A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So recently I heard a man say that married men come into 3 categories:1) The ones who have been faithful for a long time and suddenly discover (about the age of 45 or so) that there is sex beyond what they are getting at home and once they have their first affair, they tend to fall in love and get somehow addicted to the new woman because she is offering something new. Still, they love the wife and would/will never leave her.2)And then there are those men who have always cheated.3) Last, but not least, the faithful ones.I suspect a good friend of mine is in the first situation: married for 27 years and, as I learned, in an affair with what some would call "the village slut" for the last 6 years.Do you think these categories are right?Is there hope for my friend to open his eyes and decide to be with the person he really loves?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2013): Let me tell you of addiction and my aunt. She was invovled in affairs for twenty years until finally realizing that it hurt many people and broke up many families. Yes affairs can be and are addictions. My aunt ruined her marriage with my uncle who was a lovely man. She ruined other marriages when she became controlling and manipulative and told spouses of men she seduced. It was a complete and absolute train wreck. All these agony aunts have their heads up their rear ends when talking about this topic.Forget the love excuse,forget the other stories. This is nothing more than a exercise in pure lust and self satisfaction. There are thousands of these people running around doing this stuff. And Christ it is a addiction plain and simple. The funniest thing about all this after almost twenty years my aunt had the guts to go around to her immediate family and ask for forgiveness.She had miraculously been healed. My uncle who stuck up for her for fifteen years and who was hospitalized twice while trying to stick up for my aunts supposed good reputation. She came to him begging for forgiveness and to take her back. I am sorry for the this story but i felt it had to be told. Where is she today? Nobody cares , i think she finally coming to grips with what she did and that she is really not wanted by nobody. My uncle met another woman and got remarried and moved away. I am still coming to grips with a family and families that have been broken beyond repair. And it all boils down to selfish people seeking their lusts and self satisfaction with little regard for others and their feelings and when you see this you are more convinced than ever that it is a addiction. And you can take this statement to the bank.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2013): Sure why not, anything is possible. Just Google the topic and you will get all kinds of answers from noted professionals. The latest theory is that habitual cheaters have something altered in their genes that make them do what they do. Of course this is only a theory.When push comes to shove the cheater will tell you anything to prevent you or some else from leaving a relationship which they are in. I guess if they could make a site on the web where women could post pics of boyfriends or husbands who are cheating then just maybe they could be shamed into some kind of rehab or accountability for their actions. But who knows? But rest assured there is something more at stake here when it comes to unfaithful partners and cheating partners. And just pray to God your not the one who is supposed to be understanding and buy the bullshit story that they still love you and they need help and they are doing what they are doing because you cant spice up the sex life in the bedroom. Do not buy that story. Yes,sorry you can Google that topic to and you will find what i am saying here keeps getting resonated in all the Google articles. My advice if you are caught up in this kind of thing leave the S.O.B. as quickly as possible. Your heartache and grief will never leave when you are with these kinds of individuals. Addicted or not what does it really matter, do not deal with it you will never win. And if you do not believe what i say then you might be interested in some land on Mars i am trying to sell. Good-luck..
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A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (16 October 2013):
 I don't think it's quite as cut-and-dried as those three categories would imply.Cheating in a marriage doesn't have to occur late in the marriage, it doesn't have to be part of some midlife crisis, and some instances of cheating are one-time mistakes that are never repeated.And some cheaters do ultimately leave their marriages for the affair partner.If you have voiced your opinion of your friend's behavior to him in a direct and straightforward manner then I'm afraid there's not much else you can or should do about it. At the end of the day it's his life and his choice, and there is a possibility that his wife already knows what he is up to and has decided, for whatever reasons she may have, to turn a blind eye.Unless you are one of the parties in the situation you describe and you have chosen to post the question in the third person, how they handle this is their business. They're all adults, even if they're clearly making poor choices.Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (16 October 2013):
 Yes there are married men who sleep with other women but would never leave their wife... and there are married women who sleep with other men and would never leave their husband...
When people get married they agree to 'forsake all others and keeping only unto thee'
Personally I cannot see the point of making marriage vows if you don't keep them and if someone cheats in a marriage, chances are they will continue to do so for the rest of their life.
Put up with your husbands cheating if it pleases you, but understand that if he's done it once, he's probably going to keep doing it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2013): I think those scenarios are fairly common; but accept them only as theory. You can place a woman in each category as well. Men don't corner the market on cheating on a marriage or in a relationship. It's all about sex.Yes, anyone can become addicted to the person they've chosen to have an affair with; regardless of gender. Like some women become addicted to married men. It happens.It often takes the threat of losing the one you really love; if that just so happens to be his wife. He could also lose custody of his children, and end up on regulated visits. He may not be as appealing once half his property is gone, and the flow gifts and trinkets stop.He could suffer, and sacrifice a lot for the sake of cheating. He may still atone for his mistakes, if there is real love.These guys usually have a long history from early in their younger years for this type of behavior. Being faithful just isn't one of their strongest or preferred virtues. It doesn't just suddenly happen out of nowhere. Anyone can make a slip or mistake in a marriage.If his penis does all the thinking; the loss of his wife is of little or no consequence. The wife isn't always totally innocent in these situations. Each relationship is different, and everyone has their own unique problems that affect their relationships.
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