here tho ... (read in full...)

I want a baby & my husband is terminally ill

Q.   WHEN I was 17 I had an affair with one of my dad's friends who left his wife for me. We married and agreed not to have kids because he already had three and we couldn't really afford one of our own. But I am now 37 and my husband is in his 60s ...

A.   17 May 2006: Please have you nothing better to do than make things up on the web?... (read in full...)

Been having affair... can't keep on sharing but don't want to give him up! :( help me please!

Q.   ive been having an affair with an attached man for over a year now and i love him and he says he loves me but he wont leave his girlfriend because he has 2 children and he wont walk away from them. he says he loves her too but if he didnt have kids ...

A.   17 May 2006: But even if he leaves this woman for you you will continue to share him....with his children!! You will never have him to yourself because his kids come first. Get some scruples and leave this guy. You shouldn't be ruining this relationship for ... (read in full...)

He masterbates over Adolf Hitler!!! What can I do???

Q.   Apologies for the length of this but I need to get it off my chest. I'm 25 and have been with my boyfriend who's 29 for 4 years now. Recently he's become addicted to looking at websites on Adolf Hitler on the Internet; even masturbating ove...

A.   17 May 2006: Ok, is your problem because he is showing gay tendencies or because his object of lust is a Nazi?... (read in full...)

Wife likes to receive but doesn't like to give any more!

Q.   Oral one way only. When i met my wife we both gave and recieved lots of oral sex. Its something that ive always loved. Since marriage a few months ago its become one way traffic, i still go down but never get a BJ anymore. Ive tried talking to h...

A.   17 May 2006: I suppose it is not just the BJ you are missing it is the imtimacy that goes with it maybe? If she will do this she still loves you? Don't feel bad for wanting things to go back to the way they were. Like I said b4 I wish you luck. x... (read in full...)

I'm a virgin should I use the pill and a condom?

Q.   I am a virgin and am planning sex for the first time is it reccommended that i use both a condom and the pill ?...

A.   17 May 2006: Unfortunately you have been given incorrect advice below. The pill protects you form the first one you take, PROVIDING you take it on the first day of your period.... (read in full...)

I cheated and now I'm pregnant. Don't know whether the baby is my boyfriend's or my one-night-stand's!

Q.   Hi, my name is Rebecca. I have a huge problem that could wreck my life. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year and we have been trying for a baby for the past 7 months. I went on holiday about 4 weeks ago and on my last ...

A.   16 May 2006: There are other issues here. Yes your baby could have a genetic make up that makes it obvious it is not your current BF. Unfortunately the only way of really knowing who the father is now is to have a DNA test when the child is born. Odd thin... (read in full...)

Will he cramp my style when I go to college?

Q.   should i break up with him when i go away to college? my boyfriend and i have been going out together for 8months now but i wil be going away to college in september. im afraid il miss out on the real college experience if im still attached. i...

A.   16 May 2006: You are just looking for somebody to tell you this is ok. If you dont want to be with this guy then get out.... (read in full...)

Is it wrong to break up with my girl because her hair is falling out!?

Q.   Hi, I'm Tom. I've been going out with my girlfriend Anna for almost two months now. Everything was great until a few weeks ago when Anna decided to dye her hair red. Because she has very dark hair, she needed to bleach it first. She's always had ...

A.   16 May 2006: Tom This is slightly shallow of you mate. But if you do not love her then get out. Of course by doing this at a time when she will have low self image and be feeling crap about herself will make her feel worse you must do what is right for you.... (read in full...)

Short and sweet! does what you eat cause premature ejaculation?

Q.   Can what u eat cause premature ejaculation? ...

A.   16 May 2006: Honey this is not something I have ever heard of. I think if you drink it can cause *brewer's droop* so maybe thats what you mean? Sorry, I would love to know if there is anyhting tho?... (read in full...)

I'm a virgin should I use the pill and a condom?

Q.   I am a virgin and am planning sex for the first time is it reccommended that i use both a condom and the pill ?...

A.   16 May 2006: Very sensible and advice I woudl recommend to anybody. Virgin or not. Enjoy yourself but do it sensibly!... (read in full...)

A rollercoaster ride in my relationship... he is great but there seem to be so many problems...

Q.   Hi, I have been with my b-friend for almost 4.5 years now. It's certainly been a rollercoaster ride. I really don't know where to start without sounding as though I'm trying to blame my b-friend over I. He's very strong-willed, competitive, bri...

A.   16 May 2006: I cannot say more than previous Aunts and Uncles have already said. This guy is a control-freak and you are allowing him to behave like this as you are standing up for yourself. If you read a part of your letter again were you say about ... (read in full...)

Wife likes to receive but doesn't like to give any more!

Q.   Oral one way only. When i met my wife we both gave and recieved lots of oral sex. Its something that ive always loved. Since marriage a few months ago its become one way traffic, i still go down but never get a BJ anymore. Ive tried talking to h...

A.   16 May 2006: Has anything changed in your life - I am sorry if this appears *offensive* - like your personal hygiene? I know that I have had BF's in the past and after a period of time they got a bit slacker in the old wash and brush up department, and that is ... (read in full...)

I dont want him to go!!

Q.   I have posted a few times already about this, but would just appreciate some more advice, because I really don't know how to deal with it. My boyfriend of 18 months is going overseas on his OE in only 2 weeks time. He's had this plan for years (h...

A.   16 May 2006: If he ahsn't made these plans with you and to include you then he wants to go alone. You need to let him go hun! If you try to impose yourself on him and get him to ask you he will resent you. Sorry thats just how I see it. ... (read in full...)

ex-boyfriend is being really nasty since i told him i was pregnant.. need advice on what to do next!

Q.   im pregnant by an ex and although we were friends before i told him he has turned nasty ever since.i told him i excepted him wanting nothing to do with it but when i tried to ask him about a serious matter concerning the unborn babys life he ignored ...

A.   16 May 2006: To be truhtful I cannot understand why his Mother will not tell you if there is any medical history. There must be alittle more, such as why she will not speak to you etc?... (read in full...)

Are we ready for marraige as teenagers?

Q.   my boyfriend wants to marry me and i know its not just for sex cuz he wants to marry me later. he is 17 and i =ma 16 can he really have true feelings like that? signed confused-...

A.   16 May 2006: Only you can know if you are old enough. But if you have to ask to be honest i dont think you are.... (read in full...)

ex-boyfriend is being really nasty since i told him i was pregnant.. need advice on what to do next!

Q.   im pregnant by an ex and although we were friends before i told him he has turned nasty ever since.i told him i excepted him wanting nothing to do with it but when i tried to ask him about a serious matter concerning the unborn babys life he ignored ...

A.   16 May 2006: Is there anybody else in his family you can ask, such as his Mum, Dad or sister? If so go over his head and ask them.... (read in full...)

My perfect boy has a girlfriend, he said he will leave her... but what kind of a person is he?

Q.   I have a big problem, a few weeks ago I noticed a very cute boy at the library-looks wise he seems completely perfect for me. I soon realised he was attracted to me because he would always give me a smile when I would walk pass-due to the fact that ...

A.   16 May 2006: I think you posted this before didn't you? If not I will tell you again - he is a cheat in the making! He is making cow eyes at you whilst his GF has no inkling what is going on.....and you think this guy is perfect BF material? ... (read in full...)

Does everyone have someone that fancies them?

Q.   I am 15. Is it true that there is a person of the opposite gender thinking of you and wanting to be with you? What i mean is is it true that one person fancies each and every person in your school? Does everybody have a person that fancies them even ...

A.   16 May 2006: How long is a piece of string? Without knowing you or your circumstances and surroundings I just couldn't say. I disagree with the emphatic no below for a couple of reasons......you just do not know! There is somebody out there for everybody, whet... (read in full...)

How long will it take to mend a broken heart?

Q.   I need to ask all the people out there who ever been dumped by the person they thought they were going to spend the rest of their life with does it really, truely get easier? I thought my partner of 6 years was considering proposing to me but ...

A.   16 May 2006: Give yourself a chance sweetie. You are doing all the right things, accepting invites and not moping....one day you will wake up and realise that you haven't dreamt about him, then one day you will do 24hours without THINKING about him.... It is l... (read in full...)

Are school nurses correct when they say it's IMPOSSIBLE to get pregnant on your period?

Q.   I had unprotected sex with my bf on the first day of my period, a few hours after taking the Pill for the very first time. I took the ECP "Plan B" almost 48 hours later, and have continued to take my Pill at the right times (my gyno said that if I ...

A.   16 May 2006: Firstly I cannot imagine why a trained health care professional would tell you it is impossible to get pregnant on your period. The chances are reduced but if you ahve unprotected sex then it is always a possiblility that you can get pregnant. S... (read in full...)

How do I not crowd him?

Q.   Hey guys this is sweetie pie here who needs your help/advice... I am 12 and in the 6th grade i also have a b/f who is 12 and is also in 6th grade... My problem is that i dont want to crowd him because last time i thought i was crowding him he ...

A.   16 May 2006: Talk to him and ask him what he expects of you. ... (read in full...)

He thinks I like his friend but i don't, how do i get him to believe me?

Q.   My boyfriend thinks I like his friend and I don't but I don't know what I can do to make him believe me. he says things seem 'dodgy' but I don't see what he is talking about. He has had problems with girlfriends cheating before but I've tried to ...

A.   16 May 2006: Your Bf has insecurity and trust issues and I think he needs to work on them. If he is saying things seem *dodgy* you must ask him to tell you exactly what he means by this. Does he mean he thinks you have been/going to be unfaithful? Or does he ... (read in full...)

He is a few years older than me, am I too immature?

Q.   he's a few years older than me, im not young but im sort of "inexperienced". I really like him and i think he feels the same but am i too immature for him?...

A.   16 May 2006: I am with psychobabble on this one.... (read in full...)

Pill Protection

Q.   Hi, I need some advice.I have just started taking the Pill Cerazette and my doctor advised me to take it the day it was given to me which was the 2nd day of my period. I had sex last night which was 2hours after taking my 7th pill and im worried ...

A.   16 May 2006: No, you are protected. You are protected form the minute you took it if you started to take it when your period started. If you still need reasurance please contact your healthcare provider. x... (read in full...)

I used to cheat but now I know I won't... So how can I get him to trust and marry me?

Q.   My problem is BIG!!! I have been with the father of my two daughters for almost 6 years now. In the beginning, i admit to cheating, but not nearly as much as he did. I know I've been faithful to him since before I was pregnant with our second ...

A.   16 May 2006: You can sort out your sex drive by switching to another form of contraception. The trust thing is more difficult. In this situation I would recommend couple/relationship counselling. I feel an outsider will be able to help you to come to term... (read in full...)

Am I over-reacting about this woman moving her mom in next-door?

Q.   the woman i have become crazy jealous of from my mans work has become interested in the place next door to us for her mother,but if mom moves in she will naturally be there often.this is just too close to home for me but what can i do w/out causing ...

A.   16 May 2006: I too would be uncomfortable with somebody I was jealous of being on my home turf! BUT, I want to ask why you are so jealous of her? Has your BF ever shown any indication that he is interested in her or vice versa? So how are you going to appr... (read in full...)

He is a few years older than me, am I too immature?

Q.   he's a few years older than me, im not young but im sort of "inexperienced". I really like him and i think he feels the same but am i too immature for him?...

A.   15 May 2006: More info please?... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is bisexual and cheated on me

Q.   Should i continue my relationship with my boyfriend of seven years coz he recently admitted he was bisexual and had a same sex partner during some time in our relationship? Thank you very much - Distraught soul...

A.   15 May 2006: He cheated on you period. Would you be asking the same question if it was another woman? It shouldn't matter if they were of the opposite sex...just the fact he was unfaithful should give you pause for thought. x... (read in full...)

Is it a good thing to be like my girlfriend's Dad?

Q.   i have been compared to my girlfriends dad in more than one way. actually lots of ways. I have even noticed ways i am like him. Is this a good thing to be like her dad?...

A.   15 May 2006: The first person a girl falls in love with is her dad (depending on what sort of relationship they have). So if he is a nice guy you can't go wrong really. If he isn't, then......uh-oh! xx... (read in full...)

He said he was going to be breaking up with his girlfriend, but now he isn't paying that much attention to me....

Q.   A few weeks ago I met a boy at the library. At first we would just give each other a smile but eventually we started to talk-I found out he had a girlfriend and was a little shocked when I did find out because he told me he thought I was really cute ...

A.   15 May 2006: I think firstly that he is attatched and you should stay clear. Secondly I believe you may have read a little to much into a flirtation that just wasn't going anywere. If you were his GF how would you feel if he went and did this to you? You ... (read in full...)

What makes good oral sex for a guy?

Q.   Hey guys how are you I want to know how I can give a good blow job to a man and how to be good with men and be a good lover so that men can't resist me please guys give me some ideas thanks...

A.   15 May 2006: Offering yourslef on a plate is usually a turn off in the long run for both men and women. Developing a relationship of love and trust first is the best idea. When you know and trust someone you will have the best sex as then you can experiment in ... (read in full...)

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