A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. A year in, I found he was signed up to a dating-type website, confronted him and he said it was to look at pictures while masturbating. He understood why it upset me and he stopped doing it. A few times since, I did check up on him, and in fairness to him he didn't do it again. After the first time I was suspicious he was trying to meet other women, but I guessed his password (I know, it's bad) and he never messaged or commented anyone whatsoever. The sign up/log in dates showed he just joined them, then never used the site again.Recently we've had a few problems (mainly arguments about money etc) and I found out he'd done it two times in the last two weeks. I confronted him about it yesterday and he admitted it, saying it was for the same reasons as it was 2 years ago. He said it was because of all the arguing, we've both said things about breaking up during arguments, and the times that he did it were when he was unsure of what was going to happen with us.I know he wasn't talking to anyone and he was only looking at pictures, so that isn't an issue. I don't know if I'm overreacting but it just bothers me, especially since he lied to me about it. I'd really like to hear anyone's opinions. I don't know what to think
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (24 February 2011):
 Yup, not to mention they are local singles. Perhaps this is something worth telling him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHonestly? if it was porn, I wouldn't really mind. I wouldn't be thrilled but I wouldn't think it worth arguing about.
I feel like there's a big difference between the 2 because porn is not really realistic, the women aren't attainable and porn is more about the sexual act itself, whereas the pictures are realistic, and it's just about the physical appearance girl. Kinda makes me feel bad you know?
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 February 2011):
I guess that makes some sense. Still, what's he hiding from now. How would you respond if he was looking at porn instead?
I still think it's fishy, even if he's just using it to masturbate to. The fact that he does this when you are having problems tells me something else is up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk - when he was younger he'd get off to girls on social networking sites because it was easier to hide from his parents/siblings than porn sites. Talking to/meeting up with these girls is honestly NOT an issue because i know he hasn't. It's just getting off to them etc. i don't know what to think/do/etc. He didn't fill in the profile or add pictures.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): Wow...the big issue to me is trust and neither of you trust each other. His excuse for joining dating sites is bogus and YOU should have a problem with that and you don't trust him or you wouldn't be checking up on him. To much drama and you are young (18-21) and deserve to be treated better. Time to move on girlfriend.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (23 February 2011):
I'm curious as to the answers to strontiumdog's questions as well.
I know when I thought things were about to end with my last GF, I went and signed up for a couple of dating sites. I didn't fill in the profile, or load any pictures, or message anyone... But I did sign up, and it was to see what was out there. What my options might be if we broke up.
I agree that the looking at the pictures argument is bogus. He's seeing what's out there locally. He may not be acting on it, but he's most likely curious about options. Especially because he signed up during a time of conflict between the two of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): No, you're not overreacting and his excuse is ridiculous. If it was for the pictures he'd be looking at porn.
He's clearly lying and to be honest i have no idea why you have let him get away with it for so long.
I think you need to put your foot down and tell him, either he stops with the dating sites or you're off.
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