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female
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*ederfeder
writes: My problem is BIG!!! I have been with the father of my two daughters for almost 6 years now. In the beginning, i admit to cheating, but not nearly as much as he did. I know I've been faithful to him since before I was pregnant with our second daughter, and I know she is his, there is no doubt in my mind. I also know that he has been faithful to me since we moved away from *******, anyway, I dont know for a fact, but i know in my heart, i trust him. you can sayonce a cheater always a cheater, but thats not true. I know i wiill never do it agin, after the hurt i saw i caused him. Anyway...the problem is, he doesnt trust me when he goes out of town to work, and im not doing anything wrong. Nothing i would ever want or need to hide from him, he thinks that just because i dont want to have sex with him, that im having it with someone else. I have a very out of whack thyroid, which contributes to a low sex drive, and i'm also taking depo provera, which is causing the low sex drive, i eep tellin him this, but he doesnt seem to beleive me. I love him, and i want to marry him, how can i make him trust me?
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female
reader, hederfeder +, writes (16 May 2006):
hederfeder is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYOS, thank you for your quick reply, i thought i was doing those things, but you know what...i wasn't thank you
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (16 May 2006):
 You can sort out your sex drive by switching to another form of contraception.
The trust thing is more difficult. In this situation I would recommend couple/relationship counselling. I feel an outsider will be able to help you to come to terms with what has gone on in your relationship before and allow you to express how you are feeling now through a third party. An impartial bystander can often help prevent the arguments that come from discussing this sort of thing and help you move on form the past.
I would at least give it a try. What have you got to lose?
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (16 May 2006):
 Trust is difficult. To trust we have to let ourselves become vulnerable. Once we have had our trust hurt, such as through cheating, it can be doubly hard to rebuild it, since we have to become vulnerable in a situation where that paid off negatively before.
Constant small affirmations of love and trust are what you need to show to your man. Tell him you love him, want to be with him, are happy he is the father of your children, that you want to marry him. Tell him often, as in many times a day. Small touches, kisses and so on. Men also put a lot of stock in actions, so doing things for him or buying small presents will count for something too.
When he's travelling do the same thing. Call him preferably, but also send text messages and small signs that you are thinking of him. If he knows your attention is on him, then his fears will reduce slowly.
You could also consider talking to your doctor about the side effects of the depo provera. There's no point in taking a contraceptive that puts you off sex altogether! You could switch to another method. Rebuilding your sex life will help the two of you become intimate and regain trust.
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