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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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I can't shake this feeling that I'm not good enough.
Q. I can't shake this feeling that i'm not good enough. I'm feel like a failure at everything that I do. I've had some success in my life, and when I had it, I felt it wasn't good enough so I think I sabatoge it subconsciously so that people wouldn't...
A. 9 July 2011: Your welcome. Take care :)... (read in full...)
I can't shake this feeling that I'm not good enough.
Q. I can't shake this feeling that i'm not good enough. I'm feel like a failure at everything that I do. I've had some success in my life, and when I had it, I felt it wasn't good enough so I think I sabatoge it subconsciously so that people wouldn't...
A. 8 July 2011: As I've said, at 40 I know where you're coming from. I'm a single parent. Do you think I planned it to be that way. People do misuse the "love" word to often. Love isn't really an emotion, but it is a state of being. But love begins with you. You've ... (read in full...)
I can't shake this feeling that I'm not good enough.
Q. I can't shake this feeling that i'm not good enough. I'm feel like a failure at everything that I do. I've had some success in my life, and when I had it, I felt it wasn't good enough so I think I sabatoge it subconsciously so that people wouldn't...
A. 7 July 2011: I feel right now, in this moment you are right where you need to be. There is a great difference between material success and spiritual success. You are beginning to see the truth beyond the vale of the illusion. The illusion is that of the physical ... (read in full...)
I can't shake this feeling that I'm not good enough.
Q. I can't shake this feeling that i'm not good enough. I'm feel like a failure at everything that I do. I've had some success in my life, and when I had it, I felt it wasn't good enough so I think I sabatoge it subconsciously so that people wouldn't...
A. 7 July 2011: I feel right now, in this moment you are right where you need to be. There is a great difference between material success and spiritual success. You are beginning to see the truth beyond the vale of the illusion. The illusion is that of the physical ... (read in full...)
My GF has severe insecurity issues. How can I explain to her that her feelings are unwarranted?
Q. I think my girlfriend is insecure. To be fair here, I am a 39 separated guy. I have been separated for a while from my wife and it was by my choice and her and DO NOT want to work it out but there is a child between us. I am in the construction ...
A. 28 June 2011: Get her a book called, "I Hate you Don't Leave Me." Get one for you as well called, "Walking on Eggshells." It sounds like she had borderline personality, but only a doctor can make that diagnosis. I state it because I have been through this as ... (read in full...)
In a lesbian relationship and my best friend is a straight guy. He told me he loves me and now she wants me to end the friendship but I don't want to. What should I do?
Q. My lesbian partner and I have been together for over two years now and have had our ups and downs but we are now on a high and are thinking about becoming engaged and our future however there is one thing thats getting in the way and i just want ...
A. 28 June 2011: Both your friend and your girlfriend are important people in your life. By ending one for the other is to state the one ended lacks importance to you, and was not really a friend at all. They both have their place in your life, just different places ... (read in full...)
He left me to be the 'good son' of his parents...he will go through an arranged marriage
Q. We're both from the same cultural and religious background, except his parents are conservative and very traditional. We were in an on/off relationship for 5-6 years. Now his parents have recently started talking about finding a girl for him. I ...
A. 16 May 2011: Then forgive. That's all you can do. You are to glad you had met. Don't start discounting all the experience you two have had because of this. It's like when someone passes away. Do you say, you wish they had never been born to have shared that time ... (read in full...)
Should I feel guilty for loving him but getting over him?
Q. I need to get over a guy and stop feeling guilty. When I was almost 15 pretty much my bestfriend who was 20 asked me out. I was stupid and naïve and said yes. Things progressed out in our relationship and when I was almost 16 I ran away to live with ...
A. 26 April 2011: You're overt thinking and I feel you two used each other for emotional stability that you lacked within yourself. Your statement, "once other guys showed interest" says you're dependent upon what others think, and show you, for you to feel good ... (read in full...)
One of my friends has fallen away and says it's my fault
Q. This situation is tearing me up inside, and I can't stop grieving. Please help me. I'm originally from USA but recently moved to another country, and I've been feeling profoundly sad because one of my friends has fallen away from me, and he's sai...
A. 25 April 2011: It sounds like your friend has a problem. Although, if I were to see if there is something from your end, you didn't provide enough information. You said, he stated you were rude. How? You only made that statement. We can't see if that would be ... (read in full...)
All I want is a nice decent guy ...
Q. I am almost 37 and a divorcee, no matter how much I try, I cant get a stable relationship. I want to have a guy in my life but all that I come upon either wants a night out or my saving out (if any!). I dont seem to come upon a guy who has feelings ...
A. 25 April 2011: I agree with the other poster. You have to become what you want to attract. You have to also know that what you are looking for exists. She's speaking of the law of attraction or the principle of like energy attracting like energy, and she is ... (read in full...)
Was that phone sex?
Q. Okay soo....I have no idea what happened with my boyfriend and I, but I think we may have had phone sex. We are very spiritual and we feel spiritually connected to each other. I was lying in bed and he was in his car, and we were on the phone ver...
A. 25 April 2011: Sounds like it. That was a good touch, "rubbing my pillow". I thought, "so that's what they call it these days." lol Now generally, phone sex is telling each other what you would do to the other if you were there together, but it sounds like you ... (read in full...)
Should I feel guilty for loving him but getting over him?
Q. I need to get over a guy and stop feeling guilty. When I was almost 15 pretty much my bestfriend who was 20 asked me out. I was stupid and naïve and said yes. Things progressed out in our relationship and when I was almost 16 I ran away to live with ...
A. 25 April 2011: Waiting for someone is a choice you make. Do you feel guilty for not waiting, or is it that you feel guilty for where he ended up because of your relationship? Either way you need to forgive yourself and move in the direction your heart guides you. ... (read in full...)
Please help with stubborn, indecisive boyfriend!
Q. Hello. Warning this is going to be a looong post as this is a long story. Basically, me and my boyfriend (both mid-20s) have been together for nearly three years now. At first, our relationship was quite hard as his best friend is a girl and th...
A. 25 April 2011: Arrange a chat and tell him you need a decision. Even in your 20's, you shouldn't be hanging on to a thread wondering where this relationship is going to go. It sounds like the only possible behavior he had shown in three years that is questionable ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend cannot talk but would not say why
Q. My girlfriend says she's at home, but she's busy, and can't talk to me, yet she does not want to tell me why. She says she'll call me back when she's done, but she will not give me a time. I called her back saying it really bothers her that she woul...
A. 25 April 2011: Your welcome, and you're right it does go both ways. I've been right there in your shoes as well. It's not a good place to be. Why have dinner with this other guy, when she's calling you her boyfriend. Knowing that this guy is into her, and her ... (read in full...)
I still have sex with my wife even though she is having an affair. Is this letting go?
Q. Is this what letting go means? My 42 year old wife is about a month into an affair with a man 25 years older than her. I have seen their email correspondence and the level of emotional attachment is unbelievable. This whole thing hit me out of th...
A. 24 April 2011: I don't think this other guy is the manipulator! She'll do whether you like it or not??? Who's wife is she? Your 11 year old, I promise you that unless she is severely handicap, knows more about what's going on that you two don't realize. You are ... (read in full...)
Why can my fiance invite his ex wife to our wedding but I cant invite my ex husband?
Q. Hi there, Aunts and Uncles. I'm currently in the process of planning a second wedding for myself (this will be my fiance's third). We both have children from our previous marriages and have successfully included them all in the festivities. We have ...
A. 24 April 2011: Simple solution. Both ex's be invited, or neither ex's be invited. ... (read in full...)
Partner says she just can't love me! Should I just put up and shut up for the children's sake?
Q. Hi. My partner and I have been together for 8 years and have 2 children together (aged 5-7), yet a couple of days ago she admitted to me that she doesn't love or trust me and will never be able to. She has had a difficult childhood though I have ...
A. 24 April 2011: It sounds like her difficult childhood is interfering. To her, to be open to love etc. is to leave herself in a vulnerable place, which includes the possibility of being hurt. Therefore, it's easier to keep her heart closed, to maintain being tough ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend cannot talk but would not say why
Q. My girlfriend says she's at home, but she's busy, and can't talk to me, yet she does not want to tell me why. She says she'll call me back when she's done, but she will not give me a time. I called her back saying it really bothers her that she woul...
A. 24 April 2011: She may or may not be hiding something. I can't say, because there are some people who see it as, "I'm not violating the relationship, so you can trust that without knowing what I'm dong." There are also those who, "I am violating the relationship, ... (read in full...)
I'm 17 and my BF is 47!! Scared for the future...
Q. I am 17 and my boyfriend is 47. Thats a 30 year age difference...now, I don't have a problem with that, by it makes me so depressed when I think about the future. He will die so early, and I don't want to be alone..I love him and he is the only man ...
A. 24 April 2011: Age difference only come between you if you allow it to. You're deciding the future, where your future is uncertain. I'm 39, a friend I went to school with passed away a couple of days ago. He passed in his sleep due to a heart condition. If you ... (read in full...)
My wife has webcam sex chats with men, and hides things from me. Should I be worried?
Q. My wife does webcam sex chats and hides a lot of stuff from me. Should I be worried? ...
A. 23 January 2011: That's like saying you caught her in laying in bed naked with another man and accept it when she says, "we were just talking." What she's doing is wrong, and it violates your marriage. I would talk to her and re-establish your marital boundaries. ... (read in full...)
Married or roommates?
Q. My wife and I have been married for 11 years. The last 3 years have been challenging. Last year we lost the house to foreclosure. I worked part-time and had a small business than I had to close. On the surface and to the outside world we look fine, ...
A. 22 January 2011: "Marriage love" is not something that happens and self sustains. It's created. If you don't focus time and energy on your marriage, it will seem like you two are roommates and not married. You are allowing circumstances and external things ruin your ... (read in full...)
She's lied and I don't know how to express my hurt properly
Q. Hey people, I need some advice I recently had a conversation with my girlfriend about this guy she was talking to while we were broken up last april. We have been back together for nearly a year now and this guy is persistent but my girlfrie...
A. 18 January 2011: I think your right. There is something that is not right there. I'd confront her. You have the information that you do, so even though she may be mad, you don't deserve to be played. Keep in mind that she's not like this because of you. She's this ... (read in full...)
My lies are compounding her trust issues
Q. Hey, I'm having problems with my girlfriend and due to these problems I've had to turn to you and no one else. So thank you in advance for offering the service. I've been with my girlfriend for over a year now and it's kind of serious, but I l...
A. 18 January 2011: It doesn't sound like you're cheating on her. She seems like a jealous person, and you're feeding into that jealousy be keeping your talking to other girls hidden. Dating someone doesn't meant you end communicating with friends, no matter what sex ... (read in full...)
How do I make my father realize I'm not a little kid any more?
Q. I still live with my parents. I just got out of high school, and i'm rooming here until college. But i had my boyfriend over. And we wanted to watch a movie. So we got online and found one on netflix. We got on the couch and cuddled. And we had a ...
A. 18 January 2011: You'll always be his little girl. I would sit him down and talk. Parents fear for their kids, and believe it or not your dad was your boyfriend's age once, and knowing what can happen under a blanket probably spooked him. Tell him that as an adult, ... (read in full...)
How can a man reject his baby daughter for his new GF? Is this just a phase? He says our baby will ruin his new relationship.
Q. how can a man reject his child for another women? We were together over 6 years and i fell pregant. Soon as he heard, he did a runner. Three months later he's in a serious relationship with another girl. They are going abroad together. His child ...
A. 18 January 2011: You can't force someone to act, or be part of your or her life. I would recommend a child support order be in place. Although he doesn't want anything to do with her, he's still financially responsible.
If he comes around, he'll have to in his o... (read in full...)
Is oral sex ACTUAL sex? Is it still illegal if you are underage?
Q. is it illegal for an eighteen year old to go down on you when your fifteen because its not really sex its just oral you know or does oral sex count as real sex?...
A. 18 January 2011: Are you referring to Bill Clinton's comment when he was president, "Oral sex isn't sex?" Unfortunately, by statute, even fondling is considered sex as far as it being an abuse if someone 18 or older partakes with someone under age. This is because, ... (read in full...)
I haven't been with a man in 2 years
Q. Okay.... I need dating advice. I've been working from my home, and set up appointments. To meet up with my clients I am also finishing my Masters Degree, on the contrary to being shy I take a 180m I have modeled before but I haven't been a man for ...
A. 15 January 2011: That doesn't sound like you're asking to much. You seem to know what you want. Just go out and get it for you. It's not always easy, but you won't find it until you begin your search. ... (read in full...)
Should I choose to keep my family together, hoping that this is just a glitch, or should I be with the other man?
Q. I have been in a pretty happy relationship for 15 years with a beautiful 11 yr old daughter. OK my mum in the UK died last year and this finally gave me a reason to go home, I had been trying for 15 years to go home as I missed my family. My partner ...
A. 14 January 2011: I believe it's a glitch, but it also has to be one that you two work on together. Relationships don't repair themselves, just as they don't last if put on autopilot with false expectations of the direction you'd desire it to go. Relationships just ... (read in full...)
I haven't been with a man in 2 years
Q. Okay.... I need dating advice. I've been working from my home, and set up appointments. To meet up with my clients I am also finishing my Masters Degree, on the contrary to being shy I take a 180m I have modeled before but I haven't been a man for ...
A. 14 January 2011: Living near Denver, and knowing a little about the big city, I've found it can often be more difficult in finding someone, than in a small tight knit community. What are you looking for? You said you haven't been with a man in two years. That leaves ... (read in full...)
What is the right way in dealing with my ex wife?
Q. what is the right way to deal with seeing my ex wife who i still love with her new boyfriend? we were together 4 years and have been seperated 10 months,she met this guy through one of our many mutual friends and i constantly hear of where they have ...
A. 14 January 2011: I'm sorry you're going through that. Are you divorced now, or still just separated? If separated, it sounds like she's moved on, so it'd time to finalize that separation. I know the jealousy, and really all you can do at this point is wish her luck ... (read in full...)
I'm in love relationship with my mother 3rd cousin and if we get marry will she get a chance to have birth defect.?
Q. Ok, here the things is, this women is my mom 3rd cousin (her father side) and her mother is my 3rd or 4th cousin (i don't really sure but something like that). So in blood relatives we can call each other "uncle" and "aunt". I should call her 'aun...
A. 14 January 2011: I agree with the other poster. The defects generally pertain to close relatives, such as first cousin. I haven't heard of restrictions being place on relatives as far out as you two are. ... (read in full...)
I'm not ready to leave my boyfriend but I can't give up my husband either!
Q. I am 26 years old! I am married having 1 child of 6 years old and my husband's age is 40 years! We were used to love each other before 6 years! But just because of some family problems we went far imotionaly from each other! Because of this gap ...
A. 14 January 2011: I don't think your marriage included the option of having other boyfriends. Either way, you'll have to cut down to one. It's not fair for your husband to be treated this way by you. You may fight about it, but you are really not being fair to him. ... (read in full...)
I am not sure if I can deal with her sexual history, should I cancel my marriage plans?
Q. I recently got engaged with a girl that i love, she is about 35 and i am 30, during our initial dates she did tell me that she had many ex-partners and also a lesbian sex with as many as 5 girls, everytime we make love i have to use my fingures ...
A. 14 January 2011: Ask yourself one question. This girl that you say you love, can you see spending the rest of your life with her? Better yet, can you see her not being part of your life? That's your answer.
Sure, she has history. Who doesn't to some extent. ... (read in full...)
My mother needs to stop making me look like a pathetic role model in my kids eyes.
Q. I'm not looking for pity but I feel like cow dunk.My mother's always putting her nose in my business but yesterday I couldn't take her insults anymore when she tried to make me out as a poor example of a mother to 4 kids. It started over dinner when ...
A. 11 January 2011: You see being with married women as being okay, but you are also not on the end that gets destroyed from such activities. Why married? Afraid of commitment? Did you tell your partner that when her divorce is final, she's no longer married, therefore ... (read in full...)
Age over reason?
Q. My situation is a bit complicated(everyone's is... i have a boyfriend and we've been dating for about little over a year now. He's a good person and i like him very much but among other issues (albeit minor, perhaps) there's an 11 year age ...
A. 10 January 2011: If you feel you need to see more, and find out more of what's out there, you're not ready to settle down with your boyfriend. I will tell you that if you leave someone who's good to see if there's something better, you might miss what's good all ... (read in full...)
Age over reason?
Q. My situation is a bit complicated(everyone's is... i have a boyfriend and we've been dating for about little over a year now. He's a good person and i like him very much but among other issues (albeit minor, perhaps) there's an 11 year age ...
A. 10 January 2011: You talk about your boyfriend being a good guy and how he loves you, but you really don't talk about how you feel about him.
I'm going to tell you what I see. A girl who has a great boyfriend, who's kissing another guy and who is using "age" as... (read in full...)
My mother wants me to choose... her or my baby's father???
Q. hello everyone I need your advice. Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and im an adult. My mother keeps on telling me she is going to get me and him to break up every single day. I am pregnant by him and im tired of hearing ...
A. 10 January 2011: I agree with the other posters. You shouldn't have to choose, and it is not right for your mom to put you in that position and ask you too. The baby's father will be part of your life, as you share a child. This is whether or not you two work out. ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with... my step dad!
Q. hi im 18 years old and im in love with my stepdad and want to be with him but hes married to my mum and i cant resist telling him every day that i love him and i dont know what to do. Help!...
A. 10 January 2011: I agree that you should not go there. I want you to work on weeding yourself from this. Find qualities that you appreciate and love about him, but appreciate those qualities for what he brings to your family. He's married to your mom, not you. You ... (read in full...)
He wouldn't tell me about her texts if he was planning to cheat right?
Q. So me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 months and we love each other a lot. About a month or 2 ago, a girl from his past (not ex, just hooked up) contacted him asking to hook up again. He told her he had a girlfriend but she continued to ...
A. 10 January 2011: I agree that he's more than likely not cheating. I would like to add that he needs to be more aggressive and shake this girl off from asking him to hook up for sex. He should tell her that he's not going to cheat and that she needs to stop ... (read in full...)
Controlling mother becoming too much for me.
Q. I've been having problems with my mother since I was a child, she's extremely controlling and it's becoming worse in the last few years. My mam has brought me up as a single parent for all my life and we've always lived with my elderly grandmot...
A. 10 January 2011: The things you are doing, despite the situation you are in, are amazing. You've been brought up by someone, who was brought up by someone who would rather have life control them and their situation, instead of taking control of their own lives. It's ... (read in full...)
He wants me as his second wife but where can we get hitched legally?
Q. Where can I marry my man? He is mormon and already has one wife,but asked me to be his second wife. He and I both want to know where we can get married. Which countries will allow him two have two wives? Will India or Turkey allow us to get married? ...
A. 8 January 2011: Where do you two plan on living? The reason I ask is that if you get married in a country that allows men to be married to more than one woman, and you return to the United States, your partnership will be recognized as if you two never got married. ... (read in full...)
Every time I start to get over her past, something new pops up!
Q. I have been in a relationship for aprox 10 months and I'm having trouble getting over my girlfriends past. When we first started dating one time after sex we were lying in bed and she started in on the "what's the craziest sexual thing you have ...
A. 8 January 2011: I don't think we'll ever understand women, but from what I do understand is that they don't understand us most of the time either. From that respect, we're even. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to lose weight!
Q. Help! My boyfriend has a problem with my weight. I think I'm pretty hot though, and not overweight at all. I am 5'6 and weigh 132 lbs. His problem is, I've gained weight since we've been together. When we first met, I was a professional dancer and ...
A. 8 January 2011: I don't think I'd buy that excuse either. If that's what he meant, would he have asked you to work out with him to give him motivation to loose weight?
If he tries any other method of controlling you, remember, you don't deserve that and don't pu... (read in full...)
Every time I start to get over her past, something new pops up!
Q. I have been in a relationship for aprox 10 months and I'm having trouble getting over my girlfriends past. When we first started dating one time after sex we were lying in bed and she started in on the "what's the craziest sexual thing you have ...
A. 7 January 2011: So, you two are sexually active? So, you don't like what she has done in her past, but you don't mind going there and doing to her what other guys have done? If you two split, you will then become a past that someone else might not want to hear ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to lose weight!
Q. Help! My boyfriend has a problem with my weight. I think I'm pretty hot though, and not overweight at all. I am 5'6 and weigh 132 lbs. His problem is, I've gained weight since we've been together. When we first met, I was a professional dancer and ...
A. 7 January 2011: Don't loose weight for any guy. If you feel beautiful and sexy the way you are then that's the way you need to be. There's a guy out there that appreciate every single 132 lbs of you, and every other part of who you are. I'm sorry, but it sounds ... (read in full...)
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