A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should I ask my ex to our son's birthday outing?We haven't been getting on at all lately, infact that is an understatement.He doesn't see his son much anyway, through his own choice. I don't particularly want him there, but this isn't about me and him, its about our son.should I invite him? our son hasn't mentioned it, and i haven't said anything to him coz i dint want him to get excited, for his dad to say no?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2013): I see no reason to invite him. He can take your son on their own private birthday celebration so your son still gets to celebrate his birthday with his dad. No need to include him in this one. Why ruin an otherwise great day?
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (13 October 2013):
 Also remember you don't have to pretend to be friends with your ex or "get along" as long as you are capable of communicating with him ABOUT your son.
You said you two haven't gotten along lately, why is that? Because he doesn't want to see his son or is it something between you and the ex?
I remember growing up my best friend's parents were divorced, but so amazingly civil - we went on several vacations with her dad+stepmom, my parents, her mom+stepdad and it was great fun. I know that is rare for people to become civil and STAY civil, but from what I saw my friend and her 4 siblings were/are all pretty well adjusted
kids /adults.
I can only imagine that it can be hard, but if the relationship wasn't abusive or destructive, I think learning how to be civil for the kid's sake is a great option.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys. I will ask him, then its up to him if he comes or not...i will not tell my son either way, that way he won't get upset if his dad is a no show.
I will let you know how it goes...thanks!!
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (12 October 2013):
 Been there, done that :)
Great advice from Aunty Em by the way.
I agree, why not ask your ex (if you know it would make your boy happy)
I would suggest you don't tell your boy, even if your ex says he'll come, just in case he doesn't show.
If he does turn up your son will be thrilled and that will make it bearable for you.
With my kids (which were both my ex's) I used to arrange a birthday outing such as a meal out or bowling or something and invite their dad to that.
That meant I didn't have to put up with him for the whole day but the children were happy and their dad had seen them and shared something special on their birthday.
I hope your son has a wonderful day.
I hope this helps AB x
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (12 October 2013):
 Then invite him and just keep things civil for the dsy xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want him there for my son. I will do anything to make my son happy, even if it means being civil with my ex.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 October 2013):
I think it comes down to do YOU want to spend that time with your son AND your EX or not.
Since it's just going to be you and your son, personally I would ask him, for the sake of the child. BUT that is just me. Who knows he might not WANT to do it either, but I think asking him would be a nice gesture. (as long as he can behave and be civil in front of your child).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy family live away, so won't be able to make it.
Neither of us are in relationships.
So it would be just me, my boys and then my ex (if I asked him).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank You for Your response.
No, I didn't think it was a good idea, just his dad hasn't even suggested anything for our son's birthday, I just don't want him disappointed on his special day.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 October 2013):
Are either of you dating again?
If he is, I would ask him (and his GF depending on how long they have dated and IF your son has been introduced to her already.)
Is it going to be just you and your son? Or YOUR family and then the ex?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (12 October 2013):
I would not invite him unless he specifically says he will be there. If your son isnt too bothered I wouldnt even mention it...if his dad shows up then that will be an added surprise but no need to build up his hopes or feel obliged to roll out the red carpet.
If he really cares about his son, he can arrange his own outing for him and if he does turn up to your event, it could even end in a row and spoil the day.
Let sleeping dogs lie and have lots of fun at your sons outing, it's a time for making happy memories so take lots of photos and cherish the moment xxx
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A
female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (12 October 2013):
 i think its great that youre willing to set aside your differences for your sons sake for now. extend an invitation...if he shows he shows, if not atleast you made the effort. by not talking about this with your son is good because he wont be hurt if the dad doesnt show.
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