A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've decided to have an Abortion.. how will I ever get through it? I feel so hopeless. My boyfriend broke up with me. I feel so alone. I didn't want this, but I know it's the best choice for me. I am young.. and my boyfriend (well ex) is a big LOSER.I constantly cry.. because, I will never get to hold him / her, and they will never know how sorry I am and how much I truly love them.. even though I had to terminate the pregnancy...:( How do I create my peace?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (26 August 2009):
 Sweety I am so sorry for some of the answers you have recieved on here, please dont let any of these awful judegemental people get to you. By the sounds of things the Moderators have made a slight error here so people have got a bit confused thinking you havent had the abortion yet so try and ignore anything that has been said on here before you clarified your post.
As for your question which no-one has actually answered for you - there is no way to create your peace, this will just come in time. Time is a great healer and eventually you will come to terms with your decision, just right now the whole experience is very raw for you. Perhaps seeing a counsellor might help you - go to your doctor and they will be able to refer you to someone. Talking to a stranger might help you, you will be able to get all your feelings off your chest and have a good cry if you need to. Bottling up your feelings is the worst thing to do so talking will help.
But the most important thing is that you know deep down in your heart that you have made the right choice for you. All these people on here have their own views and they are entitled to them, but they dont know your life and your situation. So as long as you fully believe you have made the right choice then that is all that matters. Yes this was a baby and I'm sure you will always think about the baby you never had but one day when the time is right you will have a chance to be a mum again and it will be when your at the right time in life to have a baby.
I had a miscarriage once when I didnt even know I was pregnant, and that was awful and I remember at the time that was all I could think about. But eventually the thoughts went away, and yes I do wonder what the baby could have been like from time to time but once you find yourself thinking like that you have to realise it is not healthy to think that way and you need to focus on something else.
Try keeping yourself distracted over the next few weeks - see lots of your friends and family, maybe even take up a new hobby or sport. Keeping yourself busy will help take your mind off things and exercise is good for releasing serotonin (the hormone that makes you feel happy).
Just remember you have done the right thing, and that the pain will go away in time. You will get another chance to be a mum oneday so try not to think about "what could have been". If you need anything else please feel free to message me in private if you would prefer.
I hope this helps and all the best x x x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): Yeah it definately did clash with the title, which probably caused confusion, it has been changed now.
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A
female
reader, SHANIKA +, writes (26 August 2009):
sweetie,please don't have an abortion-it will be the biggest regret of your life,it is bound to be excruciatingly hard to go through the pregnancy at your age ,without your boyfriend and having a child will be terrifiying at first,but think about it-you will love this person more than you will have loved anyone before,even their father,so thinking about the sacrifices you have to make ,now will seem scary,but when you have bonded with your baby it will seem like nothing.Try searching the internet for a support group for young mums in your area,They could also advise you on benifits,your education ect and they would teach you the practical stuff,like how to change nappies and things like that,and tell your parents-don't be afraid-their bound to be a little shouty at first but trust me any mother would be horrified at the thought of her daughter going through something like this on her own.But please tell someone in your family or mabey even a friends mum-you desparatly need an adult to support you right now.Take care and I sincearly wish you the best of luck,whatever you do.Oh and ignore the people on here judging,saying you must have slept around-you are not a whore,you were in a relationship and happened to get pregnant-you are just unlucky in that you are so young,that's all.You dun know they would'nt say nothing if you were 30.And remember,your life is far from over,girls have babies young and go on to take degrees,find a man,go out with their friends still-it's just a case of managing your time carefuly
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (26 August 2009):
 Sweetie, you have been through a really traumatic time and you now need to take care of yourself... surround yourself with your family who love you, and try to get to see a counsellor or find someone to chat to, you need support now more than ever before.Honeygirl
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): Were you the young girl who came on here a few weeks ago and asked for advice on what to do?
Of course, you and you're boyfriend are to blame, because obviously sex leads to pregnancy, whether you used contraception or not, there's still that chance, but I'm not here to tell you you should have done this or that because it's done. I've not been in your shoes but I can understand how upsetting and tough it will be. For whatever reasons you had an abortion, if it was for the better, then you will come to realise that. If you had kept it, bringing up the baby where it didn't have the emotional and financial stability a baby needs would have been worse. For the baby, not you and your boyfriend. If you had an abortion for these reasons, then you'll know it was the right thing to do.
You need to talk to people, friends, family, and if you're still on speaking terms with your ex, then him too, as he was the father. Ask him how he feels too. If you feel that talking to them isn't helping with the recovery, then perhaps you could talk to a counsellor. I don't think you'd ever fully get over it, but in time you'll be able to live with your decision, and live your life happy again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): from someone who has had THREE abortions, if you are in ANY doubt whatsoever, DO NOT DO IT!!!!!!!
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (26 August 2009):
 Have you talked to your parents about your decision? If your boyfriend was still in the picture, would that have made a difference in your decision? I am fairly stumped how so many people who decide they can't be a parent right now jump to getting an abortion, without considering adoption. I'm certainly glad when my birth mom was 15 she chose adoption.
Let's go from my being adopted to my experience as a behavior analyst. There are different ways individuals handle hard experiences. Some may not be bothered by an experience when others would be torn apart by the same. I don't know you, so I'm not going to assume which end you'd fit, other than saying the probability is high that you're going to be greatly affected long-term by this decision. Although I'm against death. I'm not a prolife advocate. I am, however someone many have come to after this procedure has been tearing them apart for 10+ years. So when you say it may be best for the long term. It may or may not be.
I want you to really think hard about this decision. Find a abortion support group, and talk to people who've made the choice you're facing now. I strongly urge this. In your post you said "how sorry I am and how much I truly love them." You're acknowledging your place as the child's mother. Looking at that, it has long term mental affect written all over it. If I were the doctor performing the procedure, we wouldn't get started until we went over all angles to make sure your decision was made knowing the possible consequences.
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI suggest you don't judge me. You don't even know the half of it. You don't know my life. I wouldn't want to bring a child into this world while the father walks out and I will have to work two jobs my whole life to support it. And I've already HAD the abortion, and yes I feel extremely guilty about it, because I had planned to keep it. Until my boyfriend broke up with me.Maybe I am selfish, maybe I'm not. Yes I made the decision to have sex, but I was on birth control so it's not like I had unprotected sex. And I honestly couldn't give my child to somebody else. That would be like somebody taking my heart out and stomping on it. If you were fifteen and pregnant with a dead beat ex boyfriend for the father, no support.. tell me, what would you do?Don't judge me until you are put in my shoes. Go away with your pro-life bull****
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): well, i have had an abortion. it is NEVER easy. i was in the same boat as you except my ex did not break up with me, in fact he made me get the abortion. after i got it i was devistated, but after thinking about it it was for the best.
it's never easy to terminate a life, but if you feel its what's best for you then you shouldnt be holding it against yourself.
i got mine 2 years ago and it still bothers me, but i am currently pregnant and knew that it was right this time.
if you're not ready to have child then you dont need to.
dont let anyone judge you. its your choice as a woman.
you wont ever really get over it, but it takes a lot of courage to do what you're doing. just be strong and dont bring yourself down.
good luck :)
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