A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:A little over a year ago, I began a relationship with a great guy. He and I hit it off so well. We did several different activites together that we shared in common and best of all had an intense sex life. It didn't take long for us to more-or-less start living together.We are both in our mid-fourties, love each other and anticipate that we will end up getting married at one point.However, things have progressively started changing over the last 6 months. We don't do some of the activities that we used to. Our sex life has slowed down enough that I questioned him on it. He said that he loves me but that he just can't continue to keep up at the pace that we were going or that I would like to go. And that he would rather just snuggle some nights.And, I guess the final piece is that he used to do some romantic things and these days he doesn't do them.Is the Honeymoon phase over or is our relationship starting to die?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): Yes, the honeymoon is over. Sex at first is more passionate, but the passion wears off. This doesn't mean you don't still enjoy sex. I don't think the guy is abnormal; he is middle aged. It's not doing things together that worries me. It sounds like he normally initiated activities. Can you not initiate them?
Also, a wholesome relationship extends far beyond sex. In time, it is the friendship that is more important in love. Maybe he has just reached that point earlier than you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): Yes, the honeymoon is over. Sex at first is more passionate, but the passion wears off. This doesn't mean you don't still enjoy sex. I don't think the guy is abnormal; he is middle aged. It's not doing things together that worries me. It sounds like he normally initiated activities. Can you not initiate them?
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (30 August 2009):
 I agree with the other poster. Try different things. To truthfully answer your question. The honeymoon phase is over when you choose for it to be over.
People feel loved in different ways. At the beginning of the relationship, you touch on all ways of love. Showing, touching, buying, taking out etc. As time goes on, you might still love the person, but you begin showing them you love them the way you yourself feel loved. This way might be completely opposite of how they do. The key to avoiding the rut is (1) date nights, and change of routine of doing things, (2) Find out by what you do how the other person feels really loved, then repeat often. Also spice up your sex life. Don't make it a routine, where you can view the last few times and predict exactly how the experience is going to be. Be playful, and change it up. I believe when my sex life takes a dive is when they're putting me in the ground. We know sex is not the most important area of a relationship, but if it's going to be part of it, might as well keep it satisfying for both of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): I think the beginning of a death of a relationship starts when the couple argues and yellsand discovers pet peeves, problems, and irritants that they have trouble accepting. This sounds like the end of honeymoon phase. A year? It had a pretty good run. Just keep the same presonalities; don't change who you are, don't let him change who he is, and there's no reason to stop loving each other.
You may want to spice things up in the bedroom. Try new things, new toys, new moves, etc. You'll be fine!
~Sy.
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A
male
reader, Mikes  +, writes (30 August 2009):
 I would relly say that its just the honeymoon period ending. Sex always goes downhill eventually, and a guy of 40 has less sex than a guy of 20.
The bit which really stood out was the lack of romantic things he does anymore. romance is linked to sex, and so its possible he is doing less romantic things because he knows this could lead to something sexual, and if hes not in the mood....
I hope it all works out for you two
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