A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My friend has a friend who is super cute and really likes her a lot, but she has made it very clear to everyone that she only likes the guy as a friend. And my friend's mother says she knows the guy and says that he reminds her of me and we have a lot in common, but I don't know the guy personally since I've only met him once but he seemed nice when we met but my real question is it wise to crush on someone who is so head over heels for your friend because I'm wondering if I would even have a chance since my friend and I are nothing alike but if so what would be the best way to get to know him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks I appreciate the feedback from everyone I was also thinking those negatives as well. Also as you've said I will continue to look for someone whose heart doesn't already belong to someone else.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2013): I agree with Cerberus. Can you deal with knowing he has feelings for someone else, and would probably drop you instantly if she decided she liked him the same way he likes her? I know I wouldn't be able to. It would piss me off every time he spoke of her, or checked her out, because I would know he likes her more than me, and dreams of her body instead of mine.
I would search for someone whose heart doesn't already belong to someone else.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2013): No it's not really wise. Imagine dating him and being the same room as the two of them and how awkward that would be. How any time he gushes over her while talking to her, or checking her out, or catching him having a sneaky glimpse at her boobs in a low cut top.
You're setting yourself up for some pretty nasty insecurity, the chance of falling out with this friend through jealousy and frankly OP you'd constantly feel you're in competition with her for his affections even if she never intends to be with him.
I agree with AuntyEm too OP. "Just a friend" could be a load of bullshit, she may not take too kindly to having a guy who likes her taken away and no longer chasing her.
Besides do you really want to start a relationship feeling like second best? Feeling like he only got with you because he can't have the woman he really wants?
Not for me thanks, I've seen how that can go. Months down the line and you get a nice "we need to talk, sorry but I like someone else and it's not fair on you yada-yada".
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (22 June 2013):
 No it's not wise to crush on him and your G/friend and her mother are wrong for trying to set you up when he doesn't even know you. He may have completely different tastes and if you approach him, you are more likely to end up looking a fool.
If this guy is really into your friend then he is going to pursue her relentlessly, because saying NO to most guys is like saying YES!
Be careful that your friend is not playing a game here...she may be saying that he's 'just a friend' but believe me, she is loving the attention and having you crush on him when you can't have him is an even bigger boost for her.
If she was really your friend and she wanted you to have a chance with him, she'd tell him 'I am not interested but I have this really nice friend'...and then she'd introduce you.
Try to meet other people and perhaps choose your own dates and if her and her mother say anything to you again, ask them to either introduce you to him or to drop it.
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