A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a woman since Nov 2012 and we are intimate. I sent her a Valentine's day card where I refer to her as my girlfriend and tell her how I appreciate her. She never responded to my Valentine's day card even though she did receive it. A week later I send her a surprise to her (a rose) and she sends me a text message to thank me for the surprise. A few days later I call her but she misses the call. She sends me text message explaining that the special gifts, card, call is really sweet but she feels a bit overwhelmed and needs a bit of space esp since she is now on vacation abroad. That was about ten days ago. I would welcome your thoughts on what is going on here. Thank you.
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): Well now there's no doubt in my mind she got put off by you telling her you wasn't looking for anything serious, when she is.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (6 March 2013):
 Hi
She told you thankyou for the V.day card and single rose, she told you it made her feel a bit 'overwhelmed' and she wanted space.She is away again on vacation.
You don't come across as 'just wanting fun', you have alot of feelings for her and want more.
She does not want heavy or anything else with you and has,in the kindest way she can,let you go.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (6 March 2013):
Hi
She told you thankyou for the V.day card and single rose, she told you it made her feel a bit 'overwhelmed' and she wanted space.She is away again on vacation.
You don't come across as 'just wanting fun', you have alot of feelings for her and want more.
She does not want heavy or anything else with you and has,in the kindest way she can,let you go.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (6 March 2013):
 Maybe! its possible she was put off by you saying you didnt want anything serious but all your efforts to pull her back in have failed since so I think it's safe to say she doesn't want to date you anymore.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBackground info:
Prior to V day we had a chat and I explained I wasn't looking for anything serious and I want to have fun. She said she wanted to settle down in a couple of years and wasn't sure if she wants to have kids. I said I didn't really want to have kids either. After that I felt she retreated even more. Perhaps she was looking for long term and I came across as looking for short term? When in fact I just want to take it one step at a time with a long term vision.
Thank you for your help.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2013): I think she's called it a day with you for whatever reason she has, I'd move on.
Save your pride and don't chase after her.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 March 2013):
 Well I won't say she's being a commitment-phobe but this is what I see:
you started dating in November 2012.... so barely 4 months together and it sounds to me like you guys while sexual were not truly intimate. Intimacy is not about bodies... it's about minds...
before she went away how often did you see her or speak to her? if you were not talking frequently and not seeing each other frequently (more than once a week) then I don't think there is much to be concerned about as you were not truly a couple.
Introducing you to others as you "boyfriend" is much nicer than saying "this is the guy I'm having sex with". It's more than "this is my friend" but it could have been to appease her parents or friends who are on her back about not settling down.
Now she's on vacation. Did you know she was going to be away and for how long?
if not, well then there is a huge disparity with how you view the relationship vs how she views it.
You sent a valentine's day card and she did not even acknowledge it. Did you get anything from her on Valentine's day? If not, then I"m sorry you are really not her boyfriend. I assume you had NO CONTACT for the week until you sent her the rose at which point she did text you to say thank you (which was nice of her considering that she's clearly not as into you as you are to her.
then she texts you after you attempted to call her telling you to BACK OFF....
I just think that you sound like a really nice guy but that she's never been as into the relationship as you have been.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 March 2013):
 If she wants to talk then she will call you. I think she was calling you boyfriend at the party because you were not really a friend, and there is no in between friend and boyfriend. She couldn't address you as "a guy I am dating" either. Some people just say they will talk to you later, but don't. Do you just expect her to tell you, bye, have a nice life, we are never going to talk ever. No, you are a nice guy. You did nothing wrong. She can't do that to you.
She was abroad in February and then abroad this month. Sounds like she is too busy to have a relationship.
...............................
A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (4 March 2013):
 Hi,
I'd let this go now.Don't bother with any more communication. You sort of had a fling with this girl and now it's over. Delete her details and don't respond. She went on holiday, needs space, feels overwhelmed....this says, "I'm finished with you." That's blunt advice from me. But you'd feel a lot better by just cutting her out of your life now.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (4 March 2013):
 she's just not interested anymore. you haven't done anything out of the ordinary to overwhelm her. your behavior is pretty standard. unless there's other things you failed to mention. but if i were you, i'd consider this relationship over.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (4 March 2013):
she's just not interested anymore. you haven't done anything out of the ordinary to overwhelm her. your behavior is pretty standard. unless there's other things you failed to mention. but if i were you, i'd consider this relationship over.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (4 March 2013):
She doesn't want to be your girlfriend. People are intimate with eachother all the time but there are lots of them who change their minds afterwards...you need to leave her alone because she has made it clear that you arn't for her.
...............................
A
female
reader, Brokenv +, writes (4 March 2013):
Sweet Man, move on. This was not a relationship to her..it was to you.
Go and find that gal who is going to appreciate your kind ways. Don't waste anymore time.
Good Luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (4 March 2013):
 As oldbag said, you cant have been 'dumped' because you were never 'together' properly. All your 'relationship' seems to consist of is you sending her gifts and calling her, being intimate occasionally and that's about it.
If you were properly boyfriend and girlfriend you would have known she was on holiday abroad, you would have given her the valentines card and gift in person, and you would speak daily when you were not seeing each other that day.
I think what has happened here is that you went on a few dates, got intimate then she decided she wasnt really interested anymore so chose to give you the silent treatment in the hope that you would get the message. Instead you decided she was your girlfriend without even asking her - you jumped the gun and she is clearly not interested.
Leave her alone and let her have her 'space'. This woman is not interested in you and doesnt want to be in touch with you anymore, so best to let her go her own way and you can move on.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe couldn't meet each other since she was abroad on Valentine's day. I was introduced as her boyfriend at her birthday party a few days earlier.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your response. She also said to me she will talk to me when she gets back. Is she just being a commitment phobe? Or does she just want to play the field on holiday without feeling guilty?
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (4 March 2013):
Hi
You haven't been dumped, you were/are not in a relationship.Also,you sent her a Valentines card,you didn't spend time with her over a romantic dinner so I assume you didn't even see her that day?
Now she is away on holiday and your just somebody back home.
Leave her to her space and carry on like you had never met.She may just contact you on return and *if* she does,take things real slow.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (4 March 2013):
She did not call you boyfriend back but was intimate with you. After she knew how serious you got she backed off because she didn't want to use you and hurt you later. Dump is a strong word. She is letting you down gently. Some women do have sex early but not think about relationships until much later. You are at different wavelengths, and she is just not interested.
...............................
|
