A
male
age
41-50,
*ejected Jedi
writes:Hi. My partner and I have been together for 8 years and have 2 children together (aged 5-7), yet a couple of days ago she admitted to me that she doesn't love or trust me and will never be able to. She has had a difficult childhood though I have never given her any reason to doubt me or our relationship. However after confronting her about this she just says that she will always be the same and will never change how she feels, so whether I leave or not is up to me. She also said she is not the type to NEED anyone and will not beg me to stay. Now I feel like I'm the one with the problem because I'm asking for the love and trust that I've shown her to be reciprocated. Am I being unreasonable?? Should I just put up and shut up for the sake of the children?? Someone please help!! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (25 April 2011):
You can be certain that a person who thinks will never change, in fact will never be able to change.
Did she showed some love in the past? How come you married and got two children?
If she doesn't loves you, you have to divorce. You have to see a lawyer in order to know how to handle this legally.
Anyway, I think that should be a point where you thought she was a woman to marry. Maybe she needs some therapy, but she has to be convinced she needs it.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (24 April 2011):
 It sounds like her difficult childhood is interfering. To her, to be open to love etc. is to leave herself in a vulnerable place, which includes the possibility of being hurt. Therefore, it's easier to keep her heart closed, to maintain being tough and protecting herself form getting hurt. This happens when someone has experienced trauma in their past, and it causes a detriment to having a relationship in the way that you might be wanting this to progress. When she says, "if you stay you stay, if you don't you don't." She's saying that she doesn't want you to choose to leave, but if you do, it's your fault, your choice, and not based on something she did.
Do some research on post traumatic disorders, such as PTSD, and borderline personality. You'll probably see your relationship within those characteristics. BPD, means being on the border. It's a personality disorder where the one who has it is teetering between psychosis and neurosis. These relationships are difficult, but not the end of the world. There are books you can read to assist you in learning how to successfully have a relationship with her. It's a different experience, but it can be done.
I hope this helps. Take care.
...............................
|
