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*DMB agony aunt

*DMB

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*DMB's profile:

Hi there,

I'm 39 and live in South East England. I was married for 10 years and now divorced for seven and I have a 12 year old son. I've been through a fair old set of experiences including divorce, a two-year affair with a married man, a hysterectomy at 30 and a two-year relationship with what I think the Sunday Times recently described as a 'Stockholm Syndrome' man - e.g. very controlling and possessive but somehow always talked you round into going back for more!

Currently doing a round of Internet dating in my quest for a new man after my last relationship ended at Xmas (as detailed on here in my questions at the time!).

Consider myself to be stable, sensible and reasonably 'together' despite everything. Have a great network of friends, work for myself as a freelance writer, love travelling, photography, playing pool and drinking Jack Daniels!

Cheers,

TDMB

My friend has moved away and I really have feelings for him, I told him in a letter and this is his reply. What do you think he means?

Q.   Ok I told this guy that I have been with off and on for over two years what I felt. We had just decided to be friends because of his research traveling with school, but I told him that even though we couldnt be together, I loved him, and this is ...

A.   15 February 2007: It sounds to me like he definitely received what you said positively and yes, possibly wished he'd made different choices as Doc says. Think you have enough to go on there to take the honesty thing a bit further and see what happens next. Good luck!... (read in full...)

How can i get my girlfriend to try anal sex and three somes?

Q.   How can i get my girlfriend to try anal sex and three somes, these are my fetishes and would like to fulfil them. I've asked her and asked her but she keeps changing subject when i mention them. How can i approach her with the question? ...

A.   15 February 2007: It sounds to me like you need a different girlfriend! You simply can't 'get' someone to do those types of things unless it's their fetish as well. If that really is what you are into you need to find someone who feels the same. It depends what is ... (read in full...)

He's forgotten about the "little things" and I don't feel loved anymore

Q.   Hi. I have been together with my boyfriend for almost two years. When we first started going out, he was really sweet and attentive. And now some things have really started to change. He doesn't kiss me anymore unless we are having sex, he never ...

A.   17 January 2007: Oww, this is such a tough one! Am sure there are loads of women of all ages out there who can relate to this totally. I wish I had a magic wand I could wave for you . . . I'm afraid these symptoms are very common and many guys just don't 'get it'. ... (read in full...)

I have a weird lump on my vagina. Does anyone know what it might be? Is it anything to worry about?

Q.   Im a teen and i have a weird lump thing at the back of my vagina i dont have a clue what it is but if anyone knows or experiences the same thing please tell me ....

A.   17 January 2007: It could be a Bartholyns cyst - have a look on Google. If that sounds likely from your symptoms there are a few home remedies you can try (salt baths and the like) but if it doesn't sound like that - or if anything you try doesn't work within a ... (read in full...)

I met him through an internet dating agency and he was the ideal man... until he just disappeared off the face of the earth!

Q.   ok, here's the deal. i recently split up with my boyfriend of 3 years and a friend told me to sign up to an internet dating agency where i met an amazing guy. we exchanged emails for a week, swapped numbers and last sunday we met up for the first...

A.   17 January 2007: I really feel for you here! Despite what anyone thinks, it is possible to meet someone and feel such an instant connection - and when it seems to be reciprocated the whole world lights up. Sadly though, there are a number of reasons why he might ... (read in full...)

I'm 24 and I feel embarrassed and ashamed that I met a guy online. Any thoughts?

Q.   hi how u doing i met this man online about a year ago we get on really well got the same sense of humour hes really caring when things were going wrong for me he rings me up we have talked on the phone and sent each other one pictures im just...

A.   17 January 2007: Thee's nothing to be embarrassed about because you met someone online - thousands of people of all ages do it every day! Is this what's stopping you meeting up? A year is a long time to have a virtual relationship. My advice would be to stop wor... (read in full...)

I'm a Christian but I'm not a virgin. My bf is also a Christian. Do you think he'll react badly if I told him?

Q.   I'm a Christian, and 21 years old, but I made a huge mistake and gave my virginity away when I was 19. I gave it away to a man who ended up being emotionally abusive and I broke up with him. Later I was depressed and didn't date anyone for awhile. I ...

A.   17 January 2007: I think you are getting too worked up about this one! At the end of the day, if he is as nice a guy as you think he is, he is unlikely to ask in the first place - or certainly not until you know one another alot better anyway. As and when he ... (read in full...)

I broke up with my bf and now he has a new gf, but since then he and I have slept together. Should I remain as his 'dirty little secret'?

Q.   Ok so i am in a sticky situation me and my bf broke up nearly 2 months ago, we still have really strong feelings for eachother, only problem is he has started seeing someone else now. Me and my ex bf fell out for quite sometime things were really a...

A.   17 January 2007: It's certainly not up to you to say anything to his girlfriend. It sounds to me like he still had feelings for you - and sometimes when two people are no longer together and trying to have a relationship, the pressure is off and the sex can be great ... (read in full...)

He tells me to grow out my hair and compares me to others. Now he's picky about what I eat! Is this headed into an abusive relationship?

Q.   My now fiance always tells me that I should grow my hair long (like how I used to have it). He'll even point out different girls and say things like "You should grow it that long." It made me mad so finally I said something, and he ignored me for ...

A.   16 January 2007: Definitely sounds like he's got some 'controlling' tendencies here. I read an article recently about what they call 'Stockholm Syndrome' men - the name comes from kidnap victims who become emotionally attached to their captors. I went out with one ... (read in full...)

I'm not ready for motherhood! Should I have an abortion or keep this baby?

Q.   Hey there! I am about less than 2 months pregnant. I am devastated. I'm only 17 and this was obviously very unplanned. I wish I could turn back time and change the fact that I had unprotected sex. I'm stuck in the middle wondering if I should have ...

A.   12 January 2007: Hiya, Firstly, you sounds like a pretty sensible person and it's great that you've come on here to seek some advice. One question though, what about the father? Is it someone you are in a relationship with or not - and does he know anything... (read in full...)

Do I tell my wife I kissed the girl from work?

Q.   I have got myself into a dilemma that is eating me up inside. I have been married for nearly 2 years and we are very happy together. we have been through a lot lately with house moves and both had problems at work, so we have been stressed but have ...

A.   12 January 2007: Hiya, It's a mistake many of us have made! Definitly think you shouldn't say anything, but donl't let it affect how you behave with your wife or she might start to suspect something. One other thing, is there any possibility at all that she ... (read in full...)

Heartsick over her playing around with an old bf..will we ever be able to build the trust again?

Q.   I need help. First, the background. I met a girl the end of September, and we really hit it off. The end of October, we both said "I love you". She is mid to late 20's and I am mid 30's, there is 8 years between us. I decided to take her on a qu...

A.   12 January 2007: Hi Brodie. What's the latest? How's it going? I think Dr Pete is right, you can but try - and right now you have nothing to lose. I'm going through a break-up at the moment and anything that takes the sick feeling away, even for an hour, is so ... (read in full...)

I'm 40 and I need advice on how how can I meet someone nice without embarassing myself?

Q.   How can I find a boyfriend? I'm not a kid - I'm a 40 year old woman! I was married young and very inexperienced. I was hurt very badly by my ex and had virtually no sex life, but stayed together with him for a long time. So I've no idea how to ...

A.   12 January 2007: Hi there, I'm 39 and also single so I understand totally! I got divorced when I was 32 and even then found it hard to meet guys excepy through work and that's always complicated. I ended up having an affair with a married man for two years but got ... (read in full...)

I think we're perfect together but she's put us "on a break"... do I wait for her?

Q.   Hi thanks in avance for reading. my question is about "time apart". the girl im with wants time apart so she can "figure out things because she in confused, but not confused about me" - whatever that means. weve been together a year and ive treated ...

A.   12 January 2007: I have to say it's not sounding good. I think you do ned to take a step back and let her do whatever it is she is going to do anyway. If she sorts herself out and comes back (and you still want her by then) that's great, and if she doesn't, well ... (read in full...)

Heartsick over her playing around with an old bf..will we ever be able to build the trust again?

Q.   I need help. First, the background. I met a girl the end of September, and we really hit it off. The end of October, we both said "I love you". She is mid to late 20's and I am mid 30's, there is 8 years between us. I decided to take her on a qu...

A.   3 January 2007: Hi there, I saw that you had only had replies from guys and thought a female perspective might help. First thing I must say though is that there is NEVER any excuse for reading someone's text messages. I had a boyfriend that did that and i fel to... (read in full...)

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