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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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Have I missed out by not having sexual experiences with any guy other than my boyfriend?
Q. I lost my virginity a bit later than most and have been with that boy ever since which is four years. I can see myself marrying him one day but I have one problem. He's slept with other girls before me and I feel a bit weird thinking I could marry ...
A. 10 April 2012: No you have not missed out. People think they need all this sexual experience, with multiple people, that's not true. Let me put it this way... I have a penis and I assume your boyfriend does as well? (or their may be other questions you need to be ... (read in full...)
I slept with my husband's friend. I don't know what to do now
Q. I have been married for six years to my husband and we have had problems in our marriage, i was starting to feel unsecure because everytime we fought he would threaten to leave. I started to get to know my husbands friend and felt he was attractive, ...
A. 10 April 2012: First of all, you'll have to tell your husband. That's the only way to begin healing from this. You cheated because you made that decision to. You can try to make all these excuses as to why you did, but in reality they are irrelevant, because they ... (read in full...)
Always on and off......
Q. Hello, me and my partner have been together for 2 and a half years now and although weve had our ups and downs we get on brilliantly. there was a time when he hit me but i know he has always regretted this, neither of us are perfect, ive made ...
A. 10 April 2012: You may need to just let him go... you can't dictate what someone else does, only what you do. Now his hitting you... NEVER make an excuse for a guy hitting you... there is NONE.
It seems he is not ready or he fears commitment. As you see, "I ... (read in full...)
How can I get past abuse and enjoy sex more fully?
Q. I'm twenty three and in my first sexual relationship :) which am really pleased about. I love my bf and we took things slow. I sometimes find it hard to enjoy sex totally because I was sexually abused when I was younger. And sometimes I just can't ...
A. 11 December 2011: Use lube to get you wet.
Sexual abuse... one way to damage your sense of self. Because of the sexual abuse, your brain has linked "pain" with "sex." You have to break this... One way, is to forgive those who sexually abused you. It's not that the... (read in full...)
I want a life, what do I have to do
Q. Hello everyone, I need an advice for my current situation. I am pretty much stuck in it. I want to start a new life but I don't really know how. I have been imagining a picture of me having free-will. I am soon to be 24 years old soon, an only...
A. 5 August 2011: First, tell your parents, that you can't do this anymore. Not in a fighting match, sit them down over tea and have an adult conversation. Let them know that getting upset and turning it into a fighting match will be seen as their being unwilling to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is accusing me of cheating when I have nothing to hide!!
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years is accusing me of going out on a date with an old crush. This guy i used to see before me and my bf started dating told his mom, who happens to be my boyfriend's BOSS, that me and him went out on a date 10 months ago. I...
A. 5 August 2011: A agree, it sounds like the boss is manipulating your boyfriend. Does the boss know it's your boyfriend? Could it be, "you rejected my son, so I pay you back by saying this untruth to your boyfriend?" I don't know the boss, or any of you. I can't ... (read in full...)
Did I try to do too much? I love her but maybe I need to move on? She wants to break up
Q. I greatly appreciate any advice. A little background info first: We've been in a long-distance relationship for 15 months (I had to move after our one month anniversary). Also, we haven’t talked properly since February. My girlfriend lives in ...
A. 5 August 2011: You can't be her savior. I think this is what she's getting at. She's probably learned in this center how dependent she is. He not wanting to be with you now, or take a break, sounds like she feels bad about who she is in being so dependent. What I ... (read in full...)
I think this girl might be the missing piece in my life but she doesn't feel the same
Q. Hi I am a single man, but having problems finding out what's makes me happy lately. I have started to get feelings for one of the only people I can trust, but she doesn't like me the way I like her. She is amazing, everything a guy would want. ...
A. 5 August 2011: There is something missing in your life. It's you. You have a low self esteem, why? She may make you happy, but what about you is keeping you from being happy. It feels like their is a void in your own sense of being that you're trying to fill ... (read in full...)
He's been hurt in the past. Can we make it as a couple, despite his hurt from the past?
Q. I like this guy and I was pretty sure he liked me back, until he made out with this girl we know at a party. I was obviously quite hurt and walked home, and when he realised I'd left, he ran after me. We had a fight, and I ended up pushing him a...
A. 5 August 2011: Talk to him to see where you two really stand. What I'd do if you want to have some sort of relationship beyond friend and liking each other is to tell him that 1. you're not the girl that hurt him. 2. no rush, maybe begin by having dinner, or going ... (read in full...)
My dad found out I had sex with my boyfriend and now I"m grounded forever!
Q. Okay well theres this guys ive been dating since eight grade and im now goinginto tenth grade. my dad hates him and ive always hide this relationship from him. weve never gone on a date through the summer we never see each other but yet we are still ...
A. 5 August 2011: Sounds like dad is really protective of you. It's a good thing, but can be really frustrating too. Instead of just accepting that he doesn't like your boyfriend, why don't you sit him down sometime, and ask why that is? Say you'd like to know from ... (read in full...)
Should I end this relationship with the older man? I'm not sure if he's been truthful!
Q. I am 18 and have pretty much fallen in love with a man 31 years older then me. He is all I think of all the time. I really need some help getting him off my mind as due to the fact that my parents (understandably) do not agree with me having casual ...
A. 5 August 2011: First of all, there is nothing wrong with you having a relationship with an older man. People are so stuck on the age thing, it's crazy. You are female, he is male, that happened to be attracted to each other. As long as you're both of age, age ... (read in full...)
I'm broke and my flatmate owes me money but won't pay me back!
Q. Hello everyone on Dear Cupid I have a dilemma about my friendship with my flatmate. I'll begin at the beginning. When my flatmate (my best friend from university) and I moved into our place a year ago, my mother helped us out with bills and the...
A. 5 August 2011: Just let her know that you two had a contract that you are to pay half, and for that period you were paying both halves, so you need that money. I would mention that you wouldn't ask if she wasn't in a financial position to pay, but knowing that she ... (read in full...)
Lonely in love.....
Q. hi all. ive been with my partner for 14 years on and off and we have 2 children together. i love him to bits and i can't imagine life without him but my biggest fear just lately is that he doesnt love me. we very rarely have sex as hes not ...
A. 3 August 2011: I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how difficult it must be. I hate to say it, but I wouldn't dismiss the possibility of their being someone else on his once a month ventures, but I'm not going to say their is evidence to say for sure. He ... (read in full...)
The girl he likes on this competition show has a strong resemblance to his ex wife, should I leave him over this?
Q. Me and my bf watch this competition show. we usually pick our favorites. i noticed that the girl he picked has a strong recemblance to his ex wife. when they dont show her enough on the show he starts complaining that they dont show "his girl" ...
A. 3 August 2011: Leave him over a show? That really says a lot about how you view him and your relationship. I almost want to say you should leave him because it doesn't seem like you want to be with him. However, I don't know you, I only know what you asked, and by ... (read in full...)
Is this just nostalgia? Was my ex really the love of my life? Or am I looking at it through rose tinted glasses?
Q. Does anyone else in Long Term relationships sometimes wonder what life could have been like if you were with someone else? My example.. I was with my Ex for 5 years then I met my boyfriend as things wern't working out with my Ex as he was always...
A. 3 August 2011: That's for you to decide. You say you love your current boyfriend, but you don't call him the love of your life, you state your ex could be? Take away his working, or not, being stoned or not, and view him as an individual. I understand how you ... (read in full...)
Having sex with random guys - is it really that bad? Does it mean I have some underlying psychological issues?
Q. Best way to classify this would be as a sex and dating question, I suppose. Not until 2011 did I start having sex and since january I've been having alot of sex, alot in relation to not having any before this year. And a good amount of it has been ...
A. 2 August 2011: It's risky, you understand this, but you still do it? This says you have a low self esteem, using sex as a means to fill a void that you have open within who you are. You need to respect yourself, before you can expect to be respected. I understand ... (read in full...)
What did I do wrong? Why did he block me after all this time?
Q. About a year ago, I had a fling with someone who was attached - poor judgement on my part, I know. He broke it off, but wanted to remain friends, and I agreed, saying I wouldn't try to restart anything romantic, but just be his friend and be there ...
A. 2 August 2011: It sounds like his partner found it as well. I'd just move on. If he contacts you down the road, his situation may be different where having communication won't interfere with his being with someone. ... (read in full...)
Sex doesn't feel good for me!
Q. I'm confused and a little frustrated. For some reason, I rarely ever enjoy sex. Right now I am with my first boyfriend and we started having sex a little over three months ago and I still haven't been able to fully enjoy myself. I think there was ...
A. 2 August 2011: Experiment a little. You'll find what feels good to you. It is true that many who start having sex, it takes a while before it feels good. It might be that you're expecting, not allowing. Or if you have guilt, you can block yourself from feeling ... (read in full...)
Why is she not dying to be with me, like I'm dying to be with her? Even if she doesn't want me, how can I be closer to my daughter?
Q. Hi i have a big problem about my relationship, any one for honest advices?.I met my gf at work where we were colleagues together it was october 2009 when we started dating. Now i am in another job and she is still working there.I really love her so ...
A. 2 August 2011: Your welcome. ... (read in full...)
Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced this before?
Q. Its been a week after my period and I feel off an on emotional and achy legs and some fatigue here and there. I had (anal) sex 12 (almost 13) weeks ago. He didnt ejaculate in me.... had 3 periods since so we can cross off pregnancy. ...
A. 29 July 2011: This could be due to those medications. I'd talk to the doctor that gave you those and ask them. Without the actual medication name, and dose I can't answer that. Different types of depression and anxiety can act in a similar way, but I'd first rule ... (read in full...)
Why is she not dying to be with me, like I'm dying to be with her? Even if she doesn't want me, how can I be closer to my daughter?
Q. Hi i have a big problem about my relationship, any one for honest advices?.I met my gf at work where we were colleagues together it was october 2009 when we started dating. Now i am in another job and she is still working there.I really love her so ...
A. 29 July 2011: Call her or text her and say, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push the issue. Saturday will be wonderful. I appreciate you taking the trip. I miss you both and look forward to seeing you on Saturday. Again, I apologize for our last conversation."
... (read in full...)
If I get a job my child will suffer, if I don't I will suffer through lonliness! What am I supposed to do?
Q. Hi My husband is the only son of his over possesive mother.We are married 10 years but .My mil stays with me....who thinks herslef as Mrs.Perfect.Bcoz of her constant critisim I lost my cofidence .I took up a job...but she was not ready to take ca...
A. 29 July 2011: I'd tell him that you two really need to talk. Mom is okay, as long as her being there doesn't interfere with your family. Arranged marriage or not, you two are married and your focus needs to be on the marriage just as much as it does taking care ... (read in full...)
How can I trust my family again?
Q. when i was a very young child i was a victom of child abuse for 12 yrs,i was in a abusive relationship (my first adult)i fell pregnant to that man then after baby i abused myself with drugs alchol and sleeping with anything that moved, 29yrs on i ...
A. 29 July 2011: You've allowed it. People become comfortable with how you allow them to treat you. Controversy happens when you tighten what's been allowed for a period of time. We give a little, then a little more, til we're about to crack, because like children, ... (read in full...)
We cannot complete sex. Is it my boyfriend or me?
Q. I'm in my early 30's and still a virgin. I was abused when I was 11 yrs old. I was physiically abused but my attacker did not succeed in raping me.. In other words, I was not penetrated. Since then, I developed a fear of men. During my teens, I was ...
A. 18 July 2011: Your not to old. What Id recommend go to a xxx store and buy some toys, he can word those is to get part of the work done, during foreplay, and then try penetrating. If he's using toys then you're already idk loosened up a bit, and it may make it ... (read in full...)
I want to break up with this lying cheat, but what do I tell him?
Q. I've found out that my boyfriend is a lying cheat. However, I found this out by looking through his phone and now I don't know how to confront him because I don't want to reveal that I went behind his back!! What do I do?? Should I just tell him ...
A. 17 July 2011: Tell him you had a feeling first.....then you checked his phone. This is to say, he's shown signs that there may be some distrust, which prompted you to check his phone. Most of the time where there are acts of distrust, subtle signs are shown, ... (read in full...)
I'm gutted. She split up with me and I didn't see it coming. How can I fix this?
Q. My girlfriend and I have just recently split up. I moved overseas to live with her after she lived in my country for two years. She told me that she dislikes the way I have spoken to her sometimes, she said she is changing and she wants to be ...
A. 9 July 2011: She wants to be treated like a princesses. What you don't want to do is seem needy. She doesn't want someone who seems obsessively attached to her, but believe me, I know when emotions are flaring, how you could come across that way. Personally ... (read in full...)
Should I cheat on a potential cheater?
Q. Is it wrong to cheat on your boyfriend if you think he may have cheated on you? I know most of you will probably say - YES! and that we should just break up. But lately, it feels more like we are dating casually than boyfriend and girlfriend. ...
A. 9 July 2011: That's understandable, to a certain extent. However, to cheat makes you a cheater, no matter what he has or has not done. It's the truth that seems to linger no matter how old we get, that says, "You are accountable for your own actions." Let's see ... (read in full...)
My boyfriends parents are driving me crazy!!
Q. Dear cupid, my boyfriends parents are driving me mad!!!! I've been with my boyf for 2 years loved his parents but now they are driving me crazy! I lived with them for a few months when i first met my boyf and everything was fine, then my fam...
A. 9 July 2011: He won't get it and really he doesn't have to. Your emotions and feelings are yours, and they are based on your perception and experience. Do I get it? What bothers you would not bother me, however I can see why it does as well, in looking at it ... (read in full...)
How can I stop being shy about telling him what I want?
Q. Okay everyone i have terrible relationship problems! i am 18 and going to me a new mom any day now. i am going to try and make this as short as possible. so i broke up with my boyfriend/baby's father Saturday.He was hanging out with his friends ...
A. 9 July 2011: First, you've picked a beautiful name for your baby. Congrats. Here's the issue. I want you to listen closely, and think about what I say. You're having a baby. That baby is going to grow and make mistakes, solve issues, do things that really piss ... (read in full...)
I'm planning to send a friend to flirt with my bf and test his loyalty to me. Is this the right thing to do?
Q. Okay my boyfriend is acting kinda shady. There is this girl that just got a job as a salesperson and she's drop dead hott. She has a perfect body and she's engaged and she already slept with one of the workers he works with. And ever since she ...
A. 9 July 2011: More than likely he is. See you feel it deep, and that should be enough of a warning sign to say something is going on here. Someone as you said, "drop dead hott" can seemingly pose a threat to you, when you see that perfect body, and her easy to ... (read in full...)
Is my child's nanny becoming too much of a mommy to my own child?
Q. Me and the father of my child, separated 18 months ago, but we do get on really well and are good friends. I get on really well with his family to. We are all very amicable towards one another, and there are no hard feelings at all. I was spe...
A. 9 July 2011: I'm not saying there is any reason to be concerned, but when people display abnormal behaviors, there is may or may not be reason to be concerned. What I recommend. Rent, "Hand the Rocks the Cradle" It's a thriller, but the behaviors associated with ... (read in full...)
Why are the nice boys my age interested in dating only the narcissistic jerks?
Q. Hi there :) well, i'll get straight to the point. I'm a 15 year old girl, never been kissed, had a boyfriend, yada yada yada, the regular yawn-inducing angst. Anyway, what I was wondering is, why are most of the nice guys dating completely arrog...
A. 9 July 2011: We can say then that not only do nice guys finish last, nice girls do as well. I'm not sure why this happens, but I do understand the standing there confused that it does though. ... (read in full...)
I can't shake this feeling that I'm not good enough.
Q. I can't shake this feeling that i'm not good enough. I'm feel like a failure at everything that I do. I've had some success in my life, and when I had it, I felt it wasn't good enough so I think I sabatoge it subconsciously so that people wouldn't...
A. 9 July 2011: Your welcome. Take care :)... (read in full...)
My friend lacks confidence! It seems like she needs a man to be complete..Can I help her?
Q. Hi there, my best friend since high school is a serial dater/serial I need to be in a relationship kind of girl. She has been in a relationship ever since she left for college. Ever since she went off to college she has been hanging around people ...
A. 8 July 2011: Do you think people need to be single for a long time, or if someone good came along, would it be alright to date, or should the other pass up on the possibility of being happy, because you say they haven't been single long enough.
Howev... (read in full...)
I've been involved in a few indiscretions since he left for vacation. What is he going to say, and what should I do to make it right?
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for a 2 months now but we were seeing each other before. one night i was at a seshion and got drunk i ended up being all over this guy. he heard i was all over someone and we met up that day to talk about it and to see ...
A. 8 July 2011: I believe it can be worked out, but girl, you better begin practicing honesty. I know, you didn't know you were all over this guy, or you say that at least, you have to make that the ONLY time it can be used as an excuse, and you do this by changing ... (read in full...)
How can I trust my family again?
Q. when i was a very young child i was a victom of child abuse for 12 yrs,i was in a abusive relationship (my first adult)i fell pregnant to that man then after baby i abused myself with drugs alchol and sleeping with anything that moved, 29yrs on i ...
A. 8 July 2011: Can you trust your family? Do they deserve your trust? Can you forgive them? I believe you can do that, but that's different from trusting them. My daughter was slapped in the ear by a guy when I was small, no arrest cuz he had mental issues, I ... (read in full...)
I can't shake this feeling that I'm not good enough.
Q. I can't shake this feeling that i'm not good enough. I'm feel like a failure at everything that I do. I've had some success in my life, and when I had it, I felt it wasn't good enough so I think I sabatoge it subconsciously so that people wouldn't...
A. 8 July 2011: As I've said, at 40 I know where you're coming from. I'm a single parent. Do you think I planned it to be that way. People do misuse the "love" word to often. Love isn't really an emotion, but it is a state of being. But love begins with you. You've ... (read in full...)
Should I cheat on a potential cheater?
Q. Is it wrong to cheat on your boyfriend if you think he may have cheated on you? I know most of you will probably say - YES! and that we should just break up. But lately, it feels more like we are dating casually than boyfriend and girlfriend. ...
A. 8 July 2011: Don't cheat. Weather or not he has already done son. As soon as you do, you would be rightfully labeled as a cheater. Look deep inside yourself, and ask yourself this one question. "Am I a cheater?" If the answer is no, then you know the answer to ... (read in full...)
Recently separated from my husband, should I now confess my feelings to my ex who is also my FWB?
Q. My husband and I have been having problems over the last 3 years, which have escalated to several talks of divorce but then he always tries to convince me that things will be better. During this time I ran into my ex unexpectedly (almost 1 yr ago). ...
A. 8 July 2011: You can, if that's what you choose. You're right, having an affair is wrong. If I were him, I say "She can have an affair so easy with me, so why shouldn't I think she can do the same while with me?" Having an affair [in itself] speaks to the nature ... (read in full...)
I have a lovely boyfriend but such low self esteem that I don't feel worthy
Q. Hi i am 22 years old and i am suffering with really low self esteem. I have no confidence at all and i always feel so ugly compared to my friends. Whenever i see photos of myself i feel so down because i just wish i could feel pretty and look like ...
A. 8 July 2011: It's a mind thing. Let me tell you something. Most girls or men are not open to one another about how they feel. They don't say, "hey I feel so unattractive compared to you." It's one of the hidden haunting that we've all faced at one time or ... (read in full...)
I can't shake this feeling that I'm not good enough.
Q. I can't shake this feeling that i'm not good enough. I'm feel like a failure at everything that I do. I've had some success in my life, and when I had it, I felt it wasn't good enough so I think I sabatoge it subconsciously so that people wouldn't...
A. 7 July 2011: I feel right now, in this moment you are right where you need to be. There is a great difference between material success and spiritual success. You are beginning to see the truth beyond the vale of the illusion. The illusion is that of the physical ... (read in full...)
I can't shake this feeling that I'm not good enough.
Q. I can't shake this feeling that i'm not good enough. I'm feel like a failure at everything that I do. I've had some success in my life, and when I had it, I felt it wasn't good enough so I think I sabatoge it subconsciously so that people wouldn't...
A. 7 July 2011: I feel right now, in this moment you are right where you need to be. There is a great difference between material success and spiritual success. You are beginning to see the truth beyond the vale of the illusion. The illusion is that of the physical ... (read in full...)
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