A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i have had quite a lot of problems, but we always manage to get through them. and as far as i'm concerned, that's all that matters.he's had a lot of stuff to deal with and he's only 20. he's been living with his 22 year old sister for the past 3 years after loosin his mother. he has nobody else except for one grandparent. my boyfriend's sister went to uni and got herself a degree in business studies. she was lucky to get a full time job after she left, where she was a manager but she didn't want to stay because it was making her unhappy, so now she's put my boyfriend in a financial mess because she only works 3 days a week. my boyfriend is currently at uni, but missing his lectures so that he can go to work to earn money!my boyfriend's sister is also very close with his grandparent and his partner, yet my boyfriend does not feel part of it, nor does he want to be because none of them want any better for themselves, they're happy to claim benefits.in all honesty, his sister is happy to go round to his grandad's for tea every other night, and when she doesn't, he cooks her tea for her. she's just lazy.she spends all her days watching e4 and e4+1they always fall out about it, because they are so different (like his mother and their auntie, because his auntie left for london and wanted better, and his mother didn't want anything more, yet tried to hold her back) he says he has noone where he lives, he says i'm all he has. he always comes to me when he's down, or has a problem and i'm always there to look after him.the thing is, now his sister is telling him that he's changed because of me, that he argues with her more because of me and that he's forgotten his roots.. in my opinion he hasn't forgotten his roots, she's just tied herself down to where she is now.he just wants to better himself, he wants to get off the estate he lives on and have the nice things in life, which he's rightfully earnt. where as she's quite happy with what she's doing. i just hate seeing her trying to drag him down. not long ago he told me how happy and proud of himself he was for where he'd got to.but now he's started questioning all of his dreams and aspirations, especially with me.. his sister keeps telling him to remember where he comes from, but as far as i can see, it's where he wants to be.. and she says he's not himself anymore, but it's who he wants to be..i can see that his sister is jealous about a lot of things, especially seen as she isn't relationship.. and i know she doesn't like me because she refers to me as 'his precious girlfriend'i'm sorry for the long essay about it all, i just am going out of my mind wondering what i can do. he deserves better than what she wants and i don't know how to show him that....
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (7 April 2010):
 This is about him, not about his sister. We always have influences around us, some positive and some negative. With those influences we personally have to make a choice of which one we will accept into our experience.
If school and bettering himself is what he wants to do, then that needs to be his focus. His sister then becomes an obstacle of "blah, blah, blah". Talks, but words that interfere with his focus have no meaning. Whether his influence is negative or positive, what he does, he is accountable for.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (7 April 2010):
 You are his inspirations and he is doing a fine job of bettering himself. All you can do is to give him encouragements, support and love to him.
He will reap bountifully if he sows bountifully.
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