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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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Ideas on how to work on my confidence?
Q. hi guys ive got abit of a confidence crisis. I think it started in primary when i was bullied alot for how i look because i was 11 stone, was wearing glasses and my hair was terrible and i have a lisp but i wanted that to change for high school ...
A. 10 December 2009: I think you sound rather brilliant - you were able to do the sort of self improvement that most people just 'talk' about but never put into action. I agree with the previous post that drama or music hobbies may help you with confidence. I think you ... (read in full...)
We are not going out and he started touching me, does he like me?
Q. well thers this guy and we're not goin out or any thing but when we snogged he got close to me and started fellin me up what does this mean does it mean he like me as more than a friend...
A. 10 December 2009: Yes he probably likes you as more than friends. However teenage boys have attention spans of goldfish when it comes to girls they fancy - don't buy your wedding dress just yet, he may fancy another girl next week. Teenage boys also tend to be ... (read in full...)
Why do married men have affairs with less attractive women?
Q. On a Dr. Phil show it was said that 80 percent of married men have affairs with women who are less attractive than their wives, why do married men choose women who are less attractive, my husband had an affair and the women was not what I ever ...
A. 10 December 2009: Honeypie has a good point...maybe women who are willing to settle for a fling with a married man are 'less attractive' and therefore less likely to have opportunities for a happy normal relationship. TV shows often give an over-simplistic view of ... (read in full...)
I feel so down all the time, life doesn't seem fair
Q. iam so sad wateva i do i feel like is againt me. i try hard to do my uni reports and i always get grades i dont deserve, however my best who dnt try hard she always get better marks then me cuz i feel like she gets my idea. especially when i help. ...
A. 8 December 2009: Your friend is only able to distress you because you let it happen...sorry to be harsh but it is time to not accept this passively. If she is always making you feel bad re-evaluate the friendship...surely it is not worth it! We live in a competitive ... (read in full...)
How can I get him to leave me alone!
Q. Right. There's this guy who i met last year, and he is OBSESSED with me! I've tried to get him to stop texting me, as im with someone i love very much. He keeps saying he loves me, then when i say i dont feel the same he calls me horrible things. ...
A. 8 December 2009: If you really do not wish for this person to make further contact with you, block his number from your phone. If you don't know how to do that, call your phone-provider for instructions. If he persists in phoning you then the bill-payer can contact ... (read in full...)
I'm embarassed that I am still a virgin but personally I don't want to lose it yet!
Q. please help! i am 16, and i've not really had much relationship experience. I've liked guys a lot and almost everyone in my grade has lost their virginity. I definatly don't want to lose mine yet, but what about peer pressure? Also, the guys i like, ...
A. 8 December 2009: The advice from the other aunts and uncles is very good. I would just like to add that your perception that you are the only virgin left in school is WRONG. It is just that your class-mates are eloquent liars who tell everyone they have done it when ... (read in full...)
His mother introduces me as his 'acquaintance' (after 2 year together!) and speaks Albanian around me! Should I end it?
Q. I have been going out with my boyfriend for over 2 years and last thanksgiving (11/26/09) my boyfriend's mom introduced me to her friends (who btw already knew me from previous meetings) as Ervin's aquaintence from school. 1) I'm his girlfriend, ...
A. 7 December 2009: My husband is Macedonian - next door to Albania on the map. His parents don't speak english, but I have tried to learn a little Macedonian. If this relationship is to carry on, I suggest that you attempt to learn a little of the language and learn ... (read in full...)
Is this normal? Am I reflecting psychological issues about my absent father onto him?
Q. A few months ago i started seeing a ob-gyn, cause i have problems conceiving etc. this is a man that is old enough to be my father and i'm almost 30. I feel a strong weird connection with this man, on one of my visits i was bummed out when i saw t...
A. 7 December 2009: I don't think his actions towards you have been inappropriate. I also don't think this is absent father syndrome. I think you have seen this man as a role-model and a supportive figure in your life. The attraction could never develop as it would ... (read in full...)
Why hasn't he removed himself from the swinging websites he used to use?
Q. My boyfriend of 9 months used to go on swinging/sex/dating websites (the type where basically all's you want is sex) I found this out the other week when on his laptop (I wasn't snooping it just popped up) so what should I do? He joined up to them ...
A. 3 December 2009: I would be scared...scared of catching a nasty disease from someone with a nasty hobby. I am trying not to be a prude but you must realise that if he chooses that sort of lifestyle then you have to accept him for who he is, or find someone who is ... (read in full...)
If I am pregnant what do I do? Am I pregnant?
Q. i think im pregnant. but im not sure. im still young and im scared to tell anyone because my parents will kill me and i dont want anyone thinking anything bad. it was just once and it got carried away. it happend 2 3 weeks agoo.. and im supposed to ...
A. 2 December 2009: Take a pregnancy test...if it is negative, take another one in a couple of weeks to double-check. Periods can be irregular at your age for hormonal and stress reasons. If you are not pregnant, think about how stressed you are now and have the ... (read in full...)
I have hpv, do I talk to my partner about it? I think I got it from him!
Q. I went to tha gyn a few months ago and found out i have hpv. I have only had three partnersz since i been sexually active but only two that i was serious with. I didnt have any symptoms before, but i think my current partner gave it to me. Now im ...
A. 2 December 2009: As you already know, lots of people have HPV and it is highly prevalent in the population. If you have genital warts then you are at a higher risk of passing it on - use a condom, but be aware that HPV is passed through skin-to-skin contact so a ... (read in full...)
Should I end things with my wife in order to be with her sister?
Q. i am overwhelmingly in love with my wife's sister, and have been for almost 4 years since her divorce. she has 2 boys. i am not in love with my wife and we haven't been intimate in years (at least 10). i want to divorce my wife, and begin a ...
A. 1 December 2009: Your wife would have to be an incredibly forgiving soul not to hate you for wanting to leave her...and then marry her sister! If you are that unhappy in your marriage then get a divorce and move on with your life. However a relationship with her ... (read in full...)
14 and want a baby...
Q. Im 14 and i really want a baby. i know this sounds stupid at my age but its all i think about. i havent had a good education at school so far but i think if i have a baby it will be great. just somebody to love to be there for to give it a cuddle ...
A. 30 November 2009: It doesn't surprise me to hear that you want a baby. Teenage girls from less-than-perfect backgrounds often think a baby is a solution to their problems but it is not, and it would be really selfish to have a baby so young. I have a 2 year old son ... (read in full...)
Your opinions on this... How can I help my friend to see sense?
Q. One of my best mates has been sleeping with her ex bf for god nows how many months now, and we have only recently found out about it, The thing is her ex has a gf who is pregnent with his baby and is due this december, I have told my mate to sto...
A. 30 November 2009: You and I know that the charming ex BF is a waste-of-space. I feel sorry for his pregnant GF. You can tell your friend she is wrong until you are blue in the face but she has to learn her own mistakes the hard way. ... (read in full...)
I think this man has stolen personal information from me, can he do any harm with that sort of info?
Q. Hi there, I have just had to go to a local newsagents and ask if they could print some stuff out of me. It was about 30 pages of documents including job applications, email details and cv details. It was obviusly something the guy doesn't usually ...
A. 30 November 2009: I think everyone should be worried about their personal information getting into the wrong hands. Get your photocopying done at a self-service place or a library in the future. I was at a rented house-share with my husband and another family prior ... (read in full...)
Urination pain discomfort during pregnancy..any advise?
Q. I have a question for everyone here about pregnancy. Has anyone here ever had pain in their abdomen while peeing or anything during early pregnancy? Like ithin the first trimester? Its like pressure/a littl pain around the pelvin area when I pee. ...
A. 29 November 2009: Urinary tract infections are incredibly common during pregnancy (your immune system response is lower when you are expecting a baby). I had a UTI in my first trimester and it can be identified very simply (wee in a pot - check for bacteria). Very ... (read in full...)
No period since taking the morning after pill!!!
Q. I took the morning after pill ( levonelle ) and now my period is 6 weeks late. When i was 2 weeks late i went to the doctors for a urine test and it came back negative. Could this test be wrong or can the morning after pill make your period this ...
A. 29 November 2009: It is possible that your symptoms are related to taking the morning-after pill. If you took the medication within 72 hours of unprotected sex then there is little chance you are pregnant. However, as a precaution you should take another pregnancy ... (read in full...)
The baby was born 11 months after I was home, is the baby mine?
Q. I have a question when i was home from Iraq last year 2008 the last time me and my wife had sex was april 4th 2008 when i cam back from iraq ahe told me she was preg and then on March 1st 2009 our son was born her due date was feb 26 2009 now is ...
A. 29 November 2009: It is not your baby because that is biologically impossible. Early in the pregnancy your wife would have been given an ultrasound to identify a due-date for the delivery. Most doctors do not like women to go too far from the due-date because the ... (read in full...)
Hubby went home to mother, but sometimes still sleeps with me
Q. hi My husband recently moved out and back to his mum's, things hadn't been that great for a while but i never expected this. He recently starting going out with a new bunch of friends ones whom i never ever met and this used to really annoy me...
A. 29 November 2009: I honestly think the on-going sexual activity is confusing you. For the sake of yourself and your children it is time to have a meeting with your husband and decide what your future will be. It could be a divorce to cut ties, it could be marital ... (read in full...)
I want my best friends wife, I already had her friend
Q. I need help.... I find my friend's wife attractive and I am afraid that I desire her.... We were watching a game few years ago and when our team scored,everybod was jumping, congrulating each other and me and her hugged each other...It was s...
A. 29 November 2009: Ok, I will help you with your problem. You need counselling and urgently. You have already admitted to one affair and although you seem to be superficially apologising for liking another married woman...you don't really mean it, you are caught up in ... (read in full...)
I am foxy and gorgeous, and hot for my nerdy cousin
Q. alright so im a pretty gorgeous 19 year old 5 foot three 105 pound outgoing hilarious fun foxy lady haha basically iv never in my life have had an issue in dateing. Guys love me i get them wrapped round my little finger haha :) my issue is i total...
A. 29 November 2009: The world is awash with nerds, so why not pick one not sharing the gene-pool if you are really as wonderful as you claim to be? Nerds are wonderful people who come along with fix up your computer, talk about star trek plots and have deeply sensitive ... (read in full...)
I have had two broken dates, and now I think a brush off
Q. Hi there, ok so about a month ago I had a relationship breakup. I am fine with it because the guy was treating me like crap. Well there was a guy (I'll call him J) that him and I were both friends with throughout the time we were together. My ex ...
A. 29 November 2009: I agree with 'auntieEm'...drop him like hot coals. Firstly when men are really interested in you then they knock the door down to let you know. I couldn't get rid of my husband when we started dating! Secondly, you need to learn a life lesson ... (read in full...)
I am pregnant and underweight, and need some dietary help
Q. Hi, and thanks for anyone that replies back to me :) I just had two quick questions. Well three months ago I found out I was pregnant so I started going to the Health Department here where I live for one of there programs. The last I went there was ...
A. 29 November 2009: I think your body is telling you to slow-down and take it easy. I was pretty shattered and the morning sickness was fairly yuck when I was having my little boy - I threw up in the bus lane on the way to work one morning! I did find that drinking ... (read in full...)
My jailbird husband holds a get out of jail card, but I have moved on
Q. I have a very complicated situation. Most people would say it is very clear cut but to me it isn't. I married the man of my dreams, who I was very much in love with. Eight months after we married, he strangled me and beat me up. He called the police ...
A. 29 November 2009: The relationship is over, but I am not quite sure about your personal safety. He maybe under the assumption that the marriage will continue and I strongly suggest you send him a letter in prison outlining how you have moved on and don't wish to be ... (read in full...)
I was bitten by a dog, and am now worried about scarring!
Q. This is completely non-relationship related, but I needed some advice. I got bit on the tip of my nose by a dog a week ago. It bled, I put ice on it straight away and my boyfriend called an ambulance, I ended up going on antibiotics straight away ...
A. 29 November 2009: If the doctors say there will be no permanent scar, then go with that view for now. Even if they are wrong (unlikely), there are lots of treatments out there to repair facial scar tissue such as laser treatment. I was deeply bitten by an alsatian ... (read in full...)
My university exams start soon and I have left it too late to study
Q. i am doing mba from a well known university....i got the paid seat for 2 million dollars(due to tough competition) as my grades have always been horrible ..... I messed up in my high school and have never been even satisfactory in my academic...
A. 29 November 2009: I think you have entered panic mode. You have a couple of weeks left before the exams and I think you should deal with your concerns right now. By that I mean see your personal tutor and explain what is happening (low motivation etc). Revision can ... (read in full...)
I drank, I kissed too many, now they call me a slag
Q. im so confused, im a girl of 16, i went out with a friend last night and had a bit too much to drink, i ended up kissing my ex's best friend and one of his friends,infront of each other, then my ex's friend kissed my best friend straight after. Then ...
A. 28 November 2009: You know you didn't do anything too bad so stop worrying about what other people think. If your prom-date dumped you without giving you the chance to explain yourself then I would say he isn't worthy of escorting you. If you were in a relationship ... (read in full...)
Seem to be socially handicapped, is there something actually wrong with me?
Q. I have so much that I don't know how to start. I'm an aunt here on this site, but I prefer to be anonymous. In spite of the fact that I'm an agony aunt, I seemed to be cursed with the inability to click with people or make friends. I'...
A. 27 November 2009: I think lots of people are lonely these days...we live in a strange technological world where we have forgotten how to make friends the old-fashioned way. You don't sound like you are lacking a soul, just lacking a soul-mate. It sounds like the ... (read in full...)
My wife has no sex drive but loves me very much. I don't want to cheat but what can I do?
Q. I am bored with my wife. She has no sex drive and I don't know how to get her going. Every other part of our marriage is great. We get along great, in fact, we love each other very much. Everyone says how lucky we are to have each other but if they ...
A. 25 November 2009: You wife has recently had a baby and that can put a huge pressure on marital relations. It could be that she has post-natal depression and needs support for that. Although this must be frustrating for you, give your wife some time to get back to ... (read in full...)
My sister sent him naked photos, how do I get over this and him?
Q. A year ago my bf lied about being home one evening. Something told me he was lying I went to his apartment stood in the middle of it and called him. I asked what we was doing he said cleaning his apartment. Needless to say I got back with him. I ...
A. 25 November 2009: You should feel heartbroken, but not about this loser - your relationship with your sister is terribly damaged. I would feel devastated if a relative betrayed me in this way but ultimately your sister did you a huge favour! You now know she has no ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with a self absorbed friend and how can I give her witty comebacks?
Q. I have a good freind (friend only) who I get along with, we get along well mostly. She is very self absorbed, as she has a few health issues and works only 2 and a half days a week, she has in past years been a workaholic.. she has had an abusive ...
A. 25 November 2009: There is no equality in this friendship and you have turned into her social worker to listen to her problems in life. Don't think about witty come-back's as they wouldn't be natural for you and if you feel the need to think ahead about what to say, ... (read in full...)
My client keeps on mentioning our drunken evening of flirtation, what is he really thinking?
Q. So My Client and I went out for a official party once and I got drunk and there was a lot of flirting..Nothing happened but he did give me a talking to the next day. We spoke about it a couple of weeks later and said it's all behind us. My problem ...
A. 25 November 2009: He is either mad at you because the flirtation didn't lead to anything more physical, or he is just joking with you because he realises you are sensitive about the issue. He is a hypocrite because it takes two people to flirt! It is not very nice ... (read in full...)
Will I ever date again, even though I'm virtually bankrupt?!
Q. I'm wondering will i ever be with anyone ever again why ? well I've recently broken up with my ex and for the last 6 years hes got me into so much debt I've had to virtually go bankrupt. I'm very scared because although being with someone isn'...
A. 22 November 2009: I understand that you are in panic-mode at the moment about money and life. The secret to future relationship success is to set boundaries with partners (at least until you know you can trust them). You have to learn to assert yourself to say 'no' ... (read in full...)
Irregular periods, please help?
Q. hi, I'm new to this, but I'm really worried. I've had my period twice in one month and i don't know what that means :[ I'm not very old I'm only 13 and it freaks me out. It hurts really bad and nothing makes the pain go away other then layin...
A. 22 November 2009: Irregular periods are usually nothing to worry about at your age, but if it persists please see a doctor to get your hormone levels checked out. Painful periods can be very distressing indeed and some girls take the contraceptive pill to deal with ... (read in full...)
On medication for depression but using drugs too, could I be causing myself long term damage? Please help.
Q. I'm concerned about any long term damage i may have done to myself after using drugs occasionally over the last few years. I have tried most things once or twice and have probably taken mdma/exsctasy etc about 15 times in 5 years but now usually ...
A. 21 November 2009: Go to your GP. Ask for a referral to the cognitive behavioural therapy service. Taking anti-depressants is a short-term solution to depression and many/ most people with a significant clinical depression will require additional therapy. Do it now ... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and just into boys... how do I flirt???
Q. Guys, I've never really had a boyfriend before but I really like this guy and everyone is telling me to just flirt with him but how do you flirt? Could you give me tips on stuff I could use because honestly I haven't got anything....
A. 21 November 2009: I think it is totally normal not to have a boyfriend at your age so don't worry about it. I don't think you need instructions on flirting because you would just be following recommendations and acting fake rather than being yourself. I personally ... (read in full...)
Advice from woman please! Female house mate!
Q. Advice from woman please! female house mate! So heres the situation- I'm living in a house share with an attractive woman, whom also happens to be the landlady! I'm not sure if she likes me as more then a friend, however here as some key points- ...
A. 21 November 2009: I have no idea if she fancies you or just sees you as a friend. The only way to find out would be to leave your current address and then ask her out on a date. All that stuff about not having time for men may just be bravado from a woman desperate ... (read in full...)
Unable to deal with the breakdown in my relationship, will he come around? What should I do!?
Q. Me and my boyfriend are having problems at the moment . He though he was pulling me down so he dumped me . But we started talking again and we were joking around about old times then i asked him why cant we try again and he said we cant its to late ...
A. 21 November 2009: I am going to say exactly what you do not wish to hear unfortunately 'give up'. To be honest you are leaving yourself open to heart-ache by sending him messages that massage his teenage ego. He doesn't want to be with you or else he would be ... (read in full...)
He wants to drop child support in case his wife finds out!
Q. I had a child with a married man. He has to pay child support and he wants me to drop child support because he doesn't want his wife to find out. He tell's me I need to do the right thing or he'll never see his child again (he only see's once a ...
A. 21 November 2009: I think you probably know the answer already. YOu are having sex with a married man - he won't leave his wife and will tell you anything to keep you in his bed. I feel sorry for his wife. He could pay child maintenance privately to you without ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has gone off sex and I don't know why...
Q. Well I've been with my girlfriend just over a year and our our sex life was very good excellent to say the least, I am 36 and my girlfriend is 49 and i love her so dearly but recently she has gone off sex and has lost all interest in making love as ...
A. 21 November 2009: Your partner maybe experiencing the menopause, of which lack of sex drive can be an issue for some women. One of the reasons is that the progesterone hormone levels can drop with the menopause, along with a change in estrogen and testosterone. This ... (read in full...)
Should I come clean and tell him the truth?
Q. Ok, I need some general help here, I am really into this guy, who says he's into me but nothing too heavy, I didn't want a FWB but it's what we have, all we have done is kissed and some oral, he now wants sex but I have told him I am not ready yet ...
A. 20 November 2009: If you just want sex with the guy then go ahead. If you think having sex with the guy will keep him interested and start a proper relationship then you are wrong and will be disappointed. I think you need to decipher between lust and love here. He ... (read in full...)
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