A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this girl through playing tennis. We were just friends at first. She gives me her number. We speak regularly on the phone, text, e mail etc. Eventually we go on a date. It goes well. There is flirting from both of us, she tells me she wants to go Europe on vacation with me, asks me questions like about whether I want to have kids. Obviously she likes me as well.I am an idiot and send her flowers, tell her I am in love with her too soon.She tells me that she has an ex that stalks her. She says she has no feelings for him but that she cant have a serious relationship with me at the moment. A few days later she tells me it is ok and that we will talk when she comes back from vacation.I get she maybe needs space and time to figure things out. I havent tried to call her on vacation.Any advice please. This girl is totally the girl of my dreams. Great personality, nice person, I am attracted to her, we think the same about life.
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flirt, flowers, needs space, stalking, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (30 April 2010):
 In a way you can compare it to alcoholics, stalking is a control addiction. That's one thing I can't figure out, I know, if they do love it's a distorted sense of it, or it may not be the person, rather the control, they are actually in love with. Who knows, but you're right, if you love someone, you wouldn't wish them any harm, no matter if they remain with you or not.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have told her just to file a restraining order against him. I will have something to say to him for sure, he apparently has another girlfriend. Dont get people sometimes, why would anyone act like this to someone they clain to love? I am not going to physically attack him because then that makes me as bad as him.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (29 April 2010):
I'm not saying you can't take care of yourself. I can take care of myself as well. Only saying their is a difference between a normal confrontation, and being confronted with someone who may have psychosis, or other psychotic abnormality. I spend a lot of my time working with domestic violence, and have seen it where the stalker goes about their day, nice as can be, no worries, no signs of trouble, til the "unwarned" second of attack, with full vengeance.
I don't know of her history or the history of her ex, only shedding light on the extreme of what is possible with a percentage of stalkers. In other words, in confronting him, be visual of the unexpected.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDont think that is the case. I have to play tennis against the guy soon(I havent met the guy yet). I am going to say something to the loser that is for sure. I can take care of myself that part doesnt really worry me
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (29 April 2010):
[If] she is being stalked, that in itself puts up a flag of danger. She could be saying that to protect you, more than not wanting a relationship. If you haven't been going out that long, the "L" word may cause her to back up a little. Take it slow. Mold the relationship together. Don't treat it as a race, as if you'll lose her if everything doesn't happen today. Enjoy the growing and building together, that's where you'll find the relationship will become stronger and stronger. When you two talk when she gets back. Listen to her. If there is someone out there to fear, it is real and not her making an excuse. An ex who's stalking can become a very dangerous person to encounter. So, don't judge the situation, just listen, and go from there.
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