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*nowbird agony aunt

*nowbird

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*nowbird's profile:

I am a mother of 2 grown up boys who have had problems of their own, and I have a lot of experience in relationships, (Was married for 31 years, but to the wrong man), so am about to face a divorce. I have been through a lot of traumas in my personal life, both in my childhood and throughout.

I still see the good in people, though I have been through it somewhat, and still they all say I am very young for my age - something I always reply to that I refuse to get old!!! (Don't like it, won't have it!!!) :o)

I have helped a lot of friends, one bereaved at a young age of her husband, a few who have had cancer, (and survived); one who did not - a family member who has suffered sexual abuse at the hands of a man she was getting to know as her step-dad; one very dear friend who has just died and will be so sorely missed - by many people, not just me; and my sister, who was deserted by her boyfriend of 14 yrs and deprived of ever being able to have a child thanks to him; the list goes on - yes, you could say I have had a lot of life experience. I see things from all sides and try not to judge.

I live in Sale, near Manchester, England.

Without wanting to sound 'cheesy', the things which make me tick are people who go the extra mile for others, and, whilst I am no Mother Theresa, I try to live by the same ethic. After all, why else would we have been put on this earth?? I just hate to see good people being treated badly..we all have to live in this world, after all..

Not really religious, but try to do the right thing! Usually find a sense of humour helps too...thanx for reading this!

12345678Next > [8 pages, 272 answers]

He said he doesn't want sex b/c he's "got something" that's none of my business. Then I found a vile text from him to another woman!

Q.   Dear Cupid My partner had been tempted to have a fling with a girl he met at the gym and I found a text he was going to send her, which was vile. He swore nothing came of it and never would. It forced me to look at myself and why he may want to ...

A.   20 January 2007: I agree with the other aunts on here - and just for the heck of it, here's a thought - it could well be that his problem really is "nothing to do with you"..as in not your fault...perhaps an STD which he has caught off someone else!?! Sorry... (read in full...)

He wants me to get bigger boobs and blonde hair and tells me if I get fat, he will leave! What should I do?

Q.   Hi my boyfriend of 5 yrs wants me to get plastic surgery for my breasts and wants me to bleach my hair. I was always happy with my breast but he says they should be bigger and higher...he also wants me to become a blonde.....which I dont think would ...

A.   23 December 2006: Attagirl!! I am shocked and dismayed at Martini's attitude - people have the right to their own opinions either way, and it is something like this which helps folk to make up their own minds... this is an example of what porn is responsi... (read in full...)

What attracts my boyfriend, vulnerability or nudity?

Q.   I have been seeing my boyfriend for about 3 months and things have been going really well. Last night, though, I was a bit confused. We were lying in bed watching tv and started kissing, then he started to remove all my clothes, but he wouldn’t ...

A.   18 October 2006: Have you seen him naked before? If not, (I'm just guessing at this), but perhaps he has some disfigurement and is embarrassed about it. If not, he could just be shy, or perhaps he is a virgin.. I would feel annoyed too, but it is early day... (read in full...)

Sex wasn't a problem when we was having an affair with each other so why is it now???

Q.   Help.... I am at my wits end. My partner and I have been together for three years (12 mths of this time we were having an affair for the past 12 months we have been living together) The problem is he doesn't want sex. It seems there is always an ...

A.   16 October 2006: Sorry, but I can't give you any answer that you are going to want to hear...When you were having the affair, did he never get tired, stressed, drink, or have an early start?? Do things change that dramatically? I doubt it, I'm afraid.. Sounds ... (read in full...)

The sex with us is all wrong!! Its affecting out relationship what can we do!?

Q.   Hi,im with my fiancee 14 months, we are both in our 30's and lately she does not want to get close and have sex as she cant feel me inside her. I have been suffering from impotency,but at times im ok. Went to my Doc and he prescribed me to use ...

A.   12 October 2006: It sounds as though you both need some professional help. No I don't think she is playing mind games at all, and is probably just as stressed as you are at the moment. Some couples counselling may come in useful here, as you need the help of ... (read in full...)

Is it possible for a woman to have sex with someone and not want it! and can she have sex with a guy and not realise it ?

Q.   Ladies, is it possible for a women to have sex with someone but not want it? Also can a girl have sex with a guy but not know it is happening until it is too late? Because of hurt, alcohol, surprise, and confusion. Can a man just violate a woman so ...

A.   11 October 2006: To the 'anonymous' in the previous reply - it's a male you are talking to!! (oops?), lol... (read in full...)

My bf keeps askin me for sex. I am only 13, am I too young?

Q.   i am 13 and my boyfriend moved away he is coming back to visit me and wants to have sex i told him im not sure but he keeps asking me am i to young??...

A.   11 October 2006: Yes, 13 is by far too young. He should really not be pressuring you this way. (Boys usually say they will break up with you if you don't, or that they love you, and that you should do it to prove that you love them too, but it is just a trick to ... (read in full...)

I am in love with a boy, but he hits me and spits in my face.

Q.   i am a teen and i am really in love with a boy, i have performed oral sex with him and he has done things to me but after it he says he doesnt fancy me anymore !! when we was alone he said he only said he didnt fancy him because i annoyed him. so i ...

A.   11 October 2006: What a prize jerk he is! Sweetie, you need to love yourself before you will allow anyone else to love you. Find a therapist to help you re-build your self-esteem - most of us need them at one stage or another. You are way too good to be treate... (read in full...)

My mum had 2 stillborn's, shes pregnant again and Im really really scared!!! Please help...

Q.   dear cupid, i have just turned 17 years old and i have a brother(stephen) and a sister(skye) but they both died through still birth, my brother died 18 years ago through placental abruption. my sister died last year but she died the day she...

A.   11 October 2006: I read this post and have been thinking of you - congratulations, sweetie, and a pat on the back to Mum! That is going to be one spoilt and cherished babbie, lol!!! xxx... (read in full...)

if he wants me to be a better in the bedroom, shouldn't he use not just the bedroom

Q.   my partner says im no good in the bedroom but my reasons are as follows:-my partner stays in the bedroom all the time, yeh he goes to work when he feels and also to the toilet and the fridge to get a beer. apart from that hes in the bedroom....my ...

A.   11 October 2006: This is not a relationship - he is being unbelievably selfish! Who does he think he is, lying there, summoning you for sex - and then he has the temerity to say YOU are no good in bed!?! What possible plus is there for you - or your children... (read in full...)

Is it possible for a woman to have sex with someone and not want it! and can she have sex with a guy and not realise it ?

Q.   Ladies, is it possible for a women to have sex with someone but not want it? Also can a girl have sex with a guy but not know it is happening until it is too late? Because of hurt, alcohol, surprise, and confusion. Can a man just violate a woman so ...

A.   11 October 2006: A woman who is drugged does not know what happened, but it is rape all the same. And men have been charged with date-rape, so it does not go undetected. If you get a woman drunk and then take advantage it is now also classed as rape. If a wo... (read in full...)

She was size 10-12... But she can't stay away from cakes and chocolate and her weight has ballooned and I don't find her attractive!

Q.   Im 21 and i've been with my partner for just over 4 years now. We've been together since we were 17 and i think we have a good relationship, but i feel very unattracted to her now. when we 1st got together she was a size 10-12 now she is a size 16+ ...

A.   11 October 2006: She could be depressed, and sorry to say this, but you could be contributing to that condition by constantly referring to her weight! She is comfort eating to compensate for something which is upsetting her..this is a very common condition and you ... (read in full...)

My husband of 12 years feels he is missing the intimacy we once had and needs this through sex, please help I cant stay in the bedroom all the time!

Q.   My husband and I have been together 12 years. He feels he's missing the intimacy we once had but the only way that he can get intimacy is through sex. But afterwards he's still not happy and thinks that if we do it again then he will feel the ...

A.   11 October 2006: Sounds as though he has a deep-rooted emotional problem..get him to go to Relate with you, or see his doctor, who might refer him to the appropriate professional who will help. These people are brilliant, and do not apportion blame. They are ... (read in full...)

We were long distance for 6 years, why did he continue to live with his wife but claim to love me ?

Q.   hi..i am a 27 year old female, was living in a long distance relationship with a man, 33 now, for 6 years.can someone plse help me understand why cant a married man, who claims that he loves someone else yet continue to live with his wife ( married ...

A.   11 October 2006: This has just happened to my cousin, and she is broken-hearted, she wasted 12 years of her life maintaining a relationship with a married man who would not leave his wife. Sorry to break it to you but this goes with the territory - maybe in futur... (read in full...)

How do men get free sex without having to pay for it?

Q.   Hi!, i need to ask a question that eveyone escapes from or ignores, without being offensive. How do men get free sex without having to pay for it. More and more men are struggling to get free sex. Its a growing problem that needs to be solved, its ...

A.   11 October 2006: What an utterly vapid and sexist question!! The main difference between human beings is that human beings fall in LOVE, have EMOTIONS..If you do not know the meaning of these strange words, get your dog to look them up in a dictionary, and then he ... (read in full...)

Im I being overly sensitive or is he hiding something ??

Q.   Hello guys. I wanted to ask advice on whether I should be worried about some texts I found on my boyfriends phone. I know I shouldnt have looked, but it was sitting there and I just oculdnt resist. It was more nosiness than anything to be honest, I ...

A.   10 October 2006: "Just doin' me job, mam", glad to help! (lol)..take care, - and thanks!... (read in full...)

How can I learn to relax with my new man?

Q.   I am finding it very hard to relax in the new relationship I am having. About 3 months ago I split with my long term boyfriend of 3 1/2 years for good as we definitely were not right and it had been this way for some time. I am 25. I met som...

A.   10 October 2006: Oh, Irish, you are a comfort, sweetie - that is so true! Keep on doin what youre doin!... (read in full...)

Hes demanding more outrageous things to do sexually after watchin porn all the while!!!!

Q.   My husband stays up every night after I'm in bed looking at internet porn. I know why. I'm 46, size 14, with a body that looks like it's borne and breastfed 4 children. We are mismatched in our sex interests. He thinks I am old and boring because I ...

A.   10 October 2006: This is an abusive relationship if he is putting you under pressure to do something you are not happy and comfortable with - and staying up all night gawping at airbrushed, unnaturally enhanced women performing unnatural sex acts is NOT normal ... (read in full...)

I am getting confusing signals. Is he serious about me or is he playing head games?

Q.   i am getting confusing signals from i guy i like.he knows i like him but he hasent told me if he likes me.here are some of the things he said and done.1.he is always touching my bottom.2.he makes a lot of eye contact.3.i have caught him staring at ...

A.   10 October 2006: Yes, but just check out whether he is married or in a relationship - it is suspect that he will not give you his number, and will not make a move - also is so concerned about you saying anything - the rules at work could be a smoke-screen, making it ... (read in full...)

I feel like I am making love to a dead body, but my GF thinks it is a mans duty to please. Help!!

Q.   my girlfriend thinks that its a mans duty to please a woman and that all she has to do is lay back and enjoy. for the one year we have been together i do everything oral sex and romance. she just lay there, do nothing and let me do what ever i want. ...

A.   10 October 2006: Is she selfish in other ways? Relationships are a 2-way thing, and EVERYTHING should be shared! Give AND take.. Any other way, resentment will build up over time and the rocky road lies ahead! Ariel is right - communicate!... (read in full...)

How can I learn to relax with my new man?

Q.   I am finding it very hard to relax in the new relationship I am having. About 3 months ago I split with my long term boyfriend of 3 1/2 years for good as we definitely were not right and it had been this way for some time. I am 25. I met som...

A.   10 October 2006: Just talk to your man and explain how you are feeling. He will understand, and put your mind at rest if he knows it is important to you. It is only natural for you to feel this way as you have been 'conditioned' in a way, to respond in tune to ... (read in full...)

I want to be able to enjoy being in love, in a healthy realtionship. Yet I carry a very heavy burden. HELP!!

Q.   Novella: I am in QUITE a pickle. I never thought I'd be in such a horrible mess, ever. I really need help but my situation is a long term mess that's diffcult and long winded to explain. I had dated a boy for 8 years in my 20's. We lived toget...

A.   10 October 2006: This guy has leaned on you so hard it feels as though you have a child whom you are about to abandon!! You say he has no-one, yet he has a family who he is close to. He is NOT your responsibility!! He HAS to grow up!! I'm sorry to say this but... (read in full...)

A couple of guys have said I am boring, and moan alot! How can I change this as I wasnt aware and now my confidence is totally knocked!!

Q.   Hello, I need to know how to talk to men. Im 23 and single and this is because most men that know me think Im dull and boring. They only go out with me because they think Im physically attractive but have no personality. A few men have said this ...

A.   10 October 2006: They certainly don't seem to be very nice men - I have been out with a few men whom I thought were boring, but thinking something and saying it are two different things! If they came outright and told you just like that, they were obviousl... (read in full...)

I am 13 and in love with a 43 year old.

Q.   i am 13 i am in love with a 43 year old we are getting on well we have been in a relationship for ten months i have asked him too always be honest with me and he is. to day he told me that he is in love with a woman 50000 miles away but he says ...

A.   9 October 2006: PLEASE,PLEASE, listen to all of this very sensible advice..honey we have absolutely nothing to gain by telling you this - see how many replies you have?? This is CONCERN for you and your safety!! This man knows very well he is breaking the law,... (read in full...)

Is 14 too young to go to 3rd base?

Q.   is 14 too young to go to 3rd base ...? i have bin with my bf who is 2 years older than me for 5 months now and love and adore him very much!..i have been to 3rd with him...feeling confident and ready. He has never presured me and he respects me ...

A.   9 October 2006: I was seduced by my b/f when I was 14, and really believed he loved me. He took my virginity, but shortly after, I found out he also did it to another girl. I was devastated, as he had asked me to marry him, and I (thought) I loved him so much.... (read in full...)

I made 'amateur' pics for my man, is this normal?

Q.   i trust my man of many many years and we have made some amature home videos, watched them and immediatly deleted them. yesterday we took pictures that he could enjoy while hes on days off or alone at home. i trust that he would never remove them ...

A.   9 October 2006: That is sound advice helpful girl, however I would just add that some guys have also used these kind of pictures to blackmail girls, out of revenge for dumping them, even putting them up on a porn website, so please do be careful.. You do not want ... (read in full...)

I am 16 and my parents are trying to stop me from going back to my abusive ex. Do I have rights?

Q.   Me and my boyfriend split around .. 2 months ago he cheated on me alot and hit me and treated me bad. I was ok we didnt see each other or speak, i met osmeone and was happy. My ex rung me crying saying he missed me and never realised how muc...

A.   9 October 2006: Perhaps your parents are concerned that he will revert to form and start hitting you again. In most cases the abuse only gets worse, and you deserve better. There is no excuse big enough for hitting someone you are supposed to love. I know ... (read in full...)

Im a shy 16 year old, but I want to ask her out, whats the best way ??

Q.   Help me please! i am a shy 16year old and want to know the best way to ask a girl out. i speak to the girl every day and i seem more confident around her. i also believe that she likes me. what should i say?...

A.   9 October 2006: Why don't you ask her if she would like to go for a coffee, or to the pictures? If you are too nervous, make it with a group of yours and her friends, like a social gathering. It will be easier for both of you to get to know one another with an ... (read in full...)

Im I being overly sensitive or is he hiding something ??

Q.   Hello guys. I wanted to ask advice on whether I should be worried about some texts I found on my boyfriends phone. I know I shouldnt have looked, but it was sitting there and I just oculdnt resist. It was more nosiness than anything to be honest, I ...

A.   9 October 2006: Why don't you just say that you are curious about his communications with his exe's? He may bring up the subject of that time when he noticed you had looked at his phone, and he does seem relaxed about it, so I am only guessing here, but he may e... (read in full...)

Do all women shave their pubic regions?

Q.   Ladys. do all women shave the pubic hair regions? i prefer to see a small amount of hair. is this normal for me?...

A.   9 October 2006: Oh, come, come now, what's a bit of hair between friends now? lol!! I personally hate porn, and fail to see the connection either...for instance, most of those girls have blonde hair, so do we make the distinction that anyone else who chooses ... (read in full...)

My perfect fiance is verbally abusive. How can I save my relationship?

Q.   my fiance is so perfect for me but for one thing. He is verbally abusive. He doesnt seem to realise the impact his words have on me. I dont want to feel an inch high anymore and it is effecting my health,job perfomance and emotional well being. How ...

A.   9 October 2006: You don't say to what degree he is being abusive - is it just the odd joke at your expense, name-calling, or humiliating you in front of others, or is it really agressive, such as in an argument when tempers are running high? How are you respondi... (read in full...)

My girlfriend seems to deliberately make me jealous. Why is she like this?

Q.   Me and my girlfriend have been together now over 10 and a half months and while we do trust each other I not sure whether sometimes she tends too make me jelous. She started a part-time job over a week ago and since then she has just talked endl...

A.   9 October 2006: Eddie has a point, but if I may just add she should accept that you talk to girls also, and she has to address her own insecurities about that if she wants you to accept the fact that she is behaving in this manner. It may be just because she has ... (read in full...)

This guy wants me to work off my debt with sex. Why am I allowing this?

Q.   **Hey Cupid's** Am I slut? I don't want to think I am. I can justify myself. There is this guy who has lust me for quiet a while, at least 2 years. He's been very close to me, friend wise. I have told him everything and I confide in him. At the m...

A.   9 October 2006: Tell him he can't afford you! - how much would once be worth - how much for 10 times?? how much for your peace of mind - and how much to keep it a secret from another man in the future, who values you as more than a quick 'knee-trembler' how would ... (read in full...)

How can I put the romance back into our marriage?

Q.   my husband and i are having marrige problems, we moved away to be with family we have no jobs,no money and are always arguing. he has said that if i dont stop moaning he is leaving. I have been trying to find work but its hard either im to qualifie...

A.   8 October 2006: Try, instead of "moaning", as he puts it, approach problems by putting them in a different way, i.e., instead of saying confrontational things such as "You always..", "You should/nt.."; or "You still have'nt.." Say: "I'm having trouble with dealing ... (read in full...)

Does this girl fancy me ?

Q.   In a nightclub this girl kept looking at me and pulling me up to dance. She keeps trying to talk to me. Does she fancy me?...

A.   19 September 2006: Of COURSE she does!! Go for it!... (read in full...)

He says he loves his cats more than more!!

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and 4 months and in the beginning everything was really good. He used to be really sweet and tell me that he loved me more than anything and that I meant everything to him, but recently I've discovered ...

A.   19 September 2006: No you are certainly NOT overreacting! He needs to assess his priorities in life and realise that he can always get cats, but love from an actual human being is hard to come by, and as for the 'fantasy books,' well, that is just plain imma... (read in full...)

Im Begining to feel a bit suffocated, and a bit touchy about time alone, am I being over sensitive ??

Q.   Hi everyone. Ive been in my relationship now for about a year almost and its been steady and a happy one.Things has been really good and still is but i dont know why i feel this but my partner keeps telling me how much they love me etc and how spec...

A.   19 September 2006: Just discuss it with her - she loves you, so you should be able to find words to break it to her in a nice way which she can accept.. Start with the issue of 'time alone', you could just ask her to let you know in good time, as you do for her.... (read in full...)

We love each other but all we do now is argue

Q.   my boyfriend and i have been dating now for 10 months and he just recently moved away for college and now all we seem to do is argue and treat each other horrible.. we both love eachother alot and want things to work out but i feel that i cant find ...

A.   19 September 2006: Can you both agree not to argue about the small issues, and to only discuss the bigger ones in a calm manner when you can sit down together? Perhaps when you are both relaxed, maybe out at a restaurant or somewhere where you won't end up arguing, ... (read in full...)

Kissing my bf's neck turns him on but when he does it to me...I feel nothing? Is this normal?

Q.   Hello! Usually just kissing my boyfirend's neck turns him on, but when he kisses my neck I don't really feel anything. Should I be feeling something? I've only been going out with him about three months and he's my first boyfriend. This may seem...

A.   19 September 2006: That's something - I feel nothing much when my neck is kissed normally, but I go weak at the knees if it is unexpected, like when I am doing something like preparing a meal or something and he comes up behind me and does it without warning - so it's ... (read in full...)

I only use the pill when I see him, could I get pregnant?

Q.   okay here's my question, I really hope that someone has any advice for me. Me and my fiancee are in a long distance relationship. I was on the pill last time I saw him (mid august) but messed up on it a couple times while visiting(time change, only ...

A.   19 September 2006: I really think you need to see your doctor about this - you are messing about with your hormones, and as with ALL medicines you should always follow the instructions. We are not all doctors, and do not have the training or skills necessary to help ... (read in full...)

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