A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I would love your opinion about this.I was dumped today by a low life, cheating prick. He came to my house to tell me. I am really upset by not only the fact he did it but by how he did it and how unfeeling and cold he was about it.He came to see me to talk with his iPhone in hand. He sat there with me and told me he can't continue seeing me and said how sorry he was, saying he was not ready for a relationship, kissed my forehead and said he had to go. Then I saw him get into his car and get on the phone right away. Clearly life went on for him pretty quickly while I sat inside crying my eyes out.He was cold, unfeeling and rushed off. He said he was very sorry about everything and felt so bad to do that to me but he was still attracted to me. WTF?Him sorry? I might have believed him if he was not in a hurry to take off so quick and was so to the point and out the door.How can a guy be so cruel? I am so angry at him for how he did it. He was in a hurry to get it over with and get out. If he cared, he would have handled it better and would have been kinder.Is there a nice way to break up?I feel like sending him an email telling him exactly what I think as he did not give me the time of day today. He hurt me and I do not think he should get away with it, without knowing how much he hurt me.But the other part says fuck him and leave it be and do not give him the satisfaction of seeing how much he hurt me. What should I do? Ignore him or send him an email telling him off? He deserves a piece of my mind for being such a coward and a cold, unfeeling, cowardly jerk. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (22 June 2013):
 I agree wholeheartedly with CindyCares.
I know it hurts to be dumped but I don't really think there ever is a really NICE or EASY way to end a relationship.
He DID show some respect for you by doing it in person, he honestly could have fired off a text, if he was an uncaring cold bastard.
He didn't hang around, which you might have liked, but I think it might have actually hurt the both of you MORE if you drag it out. And most guys I have EVER met don't deal well with a crying woman, so maybe that was part of it too.
Write down how you feel on a piece of paper. Then put it away. Give it a few weeks and read it and burn it and let him go.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (21 June 2013):
 I thought all the answers here were excellent (especially Cindy who nailed it IMHO)
OP you are angry and upset, that's understandable. Perhaps you will be better served to read what the aunts here have said in a few days when you are a bit calmer.(I don't want that to sound patronising because I am sure you just wanna punch walls at the moment)
I also agree that he was not a coward, even though he had tried to ignore you and you insisted you see him...he still took the situation in hand and ended things, which for him was the right thing to do.
If you write a vitriolic e-mail ripping his butt, all you will be doing is providing him with more vindication for ending things. He will just assume he had a lucky escape.
You are hurt, probably everyone who replied to you here has been hurt and dumped by a past lover (I know I have)...and it sucks completely...it's horrible and upsetting and vacuous!!...but you will get over it I promise.
It doesn't matter if he has decided to go out and have casual sex. When a relationship ends, people are pretty much at liberty to do as they want and the one who ends things always moves on quicker than the one who got dumped!
Be angry and write down your feelings, cry on your friends shoulders and treat yourself like you are recovering from illness...but to him...you must be a wall of silence...you will never regret that I promise.
I went through a terrible break up about 4 years ago (3 year relationship in which we lived together), I couldn't eat or do anything but cry and sleep and needed anti depressants to get me over the worst. There were many times I wanted to call him up and yell and scream (even phoned once and hung up...he never called me back)...we have all been there. I just wanted time to pass so I could forget and slowly the clouds dissapeared and I started to feel better. Strangely he called me out of the blue a few weeks ago and I found out that he just screws his way around the internet these days, spending money he dont have on women who obviously take take take. He was bitter and scathing of women, said they were 'all the same'...but really it's him who has the problem.He then asked to see me...I declined.
I cut the call short and felt a huge weight had been lifted off of me. He broke my heart and it made me ill, but it wasn't until I had had that conversation with him that I realised who he really was!...there was a very good reason why we broke up, I just never realised it at the time!
Keep your chin up, normal life will return xxx
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A
female
reader, babyzbird +, writes (21 June 2013):
 I'm not surprised that he ignored your e-mail. He probably deleted it before he could have a chance to opened it.
I know it hurts, the pain is almost unbearable at times. Try to keep calm and spend time with your friends.
The whole point of writing the e-mail is to get it off your chest and then let him go. Trying to contact him and meet him is only going to make things worst for you.
Now is the best time to look towards the future and enjoy your life the best you can.
Good Luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone. You are all mentioning how he did it in person and deserves credit. No, he doesn't. I emailed him and he ignored me so I had to send another email insisting I need to talk to him. So I asked him to come over. What he was doing was trying to avoid me and would never have done this had I not pushed him. He's been hot and cold lately and more cold and I needed to find out what's up. It is not fair for me to go on this way. He would have just kept things going and brushing them under the rug, stringing me along if he could. I was the one who pushed for a resolution. And even though I am heartbroken and I got one, it is better now than later that I found out what an asshole he is. Looks like he wants to play the field and have no strings sex with other women.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 June 2013):
 It's normal that now your emotions are all over the place, but if you can ,say, inhale 10 deep breaths and calm down a bit, may you will appreciate that :
1 ) a coward, he was not. Cold and unfeeling, probably, but not a coward. He came in person, and told you in your face. Not that he deserves a medal for that, but... have a look at Dear Cupid posts and see how many hundreds of women complain that they did not get even that bit of respect. Tons of Houdini acts where the guy just vanishes and that's it. Tons of break ups by text or e-mail or phone, or even through a third person.
To do something that you know it will hurt a person, amd see that person suffer and cry,- it is unpleasant , and many men won't have even that little guts it takes to face this unpleasantness. Yours did.
2) You talk as if he OWED you a big display of emotion or deep feelings or huge regret. He did not, all he owed was clarity and politeness. Would you have preferred him to lie, to make a fool out of you ? Sorry , but... chances are that if he dumped you ( after having cheated on you , too ) is precisely because he did not feel all those strong feelings and big emotions.Otherwise, he would not have broken up. He could have shown more sensitivity, perhaps, then again, omce you know you want to get out of a situation, there's something in favour also of being short, abrupt, surgical, and just get it over and done. Words of comfort , pats on the back, terms of encouragement are often taken by the dumpee as a sign that's not really really over, that maybe perhaps deep down.... Better to avoid, and stick to " just the facts, Ma'm " ( or Sir ).
3) Don't take " I am sorry " so literally, I am sure you don't in other occasions of life. When somebody steps on your toe and says " Sorry ", what do you do , do you turn around and tell him off : " No, you liar, you say sorry , but I know you aren't, I know that in a minute you'll have forgotten about my hurt and pain and the throbbing of my stepped on toe "... " I am sorry " is a matter of being civil, and tryng to keep things unfussy and non- confrontational.
All in all, you are furious with this guy because you liked him more than he liked you. It is normal if you feel this way, then again is not very rational. He did his sindacal bare minimum for breaks up- more than that, it would have been nice, but it's not mandatory. Can you ever really scold people for not being in love with you, for not feeling what you want them to feel for you ?
You see what I am getting at. I think that sending him a written telling off would just whip up your anger and would accomplish nothing. He would not give a fig that you are hurt , you'd look like the typical scorned psycho ex, and if he is a vain one, yes, you'd give him the satisfaction to know that he really carved himself into your heart.
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (21 June 2013):
 Dont contact him, getting it off your chest is not going to change the fact the relationship is over. Also you will be giving him the satisfaction of hurting you all over again.
He left is a hurry not because he did not care but because he obviously could not handle or deal with you in tears. Not many men know what to do in those circustances and if he stayed and felt guilty , he would not be able to go through with the break up.
When you calm down, you will see this through different set of eyes.
Keep your pride and walk tall and let this go. I promise you will feel better.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (21 June 2013):
 oldbag is right, though. he DID do it face to face. that is the decent thing to do. he could have been a bit more sensitive, though.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (21 June 2013):
i think you should send him an email if it will make you feel better. get your closure, sweetheart. it won't change anything or make him come back, but it may get some of your anger out and help you move on.
but that's totally up to you. only do it if you think it will make you feel better.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (21 June 2013):
 Hi
Ofcourse your angry, but he at least came and told you face to face, that won't have been easy for him, he's not a coward.
Don't email or phone him. You will regret it when you have calmed down.
Phone a friend, in fact get them all round and you can pull him to bits together - when your ready.
Whatever you do, be kind to yourself, you moving on and being happy without him is the best way to get back at him. Show him what he lost and somebody else will gain.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2013): He knows how much he hurt you and he doesn't care. That's why he hurt you. At least he had the decency to dump you in person, most scumbags wouldn't have had the balls to face you.
Any further contact would be playing right into his hands as he'd know he's gotten under his skin.
Two time-tested clichés have become clichés because they are universal. Apply them:
a) Living well is the best revenge
b) Revenge is a dish best served cold
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A
female
reader, VioletMoon +, writes (21 June 2013):
What I think is very important that you maintain your dignity. If you were to send him a message to tell him how much he hurt you it would only make you look bad, pitiful. Rather than worry about him "getting away" with hurting you focus on your own self and your self-respect. I don't think that the way he broke up with you was completely wrong. He did the right thing in breaking up with you IN PERSON. He gets some credit for that. It can be very difficult to break up with a person. . If he broke up with you in a text message that would be totally wrong. Of course, it hurts when some one breaks up with you. But he didn't blame you or put you down. Also, you have no idea who or what he was doing with his cell phone. Maybe he needed to talk to someone about how bad he felt telling you that it is over. Give yourself sometime until you calm down and aren't feeling reactive. It is a good time to treat yourself with tender loving care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2013): I'm sorry for what happened, that awful. Unfortunately there is no better way to breakup. Breakups are terrible for both parties. I'm not saying what your boyfriend did is decent and respectful, but guys are irrational and guys don't want any scenes, if he had stayed longer he have had to tell you the reason for breakingup i.e. that he met someone else, or he might have ended up making up with you and who knows maybe he couldn't breakup with you as he planned. As bad as it sounds guys are cowards "period" but we love them. At least he was honest and he did not string you along, he did not just disappear or stopped contacting you without any reason. You know what I mean. He probably met someone else and of course he won't admit it. Were there any signs? Did you see that coming?Look after yourself. I know you are hurt but you will recover. All the best.
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A
female
reader, babyzbird +, writes (21 June 2013):
I think you should do what you want to. If telling him off in an e-mail will make you feel better...then go for it.
Honestly there is no nice way to break-up. It doesn't matter how someone handles it because in the end they are breaking someone's heart and leaving them. That's just my opinion of it.
You should do what is best for you. Whatever helps you move on in a healthy way. Please don't date until you healed...it will only cause you more heartache. Try not to dwell on him either...the best way to get over someone is to rely on your friends. Keep yourself busy with them...it helps.
Good Luck and I'm sorry this happened to you.
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