A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am almost 37 and a divorcee, no matter how much I try, I cant get a stable relationship. I want to have a guy in my life but all that I come upon either wants a night out or my saving out (if any!). I dont seem to come upon a guy who has feelings for me genuinely... Any tips or whats going wrong here?
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 April 2011):
 Contradict yourself often?
The title is "All I want is a nice decent guy..." but in the text you say "I want to have a guy in my life". No qualifications. Just a male. Not even a man, just any guy.
Desperate much? Lets see if I can explain this in female terms. If you go shopping and you are desperate for a new dress and have a mere 8 hours of shopping to get it in, that is not going to give you a lot of choice to choose the perfect dress from right? No, it takes days upon days of searching every single store to find it.
So, the more desperate you are, the less likely you are going to search long enough to find the real thing, instead you settle for whatever you can find.
And your desperation shows, so the guys that prefer to take it a bit slower back off (nothing like a girl sitting in a wedding dress at the bar to send men running for cover) and the guys that need women to be desperate to stand a chance step forward.
What is a nice decent guy? What political views does he hold? How does he make a living? What is his attitude to you working or not working? How does he feel about 37 year old women. Does he want kids, of his own, or not?
You don't seem to consider this at all. Personality? Guys do have one you know. And what his personality is will determine what he wants out of you.
Narrow down what you are looking for. It should be more specific then "first guy to give me the time of day". Again, in woman talk, if you go shopping for shoes, you don't just take the first pair that fit do you? Mind you, if you did, you would have your pick of any man in the world.
A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (25 April 2011):
 The best way to find what you are looking for, is to stop looking! Concentrate on you, learn about who you are, and how you can be happy with yourself. Then it will be a breeze to attract the same sort of person. I didn't find my 'Mr. Right' until I was 39.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (25 April 2011):
 I agree with the other poster. You have to become what you want to attract. You have to also know that what you are looking for exists. She's speaking of the law of attraction or the principle of like energy attracting like energy, and she is absolutely correct. This truth is not only a popular idea, but has also been scientifically proven. If you focus on guys not being descent, you will continue attracting your focus. Put in your mind what it is you're looking for. The qualities of a relationship you wish to experience, then trust it exists, and that you will attract someone who matches your intent. You can't say, "this is what I want, but it doesn't exist" because by that law, the non-existence is what you'll experience.
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (25 April 2011):
 I believe in vibes. I also believe in science and in pheromones. I believe that what we project is what we attract. If you go out there looking for a man with the vibration that "They are all jerks" Than a jerk you will meet. I believe in the saying "you won't sell anything if you don't love everyone"
So the problem is you. If you want genuine, you'll have to be genuine. There will have to be a you that projects acceptance, love and truly mean it. I mean right down to the core. You may have to look deeply at your beliefs.
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