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*4u04 agony aunt


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*4u04's profile:

Im 20, gay and I live in the West Midlands in England.

My relationship status at the mo is with a partner. He's called Rob and we've been together for about 3 years which, in gay years, is a lifetime! Lol

I've been through many a tough time so I think I'm qualified to help others who have been through similar things, I may not be online that often and I apologise but because I'm now at university I simply just don't have the amount of time that I used to, I'll still do my best to advice though when possible.

123Next > [3 pages, 89 answers]

I like her, she's with someone do I deal with it?

Q.   Hey, im in secondary school and really like this girl. But, she has been with this guy since the middle of February. Some of her friends hate him, and they knew i liked her before he asked her out (she never knew that i liked her). But I've been ...

A.   26 April 2009: If you hold out for her friends to get rid of him it will never happen because people are stubborn when they are with someone. No matter what her friends say, it will never be enough to make her dump him. Unrequited love in a bitch, I know tha... (read in full...)

I love him and don't want to hurt him, so how do I tell him in the best possible way that I cannot live like this anymore?

Q.   I have been in a gay relationship with my bf for over three years. He is older than I am and we love each other but for a long time now he has treated me more like a friend not a bf which is hard considering we live together and sleep beside each ...

A.   17 November 2007: There is no one definitive answer to this I'm afraid, all I can advise is telling him you're thinking about leaving him because the way things are going, if things improve, fantastic, if not, then stick to your word and leave him. Obviously it's... (read in full...)

How will I know when I'm ready to have Sex with him?

Q.   hiya all i have been with my bf for a month now and we have dun pretty much everything apart from have sex.We are both still virgins, and he seys hes ready to have sex and hes being really good about it and is not pressuring me at all, but how will ...

A.   7 September 2007: I know you said you wanted mostly female opinions but I think it's the same for men as well. No-one can ever tell you when you're ready to have sex, you just know within yourself. If you have doubts, don't do it. But if you're sure that you do w... (read in full...)

We haven't had sex for a month because we both live with our parents... any tips?

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 months now and we love each other very much. The only problem we have is the sex issue. It is great .... when we get time! We are both 20 and we both still live at home with our parents. This is very ...

A.   20 June 2007: There are only two reasons I can think of that would help this situation, 1 is your boyfriend needs to fnid someway of getting over this fear of having sex with his parents in the house, because if both of your parents know that you are in this ... (read in full...)

Gay pride..what are your views?

Q.   do you believe in gay pride? jw...

A.   20 June 2007: I think gay pride is a good thing, people of any sexuality should be proud of who they are. Being gay myself, obviously I'm going to be a little biased but events like pride have helped gay people to come to terms with their sexuality and enjoy ... (read in full...)

He wont divorce his wife depsite us being together 11 years!!!!

Q.   My partner of 11 years has never divorced his wife despite me asking and asking. We used to live together and he maintained that he was doing me a favour not divorcing as if he divorced his wife then he would be entitled to half my assets. We f...

A.   20 June 2007: In my honest opinion, I think he does still have feelings for his ex-wife, it is most likely to be a clinging to the past as that's where he feels comfortable and is afraid to move forward, i.e. divorcing her. As you have been together 11 years it's ... (read in full...)

Dated men all my life but find I am attracted to females. Why is this happening?

Q.   i have been with men all my life but i found myself attracted to a female. why?...

A.   21 January 2007: During time, sexual feelings may well change or sway one way more than the other, it's normal, don't get hung up on this fact. So what if you are attracted to a woman? It might just be a subconscious desire to know what sex with a woman is like. It ... (read in full...)

My bf lied to me and acted as if he didn't care anymore. Then he said he loved me. I'm so confused. What should I do?

Q.   Hello I'm 18 and gay. 8 months ago i gout out of a really bad relationship. It was a kind of relationship that was a very controlling one and the guy i was with hit me at the end for leaving him. Recently i have found myself meeting a new guy who i ...

A.   8 January 2007: I think the controlling relationship before has really knocked your confidence and self-esteem. If this guy does feel different to you know then just ask him what he really wants, does he want to be with you even though you said youself he doesn't ... (read in full...)

Could I be Bi?

Q.   Ok..This is going to be confusing, but I'll try my best to keep it all short for you guys..:) and girls, of course. Ok..I'm in a relationship with a guy, we've been together for almost 6 years. Recently we were watching a movie about a woman wh...

A.   8 January 2007: It just sounds like you're questioning your sexuality, which is very normal. It doesn't mean you're bi neccassarily as I've known girls before claim they are bi, act on these feelings with women, then realise they are straight and it was just ... (read in full...)

He's separated and still pays the mortgage on his wife's home! I resent I being unreasonable?

Q.   My boyfriend of almost two yrs is still married and he was separated when we met. He has yet to get a divorce. He's been waiting for his soon to be ex to be able to afford the house that they have together. He's been paying the mortgage all this ...

A.   7 January 2007: Short answer: no you're not being unreasonable. But obviously his ex-wife isn't used to being on her own and having to do things for herself, like get job, etc... I think you should tell him that you feel disrepected and that it's not fair on you, ... (read in full...)

I want to move out but my familys says to wait? What should I do?

Q.   I'm planning on moving but my family keeps telling me to wait a couple more months.. do you think I should take their advice or just follow my heart!? ...

A.   7 January 2007: I don't know how old you are so this is a tricky one to answer but I moved out when I was 18 (a few months ago lol) and I can honestly say it was the best thing I have ever done, because as much as I love my family, I needed my freedom, yeah it's ... (read in full...)

It's hard to get my circumsised bf to cum - any advice?

Q.   Hey please help me, my boyfriend and I have been going out 6 months, we're both 15. He is circumcised, so I know it's harder for him to cum. The other weekend I gave him my first blowjob and handjob. I didn't make him cum. Is it possible to make him ...

A.   4 January 2007: It is possible to make him cum from a blow job yes, but just because you didn't make him the first time you did it, doesn't mean you never will. While I don't condone underage sex, if you're safe about it then that's fine. The only thing I can think ... (read in full...)

Am I in the minority because I've only dated one girl as a teenager?

Q.   I read on here that dating at high school is the normality of life as a teenager. I am 18 and have only dated one girl and that wasn't even a proper relationship. Does that mean I'm not normal?...

A.   27 November 2006: I only had one girlfriend in High School too, in all fairness I was questioning my sexuality from around age 16+ but that's neither here nor there, normality is a ridiculous word anyway! Who is to say what normal is? It's just what society ... (read in full...)

We had problems, he used to do drugs, I cheated on him but he still wants me! What should I do?

Q.   we have been on this relation for a 6yrs now.because of this we get delayed to get married.but he loves me very much.but 2 yrs back he has an affair that he told me,and have a kid also.beacuse of this our relation had gone apart for this ...

A.   27 November 2006: I don't think you are doing the right thing to be honest, relationships can be worked through I agree but when there was already this much lying to begin with, it gets very hard. Because of your history already, I would say the relation... (read in full...)

We have one child and he left and I still do not know why! It's like he gave up on us so easily. Help

Q.   we have separated after 10 years and one child and i still don't really know why??? i found out last year that my husband had kissed an old friend of mine whilst very drunk! i felt betrayed but would have given him the benefit of the doubt as he ha...

A.   27 November 2006: First of all, you are not to blame for any of this, just to clarify. It really is all him I'm afraid and I don't think on purpose either, he just sounds like a very confused individual who needs time on his own to sort his head out and one-on-o... (read in full...)

We have one child and he left and I still do not know why! It's like he gave up on us so easily. Help

Q.   we have separated after 10 years and one child and i still don't really know why??? i found out last year that my husband had kissed an old friend of mine whilst very drunk! i felt betrayed but would have given him the benefit of the doubt as he ha...

A.   27 November 2006: First of all, you are not to blame for any of this, just to clarify. It really is all him I'm afraid and I don't think on purpose either, he just sounds like a very confused individual who needs time on his own to sort his head out and one-on-o... (read in full...)

Is bisexuality wrong?

Q.   Hello! I just needed to ask this one question. One of my friends told me that she was bisexual, and well, she also told me that one of my other friends, one of my best friends, was bi too. I had always thought that my best friend was bisexual, but I ...

A.   24 November 2006: No it is not wrong! Despite what anyone says, obviously I have very strong opinions on this topic as I'm gay myself, the only people who see it as wrong are those that don't understand it! It's not like people can chose their sexuality, you can'... (read in full...)

My bf was very distant and confused because he just found out he has herpes..what should I do?

Q.   BF very distant and confused why, just found out..what do I do? We have been dating for 2 years and fell deeply in love the first 5 months. We are both in our early 40's, never married, no children. Have successful careers and always receive ...

A.   24 November 2006: My first concern is as you didn't meantion whether you two had sex (but as it's a 2 year relationship I'll asume you have) have you got yourself checked out for herpes aswel? Because if he's saying he got it from an ex, it would have to mean two... (read in full...)

Is my vagina too big?

Q.   I'm 13 years old and I think I have a wide vagina as I can fit about 4 fingers inside. It makes me worry about what boyfriends will think. Help me please ...

A.   24 November 2006: Ignore stupid comments like that whose fingers one below, if he has nothing better to do than come on here and act like a dick then I pity him! Anyway, in response to your problem, I agree with the two ladies below and would just like to add that ... (read in full...)

I've asked her out twice but she keeps saying no, but i really want her!

Q.   there is a girl at my school and i want to go out with her, ive fancied her for a while now and ive asked her out twice both ending with the bad word no. i want to show my love for her but if i do and she says no i dont know what to do....

A.   24 November 2006: I agree with the below comment I'm afraid, unrequited love is one of the worst things in the world but no means no in caes like these. And I know this is cliché but there really are plenty more (better) fish in the sea, so go swimming!!... (read in full...)

I'm 16 and I am 5 ft 6 inches. Do you think I will have another growth spurt?

Q.   Hi, my birthday is in May, and Im 16 at college. Im about 5ft 5- 6 and my parents were shorter I want to know if I will still have a growth spurt? I feel like I have only had one. Other people have really shot up. Younger than me too. I havent had ...

A.   23 November 2006: I wouldn't let it worry you, I'm 18 and I'm only 5"7 but it's never bothered me, you may well have another growth spurt because everyone's different and some do, some don't, but even if you don't it's perfectly fine, if you have a majorilly short ... (read in full...)

Iquickly kissed my fiancee's workmate...should I tell my fiancee or not?

Q.   Should I tell my fiance or not? Last night my partners work mate came over so I could keep him company, as he has recently split from his girlfriend. I was very tipsy, and a sympathy hug ended in a kiss on the lips, it was very quick and it was only ...

A.   23 November 2006: Was there a spark of any sort when you kissed? If so then I would tell your boyfriend as if things develop further (which they usually do lets be honest) it will only end in heartache. If there wasn't a spark and you can hand-on-heart dismiss ... (read in full...)

I Iike this guy who is my best friend's ex...what should I do?

Q.   dear cupid x i have a problem i've fancied this boy who is 15 years old but i don't know what to do. he doesn't notice me and i've only known him for a while. he's my best friends ex and i want to know how to resolve the problem please help x...

A.   23 November 2006: I think you should talk to your best friend about her feelings if something were to happen with you and him. As for the boy, maybe you could get a friend to ask if he likes you? It sounds like something a bit childish but it works! Or alternat... (read in full...)

I want to start enjoying life but I feel so alone....I need some advice!

Q.   i feel all alone in this cruel, cold world. im not sure how to stop from feeling like this...? i barely have any friends, and the few i do have are not real friends. i feel like i have no one to turn to or like there no one there to comfort and ...

A.   19 November 2006: Normally, I specialise in tough love and I would say get a grip, people won't truly love you until you love yourself. But in your case I just can't say that! The best thing for you to do sweetheart I think is to go see a councellor of some sor... (read in full...)

I don't want to come on too heavy but I do want to tell him how I feel... any ideas?

Q.   I was looking on a local dating website I'm a member of, and found this irresistably cute guy's profile. I went and read it, and really felt like this was the guy for me! We've started chatting, and it seems to be going well. My only problem is I ...

A.   19 November 2006: Have you met up with this guy in real life yet? If not, then you could hint around for a meet-up and tell him in person that your heart skips a beat when you see messages from him, but not in a kind of stalker tone of voice, just soft and warm... ... (read in full...)

My husband is a pig, but my kids love him to pieces

Q.   hi i married at 19 after being 2gether 4 3 yrs. 18months of marriage he had an affaire with my friend from work. we split but never divorced. since then i had 3 lovely children by a man who i was with for 7 yrs. one of my sons was very ill and need ...

A.   18 November 2006: First of all, you are never alone, there are always helplines or councellors you can talk to. But in response to your question, I think you should tell your pig of a husband where to go! Pople who say they stay together for the sake of their kids ... (read in full...)

What can I do to stop myself from orgasming too quickly? Any tips?

Q.   I'm 18 years old and i have sex alot. But for some reason my penis gets on hard quick. sometimes i could just look at a girl and it gets on hard. Then when i have sex I nut quick. I try to think about other things but it never works what should i ...

A.   18 November 2006: I've heard about some condoms that slow the rate at which you come down, called Durex Performa. Aparently they're thicker than usual condoms so it's not as sensitive when you have sex, making you last longer. Try not to get too hung up about it ... (read in full...)

I'm falling for a female co-worker! Does this make me a lesbian?

Q.   I’m 21 and female. I have a boyfriend who is great and I’ve been with him for about 2 years. I lost my virginity to him, he was my first proper boyfriend and I would say I love him. He was cheating on me when we first got together but still going ...

A.   18 November 2006: It doesn't sound like you're a lesbian, just confused, it's a common misconception to catagorise someone due to finding one female attractive for example. If you find that you are solely attracted to girls and no longer to males, then I would say ... (read in full...)

She was the perfect girl but we weren't compatible in bed... What now?

Q.   Hi. I met a wonderful girl. She is perfect! We both dated a few times and when we are not together we miss each other. We both told each other how much we both love being with each other and that we are perfect together! Sorry - but it's true!! ...

A.   22 June 2006: i don't think ending it was the right descision purely based on bad sex, sex is something you can work on by... you guessed it... comminication, just talk about what turns you on, what you would like to do, or for her to do to you, etc. if you ... (read in full...)

Is high school meant to be the best time of your life? If so then why has it been miserable for me?

Q.   Is high school meant to be the best time of your life? If so then I must be in for a miserable life. I go to hgh school in the UK (i'm 18 and now at the schools sixth form which is like college) and I was bullied really badly. This one guy from whe...

A.   22 June 2006: it's an urban myth that high school is meant to be the best time of your life, I'm also 17, going on 18 and going 2 university this year hopefully, and i hated high school with a passion and i also got bullied about being gay but i dealt with it ... (read in full...)

I want to get with a girl I don't know! Should I slip her a note?

Q.   I'm 26 and would like some suggestions on the best way to ask out a girl I like. I have been single for just over a year now but when it comes to asking girls out on a date or trying to chat them up I'm really useless at it because I'am too shy and ...

A.   17 April 2006: I think you should ask her first to see if she is in a relationship or not but if you can, try to do it sounding breezy and like you're just trying to make conversation. If she then says no she's not in a relationship, I think slipping her a note is ... (read in full...)

Is it a big deal to lose your virginity under the legal age? (UK - 16)

Q.   JUST WANTING OPPINIONS COZ IM CURIOUS. Hey, I was just wondering that people though of sex at a legal age... What are your views? do you think teenagers should wait til there 16 before losing there virginity or do you think when the times right ...

A.   13 April 2006: My honest opinion is that the age shouldn't be lowered, because the more you lower an age of conscent, the younger people having sex become to look big and clever in front of their friends. Which is also why Britain has the highest rate of teens ... (read in full...)

We have a very active sex life, so why does he still need porn?

Q.   I recently married the man I have been with for almost 3 years, in the past he has had a problem with pornography. I have told him over and over that this is something I do not approve of, but still he doesn't seem to respect my wishes..The thing I ...

A.   13 April 2006: Not really a problem and I have said this before but I don't understand the attraction with porn either but men (and women) feel like they can express themselves sexual without inhibitions with porn because partner's can judge, magazines and dvd's ... (read in full...)

My bf wont have sex with me till he's obese!!

Q.   Hi, I'm 18, my boyfriend's 21 and he refuses to have sex with me any more. We have a good relationship but sexually it isn't as good as it used to be. I asked him why he doesn't want sex with me any more, and he said he won't have sex until he be...

A.   12 April 2006: erm, what he's saying realy isn't normal behaviour and I think he needs professional help in the way of councellers, etc... obese people do not have the best sex lives, just because there's more to love doesn't mean its better!! It's in the ... (read in full...)

I don't want to only meet a**holes, what can I do to prevent that?

Q.   Separated and it isnt fun! I wanted to separate from my unhappy marriage last year. My ex wasnt a bad man just that I didnt find him attractive anymore in an emotional or physical sense. Anyway, Im an attractive 33 year old and should be having...

A.   8 April 2006: Well i don't think an email is too much to ask, but how often is he online? because you might be thinking he's ignoring you when actually he hasn't had a chance to get on the internet all week for some various reasons but skip the text messages and ... (read in full...)

I slept all day, so what?

Q.   my boyfriend is pissed off that on my day off i slept all day i dont see anything wrong, is there?...

A.   8 April 2006: Well if you slept in and missed an occasion like a party or something then i can understand why he is but if you were just sleeping for sleeps sake then i don't see a problem because now and then everyone needs to just be lazy to function properly... (read in full...)

I'm a virgin, how do I initiate sex?

Q.   Hi, Me and my Girlfriend are both 19 and have now been going out for 3 months, though we have not had sex yet. Thats fine, i wanted to take things slow in the first place anyway as this is my first proper girlfriend. Now im still a virgin, bu...

A.   8 April 2006: I think you should ask her about it to see if she's in the same emotional place, but obviously don't ask while your in the middle of kissing or something because that will just totally ruin the mood, he he. How about something like a nice dinner ... (read in full...)

I met him and he seemed interested, but he says he wasn't and throws his new relationship in my face!

Q.   Readers both males and females,this is a bit long but i really need to get it off my mind.Well I had this long distance relationship with this guy for about a year i am 28 he is 26 and he gave out all the right signals talking our relationship ...

A.   5 April 2006: Yeah i would keep ignoring him because you can never be 'best friends' with someone you've had relationship feelings for because those old feelings keep getting in the way and one or the other will be thinking 'what if we got back together' etc... ... (read in full...)

I love him alot but am sick of being his slave!!

Q.   My BF is allways mad at me for something or the other. I just cant figure him out anymore. I know he loves me alot but he acts so immature all the time and i get scolded everyday. i cant do anything i want like going out and talkin to boys and stuff ...

A.   4 April 2006: my god please end it honey, it's not worth the stress no matter how much you love him. No-one should be the victim of verbal abuse and if he scolds you everyday that's what it is! The relationship is obviously one sided because he knows he can get ... (read in full...)

My straight boyfriend works in a gay bar and flirts with the guys!

Q.   My boyfriend is working in a gay bar although he is straight. During the day he works out at a local gym and he looks good. He says a lot of guys come on to him and admits he likes it. He says I am stupid to be jealous because he would never ever...

A.   4 April 2006: I agree with your boyfriend my darling, I know it's hard but you do need to trust him until proved otherwise, trust is the basis of a relationship, no trust, no nothing x... (read in full...)

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