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To text or not to text... help!

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 February 2013) 6 Answers - (Newest, 1 March 2013)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Ok, so I went out on a first date for drinks with someone I met online a few days ago. Things went really well, because he kept asking me the whole time about going out again to a movie or dinner. The next morning, he texted me and told me to have a great sunday. I guess to let me know that he is still thinking of me. I responded, you too, hope its a restful one. And thats it. I really want him to know that im still interested without seeming too needy by texting him again. How do i do that without texting him? If I don't, he might think I'm not interested. Now keep in mind, I'm new to this dating thing, I was married for 10 years and never dated before that. I'm back out there and have no clue how to act.

View related questions: met online, text

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (1 March 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony aunttexting is no way to have a relationship.

to be honest if he was VERY interested he would have asked you out (sadly via text which sucks)

IF you don't want to play games and are really interested pick up the phone and CALL HIM and ask him to do something.

if he jumps at the chance and it goes well... well we'll go from there... even if he can't do it on the date you suggest.. if he offers an alternative ASAP that's good.

but i'm betting he hems and haws... or has an excuse... in which case... NEXT... just keep moving he's just wasting time...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Wow! Thanks! I would have never guessed that. Oh boy, that is disappointing, :( Yea, I have been trying to date other people as well, don't like to concentrate on one person. I will keep you guys updated on what happened. Thank you for your response, sometimes its nice to hear advice from the outside looking in.

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A female reader, AuntyEm United Kingdom +, writes (1 March 2013):

AuntyEm agony auntHis actions scream ' I am a time waster' or 'I will just keep you dangling as a time filler'

It's very irritating when someone isn't clear and to the point...

Go for broke, ask him if he would like to go on another date with you...the answer will either be yes or no, If you don't get a straight answer then delete, forget and move on.

Life is too short to have to work some people out.

In my experience this kind of behaviour can often indicate the guy is already in a relationship or even married. A lot of married and attached men use internet dating sites for an ego boost or attention. Some even venture onto dates with unsuspecting women and of course the follow up is often sketchy or ambiguous because they realise they can't take things further, some will also have sex with the woman without revealing they have a partner and then play this 'enigmatic' game or simply dissapear.

Unless you recieve a direct offer of another date, I'd seriously forget him and find someone else to date.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Ok, so he ended up texting me that he is thinking of me this week!!! But he never calls. Which I think is weird. Maybe he is just busy at work. I ended up texting him to have a great Friday, but don't want to overdo it. Some men might take it as being too aggressive and I don't want to scare him off. Ugh, THIS IS SOOOOO HARD! Why can't we all just be adults and tell people how we feel without feeling bad about it????

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A male reader, eddie85 United States +, writes (26 February 2013):

eddie85 agony auntFor me, I've always felt texting was an extremely poor way to communicate. It is hard to convey emotion, urgency and meaning behind 160 characters (or whatever the max length of them are). To me it is also cowardly and somewhat lazy.

I see absolutely no harm in you calling him. Too many women these days let the men set the pace, while men are in the same boat -- worrying about whether you like us or if we are pushing too hard. It is a game -- a silly game that often leads to crossed signals and misunderstandings.

My advice: go with your gut. If you want to talk to him and try and set up a date, then go for it! Call him and talk to him -- with your voice. If things aren't meant to be, he'll bow out and you'll be able to move on.

Life is about risk. You will never get what you truly want without taking it. Rejection happens and you'll survive -- but imagine what COULD happen if this actually leads to something. Take that first step... you may be pleased with the results.

Eddie

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A female reader, AuntyEm United Kingdom +, writes (25 February 2013):

AuntyEm agony auntHmmm tricky!!

Firstly don't invest too much thought to him right now. People you meet on dating sites very often date a few people at a time to see who's out there and despite what they say to you on the actual date, if they are really wanting a second date (especially men), they will let you know. You could ask him out on a date yourself

'Hiya wondered if you fancied catching a movie in the week?' sort of thing...nothing desperate or pushy about that and he will either say yes or no...sometimes you have to just ask.

Good luck

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