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Ok I am in my 40's and have lived all over the United States and a couple short pops in Canada and Mexico. I am living on the west coast right now.

My relationship status is a bizarre world filled with twists and turns that keep my life in a constant flux. Most of you deal with a relationship problem. multiply that several times and that is where I live. I have one husband and two very Long term boyfriends....I love them all very much. They are aware of each other and finally get along....but I do manage them. And dear ladies, your husband is not safe with me IF you take him for granted...I won't. And you won't catch him because I will teach him to be the perfect husband while he and I are sucking the life out of every moment.

My husband usually manages at least 3 girlfriends at any given time. However, he has not always dealt with them fairly...it has taken me years to create a Player out of him for he likes the danger and the chase...unfortunately you cant lay down rules if your the one giving in to demands. I could not for years convince him of my relief at catching him...well...number 13 and the Smelly...were anything but a relief....they were battle. The Smelly nearly did me in. But it was a great and nasty battle and our marriage was strained to the gills. Yet as it recovered and Bloomed far beyond my Dreams I realized that If he had not played the bad guy...I would have. He saved me from ever having to look at my husband and know that if he really knew me it would kill him. My husband and I Know each other...every flaw every hateful wart on our souls.....yet we still love each other. We don't want to change each other....but reach out our hand to guide one another. True Love is Love no matter what. when you set someone else above you...and cherish them more than yourself...that is true love. True Love can be shown in many forms and if it means you both believe in monogamy...there is nothing wrong with that....unfortunately few actually practice what they believe.

I see past that and love the flaws of my sweet boys as well as their many attributes.

Why do I know so much about affairs? I have had them since I was sexually active...one of my first experiences was with an older married man who was a Player. He taught me that there were rules for successful affairs...and there are. I have had mostly successful affairs because I play by those rules ONLY. I have never once been caught.....think about that...NOT ONCE. Now after it was all said and done...I have had a few who confessed....and I had to have conversations with the jilted angry wife. (I have also had to clean up some of my husbands not so successful messes and had to play the jilted wife...so I get all the absurdities of both ends)

Some of you will hate me because I am being honest here...but that is what you will get from me...an honest answer to your question. If you needed one more person telling you what you wanted to hear...you would be talking to friends...not strangers.

What makes me tick?

Love...I love my children, husband, boyfriends, and family. I love books and history. By understanding why the world is the way it is....we see what parts simply don't matter....and can go on from there. Change is the only true constant in the world.

Sex...it is like a religion to me. There is nothing nasty dirty or horrible about kind loving mutually fulfilling sex among adults....repression and guilt have driven more joy from the world than can be imagined.

Mostly I want to say that most of you are fine...your reactions to things are normal....but on occasion...if you step out of your little box you may see things differently...The only true advise I give is Choose wisely. The rest is just helping you think for yourself.

123456Next > [6 pages, 202 answers]

What are my honourable options??

Q.   OK, here is my problem. I need help. I was married at 18 to my high school sweetheart. She has had many serious emotional problems. She had an affair on me (with a 53 year old, and they lived in OUR house while I was gone) when we were first ...

A.   13 February 2007: Boy you have got yourself quite a mess. Yet you still worry about honor. Then you will have to stay, because honorably you can't win a fight with someone who will use the system as a battering ram for you. See...at some point you should have said ... (read in full...)

Are there really principled men out there?

Q.   I'm a married lady; been married for nearly 10 years now. I'm mostly happy with my husband, and don't want to leave the marriage. Last year i met a great guy i had chemistry with. At the time, we were both honest about our feelings. But as i tol...

A.   13 February 2007: All men have principles.....they just vary to a great degree...just like women. The trick is to discover someone who has similar principles to your own. Of course a man can have feelings for you and realise that letting you into his life will be ... (read in full...)

The boobs on his phone were his mates having a laugh he said. But he calls "these boobs" every day!!! What should I do about it?

Q.   About 2-3 months ago I found a picture on my boyfriends phone of someones breasts while trying to bluetooth an image from mine to his. I calmly asked who it was and he insisted that it was a mate winding him up but I had already called the number ...

A.   13 February 2007: It's smelling fishy to me too....but confront him first....then call her in front of him if his answers are full of holes. Or best of all....plan a surprise. Jason and I wanted to invite you over for dinner...if she's on the up just a mate then ... (read in full...)

My best mate took the guy I wanted! I am so hurt,,,how do I get over this?

Q.   this guy i liked kept askin me out in the end i gave in we went out. a lot of stuff happened and we finished he wouldnt get over it, he kept sayin he still loved me and i did rethink about gettin back with him. i told my best mate all this she ...

A.   13 February 2007: I am not being mean, but hindsight is 20/20. Unfortunately sometimes when we change our minds about someone, they have not Waited. You really need to think about why you changed your mind. Was it because your friend spoke kindly about him or ... (read in full...)

If I leave my family it will cause hurt...will I regret not being with my soul mate?

Q.   Sometimes we find what we are not looking for. My husband and I were in an alternative lifestyle, we were swingers. Well, we have been married for 17 years and had been doing that for 15 of those years. It has always ALWAYS been just fun on the ...

A.   12 January 2007: I was in a very popular hot springs last year and decided that the water in the cooling tank which was only 110 degrees deserved a visit. Now several of the big strong men had all jumped over there from time to time on a dare....hissed counted to ... (read in full...)

Why in the world are adults now checking out teenagers?

Q.   I was out with my 15 yr old niece the other day and I was a little disturbed by what I saw. Shes growing into an attractive young lady. A lot of teenage boys were checking her out. I became kind of protective of her but I guess its natural. Howe...

A.   2 January 2007: My daughter developed early. We were on vacation and she was headed to the pool...her dad and I behind her. A 30 something man looked at her and spoke..."Hey baby...wanna..." That was as far as he got. She stuck her nose in the air and said... (read in full...)

He cheats and lies..even when I catch him in the act! What can I do?

Q.   i have a very selfish husband whom i have 2 small children with, and he lies, cheats and refuses to tell the truth - even when i catch him in the act, what can i do?...

A.   2 January 2007: There are really only two options. You either accept him and know that he's not wired to be faithful and love him anyway, or you leave. Leaving will probably be what everyone else tells you, so I will concern myself with how to stay. Look at y... (read in full...)

This is the 2nd xmas in a row-I have slept with my married boss. But it gets worse-I think I'm pregnant! What can I do?

Q.   Hi there... okies i think ive been really stupid. Last xmas i slept with my boss whose married and we didnt speak properly for ages afterwards, on my part i was embarrassed and wasnt sure what he was thinking but on his part i thought he regre...

A.   31 December 2006: Oh come on people...quit sitting on your high horses....how is telling her she's stupid going to Solve anything.....I sure wish I was like you all and never ever made any kind of mistake. And by the way...It must be one he** of a Christma... (read in full...)

If I leave my family it will cause hurt...will I regret not being with my soul mate?

Q.   Sometimes we find what we are not looking for. My husband and I were in an alternative lifestyle, we were swingers. Well, we have been married for 17 years and had been doing that for 15 of those years. It has always ALWAYS been just fun on the ...

A.   31 December 2006:  the other Morally decrepit one speaks....big smile. Ok...I love my husband...I adore my boyfriend and I am in love with my other boyfriend.....All three of them are my soul mate.....I would not like living without any of them. (though I co... (read in full...)

It's been 3 years and it seems like the more interested I get, the more distant he becomes.Any advice?

Q.   Hello. I need help. I have been with this guy for about 3 years now, and I am so confused. This guy is 20 years older than myself- I'm 36 and he is 56. At first, when he started asking me out, I found every excuse no to go out with him. This ...

A.   31 December 2006: Blues2 is absolutely right. By making yourself happy...others are drawn to you. Maybe you don't need something to move on TO....maybe you have taken the best part of this relationship to heal from your last one. Don't think of this one as a ... (read in full...)

My daughter is dating a man I disapprove of and it driving a wedge between us! Help?

Q.   Hi, please help. My daughter is 18 almost 19 years old and dating a really old guy, he's 27 and I disapprove very much. My daughter lives on her own and pays her own bills so she assumes this means that i have no control over her. she's been seein...

A.   31 December 2006: Honey...I understand you want to pick perfect man for your baby. However, if she is paying her own bills, living on her own and making her own way at 19...haven't you done a great job? My neighbor's son is 25 and still mooching off MOM...won't go ... (read in full...)

I like my son's 17 year old gf! How do I deal with this situation?

Q.   My names *Andrew I have a son, hes 19 years old. Im 36, yes I was young when he was born. Hes been dating this girl, *Ashley for six months now. Shes 17 but will be 18 in a few months. They like each other alot but im sure theyre not in love. ...

A.   31 December 2006: Ummmm I know your young enough to date her eventually....but really THINK. (with the big head please) Any best friends Ex is off limits...unless they give you permission. Any Son's girlfriend....ex or not....is OFF LIMITS. DO not DO ... (read in full...)

He's married with 3 kids and I just had his 4th! We argue all the time..is this ever going to work?

Q.   my boyfriend is married with 3 chldren and ive just had his forth (a baby girl) i love him but we argue all the time. do you think its ever going to work?...

A.   31 December 2006: NOpe. Does the wife know? What exactly do you mean work out? Do we think you have a solid foundation for a long term relationship? No....you argue all the time...have the added burden of a child and then there is the part about Him being married ... (read in full...)

It's been 3 years and it seems like the more interested I get, the more distant he becomes.Any advice?

Q.   Hello. I need help. I have been with this guy for about 3 years now, and I am so confused. This guy is 20 years older than myself- I'm 36 and he is 56. At first, when he started asking me out, I found every excuse no to go out with him. This ...

A.   30 December 2006: Sorry dear...for him it was about the chase...he won you....but now you are having to try to win him and the more you chase...the more he will run. I call that type of man a JR Ewing (from the old Dallas Tv show) They only want what they can't have... (read in full...)

She told me she has a history of cheating...should I leave this girl alone and wait for her to call me or pursue her?

Q.   My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for 5 months now. We met at school and now that were on our semester break, she went back to her home in Boston and I live here in San Francisco, 3,000 miles away. I can't help but think about ...

A.   30 December 2006: Yes....I warned most of my boyfriends that I was a cheater....some listened. Most refused to listen and stormed off in a snit after discovering that I was telling them the truth. Some pursued me more...certain that if THEY tamed me....I was a ... (read in full...)

My wife is having an emotional affair. How do I save my marriage?

Q.   my wife is having an emotional affair (non physical)with a man who also happens to be an obese 30 stones in weight! He also owns the shop from which she operates her flower business. This affair has developed over the last 3 years! as I understand. ...

A.   30 December 2006: You are justified in your concern...because the Fat excuse....well...that's just silly. I have a friend who weighs nearly 400lbs....and she always has a boyfriend and they DO have sex. One of my dear boys is 320lbs...and other than I worry about ... (read in full...)

His actions and words don't match up! Was he really my soul mate...or not?

Q.   I have been with the man of my dreams for a year. I love him dearly, and he is my soul mate...and he said im his. However, over this year we've had a few ups and downs...he said we cant marry when he said we could, also said we should look for a ...

A.   30 December 2006: He cried, but did he ask you to stay? Did he ask you if there was anything he could do to keep you? He said he was sorry and you were wonderful and good luck. (In my mind what he didn't say was that this may have been a relief to him.) He ... (read in full...)

Having affair with a guy who I can never be with... He's in a loveless marriage - and he's a liar.

Q.   Peter and I met 10 years ago. We had a strong connection but never dated. We lost contact for 10 years. Two years ago we met and fell in love. We are passionate and enjoy each others company. Here is the problem: We cannot be together because ...

A.   22 December 2006: She doesn't understand me like you do... She and I are only staying together for the children... I love you and If I could, I would marry you... We never have sex...ever. She doesn't want to....poor me. Darling you know your special to me...... (read in full...)

I feel ashamed of my body since he's been looking at porn - I feel this could break us apart

Q.   Pornography - How do I cope, I can't compete Found out my fella has been using pornography when he stays in hotels.....this comes after an event 2-3 years ago when I found out he had been looking at porn on my computer.....nearly tore us appart t...

A.   18 December 2006: To address you assumption: "So the assumption here is that the woman who's man uses porn, is simply not wanting to have sex with him and allowing him to see watch and taste all the wonders of her' hmmmm Interesting...so how do you explain it t... (read in full...)

what DOES it mean when he says he'll talk to you soon

Q.   I have been seeing this guy for about three weeks...we get along quite well, both Tauruses....last night he came over and we had a nice innocent time...laughed,joked, so when it was time to go we hugged...and he said ill talk to you soon...what DOES ...

A.   15 December 2006: It means that the next time they have the urge to talk to you....they will give you a call. It does not mean there is any time line. Don't wait by the phone....there is this stuff called machines that do that for us now...lOL. Yes girls over ... (read in full...)

You ever feel that your boyfriend is gay?

Q.   Has anyone been in a relationship where you feel that your boyfriend is gay? What are the obvious signs?...

A.   15 December 2006: Well it would be so nice to put gay people in a package and place a lime green and pink bow on top so everyone Knows who is who. But sometimes they don't know(or are not ready to know) either...so how would we solve that. Why do YOU think yo... (read in full...)

My husband is neglecting me sexually do to his internet porn usage

Q.   what should I do? My husband is neglecting me sexually do to his internet porn usage. He says he does not masturbate to it but where is he getting his kicks. When we do have sex I have to initate it. I am at the point that I am considering divorce. ...

A.   15 December 2006: It isn't his porn usage that is the problem...(and of course he masturbate to it...get a black lite like one of those that finds cat pee...sperm glows in the dark) The porn usage is a cover up for the real problem. And there can be a million of ... (read in full...)

What can my 13 year old friend do about her pregnancy?

Q.   Hiya my friend is 13 years old and has taken a pregnancy test and its positive . she is pregnant and she thinks she wants to get rid of it because she says she can't have a baby at 13. I told her i would write this for her to see if anybody has ...

A.   15 December 2006: She needs to start by telling her parents. Then they need to go to the doctor....to see if it is so. (tests are pretty accurate...testers are not) Maybe your could help her and be with her for moral support...but don't get involved in family argu... (read in full...)

Is it possible that too much female masturbation can stop her having orgasms in other ways...or is it me?

Q.   I am a seventeen year old male and I have been with my girlfriend for over a year, becoming sexually active in the last 7 months. Throughout this period my girlfriend has only ever been able to orgasm through masturabtion and never through ...

A.   14 December 2006: Well you are a very enlightened young man to have the courage to ask. Second she is an enlightened young woman to discuss and masturbate in front of you...good for you both. No masturbating will not more stop Her from having orgasm in other ways... (read in full...)

I feel ashamed of my body since he's been looking at porn - I feel this could break us apart

Q.   Pornography - How do I cope, I can't compete Found out my fella has been using pornography when he stays in hotels.....this comes after an event 2-3 years ago when I found out he had been looking at porn on my computer.....nearly tore us appart t...

A.   14 December 2006: This is a very long post...so go get a cup of tea, coffee...and maybe a sandwich. Well i am going to mention this simply so you understand where i am coming from. When I was 22 I met a man who I never dated but had a friendship with because he w... (read in full...)

Can a happily married guy really be "just friends" with a single attractive girl?

Q.   So I've been married for 6 years, been with my wife 11 years and have never come close to having an affair or even flirt with another woman. Out of nowhere this "girl next door" literally, I can easily see into her bedroom while standing in fron...

A.   14 December 2006: You know, of course you feel like you get along better with her and so your attracted to her...big deal. First of all. You have no baggage with her and so it's easy to chat and get along. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR WIFE.....That is just crazy becaus... (read in full...)

We love each other a lot, but the religious differences could cause problems! Advice please?

Q.   iam 18... i rescently met this guy who is not same religion as me... i didnt care at start but iam getting deeep feeelings for him. nd now the religion is getting important for me and him... so i dont know what to do.. i am sure i wont be converting ...

A.   14 December 2006: Well, it will greatly depend on what both of your religions are. If either or both of you belong to one of those religions that feel if you don't believe exactly as we say, you can't go to heaven types, then you may find the obstacles of family too ... (read in full...)

Found something unusual about my vagina! Can you tell if this is normal?

Q.   hiya i need help and its a kinda embarrassing question i went with some advice on here to try tampons. so i went on the tampax website to give me advice on how to use them. I found my vagina opening (the bottom part were u get the period) and it h...

A.   14 December 2006: Well, the best thing I could see to do is for you to have a pap smear done by a doctor. If there is something abnormal in any way, the doctor will be able to tell you. Its probably completely normal and you have nothing to worry about but just ... (read in full...)

We are both married but cheating but I can't stand he is cheating on me with yet another woman!

Q.   I am married for 18 years, my husband is a cruel man. He hits me. There is nothing but kids between us. I fell in love with my cousin's husband. He is married and has had lots of affairs. I loved him so much and I got very jealous when he spoke to a ...

A.   13 December 2006: Well first of all your statement that your husband Hits you...there is only one answer to that in my book. You leave him. Kid's do not thrive in an environment of violence...end of chapter. Your boyfriend is a permanent cheater...or... (read in full...)

My ex and I started over, but she cheated on me! I don't know what to do. Please help!

Q.   Hi, I've never posted to something like this, but I find myself at a loss. I have been in a relationship for the last 3 years with a woman I love very much. For the first 2 years, things were quite good. About 6 months ago, we broke up...it wa...

A.   13 December 2006: She cheated in Ireland....but sleeping with or not sleeping with someone while you broke up was not your business...UNTIL...she slept with them while you were together. She did lie....but, a gentleman never tells....nor does a gentlewoman. Now ... (read in full...)

How do I prove to him that I never cheated on him?

Q.   I need help. I have been married for almost 4 years and I have never cheated on my husband even when he was just my boyfriend. Although he thinks that I have. Before I met him I had alot of guy friends and that's all that they were just friends. I ...

A.   13 December 2006: Hmmmm.....out of the back of the room here...I just wonder if he wants you to confess to something you didn't do....to ease his OWN conscience? Old German saying "the guilty dog barks first" Either he needs to learn to let things go....bec... (read in full...)

I'm terrified that this marriage is a mistake - 3 months in and it's already a nightmare!

Q.   Sorry this is VERY long!! i am 29 and married just 3 months. My hubby is 24 and we were dating nearly 7 years before we got married.The first few weeks after the honeymoon were great but the past few weeks have been a nightmare. I feel so down, an...

A.   13 December 2006: Ok, but you were With him for 7 years and had no idea that this would be his attitude? Yes many people feel very let down after the wedding and honeymoon...the party is over....its been built up in your mind for a long time and then....... (read in full...)

I'm her 46 year old teacher, but I think I'm falling for my 16 year old student!

Q.   The thing is: there is this girl - a student of mine. I notice things about her that I shouldnt: well I have always noticed things I shouldnt about various girls I am just.. well very aware of the female species lets put it that way. However with ...

A.   13 December 2006: What the hell do you TEACH? Certainly, you have no affinity for spelling or Grammar. You are no teacher. Your fraudulent blather is exposed by your lack of ability to construct a coherent sentence. And, if I might be so bold as to mention,... (read in full...)

How can I make him and his kids take me seriously?

Q.   my fiance lives with me, and due to some unfortunate circumstances, his 2 sons (ages 6,7) came too. I have 2 kids myself. He doesn't parent them, they are rude and disrepectful to me. Sometimes my fiance is rude too. He thinks it's a womans job to ...

A.   13 December 2006: So you pay the bills....and do all the cleaning while he sits on his ass and tells you what your doing wrong and his kids demand things from you...cause DAD is busy with watching the telly? I think that if you packed his bags and moved his butt... (read in full...)

I ended a brief affair w/ my coworker, but I would like to hear others' opinions about it - any thoughts?

Q.   I can't believe I'm writing this, my head must be mashed! Well, where do I start? I've been married for 4 years and have a beautiful daughter coming up to three years old. I care for my wife deeply but cannot honestly say I'm in love with her any ...

A.   13 December 2006: You and your wife are in the baby doldrums. It does not mean you will Never get that sparky back. Did something physically happen to your wife during her pregnancy that would have made it impossible to ever have sex again? If not....then don't ... (read in full...)

I'm seeing my boyfriend and also his best friend!

Q.   Hi, I have been w/ my bf for 6 yrs, lived together for 4. We had our ups and downs, but we are good. I really can't see myself w/ anyone else, except his best friend. I known his friend before I met him and he hooked us up. His friend confesse...

A.   13 December 2006: Oh honey...everybody gonna hate my answer here... But.... Can you have both? The best friend Knows about the other guy. He's ok with it. How would your boyfriend feel if you expressed an interest in his best friend. see I have been ... (read in full...)

My husband of 19 years has a dirty secret and I just can't bear to be near him anymore!

Q.   My husband of 19 years told me on my birthday that he was at the police station and was charged with abusing someone 17 years ago( which he denies) since that night he told me we have not slept together. I cant get it out of my head. I have put on ...

A.   13 December 2006: Ok....So a girl suddenly decides to say he raped her when she was 16. It must be a terrible shock....for him too. But, in the first place the case is older than she was at the time.....So why is she suddenly coming forth NOW? I don't think it... (read in full...)

Can someone truly love you and still let you go?

Q.   My ex bf and I broke up last December because he was leaving his uni to go to back home (about 2,000 miles away 4rm me),and then apply to another uni and we decided long distance probably wouldn't work but we both still really loved eachother. I ...

A.   13 December 2006: I think he sounds practical and understands that realistically, if it is meant to be....it is not right now. He does not want to limit you or himself to a relationship that is so absent of ability to do more than wait and pine for each other. Of ... (read in full...)

Friends with benefits?

Q.   What do you say when a guy says that he only wants to be friends? Yet wants to have sex? I feel like a whore!...

A.   12 December 2006: Well you say to yourself....do I want to have sex with him? If the answer is no you tell him to buzz off. If the answer is yes.... then you get over the whore part(unless feeling kinda nasty makes it more fun) and enjoy every moment.....NOT F... (read in full...)

My wife says her feelings aren't the same anymore!

Q.   my wife left and went to her mothers 3 months ago. no reason was given except something didnt feel right. we had just returned from a lovely 2 week holiday where we made love nearly every day.complete shock.after 3 weeks she returned but was so cold ...

A.   12 December 2006: Ok...next question Does she think your having an affair? and are you...because it puts another spin there. Could she have misunderstood some email, phone call etc? Or could she have intercepted one after returning home? Not accusing you of anyt... (read in full...)

My husband of 19 years has a dirty secret and I just can't bear to be near him anymore!

Q.   My husband of 19 years told me on my birthday that he was at the police station and was charged with abusing someone 17 years ago( which he denies) since that night he told me we have not slept together. I cant get it out of my head. I have put on ...

A.   12 December 2006: Ok....I don't know what you mean by abuse, did he rape someone, hurt a child, or just beat someone up....or roll a bum? What? Second no matter what he was accused of....if he'd been guilty....he'd probably be in jail or you would have at least He... (read in full...)

My wife says her feelings aren't the same anymore!

Q.   my wife left and went to her mothers 3 months ago. no reason was given except something didnt feel right. we had just returned from a lovely 2 week holiday where we made love nearly every day.complete shock.after 3 weeks she returned but was so cold ...

A.   11 December 2006: Nope....there is something going on there that YOU don't know about. You say you have no children by choice. Now this is just suppose.....but suppose she has suddenly had baby fever hit her. She may have been trying to get preggo without ... (read in full...)

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