A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I'm really confused about my neighbour. I just can't work her out!For the last 18 months the person living next to me has made my life quite difficult. We have got to a point that we have resolved some issues but I am really wary of her!One of the main issues is our children, she accuses my kids of breaking her child's items when my children are no where around. We worked this issue out but it sticks in my mind as I know my kids are good honest children who I have the pride in saying I have brought them up properly. They always use their manners especially when talking to an adult or at someone house! Anyway, her child will lash out and hit my children then run back home so he is 'safe'. One instance he punched my child in the face, I asked him gently not to do that and he went and told mum to which all hell broke loose and she started accusing my children of breaking things. She looked at my upset crying child and stated he didn't hit her when I clearly saw it happen.There seems to be no disapline of this child and I feel as though if I bring it up ww3 will happen.Anyway...... We are just about on talking terms but she seems insistent to always get one over on me by saying she is doing the same trade as me, I let it fly over my head. She takes the slightest comment out of context and assumes that my comments are negative towards her! Nothing of the sort at all! I hate confrontation!Just the other day I was having a conversation with her and please excuse me if I'm out of line but this woman would not look me in the eye at all! Which I find quite rude! She seems to talk to me in a different tone to other people, she has always done this and I find her quite stand offish. I would like to know why she won't look at me in conversation, she stares behind my shoulder or is looking in a totaly different direction altogether! Does this mean she's not interested?I invited her over one evening, she had had a bit to drink and was upset at the issues between us to which we resolved there and then but then in the next breath she tells me that I should make more friends coz I don't have many! I'm sorry but I keep myself to myself and I choose my friends wisely! Then she continues to tell me that the grout on my kitchen floor tiles isn't clean enough and to get the scrubbing brush out!It's not just her, her husband is too very confrontational and has accused my husband of basically being a pervert and looking at his wife! Surprisingly my husband didn't punch him but I was ready to at that point! (But didn't) I don't have any clue on how to work this lady out or her family! They are inconsiderate in terms or their parking of the car skills and often double park, no one will approach them because of the reaction and argument they will get in return though!Can anyone possibly help me out? I try to keep away from her and the family. I don't listen to music anymore just incase its too noisy for her and she complains! I wait in my hallway until she has gone out of her front door first so I don't have to encounter her! I hate myself for this but I find myself constantly thinking about situations and moaning and whining about her and that's just not me! I used to be so fun loving and love a joke but this family has brought me down, if I crack a joke it passes her by! :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2013): You are dealing with what I would call trailer trash. They see you as a threat because they see you as better than them some how. And chances are, you probably are. There is only one way to handle people like that. Be kind and polite and all times. They HATE this. You will be able to diffuse the drama that they try to start and they won't know how to respond to your patience and maturity because it is such a foreign concept to them, so they will probably eventually back off. ALWAYS be the bigger person. It will be very hard but you will make them feel ashamed whether they ever show it or not.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 February 2013):
 I would not permit my children to play with hers
I would not invite her for drinks or anything else.
I would not initiate conversation with her and when she said hello I would say "hi" and keep on moving..
If anything they do breaks the law or the rules of your complex... report it.
and steer clear... best advice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2013): First off OP, my sister had a problem with one of the neighbour kids who liked to pull her hair and pretend nothing happened. Unlike your neighbours ours knew what he was like and tried to stop him but he kept doing it.
So I taught my sister the benefits of punching a person square on the nose. I told her if he pulls your hair or hits you again punch him hard on the nose as fast as you can without thinking and the little fucker wouldn't do that anymore. And he didn't. I told her to use the excuse that she was trying to push him away too.
OP your neighbour is just a nightmare bitch. You can't be scared in your own house, you need strengthen and learn to ignore her.
OP you don't like her, so why would you invite her over for a drink? Why would you even stop to talk to her? Learn to be busy going somewhere if you see her on the street, enough talking to this bitch OP, she obviously has a pretty empty, shit life if all she can do is criticize you and be a cunt to you.
Teach your kids how to react to physical violence, their precious little angel isn't capable of doing something like that, he's not going to listen to you the only way he'll understand that your kids are not to be messed with is by a painful reaction from them. Teaching them how to defend against physical attack is not teaching them to be violent OP, just giving them the tools to protect themselves.
Stop trying to work them out, and work out how to not give a shit about them and not let them get to you.
Why do you even give her the time of day. Say hello in passing and don't stop.
There will be no issues if you ignore her. If they come over to complain about music tell them you'll turn it down and then don't, if it's below the watershed then you can blast music as loud as you want.
Above all though OP, you want to set an example to your kids on how people like this should be handled, with grace and with strength. If her husband hit your husband how would he react? Exactly so that's a lesson your kids need to learn too.
If I was in your husbands shoes and he accused me of checking out his wife my response would be simple. "Her!? Ugh, haha, just no. I didn't marry my wife her keen intellect and quick alone you know, she's all I want to look at in that way."
OP stop associating with this woman, stop inviting her over if she has nothing good to say, be on "hello" only basis and leave it at that. If her kid tries to be a fuckwit to yours then he gets a punch in the nose, if they come over and complain then guess what, you're little angel can't do anything wrong either.
So mentally, emotionally you're able to handle this. Physically they try shit, your husband will deal with that.
If they try to become worse and start to fuck with your lives, then it's time to set up some cameras and catch them in the act.
Seriously though OP, teach your kids to handle themselves, you can't be with them everywhere they go. Do this by leading by example.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 February 2013):
 I would not even try and make nice with her, my kids would be "banned" from playing with hers.
We had a brat like that (with a nutso family too) at our old house. The kid was just mean and viscous to every other kid and frankly a total bully. I told my kids that they couldn't play or hang around with him. As it turned out, I was not the only mom to do so. He ended up not having anyone to play with, which then resulted in rude comments when ever I crossed paths with his mom/dad, but I just ignored them. In the end though, the Dad was also a drama llama at work and got transferred to a whole different location.
My advice, don't engage, don't hang out, pretend they do not exist. If you do run into them say hi, how are you and walk away. No need for you to talk or nice to these people. Just avoid them and enjoy your life.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (26 February 2013):
 Crikey she and her brrod sound like a complete nightmare, you have every right to avoid them and really you should NOT be beating yourself up for feeling so upset over them.
It reminds me of when I was a child, we lived in a cul-de-sac next door to a family whose children were selfish spoilt brats. They were mean and nasty to the other kids in the street, bossy and spiteful and would go running to mummy or daddy everytime one of the kids stood up to them.
The mother thought she was perfect and looked down her nose at the other neighbours. Any effort to befriend them was met with snide comments or petty behaviour and they were also very anal and confronting about the parking (which was limited). They would literally get up in the night to move their car if a space became available. They would park sideways between two spaces when they had friends over (to keep a space free).
Their oldest daughter had an argument at school with my sister and my sister swiped her with a school bag and they called the police...it was completely out of hand. Eventually we all stayed in our own back gardens or had kids in, instead of playing out. My parents began to completely ignore them, pretending they didn't exist as my mother refused to get upset about something we could do nothing about.
My advice to you would be to live your life and ignore them. Keep your kids away from them and then she will have no complaint. Do not invite her into your home again, don't speak to her or respond to anything she says. Play your music, enjoy your home. If you have reasonable noise levels there is absolutely nothing anyone can do to stop you. If they start harrassing you then log a complaint with the council or the police.
There are loads of these people in the world, petty, small minded, unreasonable, selfish, uncompromising idiots who you will never win with...It's best to just ignore them and pretend they don't exist, that way, they have no complaint with you and will hopefully leave you alone.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (26 February 2013):
 Sounds like you have made every effort to offer the Olive Branch to these neighbors yet they are determined to be as disagreeable as possible.
Be prepared for the neighbor to allege that your children are not the little angels you know them to be.
Get some verbatim accounts written down of what you endure. If you have an answering machine on your phone and they have ever abused you on that assemble that.
Then go to your nearest Citizen's Advice Bureau as they do have resources to help you.
At the very least get their printed material on neighborhood disputes:
http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/housing_e/housing_problems_where_you_live_e/neighbour_disputes.htm
I do not know if you have Alternative Dispute Resolution groups who can adjudicate over a community dispute between individuals or organisations. Much much cheaper than other more conventional means. Maybe check out how that works, if it is available in your country.
And apart from that, greet them in the street with a brisk "good morning" and keep walking. If they shout abuse still keep walking as if you did not hear the abuse.
And take the children more often to the park so they do not need to play near the "neighbor from Hell's designated space"
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