A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Recently, I have been dwelling on something that happened to me when I was a little girl.It started out with me just remembering bits and pieces of it over a course of a few years but, now I could go as far as a few days to a couple of hours without thinking about it. I knew it was wrong what he did but, I just never felt the need to seriously tell someone about it in a way that expresses it hurt me somehow. It doesn't hurt me at all and I don't think this situation has shaped me in any negative way. I just don't understand why it keeps coming up in my mind.When I was about four years old I loved playing hide and go seek at my grandmothers house. I used to nag all of my cousins to come play with me. So, finally after hours of getting my cousins to come play with me my cousin marc and I hid upstairs in my Grandma's hall closet. It wasn't exactly a hall closet, more of a storage place I guess. It looked like where Harry Potter was forced to live in the movie with his relatives. I'm not sure what it's called. Anyway, we were hiding there and after a while marla still had not found us. Marc and I were still up there together in the coat closet when he asked me in this weird voice if I would like to see his penis. I declined and he whipped it out anyway, then he asked if he could see my private parts and I said no after he asked me three times he pinned me down amd forcefully touched me for a couple of minutes. After that marla found us and I quickly got up and ran downstairs. I ran towards my mother, aunt, and grandmother and told them that marc touched me weirdly but, they thought since I was so young that he was hugging me or something innocent like that, and I just wasn't used to it or whatever. So, no one really believed me.After that Marc and I have sort of had a weird relationship. He can be very nice to me or very cruel at times. I think that's because he is just that kind of person I guess but, ever since then he just acts so mad at me. What is forcefully being touched called?And is there some reason why I can't just forget this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): Marc was 6 and I was about 4.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 April 2010):
 How old was Marc when this happened? How old were you?
Being forcefully touched is sexual assault. You said no to seeing his penis, and you said no to showing your privates, and he forced you to experience both.
It was a very traumatic event to you. No wonder you can't forget it. It's usual for someone to never forget it. If it's interfering with your life, I would suggest speaking to a professional counselor or therapist about it and working through how you feel.
If Marc was an adult or significantly older, talking to the authorities might not be a bad idea. If he was 5 and you were 4, that might be different. But him forcing you is a crime. I'd need to know more about that before advising you as far as that's concerned.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Sexual assault by a relative is a very scary thing with effects that span your entire life.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (24 April 2010):
 Forcefully being touched is called, sexual assault.
He acts this way toward you, because he too knows what had happened, and as you get older, more wrong, embarrassment and guilt from what had happened develops. In a way, it's a delayed response to taking responsibility.
This is the same with you, and where your focus is. As you become older, your mind will work on justifying what you know now with what you were unaware of then. What I would do is every time thought of this comes to mind, change your thought, but first tell yourself, I don't need to think about it, and I don't need to justify what happened or why it happened. This will program that even though your mind is seeking answers, you feel there is no answers that need to be sought.
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