A
male
age
,
*immyzz86
writes:So my gf broke up with me after 7 months and I don't know why I am so upset? We told each other we loved each other but I could never bring myself to seeing her 2-3 times a week. I enjoy my alone time so I tend to spend it with myself. A few weeks ago she told me lets go back to just casual dating. I didn't think it meant dating other, just that we weren't bf/gf. I know i'm stupid to think that now. Of course a week goes by and she says now she met someone that has potential for a relationship, calls her everyday and wants to spend every day with her. All the things I couldn't do. Next thing I know he is spending nites at her place. Like a fool I continue to drive by. Initially when we went back to dating I was happy cause now I didn't have to call her everyday. Still texted a few times a day though I am upset that she didn't tell me that meant dating others. Now she won't take a call or text or email. Is it my ego? Rebound for her? Like a fool I believed when we first met that she told me she had never felt this way before, introduced me to her parents and said I was the one. But my lack of attention to her physically and emotionally drove her away. Whats wrong with me? Torturing myself knowing he is with her everynite. She has money and so does this new guy so its not like that.He certainly isn't anything to look at...rather large. Saw there pic on Facebook together. he posted, not her. But why am I such a mess?
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male
reader, jimmyzz86 +, writes (13 March 2013):
jimmyzz86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNow this guy is telling his friends on facebook that he is in love....oh brother they just met. I wish her the best but it still pains me...thanks eveyone for your words of wisdom.I do need to move on and not focus on what I lost but how I can try and better myself.I now see all the things I did wrong with her and vow to change albeit one day at a time.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 March 2013):
 You are in a mess because seeing them together in a facebook brought back painful memories of your ex wife leaving you for another man. You asked this question right after mentioning that it's not the money issue and the guy is fat. Exactly, she would rather be with a fat guy than stay with you. Which tells you women value companionship, attention over looks.
You are trying to convince yourself not to hurt as much but feelings are not things you can deny. You did have feelings for her and it's normal to grieve over a break up.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (12 March 2013):
 Seeing someone 2-3 times a week if you are in a committed relationship, is not really enough (or not a whole lot).
She wanted to see you more but because you couldn't do that, she has found someone who can. It's that simple.
Even if she did get back with you now, would you want to see her more than two or three times a week?...If not, then you need to leave her alone, because she seems happy with the new guy.
That's life, maybe find a girlsfriend who just wants to date you casually, that would probably suit you better seeing as you need so much time alone :-)
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A
male
reader, jimmyzz86 +, writes (12 March 2013):
jimmyzz86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts not like we didnt spend time together.We spent 2-3 times a week together.I guess I feel as though she should have told me she wanted to date others and dealt with as such. One thing I forgot to mention is I have trust issues from a divorce (wife cheated)so when we were on a weekend trip 2 months ago at dinner she said she had been talking recently to a guy from high school that she dated. I freaked out because I thought she was betraying our love.After that is when the relationship went south.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2013):
You told her you loved her but you don't want to spend time with her. That's very confusing to someone. She wanted and expected a relationship to be more involved. You didn't want that. So she said OK let's be casual instead, i.e. she adjusted to you. But casual also means not exclusive, as in, dating others.
So you mean to say that you didn't want her to see anyone else, yet you didn't want to have to spend time with her either. that's pretty selfish... it sounds like you're not ready to be in an exclusive relationship so you shouldn't tell women that you are.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (12 March 2013):
Yes, the term breaking up has many aliases. It's very heavy loaded. It involves messy emotions so people try to lighten it up with vagueness so they can move on without fuss. They think at least they have the intentions behind it and they wait for the other to catch up on the real deal later. I think you are feeling bad because there isn't much you can do about your nature, which can seem too aloof to others. And you know that most women want more attention than you can give. There are some women who need a lot of space like you, but I can already tell you prefer women who need you, rather than saying they don't mind meeting you. Your ideal of relationships is that you meet only once a week. Intimacy is on your terms. In her eyes she had always thought that it was too casual for her, so moving on for her wasn't difficult. Nonetheless it was still a break up. You still experience the pain that more attached people do. Just because you need your down time more does not mean you did not invest anything into it. Her being with another man triggers the primal anger. The "someone has her but I don't" anger.
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