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age
51-59,
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writes: My situation is this, I am best friends with a married man and we have crossed the boundary. We both know what we have done is wrong and have committed to each other that we would stop. We would like to remain best friends without the sex part as we truly treasure each other as a very good friend...which we all know are hard to find these days. I need some advice please, do you all think this is possible?
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affair, best friend, married man Reply to this Question
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female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (26 August 2009):
 This wasn't just a mistake.
Mistakes are something you can't control. You just mess up. Having sex with someone is completely in your control. You are already a homewrecker, seeing as you slept with a married man, so don't try to soothe yourself on that one. Take responsibility for what you have done.
If you already made up your mind that you were still going to selfishly see this guy, then why did you ask for advice? This isn't a friendship. It doesn't matter what you do now, you still violated trust. That kind of action stains a "friendship" permanently. If you were married, would you still want your spouse to see the person they had an affair with, even if they were "just friends"? Give me a break.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): ella you messed up once with this married man. please do not continue to be a homewrecker. by mere contact with him means that you are still the other woman. this emotional bond needs to end. you know you are just fooling yourself into believeing that you are just his mere friend. you know that you still continue to be the other woman, worming your way into the destruction of his marriage. this so called friendship is just a guise. this married man is taken. i am assuming he has kids with his wife as well. surely you can see the errors of your ways. if you want to change the way you are viewed you need to eliminate ALL contact with this married man."...we did something about it and must admit so far so good. It all depends on the individuals involved. I am not seeing this MM exclusively and never did..." you need to re read what you have written. you are still contemplating with this MM. you say that you both are not exclusive, yet you f*ck him just for the sake of it, in spite of knowng that you are not morally innocent. this means that you will fall back to your homewrecking ways beacuse you do not see the wrongs here. what indeed do you mean by " it all depends on the inviduals involved". to me it means that you are open to continuing your affair wih the very married "friend"??maybe you should stop contradicting yourself. but in the end this will blow up in your face and then you will have only yourself to blame for this sordid affair. please change your ways. if you want to be viewed as a homewrecker then continue in this vain. but if you want to change into a better person, and take the flack for your actions you know that cutting all ties with this womans husband is the answer.
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A
male
reader, cheated  +, writes (25 August 2009):
i'm sorry but what ever way you look at it, it is home wrecking. my wife had had an affair a few years ago and it has wrecked our home. i am different, the kids are different and the whole happy family life is different.you should not have anything to do with him at all and the fairest thing for both of you to do is confess..
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (25 August 2009):
 When you say it's retreivable, some mistakes are to a certain extent. This extent involves a married man and his wife. The only way I could see this being an honest friendship is if the wife knows the situation and agrees to the friendship. Anytime a marriage is violated, the victim spouse should have the option to decide if it's forgiveable or if they should move on. Same here, you were involved with her husband, so she should be allowed to make that decision. That's first based on knowing about the mistake, then deciding.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 August 2009):
 I agree with Gina, NOTHING good can come of this. Not for you, the guy OR his wife.
Let him go. HIS wife deserves better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers, but I have made a deep commitment to end the sex as I am no homewrecker and have no intention of being one. So far we are friends, full stop as we were not in this for any lentgth of time. There was no lovey dovey words to each other etc, no buying of gifts and adoration etc. As soon as we realised our mistake, we did something about it and must admit so far so good. It all depends on the individuals involved. I am not seeing this MM exclusively and never did, it was just a mistake that is retrievable.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (24 August 2009):
Oh please. It's obvious that this is more than a friendship. Friends don't have sex with other friends. Common sense. So don't try to fool yourself that you guys are going to be able to stay 'just friends'. You guys have messed around and you have this attraction toward each other. It's already more than just friendship. Do yourself a favor and convince the guy to tell his wife the truth about you and stop seeing him as long as he is married. Act like an adult, and stop making excuses.
If you two were really 'best friends', you wouldn't have allowed your attraction to compromise his marriage. And he definitely wouldn't have dragged you into some affair. That's using each other. So stop complicating things and stop hanging out with this guy. You would hope for the same thing if you were the wife in this situation.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 August 2009):
 I think it would be very unwise at this point to try to stay in any kind of relationship with each other. Maybe down the road a piece you can try the friendship thing but right now with your track record I'd say no. Marriage is much more important than friendship.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (24 August 2009):
Depends on what you want. What does he want from his marriage? I generally recommend if someone is trying to work on or have a satisfying marriage that contact ends with those who might compromise that happiness or the goal the person is working on. It's kinda like when you get a new boyfriend. You don't invite the ex boyfriend over for dinner so they can get acquainted. Some might, some may be comfortable in doing so, but most will not. So it depends on you and the overall situation.
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