A
female
age
36-40,
*zeu3v
writes:I am going crazy right now. I was seeing this guy for a few months and everything seemed fine. We were happy, we enjoyed each others company. I felt a connection and I thought he did to. Three weeks ago he sends me a text message saying he is a mess and doesn't know what to do and that I shouldn't hate him cause he doesn't hate me. I didn't know what to say and said okay, whatever. Cause he is not good at expressing his feelings, and I was getting frustrated. He got mad and said this is why I didn't want a relationship and be mad, but the in his next message he apologized and said I don't know what I am saying, I am sorry. I was like its okay, I just want to help. He kept saying it was all him, it was in his head, that he thought it was gone, but came back. That he didn't talk about this shit to no one. So that was the end of that night and then the next day we argued cause he was treating me differently, but said he cared about me, its just he isn't in a good state. I was like um okay? He just kept saying he was sorry and told me not to hate him because he wants to try again when he gets situated in his life.... which his situation is pretty messed up. We broke up and I am still a wreck. I miss him completely. I won't talk to him because when I did he was cold to me and I said do you want me to leave you alone and he said if I was going to act all crazy about getting me back immediately, then to yeah, leave him alone, otherwise he would be friendly. I was heart broken when he said that. I thought he was different. But he lied to me saying he wouldn't hurt me. So a few days later my friend, who is the one that hooked us up, texted him, cause she is just as confused as I am, asking what happened. He said it was a lot of shit and his demanding job had to do with it and that he saw I was falling for him, but he wasn't ready for that and that he told me we could try again when he is ready, and that he truly meant it, but not any time soon. This not any time soon or future thing is killing me. I wonder if I am chasing a lost cause. He told me he needed time and I am giving it to him, but I don't want him to forget about me. Currently I am going through depression and this whole situation tipped me over. I cry all the time, I am working on myself right now cause thats what matters, but this not knowing is really eating me alive. What should I do?
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (7 April 2010):
 Focus on you right now. You're working on your depression, and that's good for your benefit, and [if] this relationships begins again, the work you do on yourself will benefit any relationship you may have.
Some people, when times get difficult, have trouble bringing others into their misery. This is understandable, but can also be comforting having someone their to vent, and be a shoulder when going through the trouble. What you have to remember, is that it's not you. If it was, he would have stated so to his friend. Sounds like he provided them with basically the same story he gave you, so I think he is truthful about the possibility of later on.
Right now, how much time is needed for him to regroup is not important. Work on you now. After doing so, then readdress the issue of his being ready or not. And as far as your depression, "forgiveness" is divine. I found this out when I was depressed, and forgiving my poor choices and others, changed my life and brought me out of a severe depressed state.
I hope this helps, take care.
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